Based off of a prompt from drrrkinkmeme~

Raijin era; Shizuo finally finds something he can control. It gets so bad that he faints at school, and someone (preferably Izaya, because that would be really interesting) confronts him about it. Bonus for lots of comfort and details on how Shizuo manages to hide it from his family and friends for so long. (Also if it is Izaya, PLEASE Izuo and not Shizaya.)

Please give my OC a chance. He won't appear in future chapters and I needed him for the plot. Please and thank you~ I'll continue this if I get enough reveiws...

"I want to distance myself from others, but I can't stand being alone. That's why I unconsciously seek attachment to others." –Shizuo Heiwajima

Shizuo finally has something that he can control.

It wasn't a problem at first, nothing ever was in the beginning, it was just something he did if he didn't have time to eat. It was a minor occurrence, really. No big deal.

It wasn't like he cared about his image, because he didn't. It wasn't because he was trying for popularity, because he has failed in that department. It wasn't because he was trying to be accepted by society, because they wouldn't accept him no matter what he looked like. It wasn't because he wanted to impress anyone; it wasn't because he viewed himself as fat, because he wasn't.

No, it was simply because Shizuo wanted some control in his life. He had fiery anger, blazing strength along with an explosive temper that only led to pain and destruction and terror no matter what he did or how hard he tried to stop it.

He had an awkward, almost anti-social disposition that he couldn't shake off because he liked to be alone and didn't want to be. If he kept people at an arms-length then there would be less of a chance of hurting them, but it didn't matter, because people gave him a wide berth anyway.

He didn't want to be alone because he wanted someone to give him a chance and try to see the kinder side of him that he knew was there and he bet Kasuka did too, but no one would see because no one dared approach him anyway.

He wants someone to see right through him and then again doesn't because not even he knows what they'll find. Some things are better left hidden. He doesn't want company and yet hates to be alone.

Contradicting, he knows. He doesn't know what to do about it though, so he'll leave it be.

If anyone ever asked when it started, he would have told them about a visit to his aunt's house, and a talk with his older cousin.

His aunt was a jocular woman, a round, pudgy face with rosy cheeks and skin that sagged. Old skin with an unhealthy yellow hue, clinging against high cheekbones and riddled with wrinkles.

Beady eyes too far together, too caked with blue make-up that overwhelmed her whole face. She was short and stocky, plump and frumpy and always smelt like too much perfume and cats. Shizuo didn't like her, but it didn't matter, because his aunt didn't like him either.

She did take a liking to Kasuka, however, and spent most of her time gushing over him with only so much as a nod to the rest of her family. Kasuka didn't mind, in fact he embraced it, from what Shizuo could tell. He asked her questions and tried to show an interest in what she was saying as she fawned over him.

In retrospect, it was only out of courtesy and the sympathy Kasuka took on her because the rest of the family viewed her as a nuisance. He didn't want to hurt her feelings; all he really did on visits was read and play with some of his aunt's cats.

She was a single parent to her son, Hakoda, a senior in high school. He was short like her mother, with a stubborn streak and strong convictions, accompanied with dark unruly hair and a temper on par with Shizuo's minus the super-human strength, of course.

Hakoda had three piercings on each ear, a tattoo of a dragon the winded up his face despite his mother's wishes and threats to have it removed. His face was constantly in an ever-present scowl, his thin lips puckered into a sour pout every moment of every day.

He was Shizuo's ally when he had to take the torturous trips to his least favorite aunt's house. They would go for walks before dinner, to get out of the stuffy house. It was then things would change.

"So how's school?" Hakoda would always ask, though a mouthful of smoke and cigarettes, not bothering to look at Shizuo.

"Fine." He would always answer, cautiously lighting up a cigarette of his own.

He had been against smoking at first, disliking how the smoke entered his lungs and nose and made him cough, disliked the way his mouth tasted after, disliked the guilt squirming in his stomach because he knew that it was wrong but did nothing to quit.

He's gone to health class; he's endured the lectures year after year of the horrors of smoking and it's disturbing effects on the human body. But that didn't stop him from submitting to the peer pressure and trying it. And his school was right, it did taste horrible, but it grew on him, and eventually it was comforting, desirable.

On the day that changed things though, Hakoda had greeted him with a sharp jab in the stomach. "Getting a bit flabby there huh?" he joked, though there was no laughter in his eyes.

"Um… no." Shizuo mumbled in confusion. He exercised daily, tossing street lamps and people around on a daily basis. He was in shape. He was fine. But he was a bit miffed by his cousin's words.

"Geez I'm kidding," Hakoda drawled, "Lighten up a little."

Shizuo gave a gruff grunt in answer, not making eye contact. It wasn't that his senpai's words irritated him, because he was used to the kind of this from the hotheaded elder, but he had never had to handle any inquiry about his weight. He was in shape. He was fine.

They walked in silence after that, until Shizuo could not take silence any longer. "What did you mean by that?" He wondered out loud.

"Ah, nothing, It just an experiment that I've been trying…"

"And what's that?" Shizuo queried, intrigued but also sickened as he guessed what Hakoda was going to say a heartbeat before he said it.

"I've just been skipping a meal here and there, no big deal." He sounded nonchalant about it, though his eyes were still dark and his smirk seemed forced.

Hakoda had always been on the heavy side, due to his mother's fatty cooking and his own lazy attitude; he had always been a porky kid. Shizuo didn't consider him obese; it was more like a layer of fat, not concentrated on one area. It didn't matter to him anyway.

