You Give Batman a Bad Name
By Death 101 - Fox Version

I'm hanging upside down. From the ceiling. Over a tank of water. And sharks. Lots of sharks. Sounds like just another day in the life of Batman doesn't it?

Yeah I know. Being Batman is supposed to mean punching thugs. Hiding in the shadows. Fighting evil. Chewing gum and taking names… Okay, maybe not chewing gum but I mean that's being Batman. You fight crime. You don't hang from the ceiling and let the blood rush to your head. That's Robin's job! And who's wearing the Robin costume? Not me but I'm still hanging from the ceiling. Vision slowly going black. I wonder if it's possible to die from your head having too much blood in it. Would your brain drown? Hm… might want to look into that. Although if I stay like this much longer it won't really matter.

I'm sure some of you wonderful people (who are probably created by my brain slowly drowning in blood) are wondering who I am. The easy answer? I'm Batman. Sorta. See Terry took over for Bruce but then Bruce died. So where does that leave the world when Terry dies? His son right? Yeah. Terry didn't have a son. He had a daughter. Who had another daughter. Who had a daughter. Who had a daughter and a son who became a daughter. Who had another daughter (the daughter not the son). Who had me. Guess whose mom decided I should follow the family tradition?

(I lied about the uncle becoming an aunt. He leaves in Texas with a wife and my three cousins (all girls) and actually my mom didn't force me to be Batman. I just thought it would be amusing to say that. She thinks I'm at college right now.)

Anyways, I'm the new Batman. Or I was supposed to be. I mean, I'm the one wearing the suit. I would be driving the car too but the stupid thing doesn't run on air. Without gas, the thing's pretty useless. So as I was saying, I thought I was going to be the new Batman. Things didn't work out that way as shown by Exhibit A, me hanging from the ceiling.

Oh goody. He's back. It's not Joker before you ask or some counterpart created by a microchip. According to the ancient files on the computer I found in the cave, Joker at least would be kind enough to knock me out and then sit there watching me slowly come back to the world of the living. Not that I'll be here much longer. This guy shares the creepy mind of the Joker but lacks the comedic outlook. No evil laughs from this guy. Or good jokes. Yeah I know Joker is supposed to be this madman who doesn't really crack jokes and if he does there is a horrible evil underlying meaning but come on. Without him the battles would just be Batman punching another thug. One with more fashion sense but another thug nonetheless.

So anyways, the bad guy is back. Just staring at me. Watching me glare at him. Oddly the bat glare doesn't seem to work on this guy. Must either be really brave, stupid, or have contact lenses. Or I'm doing it wrong… probably the last one. I've only been at this for half a day… night actually but the idea is the same. I'm new at this… and probably going to die on my first day. Maybe I should have created one of those emails that get sent to your family after you die.

"Hi Mom, Dad,
Just wanted you to know that I died because I decided to attempt to bring Batman back to life but things didn't turn out and I died. So yeah. Have a happy life.
-Signed,
The Failure at Batman"

On second thought, probably a good idea that I didn't create one of those emails.

Blood still rushing to my head. Guy still staring at me. He looks sorta like the Joker. Green hair, pale skin, black eyes, red lipstick except this guy is frowning. Maybe he's doing that so that it looks like he's smiling to me. Hm. That might be an idea. Although I thought that the Joker talked. This guy is just staring at me. A lot. It's starting to get annoying but my arms are strapped to my side with duct tape and there's duct tape on my mouth so it isn't like I can actually say anything. Why did I take this job again?

Not money because I'm not getting paid. Not fame because no one should know that it's me. Not for my health as I've probably gotten at least a broken rib. (Super Armour Suit my Ass!) Oh right. I took this job to help people. The hell with that! I should have been a villain. They just go to jail. It's the good guys who get killed!

Still staring. You'd think that he's never seen a man in a costume before. Stupid duct tape. Oh the words I have to say. The first of which would be, "Untie me!" … or maybe second. The first would be, "You have ketchup on your suit." Seriously he does. Right over his heart. Almost looks like blood. Or is that the joke?

Still staring. Might as well struggle. See if I can get that jerk to do something other than stare at me. Maybe if I move he'll feed me to the sharks so we can all get on with our lives. Well he can. I'll be dead so that sorta ruins my getting on with life because I doubt even the first Batman can get out of this. (I told you I was new.)

So struggling now. Armor is useless. Duct tape is so good at its job it's evil. Sharks are laughing at me. I know they are. I can see it in their eyes. Jerk still staring at me. I'm really starting to get annoyed. If I could curse aloud, I would but cursing in my head doesn't have the same affect. See watch.

Damn it!

"Muff."

Okay bad example. I can't curse aloud because my mouth is taped shut but mental cursing is stupid. Doesn't get anything done. It's like hanging from the ceiling… Yeah. Walked right into that one. Sigh. How much longer until I'm dead? I mean sure he wants to 'savour the moment' but isn't this a bit much. I'm just hanging here! Upside down. Like a bat. Oh I see the joke now. The other Joker was funnier.

Will you stop staring at me? I know that I'm shorter than the original so if you're trying to make me taller this is a fail! People don't grow taller even when you stretch them. You just break their spines and then they die! Also if you are trying to kill me by 'stretching' my spine gravity is a little slow.

Stop looking at me! I'd call him the Creeper but that name was already taken.

Oh! We have movement. He's pulling out a knife. Well that's great to know that I've been hanging here for no reason but next time you want to kill someone and savour the moment just skip to the chase. The victim will get bored otherwise.

And he's leaning over the tank. Sharks are amused but not attacking. He's sawing at the rope that's attached to my foot. So now he wants me to drown and be eaten. Well personally I like the stabbing idea but hey, to each their own. I just want this over.

Rope almost all cut through. I think. Can't really tell. It's hard to look up towards my feet.

Rope snaps and I fall. I'm in the water now. Water is going up my nose. Well at least my mouth is taped shut so I don't drink it. Sharks are swarming and one is getting ready to bite me. It bites and blood is pouring or mixing or merging with the water. As the sharks start digging in, more than one thing is obvious.

I give Batman a bad name.

Disclaimer: I do not own Batman Beyond.

A/N: I know. I know. Not the best. What was I on when I wrote it? How could I do that? The answers in order. Nothing and easily. I was bored and it wrote itself and then after a weird dream in which Bon Jovi's 'You Give Love a Bad Name' became 'You give Batman a Bad Name' I had the title. I hope someone at least was amused.
-D101