Title: Reflections on Love

Genre: Friendship

Rating: G

Warnings: Pretty strong language; Sex... the usual for Cherimon fics.

Author's Note: I am not an english native speaker so the grammar can be a bit strange and I absolutely cannot differentiate between words that only americans use and words that only british people use.

Chapter 1: The only thing that matters is that it makes sense to you

Alex

It was really late at night the first time Alex realised that his relationship with Charlie was more than just a normal relationship between best mates. He was a tiny bit tipsy, not really drunk because he rarely indulged in drinking and he really didn't want to have a hangover for recording the next day. He was just sipping a beer and having a normal conversation with Michael after a long day working on the new Chameleon Circuit album when Michael asked the question that would change Alex's life more than he could ever imagine.

"Who is the most important person in your life? Like, the one person you couldn't live without."

Alex was a bit baffled by the question. They had been talking about music just a minute before and he didn't really know how they had stumbled into serious conversation all of a sudden.

"I... I don't know." He said, mentally going through everyone he knew because clearly Michael expected a better answer. "Probably... Charlie, I guess."

As Alex saw Michael's eyebrows go up rapidly, he evaluated what he had just said and his eyes widened in shock. Michael snorted.

"You just realised how weird that sounded, didn't you?" He said, still chuckling a bit.

The humour of the whole situation caught up with Alex and he laughed as well.

"Yeah, yeah, I did." he ran a hand through his hair, a bit uncomfortable with the fact that apparently his best friend was also the single most important person in his life. "I just never thought about it, really."

Michael nodded and after a while continued:

"Yeah, I understand. Still, I didn't know you loved him that much, thought you were just friends, you know?"

"We are just friends." Alex said, all mirth gone. It was okay for people who didn't know them to make assumptions about their relationship but Michael was a close friend to both of them and Charlie would hate it if he knew their friends also saw them that way.

"Okay..." Michael frowned. "But you are in love with him, right?"

"No!" Alex protested. "I really, really love him but... no!" He was telling the truth. He had never had any sexual feeling towards Charlie at all.

"Right." Said the black-haired man sceptically. Alex sighed in frustration.

"No, really. I'm not in love with him. He's like..." But he couldn't continue for a second because, what was Charlie to him? Clearly not just a friend but not a crush or anything like that either. "I don't know." He said at last and locked eyes with Michael trying to make him understand. "I think maybe he's like my soulmate or something, just not in a romantic way. Does that make any sense?"

"I guess it only matters if it makes sense to you." answered Michael thoughtfully.

Alex rubbed his face, suddenly really tired and just wanting to go to his room and think for a while. He looked at his iphone and saw it was already two in the morning. He realised then that as Michael was sleeping in the couch, he didn't have much choice but to wait everyone had decided to go to bed before he could too and felt a bit bad for keeping him up so late.

"I'm going to bed." He said as he got off the couch and tossed the remainder of his beer in the sink.

"Good night, Alex." He heard Michael said and he waved in response.

When he was about to enter his room he saw Charlie's closed door and felt drawn to it. He just wanted to see Charlie before he went to sleep. All the talk about feelings had him feeling vulnerable and confused and he just wanted some sort of comfort.

Quietly, so as not to wake Charlie or alert Michael, he went to his friend's bedroom door and opened it slowly. As he peered through the opened door he saw Charlie's face glowing strangely in the dark room. It took him a second to understand that the other boy was sitting on his bed with his laptop on his lap and it was the light of the screen that created the weird illusion.

Charlie looked up as he heard the door open and squinted against the brightness that remained in his eyes after staring into his computed screen.

"Alex?" he whispered.

"Yeah." the older man whispered back. "Can I come in?"

"Yes, of course." Charlie answered immediately, placing the laptop on the floor next to his bed and turning on the lamp on his bedside table. "What's up?"

Alex ignored the question and just entered the room, closing the door behind him. He walked carefully towards the bed because in Charlie's room there was often a lot of wires and delicate equipment around. He sat on his friends bed, put his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. In a second, he felt the mattress move as Charlie came to sit beside him.

