A/N: Surprise, surprise! Here's a late Christmas and New Year gift to you, guys. Wrapped with all my love and a silver bow on top. Happy Holidays! I know, I know. Shoot me for not updating for a year. I just want to let you know how thankful I am to everyone who never stopped believing in me. YOU GUYS ARE UNBELIEVABLE. When I read all your reviews and private messages, I was a crying mess. To Guest Feu, Hacel, YellowOrangeRed, azbaek, JustAReader, Aira0906, newroz, Serenity de la Luna, jnrlove, bukspiks, Stalia Stilinski, AiramEnayle, Mystique0831, Natx, insesaa, jdcocoagirl, 4shl3y, Chocoluv4869, Sweet Crimson, caishei123, fangirl-mode-on, Kidoo, GA, Shiro, CrimsonPrincess14, and all the other guests and readers, please accept my deepest apologies and warmest gratitude.

Hope you all had an amazing holidays! I jumped when the clock struck twelve last January 1st so here's to hoping I'd get taller. Cheers!

X,

Alyx

Oh why in every fantasy
Do I feel you arms embracing me?
Like lovers lost in sweet desire
And why in dreams do I surrender like a little baby?
How do I explain this feeling?

If I'm Not in Love With You

Chapter Nine: Of Crimson and Hazel

Mikan covered her mouth to stifle the impending tears and hold her warring emotions at bay.

I knew it, she thought.

Of course she should've known.

Seriously, why was she always a fool when it comes to that guy? He's the only one who can make her like this, a crying mess and a total blockhead. And an assuming idiot, she might add. Even after everything that happened between them, she was still this girl who secretly hoped that something might happen between them.

Well, so much for hoping. Did you really expect he did that for you? You who he rejected years ago? YOU? HA. In your dreams, girl.

I know, she thought, feeling a lump forming in her throat. She closed her eyes and willed her tears to go back where they came from. They were not needed, anyway. Not now, not ever. What she needed right now was something to break, specifically, that soccer captain's perfect face.

Outside the toilet cubicle, she heard the girls giggling again. Now, how will she go outside without those girls thinking she was eavesdropping on them? She has been here for ten minutes, for goodness' sake! If she did get out, it'd be so suspicious. If she didn't get out, she might break something. Or she might break down, which was not on her list. Before Mikan could come up with a decision, she heard them talk again.

"So where did he tell you to meet him?" the sound of a lipstick cap being twisted was heard. And then lips being smacked together.

A small pause, then, "I don't know," a voice dripping with saccharine said. "But I'm sure we'll celebrate our school's win together. Maybe at his place or mine." A promise. It was a promise she heard in her voice. Mikan gripped the knob of the cubicle, feeling as if she would throw up.

The girl's friends squealed. "Wow, I still can't believe it, Rika. You and Hyuuga-sama together, it's insane!"

The sound of heels clinked against the tiled floor. "And he actually declared it in public with his amazing skills! Gosh, I knew if I were you, I'd totally melt into a useless puddle of goo. That was the sweetest public declaration ever!" another girl sighed.

Yeah, Mikan thought so, too. Actually, the whole world did.

A chuckle. "I told you before, didn't I? It's just a matter of time. He can't keep his hands off of me that night. I saw him on the couch and decided to talk to him, see where it goes. The next thing I know, he's burying his glorious lips on mine while his hands roamed underneath my dress so quick that the side button went flying to nowhere! Not that I'm complaining, though," the girls laughed, "but it was a Burberry dress. One of my favorites, you know," the girl, Rika, complained. "I intend to make Natsume replace it."

"I'm so jealous!" her friend gushed. "So, did something happen that night?"

Another pause.

"You bet, girls. I was so hot and his body felt divine against me I thought I was going to explode! I was surprised my ovaries didn't, though I was sure it was near to that when he bit my neck and his hands gripped my ass-"

The door of the last cubicle banged open and the girls, they were four in all, Mikan noticed, looked her way. Thank the gods she has her hoodie on. Mikan pretended to be typing on her phone and quickly went past them, making sure her head was down. She wasn't yet through the door when the girls started gossiping again, not minding her.

