For Good

…

Summary: Rose & Lexi one-shot. Inspired by the Wicked song 'For Good'

…

I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led to those who help us most to grow, if we let them
And we help them in return

…

She sobs into her hands, the blood still trickling through her fingers.

Each time she slips, she falls into a pit of darkness, the weight of her despair enough to bury her.

You would've thought centuries of practice would've helped her tone down this urge to kill, but if anything, spending time locating other ways to make sure she gets her basic blood supply without resorting to murder has heightened the urge to kill, because it has remained quiet inside her for so long that when somebody bleeds in front of her, it comes roaring back to life, and she finds it that much harder to control.

This time it was a woman; blonde; vicarious in nature, with a smile frozen to her lips because she never saw her female companion coming.

Rose feels like she's suffocated by her own nature; all her friends, the one she makes before having to move on again (brought on by Trevor's foolish act of trusting Katerina), are human, because when she does move on, she doesn't have to think they'll spend centuries waiting for her, centuries hurting over her betrayal. They'll die thinking the worst of her, and that's okay, because what are humans really, but specks of life which die as quickly as they blossom.

Her pale fingers are drenched in blood, and she hates herself even more when she catches each loose drop in her mouth.

It's snowing, and each spare drop she lets fall carpets the snow with red. It soon spreads, like a ripple on the water, and she lets out a feeble moan of despair, rocking back and forth, her back slammed up against the wall of the alley she's crawled into to hide herself from the wall.

When you set out for great heights, she realises, there comes a point where you're destined to fall, and the height of the fall depends on the effort you put in to push yourself to the aforementioned heights in the first place. What she'd desired was to reach a point where she could be proud to say she'd never willingly murdered a human being for the sake of acquiring a substance needed to keep her alive.

Now... that's all been shot to hell.

"Are you okay?" comes a voice – the accent of which is hard to place – and she looks up, blinking at the sight of such bright blonde hair surrounding a peachy face tinged with rouge.

"Step back," she warns, her tone sharp. "I'm quite unwell. I wouldn't want you to harm yourself..."

"Oh, for God's sake," comes an irritable voice, and a strong hand pulls her to her feet before she can even do so much as protest.

She looks at her saviour – a woman in her late twenties, who possesses a strong, charismatic nature judging by the confidence bursting from her eyes – and instinctively understands this woman is the same as her – a vampire. A monster.

But if she is a monster, why is there such kindness radiating from her eyes.

"Is that your blood?" her saviour asks matter-of-factly.

"Well... no," Rose admits, lowering her head. "I killed someone."

"You relapsed," the other woman guesses astutely. "It happens." She looks around quickly. "You chose a good place to collapse. No one will disturb us."

"Are you going to kill me?" Rose asks bluntly, unsure why she even thinks that.

Maybe this woman works for Klaus. Maybe she's an associate of Elijah. Her worst fears and paranoid thoughts burst into reality, taking over the rational part of her mind. She shakes with fear, hating the fact if this is the end, she's in a weak position; she'd rather go out in a blaze of glory, then succumb like a fragile little thing.

"Hardly," her companion snorts, looking amused by that option. "I'm here to help."

"Why?"

"Because I believe actions speak louder than words, and because you're going to get caught if you stay out here drowning in self-pity." She suddenly smiles. "I'm Lexi, by the way."

"Rosemarie," Rose introduces, somewhat skittishly.

"I'll call you Rose," Lexi announces, her tone suggesting there's no arguing with her on that point. "It suits you."

To Rose's surprise, Lexi looks at her long hair, takes a strand of it between her fingers, grimaces at the blood which stain certain clumps, and then stares at her, her gaze intense (way too intense for a stranger to be).

"You need a haircut," she announces. "Luckily, I know a guy, so let's go."

And that, funnily enough, is what solidifies the start of their weird and wonderful friendship.

…

It well may be that we will never meet again
In this lifetime, so let me say before we part
So much of me is made from what I learned from you

…

Each time they meet up again – be it in England, America, Paris, even Rome – they value their time together, never knowing when the next time they're going to meet will be.

What Rose likes about their friendship is that it's spontaneous; there's no rhyme or reason to it. Each time they meet, they catch up, get a drink, and reminisce about simpler days.

