Chapter 4

Jack didn't look at Ianto when he spoke, he sounded even to his own ears like some deranged romance novel, but it was the truth and he wanted Ianto to know, especially as it was their last few hours together.

"You're crazy. What the…"

"I'm sure I sound crazy, but it's the truth. - In six month's you're going to track me down to Torchwood Three and we're going to…beginning this all over again."

"What?" Ianto shook his head as if trying to wake himself up from whatever crazy dream he'd fallen into. "Why?"

Jack didn't want to tell him the why, but he had little option. "To save Lisa."

"Lisa?"

Jack nodded. "She's going to…when you find her she'll be practically converted to a Cyberman. You bring her to Torchwood because we'll have part of a conversion unit that you'll need to keep her alive until you're able to find someone to help you."

Ianto was pale and shaking. "Let me go Jack." He yelled.

"No." Jack said harshly. "I can't change history Ianto. - I can't just let you go and save her now."

"Why the hell not? - If I get to her before she's…'converted' then…" he paused as realisation dawned. "Then I won't need to come to Torchwood Three." he mumbled. "And I won't…" he gaze snapped up to burn into Jack's. "You selfish bastard!" he yelled, pulling at his wrist once again. "You're doing this so I'll come looking for you, so what, we can be together? Never going to happen! Not now, not ever!"

Jack felt his gut tighten painfully and his heart constrict at the younger man's harsh accusations, but he knew that on some level it was all true. "That's not why. You're important, not just to me but to the world, to the future, I can't alter that no matter how much I want to, and Lord knows I want to. - But your right, I have been selfish and that's why we're currently stuck in this situation. I'd selfishly wanted to see you again, I'd selfishly wanted a second chance." he shook his head, bracing himself against the sides of the console. "I'd selfishly wanted to kiss you and touch you and hear your beautiful voice one last time. - And it was only meant to be one time. Just one last goodbye, but I couldn't stop, I couldn't give you up, not again. So I kept coming back, I kept searching you out and now, I've fucked it up because you remember and now I have to make you forget."

"Remember? Forget?" Ianto frowned, his slightly watery gaze never leaving Jack's. There was just something in his voice, a pain that stabbed right to the heart of Ianto. "You're not making any sense Jack."

"I know." he sighed, turning a broken smile on the man. "That's the problem with time travel, it never makes sense."

Ianto slumped back against the chair and rubbed the back of his neck. "Alright Jack, so you've travelled back in time to be with me. Why?" he wasn't sure he wanted to know but he couldn't stop himself from asking.

Jack stood silently staring at the blue glow. He didn't want to tell Ianto about his death, about how they'd stood side by side and faced death together. How he'd woken up alone and heartbroken knowing how he'd lost the younger man. He didn't think Ianto needed, wanted or deserved to know that was what his future held. "Because I could." he said instead.

"But why? Why come back? - You said I'd shattered your heart; you talk like you'd lost me or something. Did we…" he shook his head. "If I came to Torchwood to save Lisa then…" one look at Jack face answered a question he hadn't even thought of yet. "Oh my god." tears welled in his eyes and he dropped his face into his free palm, his shoulders shaking as he sobbed over a lost love he hadn't even lost yet.

Jack turned away from the sight; it had been hard enough to witness the first time. He glanced at the two young soldiers and sighed when he found they were both still unconscious. It was rather a miracle considering the yelling happening around them.

"How?" Ianto asked with a tear logged voice.

Jack didn't turn back; he didn't want to see that pain. "T-there was no saving her. She was t-too far gone. I'm sorry." he heard the man break down once more and he hated himself anew. He didn't want this. This hadn't been his plan. It was all meant to be so much simpler.

'It was never going to be simple Jack. This was always going to end in heartbreak. You couldn't keep this up forever.'

He knew that, he'd always known that. But admitting it, facing it, that was different. He'd fooled himself into believing that he could do this without hurting anyone, not even himself. Jack turned his attention to the device. He would regret this course of action for a lifetime, as many as he had in him. He'd been selfish and foolish and blinded by his grief.