Before she was completely out, she stole a glance to the girl, Rika.

What she saw made her stomach drop.

The girl was tall, around five feet seven with corn blonde hair almost to her slim waist. She knew her. She was a popular senior in campus. Rika Osakano. If she wasn't mistaken, she was a member of the Alice U Cheerleading Squad. But what made her feel sick was not how beautiful or how tall or how great her legs were.

But the jacket. The gray jacket.

It was the same jacket that night. Mikan won't forget it because he was wearing that jacket the night he touched her, after all those years. He gripped her arm and she felt like she was burning from that single damn touch. Even his face was so close to hers that she thought if she would lean a fraction, his lips will be on hers. They were almost sharing the same air and Mikan panicked at his pinned gaze.

That night, he was the only one wearing casual clothes but he was the one who looked the best in the crowd. Without effort, the gray jacket made him look more handsome and dangerous, in her opinion.

The same jacket that the girl was wearing now.

She snapped back and realized she was standing in the doorway frame.

She hurriedly went out of the comfort room and out of the arena through one of the parking lot exits.

It was cold. Even with her hoodie one, she was still shivering.

Well, it's winter season, Mikan, and how stupid you are for not grabbing your coat, the inner voice reprimanded her.

To be fair, she didn't bring it because she knew that she will go home tonight with her best friend. Hotaru's car has one of the best heaters in the world. She thought she won't need big-ass coats or jackets. Also, Hotaru showed to her her new invention, a small device that can heat up a gymnasium and she was sure she had it in her, now that it was winter already, so she didn't bother to bring extra jackets. How wrong she was.

Speaking of her best friend, she needed to text her and tell her where she was. Or else, she'll use that Baka Gun again to her just for worrying her. And Mikan was in no mood to have her head razed with Baka bullets. She was sure she'd nurse her head for a whole day, if ever. So, she opened her body bag and dug her phone. When she unlocked it, there were already five missed calls from her best friend.

Uh oh, she thought, not good.

But she didn't like to talk to anyone right now.

She just wanted to… be alone.

To just feel how good it was without thinking about anything or anyone. To just feel the surroundings and not care a pin for anything. To just feel... empty.

She sighed. This was going to be a long night. But she was ready to face it. After sending the short message she composed for her best friend, she turned off her phone and continued walking to the bus stop, which she spied about 300 meters away. She looked up the sky before continuing and saw the snowflakes slowly falling over the place, covering the trees and roofs as if embracing them like a white quilt. It brought a smile to her face, despite the heavy feeling in her chest.

She smiled a bit and closed her eyes to feel it. Snow is one of her favorite things in the world. It reminded her of Christmas, when she first met Hotaru whom she accidentally hit with a snowball and later on, decided to include Mikan in making a snowman. They became best friends after that. Snow reminded her of her birthday, which her family always celebrated by making snowman cookies, which were her favorite. Snow reminded her of her loving parents and grandfather, who never failed to make her feel special.

But most of all, it reminded her how snow will always bring people together - couples who would snuggle to one another, children who would play outside and ride sled, families who would curl up by the fire and share a nice cup of hot chocolate, and random people who would stop and be content in watching how magical it was. It will always bring people together like how her grandfather told her about her parents, two lost strangers stranded in a mountain cabin and found love by the hearth.

Snow reminded her of all the good things she has in her life.

"You are like a snowflake, Mikan - unique and fragile, but one of a kind. I hope you will always be as loving as how the snow loves to bring happiness to people."

I hope it will be a good night, she thought as she buried hers hands deeper in her pockets.

Anna, Nonoko, and Sumire saw Hotaru gripped her phone a bit, a frown forming on her lips.

"She's not coming," she said, her voice laced with annoyance.

From the other side of the door, Natsume froze.

What?

"What?" The girls echoed his thoughts. The four of them were standing just outside the boys' locker room, waiting for their friends to go outside and head to the victory party when Mikan texted her best friend. Apparently, the girl wouldn't come anymore.

