Broken Down and Built Back Up

Chapter Nineteen: Unofficial Second Date (Part 3, Final Part)

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Frozen.

"When the skies are blue

it doesn't seem like I deserve to be here too

Pretty birds sing in the bushes about a life full of happiness

So simple

And I yearn

To be like them"

I took a deep breath and continued to strum my guitar. I loved the way my fingers felt pressed against the strings, I didn't know what other words could tumble out of my lips, but for tonight, that didn't matter. I was happy and at peace, like I longed for when I wrote that song.

I hummed under my breath to fill the silence and glanced behind me when the door opened.

Bella ran out of the house and licked my face.

I giggled and pushed her away. She huffed and laid down beside me.

In the meantime, Jack had sat down beside me. He glanced around the backyard, where a few hours ago he had set Bella free and we'd almost kissed, where his hands had skimmed my sides, and where an hour ago, we'd kissed and had dinner.

"That's a beautiful guitar," he said.

I looked down at the acoustic that took residence in my lap. It was pink, almost purple with multiple cream-colored plumeria flowers hand painted on the body of the guitar.

"Thanks," I said. "It was a thirteenth birthday present from Dad. He'd been on a business trip in Hawaii on my actual birthday, and he thought a hand-crafted guitar would make up for his absence."

"Did it help to make you miss him any less?"

"I love my Plumeria," I said, "but she could have been crafted out of gold, and I would have preferred spending a few hours with him."

"I know what you mean," he said, his eyes trained on the dark blue sky. He turned to me with a smile after a moment. "So her name's Plumeria?"

"Yeah," I said and wondered where his father was. "Plumeria is a flower that grows in Hawaii."

I pointed to one of the plumerias.

"They're pretty," he said with smile. He gestured to the guitar and said, "May I?"

I gently transferred it to his lap.

Bella saw this as her opportunity to climb on to my lap.

"Is she always this clingy?" I said and scratched Bella between her ears.

"Just when she's tired," he said and adjusted Plumeria on his lap. "I can get her off of you if you want."

"I'm a mom, Jack, I'm meant to mother people."

Jack shrugged and warmed up on the guitar.

"Where are you mom and dad?"

"Dad's in Colorado and Mom's in London," I said.

"Why did you stay here?"

"Seaford is my home," I said and hugged Bella to me. "It's the place that makes me feel good no matter what. Choosing between London or Colorado would have made me miserable. I wanted to stay with the places and people I loved."

"But what if I hadn't been able to get you out of your house safely?" Jack said. "And why did you stay when you knew you were in danger?"

"My brother was either high on something or drunk the first times he did it," I said. "Afterward, he apologized for it multiple times. He couldn't even look at me when he said it. I thought it was going to be a one-time thing, but after I realized he wasn't going to change, I just didn't know how to get out. I didn't have the resources and he knew I wanted to go, so I had to wait it out."

"You could have come to me from the beginning," Jack said.

"It's not easy to admit stuff like what happened," I said, "and I was embarrassed, angry, and proud. "By the time I called you, my pride was nonexistent and all that I could think about was that I was going to die. I thought I could handle it on my own. I was supposed to be the strong, independent one in the family."

A car pulled up outside of the house, and a moment later, little feet stomped our way.

"Jack! Kim!"

Jack stood up and opened the back door, then yelled, "We're back here, Jaymee!"

Jaymee changed directions and ran to us, then jumped into Jack's arms. If I'd blinked, I'd miss the moment his biceps had flexed to catch her mid-air and embrace her.

"Well, don't you look pretty," Jack said and fingered her braid. "Are those new pajamas?"

"Yeah!" she said. "Look, they even have Olaf, and Kristoff and the reindeer and Elsa and Anna. Mommy said I looked like a real princess!"

"Where the other girls jealous?" Jack asked with a grin.

"Mommy got there really late, so all of the other girls except Annie were gone. Annie and her mom stayed, and her Mommy did my braid, do you like it?"

"Yeah," he said and tickled her nose with the end of her fishtail, which elicited a giggle from her. "It's really pretty."

"Thanks," she said. "It even matches with Elsa's, see?" she pointed at the blonde girl on her pajama shirt.

"I see," he said. "Why did Mom get you new pajamas?"

"She forgot she was going to pick me up, and I got in the shower, then I didn't have any clothes," Jaymee said. "Ms. Lyssa got really mad at Mommy."

