Finn & Santana - I'm Not Perfect, But I Keep Trying

"Santana, you were my first. And that means something to me. You mean something to me." Finn whispered.

Santana blinked one or twice and Finn put his hands up in surrender, walking away.

For a moment, Santana imagined her life not loving Brittany. It seemed difficult, really diffiuclt, but she managed.

She saw herself somewhere warm, loving Brittany or not, surrounded by people who could really care less about what she was doing with who, who she loved or not, who really only cared about themselves. But that's the type of person Santana is.

She also saw Finn Hudson there.

For a moment, Santana stopped. She shook her head, trying to clear it, but no, he was there, standing tall and doing that half-smile thing only boys can look good with. Santana pinched herself, but that didn't pull her back to reality.

He stood there, his hands in his pockets and music was playing. Only then did she realize this was reality and Finn Hudson was singing to her.

"I came home in the middle of the night...My father says, 'What are you going to do with your life?' Well daddy dear, you're still number one. Oh girls they wanna have fun...oh girls they..." Finn sang softly.

"The phone rings in the middle of the night. My mother says, 'When you gonna live your life right?'" He began to walk towards Santana, still singing.

"Well mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones. Oh girls they wanna have...oh girls they... That's all they really want. Those girls they wanna have fun." He grabbed the chair next to her and placed it in front her and sat in it. Artie, Noah, Blaine, Kurt, Rory and Mike joined Finn.

"Some boys take a beautiful girl. Oh and they hide hide her away from the rest of the world. Not me, I wanna be the one in the sun...girls they wanna have fun. Oh girls they...that's all they really want...oh girls they wanna have fun..."

Santana blinked a few times and looked everywhere but Finn. He stood up and began to turn around when she stood up abruptly and held her arm out. They made eye-contact and she smiled a little.

"Thank you." Santana whispered.

Finn smiled and nodded, holding his arms out for her to hug him. She did and rested her head on his chest. Finn wrapped her arms around her tightly and everyone watched in silence. Polite silence.

Santana whispered something unintelligable to everyone in the room but Finn. "Meet me somewhere, anywhere." Finn tightened his grip on her and she knew her answer.

When they let go, (which seemed like forever) the two pretended the hug never happened.

It seemed like a year had gone by before school got out that day. But Santana didn't go home like everyone else. You would think she would want to get out of that hell-hole as fast as she could, but lately, she's found herself wandering the empty halls, finding her way back into the choir room. Mr. Schues's office was dark, showing that he had already gone home for the day - or he's gone off to make out with Emma for a bit.

Santana snorted out a laugh. Please, that would never happen. That woman was too much of a prude.

Santana found herself sitting in the same chair she had that day, while Finn sang to her, and humming that same slow tune. She stopped herself immediately. Her phone vibrated in her pocket, but she made no move to answer it.

"Shouldn't you have gone home by now?" Finn Hudson was standing there again, hands in pockets, dopey smile and all.

"Shouldn't you?" Santana countered. Finn shrugged and took a small step inside the door frame. "When this place is empty, you start to wonder what it'll be like when we're all gone. Us seniors, that is." Santana said, looking around. "Only Artie, Tina and Rory will be left. of us. The rest will just be...forgotten."

"We won't be forgotten. Just a long ago memory that will take a little time to remember." Finn said, leaning against the piano.

"What's it like, loving the gender you're supposed to?" Santana asked. Finn tilted his head ot the side, his eyes squinted, proving how confused he was. "I mean, you're in love with Berry. You like girls, but you're a boy. That makes sense."

"And loving girls when you're a girl doesn't?" He asked.

"No. No, it doesn't," she admitted. "It's confusing and it makes life a whole lot harder, trying to live as normally as possible."

"Why try and live normal? You're different, but because you're different, that's what makes you awesome. That's what you're going to remember when things get so hard in your life, you're going to remember this and realize you've been through so much other stuff in your life. And then you're going to realize...that if you stay true to yourself, you can do anything." Finn said slowly. "Why do you love Brittany?"

"Why?" Finn nodded. "I can't...define it. I can just...describe it, I guess. I mean, she's beautiful and funny and she's my best friend. When I'm with her, I feel like I actually understand what people are always talking about when they say they've found...'the one'. Does that work for you?" She asked.

