Second Go

At twenty five, Jennifer Humphrey steps back into the city for the first time in years. Manhattan is the same as ever, though the fashions have changed. Jenny has changed too. She likes to think she's grown up at least a little. She's graduated high school, gone to a small but respected college, earned a degree, kept a job writing about fashion for a local gossip rag. She knows more about the world, and the people in it. She likes to think that she is more mature now, than she was then.

Sometimes she wonders where she would be if she hadn't let Blair run her out of town all those years ago. Would she still be angry? Would she still be so mean? So destructive, to herself and everyone around her? She's glad things turned out the way they did. She's happier now than she'd ever been then. So is Blair; so is Dan.

She'd been shocked to hear of their relationship, to say the least, but when they had come to visit her – that had taken some convincing for Blair, Jenny suspected there was a lot of bribery – she'd understood. They were good together, strangely complementary. Two sides of the same weird coin; one admittedly more polished than it's reverse. And, as it turned out, when they weren't at each other's throats, Jenny and Blair actually got along quite well. You could almost say they were friends now.

In the relative dimness of the Holland Tunnel, Jenny feels a strange bittersweet nostalgia forming in her chest. She doesn't want her life back the way it was, she wants it back the way she had always hoped it would be. The silliness and impossibility of the idea makes her giggle a little and the cabbie shoots a strange glance at her in his mirror. He isn't the chatty type, which is more than okay by her; this isn't a pleasant small talk kind of ride.

Jenny's cab is halfway across the Brooklyn Bridge when her nostalgia grows a little easier and a little deeper. She hadn't realized how much she missed Brooklyn until now. She missed the apartment and her room and the field down the street where she and Dan and her parents used to play football.

It was stranger being back here than she had anticipated. Weirder still that she is here for a wedding. And an interview, though she hasn't told a soul that yet. Jenny pays the taxi man and jumps out. The driver gets out to help with her bags, but she's got her duffle slung over her shoulder and her suitcase on the sidewalk before he can do anything but close the trunk for her. She thanks him and just stands on the sidewalk a moment, looking at her old building before going inside.

In the morning, Jenny hops a train into Manhattan and just wanders. She's somewhere north of Times Square and South of Central Park when she sees a familiar face in the faceless crowd.

The first glimpse she has of Nate Archibald is a surprise and has her smiling like a fool. A simple quirk of her lips when she sees him that grows when she watches his own smile as he recognizes her. She tones it down, afraid she's giving too much away, and looks down hoping her cheeks haven't turned that telling flush pink shade, knowing they have.

Jenny self-consciously smoothes her navy daisy patterned dress as she and Nate move toward each other on the sidewalk and tries to remember the last time she felt so nervous in front of a man. Without hesitation he wraps her up in a hug and she belatedly remembers that she's only ever felt this way around him. She almost feels comfortable, because this is Nate and he almost always knows how to put her at ease, but she feels off kilter now, because she knows something he doesn't. She feels something she knows he couldn't.

He pulls away and barely has the invitation out before he is walking and gesturing for her to follow him to a cafe he knows that has a great latte. He makes a passing comment about her favourite latte and she is internally embarrassed by how pleased she is that he remembers.

She spends barely any time in the apartment, which Dan and Blair have stopped sleeping in (they often didn't now anyway) since Jenny arrived, to give her a space to herself. They are grown-ups now, all of them. Dan and Blair share the apartment that Blair once shared with Serena and Serena has her own place near work. Despite how much she loves being able to hang around in the flat again, she spends most of her time in Manhattan with her dad and Lily, Dan and Blair, and Eric.

Things are shaky with him at first. Both of them feeling too awkward to fall back into the friendship they'd had before. It takes about an hour of tip toeing around each other for Jenny to suggest a fix. Past is past, she wants him back in her life too much to let it get in the way; she's willing to forget if he's willing to forgive. He is. It's barely a day before they are sharing and giggling and poking fun like they used to, only without the vicious undercurrent of years gone by. Eric has grown up too.

It hits Little J again just how far away she is from the girl she used to be. She's much closer to the one she was before her foray on the dark side now.

She goes out to dinner on her third day in town with Dan and Blair, Serena, Nate, Chuck and Chuck's new girlfriend, whose name Jenny cannot remember for the life of her (Nate says it doesn't matter; his "girlfriends" never last long enough for it to matter). She's late already and she doesn't even have her dress on when there's a knock on the door. "Who is it?" the call is frantic and loud enough to reach the other side of the door from where Jenny is, at the back of the apartment pulling on black lace tights.

"It's Nate!" Jenny is at the door, swinging it open before she remembers that she is only partially dressed. Thankfully she pulled on the flimsy dress slip before the knock came. She is mostly covered.

