A/N: Random one-shot I pulled out. Just so you know, the seme-uke quiz is REAL and I DID take it twice for the boys. And myself- I'm an Innocent Uke! ^.^
Disclaimer: If I owned Hetalia, USUK would be canon and I wouldn't be reduced to writing fanfiction for Hetalia. I also do not own the genius who invented the Seme-Uke quiz.
All In Good Fun
"A... seam-eh and an ook-eh? Sim-eh and an okay?"
"No, a seme and an uke. It's not that hard. Seme. Uke."
"... isn't an 'uke' another word for an acoustic instrument similar to a guitar? I really don't understand why this is so crucial, Al-"
"Are you kidding? It's incredibly crucial! Every couple has got to do this, Iggy!"
"Your shoes are on. Take them off or put your feet back on the ground and off my couch."
...
"I cannot rest until we do this! We have got to do this, to further cement into my mind that we are truly compatible!"
"Alfred... do we really have to take some silly quiz to tell us whether or not we can be together? I don't know if I like that idea..."
...
"Oh Iggy, I didn't mean that this was going to affect our relationship! Are you kidding? After years of being in love with you and never saying anything? No way!"
" Oof! … then why do you want to do it so bad?"
"Everyone does it! At least, every homosexual couple I know... they take the seme-uke quiz and it tells them whether or not they can actually be together based on the descriptions they give. It's just for fun... but it's like, the next step in a relationship..."
"... a teenager-made quiz made by japanese 'gay porn' fangirls-"
"Yaoi."
"...'Yaoi' fangirls who think that they know the first thing about a homosexual relationship is the 'next step' in ourrelationship?"
"Please Iggy...? It'd mean a lot to me. It's just a personality quiz."
"... Fine."
"YES! Okay, I'm gonna open two different browsers, so we can take it at the same time and find out our results together!"
"Is it popular then?"
"Really popular. Every anime and manga fan has taken it once or twice. Some people take it more then that!"
"And you've never taken it?"
"Nope... I... always wanted to take it with you. You know, to see if maybe we could be a couple... and now we are, so I figured what the heck!"
"I see... alright then. Let's begin, I suppose."
1. Do you enjoy licking things?
"What the hell is wrong with this? T-That's a ridiculous question!"
"Haha, Iggy, that's an answer! Perfect!"
-What the hell is wrong with you?
"Hmm. I guess I'll choose the first one- I really will lick anything! Like Oreos and ice cream!"
-Whatever's in front of me... *licks lips*
"Alfred, I don't think that's what the creators meant..."
2. Have you ever bought hair dye for yourself?
"Nope! I've got awesome hair!"
-It's not really my thing.
"Same for you, I guess, right?"
...
"What?"
"... I have... bought hair dye for myself... back in my punk days."
"What, like, black? Or brown?"
"Red, blue, pink, purple, green, and once a metallic silver."
...
"W-What? I wasn't always a gentleman, you know! I... went through phases too!"
...
"I want to see pictures. As soon as possible. But... then what do I put down?"
"I dunno."
"I say you glare at the creators for not putting 'I used to' as an option."
-*death glare*
3) Have you ever tied someone up?
"This is getting too personal!"
"Relax, Iggy, no one's gonna see it was you who put down 'I beg to be tied up all the time'-"
"That's not even an option, git!"
-*hides rope-burned wrists*
"Just because I asked you to tie me up ONCE does not mean I ask for it all the time!"
...
"Okay, twice. But that doesn't make me a whore or your bitch!"
"I know that, and that's what's important. Babe, it's okay... I get it. I asked you to once too, remember?"
-If my partner asks me to.
4) Have you ever been tied up?
"Man, this one doesn't have very good options either... this last one makes me sound so self-centered."
-I might let someone tie me up, as long as it got me what I wanted.
"Click the second one. I'm liking this quiz less and less."
-Wanna die?
5) What kind of shoes do you wear?
...
-Dress shoes.
-Canvas sneakers.
6) Would you feel guilty for taking advantage of someone?
"Well, duh! I'm the hero! I don't take advantage of anyone!"
- Of course. I'd do my best to make it up to them.
"Yes, well... it depends, I suppose. On the person. Click the third one."
"You're referring to Francis' party aren't you? That was so mean, what you did! Funny, but mean!"