There was silence in the Tardis for what felt like hours. She wasn't even talking to him. Jack just stood there fiddling aimlessly with the device waiting for the moment when he would turn it on Ianto and wipe away their time together.

"W-what is that?" Ianto asked gently, his voice rough and tight.

"It's a device to capture information." Jack stated matter-of-factly.

"What kind of information?"

Jack paused for a moment. "Memories."

"What?"

"As I said, I need to fix my mistake."

"You're going to wipe me from your memory." Ianto said, a little hurt, insulted and panicked.

Jack turned wide watery blue eyes on him. "Never! - I already…." he shook his head, he couldn't tell him that's he'd already promised never to forget him. It would lead to a question he didn't want to answer. "No. I'm going to wipe me from yours."

"What!" Ianto yelled again. "W-Wha….Why…?"

"Because you can't remember who I am Ianto. We have to meet for the first time in six months when you arrive in Cardiff."

"Don't I get a say in this?"

Jack shook his head. "Not where the future is involved no. - You should never have remembered me. You…you should have forgotten me after that night in the alley…If I'd known, if I'd suspected that the Retcon hadn't worked I would have fixed it sooner."

"Ret-con?"

Jack lifted his chin and met Ianto's gaze, knowing what he said next would make the younger man furious. "Amnesia drug." he pulled the small pot Ianto had found earlier out of his pocket and shook it, the small white pill resounding off the plastic.

Ianto glared at him, he wasn't even trying to hide his fury, it was there in his eyes. Jack had rarely seen Ianto angry, the man was just such a calm and collected person usually, but from the few occasions he had experienced the younger man's anger, he knew that he was beyond intimidating. He waited for the shouting, the accusations, the outpouring of rage and hate, but strangely Ianto just sat there shaking.

"You were going to…?" Ianto paused for a long moment. "After we'd, you were going to make me forget?"

Jack shrugged nonchalantly, though his insides were tearing. "Yes."

"Why?"

"I've told you, I can't allow you to remember."

"No. I mean why do it in the first place?"

Jack swallowed, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Tell me Jack. I think if you're going to wipe my memory then I have a right to know why."

'Tell him Jack. You need to tell him.'

How was he meant to do that? How could he tell the man that in just under three years' time he would be dead? He couldn't.

'He doesn't need to know all of that Jack, just tell him why you've done all this. - Why you came back to him time and again. - Admit it to yourself.'the Tardis hummed.

Jack's breath hitched and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

"Jack?"

An explosion rocked the Tardis and Jack ran to the screen, hitting dials and pulling levers till he was shown what was happening outside. The war between the Dalek's and the Cybermen had really begun. Explosions were going off all around them. There wasn't much time left.

"What is it?" Ianto asked, craning his neck to see the screen.

"Happy Hour." Jack smirked.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's not important." he rushed around to the device. "It's almost time, The Doctor will have everything fixed soon, we need to get this done." his tone had turned professional, cool and hard. "After I've wiped me from your memory, you can go find Lisa, get her out of the building before my team arrives to secure the site." he stated matter-of-factly.

"Jack. - You can't do this. - I - I don't want to forget."

Jack's posture stiffened and he swallowed back the pain. "Y-you have to Ianto. I'm sorry. I - I wish it didn't have to be like this."

"Then don't do it." Ianto said a little panicked. "Just let me go, we can save Lisa and then…."

Jack turned. "Then what? Be together? Live happily ever after?" he scoffed with a smirk. "Never going to happen. We're not destined for a happy ever after Ianto, neither of us. - The most we can hope for is a few happy years."

"Jack, we could. Just let me go."

"And what about the future?"

"What about it. It hasn't happened yet."

Jack shook his head. Ianto couldn't understand the far reaching ramifications of what he was asking. He hadn't seen what was out there, hadn't seen what one little change to the timeline could do. As usual it was down to Jack to make the hard decision, make the sacrifice. "You know once upon a time I wouldn't have. I'd have taken what I wanted and not given a damn about what it meant for the future." Jack informed Ianto sadly. "Sometimes I wish I could still think like that."

"What changed?" Ianto queried.