"Why?"

"Because she got there an hour late," Jaymee said. "Ms. Lyssa said I was doing really good at ballet, and Mommy was ruining it by getting there late. Ms. Lyssa said she could have worked with me tomorrow more one-on-one, but since Mommy got there late, she might not be able to do that now. She yelled it at Mommy."

"Don't tell her I said this, but Ms. Lyssa is a witch, and she had no right to yell at Mommy," Jack said. "She is lucky to be teaching girls like you, and I'm so glad she was finally able to see what a good dancer you are. I told you, didn't I?"

Jaymee nodded.

"Mommy wants to talk to you," she said.

"Really?"

"Yeah," Jaymee said.

Jack kissed Jaymee's cheek and set her down.

"I'll be right back," he said.

Jayme glanced at Jack for a moment, then noticed I was there.

"Puppy!" she said and sat down next to me. She caressed Bella's head and played with her front paws. "When did he get here?"

"It's a girl," I said. "Her name's Bella, and she got here this afternoon."

"She's really cute," Jaymee said.

"She is," I said.

Jaymee's tummy grumbled.

"Are you hungry?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said, "but I have to go to bed soon, so I can wake up early tomorrow for dance class."

"Come on, then," I said and pulled her up with me. "What does your Mommy let you have before bed? Do you want a sandwich?"

"Yeah," she said, "like Mommy makes it, with ham and cheese and lettuce and tomato and mayo."

"I'll try my best," I said, and led her to the kitchen table. I washed my hands at the sink and dried them on a small towel.

"Kim?" Jaymee said while she played with Bella, who was now a more active puppy.

"Yeah?"

"You said Jack wasn't the babies' daddy," she said.

For a moment, I forgot how to breathe. I opened the refrigerator and started to gather the ingredients I needed.

"He isn't," I said after a moment.

"Then who is?" she asked. "And how did the babies get in your tummy?"

I put all of the ingredients down at the counter and walked over to her.

"Hold up your hand," I said after a moment, and held up mine. She looked confused for a moment, but held up her hand as well. I wove my fingers through hers. "See the way our fingers fit together?"

"Yeah," she said and wiggled her fingers.

"Guys and girls fit together like our fingers do," I said, "and when two people fit together, the boy puts little seeds inside of the girl's stomach, and from there the baby forms."

"But Jack didn't put baby seeds in your belly?"

"No, Jaymee," I said. "It was someone else. Having babies is very special, and you want to do it with someone you're sure you want to be with the rest of your life, and who you love very much."

I went back to the counter and took the lettuce out of its bag.

"So you don't love my brother?" she asked after a moment quietly. Her eyes were wide.

"That's not what I said."

"Then why aren't the babies his?" Jaymee asked.

"I didn't really want to have babies," I said. "I love my babies, but I didn't set out to have them. They kind of just happened, like when you're watching a movie and next thing you know, you're in your bed and you don't know what happened."

"Did you love the babies' daddy?" Jaymee asked.

"Very much," I said and started to cut the lettuce and tomato. "My whole life, actually, but I didn't love him like Rapunzel loves Flynn Rider or Pocahontas loved John Smith-he was just my friend."

"Then why did you let him put his seeds inside you? And why don't you live with him?"

"Uh. Um, well," I said, "we had a fight of sorts, and I don't really want to be his friend anymore."

"So your babies won't ever meet their daddy?" she asked. "I miss my daddy."

"That's enough, Jaymee," Jack said.

I hadn't heard him come in and wondered how much of our conversation he'd heard.

Jack leaned down and scooped up Jaymee.

He didn't want babies, I almost said in response to Jaymee's question.

Jack glanced between his sister and me, then said to Jaymee, "Say good night to Kim. You have a long day of rehearsal ahead, and you can pester Kim another day."

"She didn't pester me. She's curious, and she deserves answers. I'm making her a sandwich."

Jack nodded and walked over to the sink, where he poured soap on Jaymee's hands and helped her wash her hands. After that, he pat her hands dry and carried her back to her seat.

"You didn't have to answer her questions," Jack said beside me a moment later, after he'd finished explaining where Bella had come from. "They were nosy."

"I wanted to," I said. "When you're young, no one ever really answers your grown-up questions. I'm still considered too young to learn about some things, so her questions don't bother me."