-I'm not going to hurt them. It's for their own good anyway.
7) Your weapon of choice?
"Magic. And if that's not an option, I'll shoot them."
"Um, they've got rainbow power... and a gun..."
"Both, then."
"I can't do both... please, Iggy, do yourself a favor and pick the gun..."
- Rainbow Power! *pose*
"I can't believe you chose the rainbow over a gun..."
"Then you pick gun, git."
"No way!"
- That badass sword from the video game I played last week! So cool! *swings imaginary sword and does fighting pose*
8) Do you have any piercings?
...
-No, but... *gets hot thinking about my partner's piercings*
"I don't even use my piercings anymore! How can that make you hot?"
"It just does, thinking about you all, y'know, pierced up?... Mmmhmm."
…
-*death glare*
9) Alcohol?
-Yes, I'm drunk right now, thank you.
"Alfred! Why did you put that? I am not drunk right now!"
"Yeah, but it seemed to fit with the 'I don't have a problem with it' thing."
"Well, what are you going to put for yourself?"
-My partner's so cute when he/she's drunk. *grins*
"I am not cute."
"Yes you are! Especially when you're drunk! Then you get all clingy and adorable and then you BEG me to fu-"
"Moving on, ALFRED."
10) What kind of vehicle do you drive?
"Oh yeah, my kind of question! Wait, I have a motorcycle AND a car... which do I pick?"
"Well, you did name your car..."
"I named my motorcycle too."
"Since when?"
"Forever ago! I even made it a Facebook account. His name is... Harley."
"... that's... ridiculous."
-Classic sports car
"I love you Harley, but I love Cammy more."
"You named your Camaro Cammy."
"Yup."
…
- I take the bus.
11) How do you eat your ice cream?
…
-Sharing a cone with my partner.
-Sharing a cone with my partner.
12) What gift would you give your partner?
"That's easy! I mean, I could totally do something more original, but out of these options? DUH!"
-A candlelit dinner.
"Really?"
"Well, yeah... I mean, you always like it when I surprise you with flowers and romantic stuff and I like seeing you happy and hell-oooo what's more romantic then a dinner in the candlelight?"
- Myself.
"... before or after the candlelit dinner?"
"After, of course. I couldn't be all sweaty and hot while we ate, love. Gives us something to look forward to as well."
13) What's your ideal pet?
"I like cats... but if I chose that one, I'll seem girly..."
"Just click it."
-A kitten, or anything else cute.
"Gosh, I don't know... anything, I guess. Except naked mole rats, those things freak me out."
-Um, a turtle, or maybe a dog, or ferrets are cool too...
14) How do you order at a restaurant?
"Cheeseburger. Definitely and always a cheeseburger."
"How did I know you were going to say that?"
- Tell them what I want.
"It... depends on the place... if I've been there before I know what I want, but..."
"The first one seems more gentlemanly."
- Introduce myself to the server and ask what they would recommend.
15) The server brings you the wrong food. What do you do?
"How come these are all so improper? I would just tell the poor fellow that he messed it up- it was probably an accident!"
"You'd be a little ticked off, wouldn't you?"
"... maybe a little."
- Smile and politely explain while planning the servers bloody demise.
"Well, if they messed up my cheeseburger... I wouldn't be happy. Especially on a date with you!"
"I'd understand it wasn't your fault, Alfred."
"Yeah, but still!"
-Grin and talk my way into two free meals.
"Hang on tick... didn't you answer in a different question that you didn't take advantage of people?"
"That isn't taking advantage of anyone. That's... uh, getting what I deserve for such bad service."
…
16) You catch someone checking out your partner. You:
"Oh no! No one touches my Iggy!"
"They weren't touching me, Alfred. They were checking me out."
"So? They wanted to touch you, and no way is anyone taking you away from me!"
- Kick their ass.
"... yudunhaftaworybotha..."
"Hmm?"
"... I said, you don't have to worry about anyone taking me away from you."
"Why not? Of course I worry about that..."
"You shouldn't."
"... how come?"
"... because."
"Because why? Everybody worries about that now and then."
"Honestly Alfred, I worry about you leaving me more then it's probably healthy."
"Why the heck would you worry about that?"
…
"Iggy?"
"It's just..."
"Hey, babe. What is it?"