Since they first met, she hasn't slipped off the wagon again, but only because Lexi made it so easy to get back on again. Lexi's strong words of encouragement, with the odd threat thrown in, are like her bible now that she falls back on in times of despair, when giving up sometimes seems like the only option.

One particular speech of Lexi's has sunk its way into her heart though.

"Giving up – relapsing – is like getting on a boat when you know it's sinking and you have the lifeboat right there next to you. It's like telling yourself you'd rather drown than survive, and that just isn't right. There's always a way of fighting back, even if it isn't always clearly labelled for you to follow."

She adheres to that strictly.

It's why she immediately objects to Elena's plan to hand herself over to Klaus, why she chooses to inform Damon of her actions rather than let Elena continue with this absurdity of a plan.

She has Lexi in mind every single time she falls, and it's that wonderful, if not slightly wild, woman who inspires her to reach for hope even when hope is out of reach.

…

You'll be with me like a hand-print on my heart

...

As she goes through life, running and hiding like the coward she feels like, she'll see a vivid flash of blonde in a crowd. It's never Lexi, she's never that lucky, but that flash of blonde will somehow give her courage to see another day through to the end.

Trevor also aids her in that department. He takes her hand, squeezes it once, and tells her one day they'll find a home somewhere, that all this running, all this hiding, will lead to something good, something better than the places they left behind.

She knows he's lying, but she lets herself believe all the same.

What's a life without hope of some kind?

Even on the days when she sees families walk past her, laughing at some joke she'll never be privy to, or when she sees two lovers kissing under a blanket of stars, she still believes one day she'll find that. In this life or the next.

One day she'll die, despite her immortal frame. She's already resigned herself to that fact, not because she's given up but because it's easier than torturing herself by letting the fear of dying take over her entire approach to life.

Thing is, the way she envisions dying is through a swift stake to the heart, with two pitiless eyes staring at her as she collapses to the ground, too weak to feel anything.

She never imagines she'll be lucky enough to die curled up in the arms of a man who cares about her enough to let her last images be of the world she left behind.

…

And now whatever way our stories end,
I know you have re-written mine
By being my friend

…

It's in Chicago where they exchange numbers with a couple of cute men who have been eyeing them up with unmistakeable lust in their eyes.

They dance with the young fools, their bodies pressed against theirs, feeling a sudden thrill as the night takes a sudden hold of them. It strikes them they can be whoever they want to be because they're free spirits.

Well, technically, Lexi is, Rose thinks to herself. She knows she's like a dog on a lead, allowed a certain leeway, allowed a certain amount of space to run free, before she reaches a point where she has to return back to the point she started from.

But Lexi knows little of her past, and she knows little of hers.

It's what makes their friendship so easy, so wonderful to maintain. She knows little of her wild friend except she possesses this wonderful gift at being able to pick people off from the edge and deliver them safely to land. Sure, she picks up the odd fact from between the lips of her friend – like the fact Lexi loves a man with dark soulful eyes, or how as a child her favourite place to go when she wanted to be alone was this tiny creek, a mile or so away from her house – but other than that, they keep their friendship almost to a business level.

They meet, they exchange pleasantries, they exchange the odd spontaneous gesture (usually a hug, or a friendly peck on the cheek) and then they depart.

She supposes when it comes down to it, the best thing about being friends with Lexi Branson is that they both are as wild and untameable as the ocean, never able to settle in one place before the wind carries them off again to whatever ends the fates have planned for them (if there's even a plan at all).

…

I guess we know there's blame to share
And none of it seems to matter anymore

…

There are some occasions where there's tension between her and Lexi, when they almost cross a line because curiosity and respect for their personal boundaries come to blows.

It starts with a simple question from Lexi to her.

"Where do you see yourself settling down? I always imagined myself settling in some city somewhere, prowling in the darkness like a cat, but then mingling in with all the thousands of people trawling the streets and just looking absolutely fabulous while doing so."

"I don't know," is her honest answer. "I don't see myself settling down anywhere."

"You like travelling then?"

"Not particularly. I miss my home, my family, but I can never return."

"Why not?"

"You're being awfully nosey aren't you?" Rose suddenly snaps, clamming up as she always does in these situations. "I can't disclose my reasons for running anymore than you can disclose yours, so just drop it please."