Honestly, Hotaru didn't even know why she was there, waiting for the dumbass jocks to finish. All she knew was that when Anna, Nonoko, and Sumire said that they can go to the lockers, she suddenly thought that if she were able to capture naked photos of the guys, her savings would triple. She could sell the photos not only in the campus but also in other campuses, too, given how popular they were. Imagine a naked Natsume Hyuuga poster? Millions. She didn't hesitate and let herself be dragged.

But then, her idiotic best friend, who excused herself and went to the comfort room twenty minutes ago, texted her that she suddenly couldn't come, she knew something happened. But when she tried to call, her phone was off. Hotaru gritted her teeth. Seriously, that idiot will feel her latest Baka Gun ver. 3.0 when she gets home.

Anna worryingly asked, "Is she okay? What happened to her?"

Sumire and Nonoko asked the same time, "Why won't she come?"

On the other side of the door, Natsume felt himself getting angry at that idiot Polka. What the hell happened?

Hotaru sighed and read the message to them. "She said that she suddenly remembered an important paper that she needed to pass in her Philosophy class and that the deadline's today at midnight. Plus, she said she forgot her laptop charging. So she needed to run," she finished, closing her cellular phone. As she read it again, Hotaru was sure about two things: One, something was really wrong and, two, Mikan would totally taste her newest Baka Gun.

"What? But that's unfair! It's almost our winter break! Poor Mikan-chan," Nonoko sighed. True, it was almost the University's winter break and their finals were all done since last week. The students were just finishing some projects, passing some papers, or simply waiting for some events at school until the last day.

Sumire leaned against the wall and nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that totally sucks. But I truly understand her." Nonoko and Anna looked at herand asked what she meant by that. Sumire shrugged, "I had Professor Serina last semester, too. Her Philo class was really interesting but damn, the paperwork was unimaginable! You could fill a kiddie pool with our class's paperwork. No kidding, it was that insane!" Sumire remembered how she always needed to put a cucumber mask every single night just to tone down the eye bags she was getting from all the late-night work she needed to put up just for that class.

Nonoko slumped and leaned beside Sumire. "Would totally be nice if Mikan was here, though."

"I hope she will be able to finish on time," Anna clasped her hands together and offered a silent prayer. "Oh!" she almost forgot. She turned to Hotaru, "Will she be able to get on the last bus? It's a bit cold outside. I hope she did," she said worriedly. It's winter already and winter season in Japan was just crazy. Too cold and too much snow. And she thought she saw Mikan only had a hoodie with her.

Hotaru cursed under her breath, put her phone back inside her bag, and said, "I need to go and see if-"

She stopped when the door of the locker room suddenly opened, revealing Natsume Hyuuga, in his clean shirt, jeans, and sneakers, his hair still wet. His winter jacket was slung over his broad shoulder, like his huge gym bag. He stopped and quietly said, "I'll go," he said to no one in particular but the girls knew he was talking to them. He continued walking down the hallway, without even looking back at any of them. His expression was unreadable, almost blank, and if not for his fast pace and curled fist at his side, they would've thought Natsume Hyuuga was just being his arrogant self.

The three girls were speechless, mouth hanging and eyes wide.

Hotaru smirked a bit.

Well, it's getting more and more interesting.

"Where do you think you're going?" A very familiar voice suddenly spoke behind her and made her jump from her seat.

Mikan, if it was possible, froze from the cold and froze more at the voice. She stood from where she was sitting and looked at the large, looming silhouette approaching.

No, it's impossible.

The light from the shed illuminated finally the silhouette's face.

Natsume Hyuuga's face. Mikan's breath was caught in her throat.

What is he doing here?

"W-what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing. What are you doing here?" His crimson eyes bored into hers and his gaze was so intense Mikan suddenly felt her cheeks reddened and got hot.

Wow, seriously? This guy could even make the cold not bother her.

She cleared her throat and looked away, "Obviously, I'm going home."

Mikan saw from the corner of her eyes that he crossed his arms. She knew this stance. He wasn't going to talk unless she looked at him. So, with a sigh, she obliged.

"What do you want, Natsume? Don't you have a victory party to attend to? Or-" her stomach churned."Or some place you need to be?" She won't let him see her vulnerable again. She won't let him see her that hopeless romantic who came up to him years ago. Just because she accepted the fact that her feelings for him never did go away, doesn't mean that she would still let herself be hurt.