"Oh come off it Alfred! Look at you! You're... you're bloody gorgeous! You've got a perfect body, a charming personality, an incredibly handsome face, and you could have pretty much whoever you wanted. But you've got me, and honestly, that scares me a little. I'm not particularly attractive, Al, and as much as you tell me otherwise, it's still hard for me to believe that when all I've ever heard is the opposite. You don't have to look at all the people who check you out, but I do, and then they look at me and their expression is just... pity. And I hate that so much... and-"
…
"Mmmph... Al..."
…
"... w-what was that for?"
"Arthur, there is no one else for me but you, okay? I love you, can't you believe that?"
"I find it hard to... but yes. I do. I just don't get why."
"I could make you a list. It'd be really long, though."
- Smile, introduce yourself, and then slip out back to set their car on fire.
17) Your dream occupation:
"Huh. I can't believe they have it."
-Private detective.
"Well, well, well, Sherlock... hold on, they don't have superhero as an option... darn."
"Pick something else."
- Something thrilling and maybe not quite legal.
"Don't do anything too bad, poppet. Or I'll have to arrest you."
"Pfft, you're a detective, not a police officer... but I wouldn't mind being arrested by you.
…
"Back to the quiz."
"Right."
18) What's your favorite accessory?
"That's such a gay question."
"Alfred. You're gay."
"GASP! You figured it out!"
-This cool hat I bought last week! *runs to go get it and show it off*
"... that was a gay answer."
"Hey! But I did buy a cool hat last week! Besides, what are you going to put, hmm?"
"... um..."
"Ha! See, you don't even have a cool hat to show off!"
"I know what I'm going to put down, git!"
…
"Well...?"
"Don't look."
"... why?"
"Because!"
"Stop twisting your finger like that, Iggy, I was just asking... hey, what is that?"
"NOTHING."
"Lemme see."
"No!"
"C'mon, just let me- hey! Ow!"
"Get off!"
…
"Dude, is this...?"
"NO!"
"Yes it is!"
"It is most certainly not!"
"Aw, Iggy~! I can't believe you wear this!"
"... I know... it's stupid..."
"No, it's... really nice. I'm glad you wear it. But now I feel kinda bad."
"W-Why should you feel bad? I'm wearing a metal ring with a plastic jewel on it and you feel bad?"
"Arthur, I won that ring for you in the second grade with a quarter in a grocery store."
"So?"
"SO, I should have replaced it with a real ring AGES ago!"
"Alfred F. Jones, that's ridiculous."
"No, I feel bad."
"I like this ring."
"I'll get you a new one."
"I'm still going to wear this one."
"It's going to be really cool and awesome and you."
"I don't care, I'll still wear this one."
"Why?"
"Because... oh, call me sentimental, but Alfred, I won't ever forget what you said to me when you gave it to me."
"... What did I say, exactly?"
"You handed me the container, looked me straight in the eye, and you hollered in my face; 'This matches your eyes!' and then you ran away. I was very confused."
"Ah, second grade romance."
"Indeed..."
"... hey, guess what?"
"What?"
"I love you."
"I love you too."
-Jewelry that my partner gave me.
19) What costume would you wear at a masquerade?
"Hmm. That's not so hard."
- A Renaissance costume, or something classy, that perhaps matches my partners costume.
"Don't judge me, but I'm going with something else."
"I figured you would."
- Something freaky that would scare the crap out of people.
"Just don't look into a mirror when you're in costume. You'll scare yourself."
"I'm the hero, I'm not scared of anything!"
"... oh please... remember our second date?"
"... I try not to. I don't think they'll allow me back into that movie theater..."
20) What kind of music do you listen to?
"Everything! How am I supposed to pick?"
"What CD do you have in your car right now?"
"Queen."
"Then go with that."
-Rock.
"So what CD do you have in your car?"
"Michael Buble."
"Ooh, jazz! HEY that's not an option!"
"The last one."
"Really? Not very gentlemanly of you."
"Oh, but I think it is."
"That's really hot, man."
"Hmm. Thank you."
-Something sexy that I can dance to.
21) Do you usually find yourself on the top or bottom?
"Haha, that's funny!"
"It is NOT funny."
"You're just mad 'cause I usually top."
"I am not! Besides, I top too!"