"I met this couple, this wonderful man and woman who showed me I was better than that. They proved to me that I wasn't as selfish and heartless as I'd always thought. - Then I died, so many times…." Jack continued, gazing off into the distance. "…and then I realised that it was my place to protect this planet, these people, even when it cost me people I care about. I had to put humanity first."

"Jack." Ianto called softly.

The older man turned and meet Ianto's soft blue eyes. "I need to fix this Ianto. I know it's not fair, I know it's all my fault, but the future can't be changed for me."

"Jack."

"Yeah."

"Just do one thing for me."

"What?"

"Tell me why?"

Jack closed his eyes and walked forward, dropping into a crouch in front of the younger man, meeting his gaze intently, his hand brushing against his cheek, savouring the warmth he found there. "Because I made a mistake, because I lost you and I didn't realize how much you meant to me until it was too late."

"Jack….am I…?" tears welled in Ianto's eyes and he fought to speak. "Did I…? Am I…?" he couldn't breathe with the pounding of his heart, the fear that gripped his soul in an icy hold. "Dead?"

Jack looked into those fearful, pained eyes and smiled. "You could never die Ianto, you're much too stubborn. - I just didn't keep hold of you." he lied so easily that it broke his heart, but the look of relief in the younger man's eyes was reward enough for the deception.

Ianto heaved a sigh of relief and slouched, the fear and ice dissipating into nothingness, but there was still something in Jack gaze that unnerved him. Something told him there was something Jack wasn't saying. "Jack?"

The man was on his feet again, heading back to retrieve the device, bring it over to Ianto. He placed it on the floor and began pressing the lights. "It won't hurt; you won't even know it's happening." Jack lifted Ianto's free hand, Ianto tried to pull away but Jack wouldn't let him. "It's alright Ianto, I swear, you'll be fine."

"I don't want to do this Jack; I don't want to forget you."

Jack swallowed hard, ignoring the younger man's pleas.

"Jack, please. Just forget all this; let's just get out of here."

"Just breathe Ianto." Jack ordered with a tight throat and tears stinging his eyes. "In a few moments it'll all be over and you can go save Lisa."

"But… But I don't…Jack I…"

Jack looked at him. "Six months. In six months we will be together again."

"But I won't know you."

"It's for the best, because I won't know you either. We can start afresh."

"But Lisa? And it won't last. I'll leave you." Ianto's eyes were glistening with unshed tears.

"I know, but trust me when I say, the time we have together is worth every second."

"But we could have more, if we go now, we could…"

Jack shook his head. "It would never work Ianto. Trust me, this is our only option. We have to finish this now. We have to say goodbye."

Ianto shook his head, his eyes closed tightly. "I don't want to say goodbye. I hate them."

Jack laughed sadly. "Me too. - I've had too many, but saying it to you was the worst. - But it has to be done Ianto."

They sat silently staring at each other, more noise slipping in from outside. Gunfire, explosions, growing louder, closer. They were swiftly running out of time.

'Tell him Jack. Its what all this has been about, so tell him'

Jack shook his head, wishing she would leave him in peace. He gently squeezed the hand he was still holding before placing it on top of the cool metal. "Ianto, I need you to think about me, about our time together. Picture it all in your mind."

Ianto shook his head. "No. I don't want to do this. I won't." he said stubbornly. "You can't make me think about it."

Jack gave him an ill-timed, flirtatious smile, the one he'd used countless times on him in bars. "Oh Ianto, Ianto, Ianto, for future reference you should know, I love a challenge." with that Jack's mouth crushed down over his lovers, his hands clinging to the man's face as he fed everything into the kiss, drawing out the memories from Ianto's reluctant brain.

And it worked, as Ianto sank deeper and deeper into Jack's kiss the memories flooded through his mind as if they were being drawn to the service. It started with their most recent conversations, the one from only a few moments ago, back to a few hours. Then they were in the hotel together, talking, kissing, touching. It was all happening backwards, like a video stuck on rewind and no matter how much Ianto wanted to stop it be couldn't. They kept coming. Image after image. The cab, the bar. Jack walking away from him out of a darkened alleyway, Jack's lips pressed to the back of his neck, Jack kissing him, touching him, flirting with him. Back and Back to the moment Jack first caught Ianto's eye in the pub.