Nope. She learned, even if the result of her self-imposed "distancing" and "forgetting" wasn't what she wanted, she still learned from it.

"Just go, please." She turned her back and sat on the bench again. It was a good five minutes before she heard him say, "Tch. Idiot Polka."

Her nose flared a bit but she willed herself to not look. When she dared to, she saw Natsume walking away.

Despite everything that she said, her heart sank.

You wanted it, you idiot. He will never like you that way so put on your big girl panties, accept it, and stop moping! She heaved a deep breath and let it out through her mouth.

Count to ten, Mikan.

At ten, she broke down.

Why did it feel like it happened again? All those years ago, when Natsume said that he never thought of her that way and would never reciprocate her feelings. She steeled herself for the outcome because she knew that was what he would say. But she still accommodated that teeny tiny hope in her heart that he would tell her otherwise. And when he didn't, she knew she should've just accepted it graciously and moved on.

But her traitorous heart didn't. Well, she should still give herself credit because for a couple of years, she was able to do it. She changed for herself, although there were times she felt she was being ridiculous. Was she was really doing it for herself? Would everything be worth it?

Now she has the answer.

She's back to square one.

Another sob caught in her throat.

Shit, why does it have to be like this? And where was that damn bus?

She was still silently crying when she heard tires screeching to a stop.

"Oi, Polka."

She looked up and gasped.

Wait, why was he here again? She thought he went away already. She hastily tried to wipe her tears with the sleeve of her jacket.

She saw Natsume turn off the engine and went out of his car. She covered her blotchy face as he went over her. "What are you doing here? I thought you went away. Please, Natsume, go now."

He didn't listen to her ramblings and crouched so he could be on her level. He peered at her face, his crimson eyes taking note of the tear spots. "Why are you crying?"

Did she hear worry from his voice?

She sniffed. "Don't mind me. I-it's just really cold and I-I don't know what to do," she hiccuped. Okay, that's lame. But whatever.

She suddenly felt warmth. She looked up again and saw Natsume placing his huge jacket over her shoulders. She could smell his scent - soap,mint, leather, and something that only could be described as Natsume's. If smell could be felt, it would be like a smoldering ember in a hearth on a cold night.

Rendered speechless, the only thing she could do was look at him. It felt like déjà vu - him crouching in front of her and fussing, her being dumbstruck. Just like what happened in the cafeteria months ago. Mikan felt his hand on her cheeks and she shivered, from the cold or from his touch, she didn't know. His large hands were so warm that it took a Herculean effort on her part to not lean in.

"Stop crying," he quietly said, as he gently brushed a thumb across her cheek, his face so close that Mikan could feel the warmth of his breath. Still out of words, Mikan looked at Natsume and saw his gaze wandered across her face and locked on her lips and for one crazy, hair-splitting, wonderful moment, she thought he would kiss her.

All thoughts and questions that clouded Mikan's mind went away as her focus zeroed in to Natsume slowly leaning in.

Damn it, Mikan Sakura. What are you doing? Ask him about the girl. Ask him what does he really want. Ask him all the questions you wanted to ask! But instead, her traitorous heart won and so she closed her eyes.

She waited for the kiss. Waited and hoped.

It was the longest three seconds of her life.

But then she felt his breath on her ear and heard him say, "Come on, I'll take you home."

It felt like she was doused with cold water.

When the car stopped in front of her apartment, Mikan couldn't wait to get out of it. She was so embarrassed at her actions, so confused at what happened, and so, so angry at herself for being such a weak fool, again, that she didn't even talk or look at him.

Good thing Natsume seemed to also be deep in his own thoughts that Mikan was able to compose herself.

A bit.

She mumbled a thank you to Natsume and hurriedly went out. Of all the embarrassing moments with him, this one was topping the list, actually competing with the one he saw her half-naked. At least then she had an excuse to hit him square on his gorgeous face. Thinking of it, she should've done that. But now, she cannot come up with any excuse but her nauseating weakness towards him and his stunning crimson eyes. And his pleasant warmth. And his repulsive, startling, masculine scent.