"Not as much as me... but you're right, we DO switch it up a lot. Hmm."
- *blinks with wide eyes and turns red*
"I am not red!"
"Yes you are!"
- *laughing my ass off*
"Is it over now?"
"I have to submit them. Ready to find out?"
"Just get it over with."
"... now I'm nervous."
"Click the button, Alfred."
…
"But it says submit to your fate! I don't know if I'm ready for my fate!"
"Alfred."
"Okay, okay. Here. We. Go."
…
"WHAAAAT? THIS IS BULLSHIT!"
"I like it."
"This isn't me at all!"
"Hmm."
"NO FAIR!"
"Poppet, it's a personality quiz..."
"Nooo... it's so much more!"
"... Alfred. Really."
"I don't wanna be the... the... UGH. You got the... and I got the... no fair!"
"Move your head and let me read what it says... alright, Alfred, 'you are a Chibi Seme. You are the seme in disguise. Able to fit in and get along with uke and seme alike, you are able to get close to the uke on their level before asserting your dominance. This makes you at times manipulative and able to fool others about your true seme nature. Because of your harmless appearance, it takes the flamboyant Flaming Uke to to match your wits and really bring out your aggressive side to expose you for the seme that you are."
…
"Love, this is actually quite... accurate."
"But IGGY! You didn't get the Flaming Uke! You didn't even get an uke at all! How can-?"
"Hush up and let me read my own. 'You are a Romantic Seme. A true romantic, you're safest sticking with a partner who is gentle and can appreciate your mature, loving ways and protective nature. Most often found with a... a handful of roses and red wine? I... I... ugh, you are committed to your partner and their happiness, which makes you a perfect match for the Innocent Uke, who you will dedicate yourself to and and lavish with gifts and attention..."
"... ha."
"DON'T LAUGH! This result is completely and utterly for that IDIOT Francis! How dare they compare me to him! How dare they?"
"Um, let's check out how we work with each other, okay?"
…
"Iggy?"
"Just. Do. It."
"Okay... here. Ahem- 'a Chibi Seme and a Romantic Seme could be fast and loyal friends if they shared the same interests. A Romantic Seme friend would would probably be able to keep the Chibi Seme out of some (but certainly not all) the trouble the Chibi Seme seeks out for themselves in search of adventure."
…
"I suppose it's not so bad."
"Hmph."
"Are you angry because you didn't like the result, or because it sounds strangely like Francis?"
"The second option."
"It's just a quiz, Iggy."
"That's my line, you twit!"
…
"Stop."
…
"Alfred! Stop."
"Nope."
"Hey! Get off me! You bugger, you -oof!- stop trying to-!"
…
"Better?"
"... Mmph."
"You know, I think the quiz was at least on to something when they said you keep me out of trouble."
"Oh really."
"Where would I be without you?"
"Somewhere far away, I'm sure."
"Exactly! Probably... I dunno, saving someone from a burning building! Or, flying a helicopter for the coast guard!"
"Please."
"But you know what...?"
"What?"
"I don't think I'd be very happy."
"You'd be a hero, though."
"Maybe, but I wouldn't have you! So... I wouldn't be happy at all."
…
"You're so corny, Alfred."
"I know. But did I make you feel better?"
"Oh, come here and kiss me again."
…
"Mmm... hey babe-"
"Less talking, more kissing..."
…
"... movtadadbd'oom..."
"... hmm?"
"Let's move to the bedroom."
"Asserting our Chibi Seme side, are we?"
"Are you making fun?"
"Not at all, my adventure-seeking bad-boy in disguise."
"You know I am..."
"Yes, I know y- ah! Al!"
"Yes?"
"Do... do that again..."
"Oho, not so seme now, are you, Iggy?"
"Shuddup and carry me to the bedroom..."
"... and then?"
"And then I'm going to be an uke and you're going to make me feel like the single best thing on the planet Earth like you always do when we have sex."
"Aren't you supposed to be the Romantic one? Shouldn't we call it..."
"N-Ngh... Alfred..."
"Making love~?"
"Then hurry up and make some freaking love happen!"
...
"I love you, you romantic fool, you."
"And I love you."
And then they had magical, mind-blowing sex in the bedroom. :DDDD
THE END!
Reviews are love! And if you liked this... I haf more in my profile... hehehehehehehe... *shot*