"Hi." Jenny leaves the door open and rushes back into the bedroom, pushing the door closed enough to block Nate's view but not the sound. They keep talking as she pulls on her sheer red button-up dress and ties the bow before checking her makeup. "Uh, what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at the restaurant?"

"I've been assigned Jenny Duty." Nate laughs a little. Jenny feels juvenile; like Dan thinks she still needs a babysitter. She doesn't like Nate having any reason to think of her that way. "Dan had a feeling you would be late and thought it would be faster if I picked you up instead of you taking the subway."

"Oh." She would never admit it, but Jenny is glad Dan had thought to send Nate, it was just one more excuse she didn't have to come up with herself to see him. She mentally kicks herself for her sad desperation. It has been years since they've had, well whatever it had been, and it had ended before it had a chance to really become anything significant.

She reemerges from the back room, clutch and phone in hand. "Okay, well as soon as I find some shoes-" Nate holds up a pair of chunky black wedges with a boyish smirk.

"How about these?" He asks holding them out as he stepps toward her.

"Very fashion savvy, Mr. Archibald." Jenny grins back at him. He lays the shoes at her feet while she slipps her phone into her clutch and throws it onto the couch. Looking down, she uses one hand on Nate's immaculately clad shoulder to steady herself and the other to pull on the heels.

She doesn't see him watching her, misses the slight stiffening of his body as her hand rested on him, her floral scent surrounding him.

Despite her support, she loses her balance. Nate's hands jerk to her sides, keeping her upright. Her other hand had flown to his chest when she tried to catch herself and it rests there now as she looks up into his face. "Sorry." She pauses as her eyes catch his, notices the mildly glazed look and the slight tightening of his grip on her waist. She bites her lip and his eyes flick down and up again. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." They still haven't moved. Jenny is jerked out of the moment by a blaring horn outside the building, she isn't used to the sounds of the city anymore. She drops her hands and steps out of Nate's grip. His hands loosed her easily but she sees what seems almost like regret cross his features. She chalks it up to her imagination and clears her throat to break the silence.

"Umm, we should go." Picking up her purse up from the couch, she follows Nate out the door, grabbing a loose light jacket on the way out. The weather had said it would be a cool night, somehow Jenny doubts she will feel anything but warm for hours.

Dinner passes relatively quietly, though not without it's fun. Jenny finds she genuinely enjoys being around these people again. She is the most grateful that Serena is not hostile in the slightest, if not warm and fuzzy. She is polite and friendly and inclusive, which is more than Jenny had hoped for. She sometimes forgets that while she was doing her own growing up, the people she had left behind were growing too. They were all different, but they were the same too.

Against her will, Jenny finds herself glancing in Nate's direction more often than not, even when he isn't speaking, even when someone else is speaking to her. She only catches him gazing at her twice; he smiles and she blushes or looks down and pushes her hair behind her ear. Once he catches her looking and holds her gaze a moment before she makes a show of fixing her bracelet, with which there is absolutely nothing wrong.

Jenny successfully avoids answering questions about her plans for the future until after dessert. Blair finishes her last sip of wine and springs the question on her in a lull in conversation caused by full, satisfied bellies. For a moment Jenny is thrown by Blair's genuine curiosity. Then Serena and Dan echo the question in turn with "Oh, yes! Tell us." and "I've been curious myself."

"Oh, wow. So much interest in boring old me." A poor deflection. Jenny takes her last mouthful of wine in one go, gulping it down.

"You have been avoiding the topic rather skillfully." Crap. Chuck is interested now, she'll never get out without saying.

"I have an interview in the morning actually." she pauses there, letting the information sink in.

"In the city?" Serena sounds surprised and her unsure glance at Blair says she isn't positive her best friend will like that idea.

"Yes. With a new fashion label, as an assistant to the head designer." Another pause.

"That's amazing, J." It's Blair who speaks, sounding even, sincere and appropriately sister-in-law excited for her. Jenny lets out an audible breath, relief flooding through her. She doesn't want a forced relationship with Blair. That would only serve to make Dan uncomfortable. She knows Blair has been really trying, she wants Dan happy too. The more time they spend together, the more Jenny thinks they don't really have to try anymore. Apparently all it took for a Jenny/Blair friendship was a little maturity, forgiveness and some love for a lonely boy, who isn't quite so lonely anymore.

"Thank you, Blair." Smiles exchanged.

"I hope it goes well." Serena is shakily sincere. They both feel weird about the possibility of seeing each other on a more regular basis, even though they are technically sisters. Jenny doesn't think the weirdness will ever go away completely. It still surprises her that it had been infinitely easier to make up with Blair than it had been to get to mostly comfortably polite with Serena. Maybe it's because too much of their history had been good before it had all gone so bad.

"You'll get it. They'd be crazy not to hire you." Nate. He looks her right in the eye as he says it; solid and sure, the way he is. After everything, he still believes in her. She still doesn't quite know what to make of Nate Archibald.