Lexi looks almost sullen, but within seconds the expression vanishes.

"You know, if you keep pushing people away, you'll end up with no one. I assume there's an interesting story with Trevor you aren't going to share, so I won't push, but sometimes in life, Rose, you've just got to take a leap of faith, take the odd risk now and then."

"Is that what you think? That I won't settle down because I'm scared?" a sneer rocks her voice, masking her fear at how close to the mark Lexi actually is. "You don't know anything about me."

"No." Lexi's tone is wistful, full of regret. "And I fear I never will." She gives her a sidelong glance. "I hope you know when you leave I will miss you."

The scowl disappears from Rose's face at once.

"I know."

Their hands entwine, Lexi squeezing hers gently, reminding her they will always be friends, no matter what. There's just something so easygoing about what they have that makes it so easy to go back to again and again.

"For the record," Lexi adds. "The only reason I'm running is because I haven't found a reason to settle anywhere. But I have hope, and so should you."

Rose doesn't answer, but she knows her face gives away everything she isn't saying.

The likelihood at finding a place to settle, without fearing someone might come and rip away her happy ending, seems about as likely as her finding another Lexi in the world.

In other words, it's impossible.

…

I do believe I have been changed for the better

…

"For the last time, Lexi, I will not be set up on a blind date," she says firmly, tugging at the strands of her cropped hair.

Each visit Lexi makes into her life ends with her hair getting shorter and shorter, to the point where it's too short to do anything with. Lexi calls it a pixie cut; she's yet to decide what adjective – positive or negative – to call it.

"It's not blind when I've told you everything about the guy, including what he looks like," Lexi points out, grinning. "He's gorgeous. Has these incredibly soulful eyes and a smile that, although rare to see, might just make your heart explode with its cuteness."

"I thought we'd established I was into bad boys," Rose counters, smiling despite herself. "Besides, I can't fall in love. Too much extra baggage to carry with me."

"Fair enough," Lexi sighs. "I tried. My dear Stefan will just have to keep searching for the next love of his life. For the record though, you're passing up a real treat. They don't make them like Stefan Salvatore anymore."

"He doesn't have a bad boy brother by any chance does he?" Rose jokes, surprised when Lexi scowls, her eyes alight with irritation.

"Unfortunately, yes, he does. Damon however is one of those people you either want to hit in the face with a bat, or one of those people you want to hit in the face with a bat."

Rose laughs. "That bad huh?"

Lexi pulls a face.

"I'm sure he was good...once. Stefan seems to think he's not beyond saving. I guess time will tell. Maybe you might cross paths one day. Can't see Damon crossing you that's for sure."

An affectionate smile twists her lips.

"Ah, Lexi, you are, as ever, an excellent judge of character. I will miss you."

"And I will once again beg you to reconsider coming with me and Lee to our little house on the hills."

"Thought you wanted to be a city girl?"

Lexi shrugs.

"I don't know. There's something about the quiet life I kind of like. Besides, just because I said I wanted one thing, doesn't mean I can't settle for something else. Life doesn't always take you where you want to go, but in the end, I think we'll all end up where we need to be."

Rose contemplates this quietly. As ever, Lexi spouts words of wisdom, but, once again, they fail to apply to her own situation.

She shrugs, deciding if death is where she'll end up, she's more than overdue to end up there. But for now, she'll keep fighting for life, because she knows Lexi will kick her ass if she even suspects she's giving up.

They embrace fiercely, Lexi tugging on Rose's hair with affection on her face.

"This look suits you better. It's symbolic, given that this is the first year of the new millennium."

As they speak, a set of fireworks burst into the sky, as if to reinforce this fact. The lights reflect back at her from Lexi's eyes, and then a reluctant grin unfolds on her face.

"I take it the answer to my question is a no," her friend guesses, referring back to her offer.

"Maybe one day I'll tell you why I've been running for most of my life, but for now, let's just say the moment I stop running, you'll be the first person I'll find," she promises.

"You better." Lexi shoves her playfully. "Just...don't get yourself killed, okay? Given the fact other than me there's only one person you trust, I'd hate for you to end up in a situation where you were alone."

Rose manages a small smile of appreciation, and then they embrace again.

It's the last time they see each other.

…

Because I knew you,
Because I knew you,
I have been changed for good

...