I finished putting mayo on the bread and grabbed a cup.

XxX

"Hey," Jack said and sat down on the couch next to me after he'd brought Jaymee upstairs. He noticed the plate of frosted brownies in cupcake-shape and reached for one.

"Does it bother you that I mentioned Aaron to your sister?" I said.

"No. Why would it bother me? I knew that this would happen eventually, that when people found out you'd had twins, they would ask who their father was. And they would assume it was me, and I wouldn't correct them, but Jaymee's knows better."

"Why wouldn't you correct people's assumptions?" I asked.

He looked up at me and said, "You know why."

"No, I don't."

"The kids don't need to know what you had to go through in order to conceive them," Jack said. "And if people believed that I was their father, they would grow up thinking that it's what I am. They would think that they were conceived out of love, or maybe even lust, but would that be so bad?"

"I would never tell my kids what happened," I said. "At least not until they were adults or needed that kind of information. I don't think you've really thought it through about letting other people you're their father. It's incredibly sweet of you to think of my kids, but children are a life-long commitment. Even if I give them up for adoption, they will still want to know where they come from and who their father is. I can't drag you into this mess, and I won't lie to my children."

"Whatever you want," he said, "but I still don't understand why you want to give them up for adoption."

"There a lot of reasons," I said, and adjusted my position on the couch so my lower back would be further cushioned. "One of them being that as much as I love my children, I would never be able to support them. I won't be an adult for another three years and I won't be able to start working for another year, and even then, I will start with minimum wage. I won't be able to support myself on minimum let alone two babies that need a babysitter, clothes, cribs, blankets, food and so on.

"You and your family have been very generous to let me stay here, but I can't ask that your family supports my children as well. And that's not even considering medical care. My parents made sure to set up a good insurance for Aaron and I, but money could run out. I hope to God it doesn't, but what if it does? I need to keep going to the hospital to make sure the kids are alright. And do you know how expensive giving birth is? Giving birth the natural way to a single baby can cost up to 6,000 dollars, not to think about an emergency C-section, and a twins' birth costs five times more than a single birth. It's a lot of money. I've done a lot of research and a lot of thinking to come to this decision. I don't have any other options, Jack. Even if in theory I were to quit school to try and cover the costs, I would still be sinking in debt, and probably working as a prostitute. I think the best option would be to let the adoptive parents take care of all of the costs."

"And your children," Jack said.

"You don't think I know that?" I said. "It hurts to think that I won't be their mom and that I won't see them grow up, but it would hurt me even more to see my children lacking the bare necessities because I held them back."

"I don't think things are as hopeless as they seem," he said. "Just give me until the babies arrive to prove it to you."

"Sure," I said. "Knock yourself out." I felt something in the pit of my stomach, something I didn't quite understand. That feeling bubbled into a harsh laugh. "You have more faith than I do. Maybe you really should have been their father."

"Don't beat yourself up," Jack said. "And they don't have to my children for me to care about them, and to care about your happiness."

"And you honestly think that a fifteen-year-old, practically homeless, depressed teenager would be the best option for them?" I said.

"Hard times are going to come whether your fifteen or twenty-five," Jack said. "Just look at my mom. Six years ago, Mom gave birth to Jaymee prematurely, and a lot of money and time went into taking care of Jaymee. Jaymee's special needs were too much for my father to handle and he up and left one day. Imagine having to do deal with an eight-year-old and a baby who needs constant attention, and on top of that, my mom still had to work. It's hard, Kim. I get it. But you have me to help you, and whether you believe it or not, my family wants to help and so do Rudy, Milton, Eddie and Jerry. We're all here for you and for the twins. That's what family does, baby girl. Sometimes, I wish I could shake you by the shoulders and reset you to an earlier time of happiness, but you're getting better, you're healing, and so will everything else. I promise."

XxX

"What are you doing here, angel?" Jack asked sleepily as I climbed into bed.

"Nightmare," I said.

"Come here," he said, and pulled my back to his warm chest. He wrapped his arm around my waist and rubbed my belly gently. "Do they move around a lot while you sleep?"

"Yes," I said and closed my eyes.

It felt right to be here, with Jack.

I could do this for the rest of my life, grow old in his arms, and I would never get bored of feeling loved.

He kissed my temple. "Do you want to talk about your nightmares?"

"My baby girl questioned why I didn't love her enough to keep her," I whispered.