Ugh, Mikaaan!

Natsume seemed to snap out of his stupor when he heard his car door being closed. He was just so deep in his thoughts all throughout the ride. Why didn't Mikan accept his public declaration? Given it was a bit vague, but hell, he knew and she knew that it was for her. There was no other girl and will never be another girl he would do that for. She knew she was the only girl he was actually interacting with. She has never seen him with any girls ever since they knew each other. And with all the things they did together, she should've known.

It was her.

So, why did she run away? Why didn't she give him the chance to act more on what he felt for her? Damn it, he was just starting, with that public declaration. And then she turned him down by fleeing. And why the hell didn't he kiss her? Why did he stop when Mikan looked like she was welcoming the kiss? With her large brown eyes gazing at him, her nose red from crying, her cheeks pink from the cold, her full lips begging to be kissed, he never saw her as beautiful as that moment. So why did he fucking stop? Why didn't he tell her how he really felt about her, face to face? What was he afraid of?

He balked.

What was he truly afraid of?

And it was at that moment that he realized that he loved her.

Hyuuga Natsume, ace soccer player and genius, loved Sakura Mikan, the cheerful, moody, ray of sunshine. Truly, madly, deeply.

For all those years he tried to brush it off, to hide and forget it, his feelings for her just came back twice as hard. And now, he cannot hide it anymore. When he learned from Koko that Mikan, for the first time, was watching the game, he knew he had to act now. He had to act on his feelings or else he would lose her again to some guy who had enough courage to tell her how he felt. And so he took the opportunity. Natsume loved her, he loved her so that he realized his feelings for her would determine his whole life. Crazy as it sounded, it was the truth. He knew he would never feel like this again, for anyone, ever. He knew he was the kind of person who loves once and always. And that if Mikan rejected him, everything will change.

He suddenly was filled with dread.

And that made him not kiss her.

What a fucking coward, Hyuuga, he thought, disgusted with himself.

He saw Mikan hurrying to go inside the apartment. And he felt like she was slipping away from him again and that this time, it would be permanent.

Shit, he thought, scrambling out of the car and going after her. No, no, no.

"Polka, wait up!"

He managed to grab ahold of her arm and spun her to him.

He stopped in shock when he saw her eyes blazing with anger.

"Why do you do this, Natsume?" He didn't expect that from her. She was crying and now she was angry. So, so angry that her beautiful hazel eyes were turning almost to black. "Why can't you just leave me be? I have been doing a great job of distancing myself and forgetting about you and then suddenly you were doing things you never did before and now you're waltzing back in my life. Why do you have to do this? For what? You want to play with my feelings? Is that it? You want someone you can play with? Well, I'm so sorry to burst your huge bubble but I'm not a soccer ball that you can just kick around and- "

He had never seen Sakura Mikan angry.

And, truth be told, an angry Sakura Mikan was so damn hot and so damn tempting, with her hazel eyes blazing, her cheeks red from anger, her lips caught between her teeth that he suddenly couldn't control himself. He just followed his instincts, consequences be damned.

One moment, Mikan was so angry at herself and at Natsume Hyuuga and she only wanted to get away from him, never talk or see him for the rest of her life, and the next she knew, she was on the receiving end of one of the best kisses in the whole world from the most popular guy at school.

Holy shit.

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

She must be dreaming.

That's it. She must be dreaming and drooling on her pillows at this very moment. How many times has she had this same kind of dream? Hundreds, maybe. And how did she feel whenever she wakes up from it? Like a rock being bulldozed because she knew it will never happen in real life.

Her anger evaporated that quick and was replaced with disbelief and confusion.

Wait, wh- wh- ?

All the unanswered questions and unimportant thoughts swirling inside her faded into nothingness as she felt herself being consumed by the fire ignited by Natsume's kiss. Suddenly, she cannot think straight anymore. All she knew at that time was that one of her dreams was happening: that her crush to a certain crimson-eyed guy blossomed into love and after so many years, something was finally happening between them.

All she could to was close her eyes. What a wonderful dream.

But the strong arm snaking around her waist felt so warm.