Jack pulled back, Ianto's eyes snapped open, looking up at him with a slight glow of innocents. The look Jack had seen there when they'd first met, the hundred times they'd first met. He knew what that look meant and seeing it broke him in two. His thumb stroked gently at the man's cheek, his lips hovered dangerously close to Ianto.

'Tell him now!'

"Ianto, no matter what you forget, no matter what I do or say in the future, remember one thing. - I love you."

Then he was gone. His body fell limply into Jack's arms, unconscious. When he woke up he would remember nothing of their time together, but Jack hoped he'd remember what he'd said, even if he didn't know who had said the words.

"Six months Ianto." he whispered into the man's ear. "I will see you in six months."

TORCHWOOD

Everything after that went exactly as it was meant to. He'd left Ianto and the two semi-conscious guards in a secure room, knowing Ianto would wake up panicked and disorientated and would go in search of Lisa, who he'd find half converted somewhere in the building and drag her to safety. After leaving Ianto, Jack had returned to the Tardis, knowing as he did that once the void was open it was the only safe place for him. When it was over he would return the Secnarf device to its storage unit but till then he clean the large blue box, ensuring that the Doctor would not know he'd been there. Twenty minutes later it was all over. Before he left he took a moment, settling back in the Doctor's chair and allowing the grief he'd been fighting off for months to consume him. The gentle hum of the Tardis like a mothers comforting voice in his head.

'You will be fine Jack. You have a great destiny ahead of you.'

"I don't want it. - I don't want any of this. It's too much to deal with alone."

'You are not alone Jack.'

Jack scoffed. "If you mean the Doctor, it's not the same. - I haven't seen him in years."

'I understand. - Maybe one day you will find someone to see you through the pain'

"Only to lose them too. I will continue to lose the people I love over and over again, until I finally die. If I ever do." he turned angry eyes on the blue glow. "Why did you do this to me? Why!" he yelled.

'There is a purpose for everything Jack. - I did not do this to you, Rose's love for you brought you back.'

Jack shook his head angrily. "I should have stayed a conman; you all should have let me die with that bomb."

'Would you really have wanted that Jack? - To have died.'

"It would have hurt a lot less."

'Then you would never have met all those people you have loved.'

"And most of them would still be alive. Ianto would still be alive."

'That is not true Jack, you know it is not. They would have simply died in a different way. Ianto would have died here at the hands of the Cybermen.'

Jack shook his head. He wanted to be angry, he wanted to blame himself and others for Ianto's death. - For Tosh, For Owen, For Suzi and the countless others before them. But he knew the Tardis had a point, they would have died with or without him.

Jack got to his feet with a world weary sigh, running a hand over the jacket that sat on the console. "Take care of him."

'I always take care of my doctor. - And his friends'

Jack smiled at the glowing tube. "You know something? You'd make a hell of a woman." he smiled. "Of course, you make a hell of a Tardis." he winked flirtatiously and laughed. "I guess I'll see you both around. I'm sure this isn't the last time we'll meet."

'We will meet many time Jack Harkness, for many more adventures.'

"Sounds like fun." he didn't sound convinced. Taking a finally look around; he made his way to the door.

'You will not always be alone Jack.'the Tardis whispered.

Jack smiled softly to himself. "Yes I will."

TORCHWOOD

Jack stood across the street in the shadows, watching Suzi and Owen walk into the remnants of Canary Wharf. In the shadows on the other side of the street a painfully familiar figure, watching the same scene unfold.

TORCHWOOD

Six Months Later

Cardiff.

He didn't know if this was going to work. Lisa had said it would and somewhere in the back of his head another inscribable voice said he was meant to be here. It had been six months since the battle of Canary Wharf and Ianto was no closer to finding a way to save Lisa. This was their last chance. He'd watched the members of Torchwood Three arrive at the Wharf, he'd watched them remove crate after crate and he'd known then that they were his only hope. It hadn't taken him long to discover who was in charge of the unit and almost the instant he'd seen the picture of Captain Jack Harkness the plan was made. He'd go home to Cardiff, get a job with them and use what they'd salvaged to save Lisa. All he had to do now was get noticed. Luckily a weevil was on hand to make the introductions.