"Santana, if you could just...tell Brittany that, then I'm pretty sure she'll want to be with you forever." Finn said quietly, looking up from the floor to stare at her.

"I...can't. I can't! I don't even know why I'm telling this, because if it weren't for you, no one even know that I'm a..." She swallowed. "I'm a lesbian." She whispered.

"Santana, everyone already knew that. They just thought it was a stupid rumour." Finn said.

"I mean, the whole United States of freaking America, Finn! That comercial will air from Maine to Alaska! My face will be on televisions everywhere!" She stood up angrily and pointed a finger at him. "And it's all because of you! Everything is because of you." She yelled, poking him in the chest multiple times.

"And I'm sorry, alright! I'm sorry the world is going to know that you love girls. I'm sorry that the school is going to know something they already knew. I'm sorry that you're life is so messed up that you're blaming everyone else but yourself, Santana." Finn yelled back, standing at his full height, which was a whoping 6'3". "I'm sorry you take it all out on the world because you're too much of a coward to deal with it."

"I'm not a coward!" Santana yelled.

"Then act like it!" Finn growled, turning away from her.

Suddenly, Santana felt older than she actually was. She felt older than she really was. She felt like she had been climbing a mountain and she was halfway, ready to give up.

"I'm just so tired." Santana whispered back at him, making him turn back towards her.

"Tired of what?" Finn asked quietly.

"Tired of fighting everyone. Fighting you. Fighting my heart, too, I guess. But I'm tired of fighting. I am...so tired."

"Then stop fighting everyone." Finn said simply.

"It's not that simple," she said. "It's so much more difficult than that."

"Santana. If you keep trying to control everything and everyone, you're just going to hurt people. You just have to sit back and let everything unfold. Or...are you going to sit back and let someone else take control of you life? That's what you're doing what now. And you don't like it, I mean, I wouldn't either. You have to keep fighting, but you have to fight for what's right."

"The problem is that I don't know what's right or what's wrong. I never had someone teach me the difference between right and wrong. It was always either wrong...or right."

"And then there's the 'in between'." Finn said. "There's you dating Brittany, which is wrong from certain people's views and right from your view and then there's the people who simply don't care. You are you, it's who you are, you can't change, so why try and make you change?" Finn shrugged his shoulder, rubbing his neck.

"Finn...when did you get so smart?"

"You have to start remembering who you are talking to, Santana. You bitch about everything, just like Quinn does. You have to focus on the good things, you know, like the future."

"Oh my god, I'm such a bad person." Santana said softly, burying her face in her hands. "I'm selfish and horrible and I do bitch about everything! God, I'm...a bitch."

"Yes, you are." Finn said. Santana looked at him. "But...you can change that. You can change everything. Except yourself."

"But...being a bitch is myself." Santana said.

"No it's not. It's you protecting yourself from everyone else." Finn said. "It's you keeping up mile-high walls around yourself. Walls of pure bitchiness."

Santana laughed dryly and ran her hands through her hair. "What do I do Finn?"

"Well, you hold your head high and walk with a smirk, like you usually do. But you try and be the real Santana. And if they don't like that, screw 'em!" Finn said, making her smile. "If they don't like the real you, they are missing out." Finn stepped closer to Santana and she looked up at him. "You deserve happiness, Santana. Everyone deserves the chance to be happy. It's their decision on whether or not they decide to take it."

Santana nodded and wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head against his chest. She closed her eyes and felt Finn rest his cheek on the top of her head. "Thank you Finn."

"I'm always going to be here, San. Always." He replied, rubbing her back.

"Always?" She asked quietly.

"Always." Finn repeated.

Yeah, I stole a Harry Potter line.

Yeah, I'm up at freaking 12:07 in the morning.

Yeah, I don't own anything.

Yeah, this was inspired by a conversation between me and a friend. And (sorta) my other story, 'Fine Then.' Read that too, if you like.

Yeah, I should sleep and Finn and Santana might be a little OCC but I don't really give a fat rat's ass.

Yeah, review if you like, if you loved, if you are like me and can't sleep or if you're in Tokyo or somewhere where it's actually light outside. Again, I don't care, just review. :)

Yeah...good night now.