And the other hand tangling itself on her brown locks and pulling her head closer felt so heavenly.

Plus, the gentle coaxing of his lips felt so damn real.

At the back of her mind, she knew that if it was a dream, she never wanted to wake up. And so she welcomed the invasion of Natsume's mouth by opening hers and letting his tongue explore hers. Letting him fully inside her heart again, letting him be a part of her once again. Like how she surrendered to her feelings before, Mikan surrendered again, putting all her longing and feelings to that first kiss. Natsume accepted everything without hesitations, and with a groan, he pulled her aganist his full length.

A surprise moan of pleasure came out from her when she felt his tongue touch the roof of her mouth. She felt him shiver when she shyly touched her tongue to his, her small hands fisting the front of his shirt. And when she took his lower lip between her teeth, she heard another low groan from the back of his throat as his fingers continued digging at her back, pulling her closer than ever and locking her between his legs.

Holy. Cow.

There was no escaping from his intimate embrace.

Please, don't wake up. Don't wake up. Don't wake up, she was thinking at the same time as the back of her head chants, More, more more.

As if hearing her pleas, Natsume's mouth became more insistent and he deepened the kiss. She felt his lips grazed across her cheek, his teeth teased her ears, and then his mouth trailed hot kisses down her neck. She thought her head was going to burst as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Mikan," he whispered against the sensitive spot on her throat, his nose breathing her in. "Mikan," he said again.

Natsume couldn't believe what was happening. His control was legendary. It had never slipped nor went out of the window. But this, this girl, she made him yearn. She made him weak and strong at the same time. She made him feel like this was how... perfect should feel. Not straight As in class nor a hat trick in a soccer match.

After planting kisses on her neck, he went back to her mouth and the dance of their lips started again. It was such a sensual, beautiful dance, never once stopping or stuttering. They only separated when oxygen became the next paramount thing to tasting each other.

Natsume lifted her chin gently to urge her to look at him and for a moment, they gazed deep into each other.

Crimson and hazel.

Strength and fragility.

Iron will and stubborn pride.

For all their differences, both of them knew they had one thing in common: Fire. The fire that they have and can only ignite to one another.

Still holding her against him, Natsume gave her one of his rare smiles, "I'll see you tomorrow, Polka."

Mikan could only nod, still in daze, as he put another chaste kiss on her lips. Feeling one foot out of the door and one foot on cloud nine, she started to go inside the apartment when Natsume called her again. She turned around and was caught off-guard but she was able to catch the thing he threw to her, albeit clumsily.

She looked down at the soccer ball on her hands.

Mikan's brow scrunched in confusion as she lifted her questioning eyes to his.

He smirked and put his hands inside his pockets, snow leisurely falling around them, keeping them in its white softness. "The three goals were for you. I wanted to tell you the words the only way I know how," he nodded on the ball and said, "keep it." And then he went inside his car and drove off.

She stood there for a good ten minutes, not quite believing the series of events that led to this, yet wanting the exact opposite.

Her confession to him at the Sakura tree. His rejection. Her change. The party. The Fencing locker room mishap. The cafeteria incident. The acceptance of her feelings again. The three goals she witnessed earlier. The victorious match. The public declaration.

And the earth-shattering, soul-binding kiss.

She looked down at the ball in her hands.

I wanted to tell you the words the only way I know how.

Mikan slowly lifted it and hugged it to her chest, as if it was the most prized possession she has, a smile blossoming on her lips.

I love you.

And now, she has another reason to add in her list of why she loved snow.

To Be Continued

A/N: Whoa! Look at that! Hope you guys loved it as much as I loved getting these two together! Sheesh, took quite a time, ne? This chapter was a bit hard to construct, to be honest. What with all the things that happened in the past chapters, how will I come up with the perfect way to get these two together? I know this wasn't perfect, but I tried my best! I just hope you the flow was okay. Thank you again for all your support! Please, if you have any inputs or ideas, they are very much welcome. Some lines here came from Judith McNaught's Almost Heaven. Check it out!

Thank you, guys! Let's all have a wonderful year ahead! *raises glass and clinks it to everyone's*

X,

Alyx