He'd been following Jack Harkness for almost an hour, just waiting for the chance to approach him. When he'd seen the weevil he'd know it was the perfect opportunity, help the man capture the thing, prove that he was up to the job, get his foot in the door. It was all so easy. The moment Jack had fallen, allowing the weevil to get the upper hand Ianto had made his move, rushing into the fray with a lead pipe in hand, drawing the things attention away from the Captain and did he ever gain it's attention. The monster went for him with teeth bared; luckily his distraction had given Jack the opening he'd needed to regain control, allowing him to sedate the creature.

"Thanks." Ianto said leaning again the nearby tree, his gaze locked on the man in front of him.

"No thank you."

The moment Ianto's eyes met the American's, something flashed in the back of his mind, like a half remembered dream. He felt his heart tighten in his chest. He couldn't rip his gaze away from him.

"And you are?" Jack inquired, watching the man curiously.

"Jones, Ianto Jones." he took a step forward, the pounding of his heart having nothing to do with the fight he'd just had with the weevil. He continued to stare at Jack, a vague feeling that they'd already met somewhere before, though he knew that was impossible.

"Nice to meet you Jones, Ianto Jones." Jack took his hand, shaking it forcefully. "Captain Jack Harkness."

Ianto's heart jumped at the casual touch, the older man's palm felt warm and rough and hauntingly familiar. "Lucky escape." he said, tearing his attention away from the American.

"I had it under control." Jack insisted causally.

"Think so? Looked pretty vicious." Ianto glazed at Jack as the urge to touch him rushed to the surface. "You're um huh…." he reached out to him, under the guise of checking the wound on Jack's neck, but all he really wanted was to touch. - Much to Ianto regret Jack dodged out of the way. "You were…bleeding."

"Had worse from shaving."

Ianto turned away, unable to understand what he was feeling. Why Jack Harkness flinching from his touch hurt. It didn't make sense, it wasn't like they knew each other, it wasn't like they had history.

"Looks like a weevil to me." Ianto said, remembering why he was there. He needed to get into Torchwood, to save Lisa.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Jack shook his head dismissively.

Ianto looked up from the Weevil with a smirk and a knowing look.

"I'll take it from here." Jack said, lifting the creature off the ground. "Thanks for the assistance."

"Anytime." Ianto watched him walk away, another flash resounding in his mind. "By the way, love the coat." he smirked.

He would get in Torchwood, no matter what. He had to, for Lisa. But part of Ianto wanted inside Torchwood for another reason, one he couldn't explain, one that would have him shaking with fear and confusion as he walked away from Jack Harkness twenty four hours later. He wanted in so he could be close to Jack, because for some shameful and inexplicable reason he couldn't get the image of kissing him out of his head.

TORCHWOOD

Two Years and Two Months Later

Jack walked into the Hub feeling drained, tired and broken. It was dark and cold and still didn't feel like home. He took in the surroundings. It looked the same, he'd made sure of that but there was a warmth missing that he knew could never be replaced. He walked slowly back to his office and dropped into his high back chair. His head falling forward into his hands as he heaved a heart weary sigh. It was over. There was no more chances for him to see Ianto again. It was time for him to accept that fate had dealt her hand and taken yet another love from him. He would just have to carry on. He'd done it before, he could do it again. He'd love again, history had proven that, but no matter who or when, Ianto would always hold a special place in his heart. The man may never have known it, but he really had been loved by Captain Jack Harkness.

THE END

A/N: Well that's it. - Would like to Thank you all for reading and for the wonderful reviews, I've loved reading them. Sorry this was so depressing but yeah couldn't be helped. It was rather upsetting to write, I had to fight not to give it a happy ending but that just wouldn't have worked for the story, and for those wondering about Daniel. Sorry, red herring. He was meant to have a reason for being there, but as I wrote on, it became evident I wasn't going to do the miracle ending were everything gets fixed and Ianto survives. Sorry.

Love and huge hugs to you all, will see you again soon.

GATERGIRL

xxx