"You okay? What happened?" Charlie asked, placing a hand on Alex's shoulder. Alex sighed. When he fist met Charlie there had been a lot of awkward moments when Alex touched the younger boy and Charlie was just plainly uncomfortable. Alex had always been a very tactile person but Charlie was in the other side of the spectrum completely. It had taken Alex a lot of effort not to hug or touch Charlie all the time but after a while they became much more comfortable with each other and Charlie started initiating casual touches. It made Alex extremely smug to know that he was the only one Charlie touched casually and without any awkwardness and it still surprised and pleased him when it happened.

"Alex?" Charlie insisted, tightening the hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah, sorry." Alex looked up into his friends eyes, they looked very dark in the dim yellow light. "Nothing happened. Can we just talk for a while?" He asked, silently begging Charlie not to question him. As he often was, Charlie was exactly what Alex needed him to be.

"Sure. What do you want to talk about?" Charlie scooted over so Alex could sit next to him with their backs against the headboard.

"I don't know... Why are you awake? I thought you were going to sleep early tonight."

"I did, I just woke up and had an idea for a video so I wanted to write it down before I forgot." Alex smiled. He really liked how dedicated Charlie was with his videos.

"What is this idea that couldn't wait until morning?" he asked, still smiling.

"I was thinking of doing something like a cooking show and acting all professional about it when obviously I'm going to be rubbish at it ." Charlie grinned and started to tell Alex all the ideas he had for his video, the shots he was planning, the jokes he was going to use. Half way through, without any kind of decision on his part, Alex fell asleep, with a smile on his face.

Michael

Michael opened his eyes and tried to identify what had awoken him. He heard a soft clinking sound and concluded that Charlie was in the kitchen making tea. Charlie was usually out of bed before Alex or Michael because they stayed up until late most nights playing games or having unexpectedly deep conversations.

He sat up and made a grunting half asleep greeting sound. Charlie smiled brightly at him and showed him a mug in offering. Michael nodded gratefully and slowly struggled out of the couch to join Charlie in the kitchen. He took the cup offered by the blue-eyed man and took a sip of blissful british tea, there really wasn't anything quite like it in America. As he turned to lean on the counter he noticed the door to Alex's bedroom was wide open and the light coming out suggested that the curtains were completely open too, which wasn't like Alex at all.

"Is Alex out?" He mused absently.

"No." Charlie replied simply. Michael frowned in confusion and then spotted Charlie's own closed door. That door was usually only closed when Charlie was asleep or working. Understanding dawned on him and he coughed a bit uncomfortably. He glanced at Charlie who was pouring tea into two different cups with a carefully blank expression on his face. When he finished pouring into the first one he placed the kettle on the counter and turned on Michael.

"We don't usually sleep in each other's beds." he stated.

"I wasn't asking..." Michael tried to cut in, because he really didn't need any explanations. It was their busyness to do as they liked. He was already in their house, invading their space and privacy all the time, he didn't want them to feel like they had to change their behaviour because of him.

"I know. It's just that it's really not like that and it'd be weird if you thought it was."

"Okay."

"He was upset about something last night." Charlie looked at Michael significantly, but, what could he say?

"Did he say why he was upset?" Michael's question seemed to bother Charlie though he clearly tried to hide it.

"No. Did he say anything to you?" he inquired and Michael decided to go with a neutral answer.

"I might have asked a few questions that may have been a bit too personal."

Charlie seemed to ponder on that for a moment and then he simply turned, poured tea into the second cup and took both cups in one hand.

"Are you going to jog with us today?" he asked as he made his way to his bedroom.

"Maybe tomorrow, I just want to sleep for a while longer." Mostly he just wanted to give them some space, but sleep sounded nice.

"Alright, see you later then." Charlie said before closing the door behind himself.

Michael sighed. He'd just been living there for less than a month and already he felt all tangled up in weird home dynamics. He really liked both of them and he understood that sometimes relationship were complicated and confusing. He was just a bit sorry he was the one who had brought all the confusion to the surface. He hoped with all his heart that they would sort it all out one way or another.