"I'm sorry," Jack said. "I didn't meant to touch a sore spot by asking about adoption."

I shrugged.

"I'm coming to terms with it myself," I said. "It's still a foreign idea and not something that might happen."

Everything inside me screamed "my babies!" possessively, and my heart hurt just to think that I wouldn't see my babies grow but I had to suck it up. I hadn't chosen to be pregnant and the circumstances weren't ideal for bringing them home.

I turned to look at Jack.

"What are you thinking?" I said.

"That although I love playing with little kids, I know next to nothing about raising children. I wish I knew how to help."

"We're just kids ourselves," I said, "there's not much more that we can do."

We were both silent for a moment before Jack said, "You know, they probably love you even more than usual babies because you've introduced them to their beloved Uncle Jack."

I groaned. "That's not how things work, Jack."

"What?" he asked.

"You can't kiss their momma and then call yourself their uncle," I said.

"Right," he said. "But I don't know what else they would call me."

"Godfather," I said. "I think that's the most appropriate term."

"You hear that kids? Your Mom just nominated you guys to have the best godfather ever."

I couldn't help but giggle.

Jack kissed my ear and said, "Thank you for making me happy."

I didn't know what he meant, and I was afraid to ask for an explanation, so I just closed my eyes

XxX

I woke up a couple hours later just as the sun kissed the stars goodbye. Instead of having Jack's nose pressed against my neck and his arms around my waist, my belly is pressed against his naked lower back, my arm surrounds his stomach, and my face is pressed between the blades of his shoulders.

I closed my eyes and soaked in the warmth of the sun, then felt a strong kick at the bottom of my belly. My free hand rubbed where my baby kicked and I felt his or her little foot pressed against my hand. I couldn't help but smile and buried my head further into Jack's back.

I wondered briefly if this is what every morning would be like if Jack was the father of my twins.

My other baby kicked my bottom right rib and a second later, the first twin kicked my bladder.

"Ow," I said and rubbed my belly in hopes that my rowdy children would go to sleep.

I tried to go back to sleep, but the damage was already done. The twins were active and my full bladder was being used as a soccer ball.

Just five more seconds, I thought. Five more seconds of sleeping nestled against Jack. But even that was too much to ask.

"Thanks a lot, my little sweethearts," I grumbled and made my way out of bed.

XxX

"What are you doing up?" I asked Jaymee as she ran to her closet.

"Dance," she answered with a glance my way. She retrieved her tap shoes and sat down on her bed to put them on.

"Aren't you going to tie them?" I asked as she moved on to slip on her second shoe without tying the first one.

"Mom usually does it for me," she said, "but we're kind of late today."

I slipped into the room, sat down beside her and pulled her foot into my lap to tie her shoe. Once her shoes were tied, I took at her outfit, which is made up of a sports bra and bootie shorts.

"Are you all set for the day?" I asked.

"I just need to get my hair done," she said.

"In a bun?" I asked.

"It just needs to be out of my face," she said. "Can you do braids?"

"Of course," I said and followed her to her boutique play set, where I got started on two French braids.

I wove Jaymee's hair as quickly as I could, and after I was done with her first braid, I felt arms around my belly.

"Morning," Jack whispered in my ear and settled his chin on my shoulder.

"Morning," I said and tried to concentrate on finishing Jaymee's hair with Jack's warm breath on my neck.

Thankfully the second braid turned out just as pretty as the first one (or at least not totally screwed up), and I watched Jaymee as she applied little girl eye shadow on her eyelids, and leaned back into Jack's chest.

"Jaymee, we need to go, come on," Jen called before she entered Jaymee's room.

"Almost done," Jaymee said.

And that brief exchange was all Jack and I needed to break our embrace.

XxX

Hi, everyone, I want to apologize because my schedule has been very bad (if you didn't notice, since I got into high school, I've only been able to update a few times, and it's even worst now (I take APs, and my baby sister is going to be born soon).

Anyway, did you have any favorite parts of the chapter, of the whole story you want to share? Is there anything in particular you want to happen? Any names? (I already have an idea of what the twins' names are going to be, but I'd like your input.)

Also, if you'd like to share, what did you do this summer, how's your school year/life doing and do you have any fanfic suggestions (Hunger Games fandom, Harry Potter (HarryXHermione), Kickin' It (Kick))?

Much love,

emeralgreenlove.