A/n: It's been quite a while since I wrote Gravitation fanfiction (I have fics that were posted back in 2006, I feel so old!), but I've always been fascinated by the relationship between Touma and Yuki and wanted to explore it in an introspective, first person fic. As always, reviews are appreciated and thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy.

Summary: When Yuki and Shuichi have a falling out that ends in heartbreak, Yuki relies on Touma to help him cope with the aftermath. Rated for language and heavy themes.

Learning to Love You from a Distance

You called me here in the dead of night. He'd left, unraveled by your cruel and careless words yet again, and in the deep silence left by his absence, fear emerged and snaked around your neck like a noose. His presence is loud and demands attention. It fills the cracks in you, the vulnerable parts where your worst memories tend to sneak through. I've often suspected that may be why you allow him to stay with you when it's so apparent that he irritates you. But then again, there are times when I see the two of you together and there's a warmth or contentment present in you that I haven't encountered in years. It's bittersweet: I'm elated to know you're happy, to know that the sweet, innocent Eiri I once knew is still alive and at the same time it stings like hell to know that it's him who brings that boy to the surface and not me.

Learning to accept your relationship has been of the most painful things I've ever had to do. He drilled his way relentlessly through the fragile walls you'd spent years constructing, scarcely flinching through hundreds of your insults and attempts at motivating him to leave. He forced everything inside of you out, made you feel things you'd been terrified of ever feeling again, and nearly killed you in the process. You know how overprotective I am of you. To see you in any sort of pain makes me want to protect you, to gather you in my arms and whisper it away where you won't have to deal with it. Perhaps that's why it's him who managed to sneak inside your heart.

I am lifted from my thoughts as you readjust ever so slightly in your sleep, your head cradled carefully in my lap. I dare to raise my hand gingerly, as to avoid waking you, and trace a path from the top of your forehead to the end of the exposed patch of your chest where your skin meets your carelessly unbuttoned shirt. I can't help but think of how your soft, beautiful features belie your harsh nature. A twinge of lust begins to brew within me, and I quickly silence it with guilt. It's always there, the desire to press myself against you, to grab a fistful of that dirty blonde hair and pull you near me, to kiss you with everything that's pent up inside of me, to make love to you. But when I allow myself to toy with the thought of it, I see you at sixteen, broken and dehumanized at the hands of Kitazawa and yearning for someone to make you feel safe and valuable again.

I love you very much, Eiri. I love you more than anyone else in my life. It hasn't been easy learning to express it from a distance, with regular concerned phone calls and occasional visits in your times of crisis not unlike the present, but I want you to at least take anything you can from me. I'll never have all of you and you'll never know all of me, and it fucking breaks my heart, but I drown out the sadness by studying the peacefulness upon your sleeping face and knowing I can at least bring you this much comfort.