"But why?" He asked again. "You've never cared about your weight before."

"Come on, isn't it obvious?" When Shizuo didn't reply he extended, exasperated. "Girls like the skinnier guys, hell, everyone likes skinnier guys." He stated it like it was obvious, and Shizuo pretended not to look surprised because things like that were never an issue for him.

He didn't care what he looked like because he knew that he never had any hope in love to begin with. Maybe it was different for normal teenagers. Shizuo felt a sharp pang as he was yet again reminded of how abnormal he was. He shoved it aside and tried to pay attention to his senpai's words.

"-Besides, my mother's foods are loaded with calories." Hakoda continued, oblivious to Shizuo's lack of attention

Shizuo fixed him with a pointed stare, "Why not start exercising? Girls don't like boney guys either, and isn't anorexia for insecure girls?"

Hakoda snorted. "Anorexia? Who said anything about that?"

Shizuo swept his gaze away, embarrassed that he had assumed, for all he knew about the subject, Hakoda could be right and a slimmer look would be less intimidating than a mountain of muscles atop his shoulders. Maybe he would seem less menacing if he wasn't quite so tall and broad and…terribly strong.

They had arrived at the house before Shizuo could think of a witty response, and from the sour look on Hakoda's face, he hadn't wanted to arrive so soon either. The boy was glaring distastefully at his home, his face contorted into a frown.

"Want to take another round around the block?" Hakoda offered, "I'd rather be late for dinner."

Shizuo writhed inwardly under the heated glare of his elder, not wanting to seem like a coward, he ignored his instinct telling him that it was a bad idea. But he couldn't refuse, Hakoda was the only friend he had beside Shinra, and he knew that if not for the fact that they were family, he would probably never get a chance to hang out with the older boy. They only saw each other once or twice a year, after all. And could another few minutes outside really do any harm?

"We can say we lost track of the time," his cousin pressed.

Shizuo said nothing, willing himself to walk away and do the right thing, and stay put in his place and trust the older boy's judgment.

"Well, I know how much you like my mom's cooking," Hakoda sighed dramatically, his eyes gaining a devious glint as he added. "Tubby."

Shizuo bit back a snarl of I'm not tubby! And complied, shrugging. He turned on his heels and led the way around the corner and farther away from where they should be, trying to appear indifferent.

He knew he was not overweight, but he did not know why his elder's words stung so much. He's never been sensitive about his weight before. It never came up in conversation.

In hindsight, it was probably because he was timid teenager himself, desperate for some sort of approval and acceptance from his peers, in which the only one who came close to fitting in that category was his cousin. He'd have to compromise

When the duo returned, it was to a red-faced aunt and anxious parents for Shizuo. His aunt stood in the doorway with hands on her hips, portly face flushed with frustration.

"Where have you been?" She barked as they neared, Shizuo trying not to wince under her coercing glare and his parent's disappointed gaze.

Guilt and hunger stirred in the pit of his stomach, it's cold tendrils clawing at his insides. He hated to dishearten them, especially after all that they did for him and continued to show affection even after they learned of his monstrous strength.

Hakoda marched up to his mother, as Shizuo had the sense to shy away from her rage. He got right in her face as Shizuo inwardly cringed, from his safe viewpoint at the bottom of the porch step. He could not hear which words were being exchanged, only that if he thought that his aunt's face was red before, that was nothing compared to now.

She was livid, her meaty fists clenches and her eyebrows falling into the age lines that came with parenthood, her face reddened until it was a dark rosy scarlet, her small eyes squinted as she tried to retaliate.

He spotted his father in a similar state of rage after the blatant show of disrespect, and Shizuo figured that anger must run in the family. Shizuo's mother had widened eyes, but her face was hardened, remaining the usual tint, her thin hands covering Kasuka's ears, who of which seemed unbothered by the drastic shift of mood in the now chilling atmosphere. Shizuo stared at the ground as Hakoda finished his proclamation with a proud spit.

"You…" His aunt was trembling in fury, "You go to your room!"

He silently slipped past her silently, and Shizuo didn't need to see him to know that he had a wry sneer on his lips.

"And no dinner for you!" his aunt roared after him, her anger not yet spent. Shizuo held an underlying suspicion that she would lose her temper the moment her brother and his family set foot outside her property.

But she tried to maintain her composure under the watchful eye of the Kasuka, the minor in the room and the boy she saw as precious, not wanting him to see her like this.

Shizuo knew that going without dinner was not a punishment in all for his older cousin, and he realized in shock that that had been the goal that the boy had been striving for all the while. It did not bother him to the slightest that Shizuo would also be reprimanded for his actions, for he held half of the blame.

"We should really be going." He heard her mother say, right on cue as he wearily climbed the steps, his head bowed in submission, not meeting his family's accusing gaze. His father stiffly handed him his coat, and he shrugged it on, his face ashamed and his eyes narrowed.

Shizuo heard his mother thank his aunt for the meal softly through the icy ambiance as her family dutifully filed into the car. They said nothing about the previous event, though Shizuo could hear his parents conversing in hushed tones from the front seat.

He paid them no heed, and opted to gaze at the dark mounds of houses and shrubs as they flashed by in the night. Hakoda's words rang in his head like a mantra.

Tubby

Getting a bit flabby there

He snorted inaudibly. Of course not. It was preposterous, but he could not deny that it were those poisonous words that rang in his head all through the night, words that changed his future-for the worse.