This took me way longer to write than it should have given it's length. For that I apologize. I also apologize if this is a bit over the top- I have little to no experience with weddings so I was running with the idea receptions contained 'drunken individuals doing stupid things'. Hopefully this isn't too much. Alternatively, please note that Pepper is probably on her way to being very tipsy if not drunk in the second part of this. I was writing it with the idea that she'd drank enough that she stopped caring about some things. I also blame Phil, who I feel is an influence on everyone regardless of if he was doing good or bad things. That all being said, enjoy guys.

-Illusinia

Clint sighed as he stared into the mirror. Today was the big day; the day of Pepper and Tony's wedding. God, he shouldn't be this nervous. He really shouldn't. But knowing that the Avengers of all people were the only ones standing between Darcy and Pepper's parents and their brother (a confrontation which amounted to a contained version of WWIII at best from the sounds of it), made him nervous. Yes, he had faith in his teammates and their ability to keep things under control. But he also knew first hand how hard it could be to handle any of the three Potts siblings (could they really be called the Potts siblings when one of them went by a different name entirely and the other two used different parents surnames?) and all three of them basically qualified as professional wranglers. Two of whom were exceptionally scary in Clint's opinion (Darcy was scary in her own right, but for completely different reasons that had nothing to do with her job). He knew how badly this could end if things got out of control.

A pair of arms slid around Clint's waist, pressing him close to a soft, female body. "Wedding day jitters?" Darcy's voice was soothing, reassuring. He knew no matter what happened today, she'd still be there tomorrow. Assuming they all survived today, that is.

"Yeah," joked Clint weakly, "and it isn't even my wedding. Tony must be ready to jump out a window."

Darcy chuckled against his back. "I'm pretty sure Pep said something about a sedative last night."

"Might be the only way he makes it through this," muttered Clint with a sigh, spinning to wrap his arms around Darcy's waist. "I know he loves Pepper, but..."

"The weight of what could happen today might be enough to scare him off?" suggested Darcy, her own smirk in place. "Not likely. Tony thrives on narcissism and chaos. I have notebooks of theory about why if you want proof."

"I'll take your word for it," assured Clint with a touch of a smirk. "Reading that much about Stark's personality disorders will either depress me, drive me insane, or just really make me want to kill him."

"Possibly all three," agreed Darcy. "So, no psychological theory meets chaos theory meets 'I'm not sure what I'm seeing' theory. Got it."

"Please." Dropping his forehead against her own, Clint brought one hand up to cup the back of her neck and closed his eyes. "Is it bad that I'm a little worried we're all going to die?"

"Nah," assured Darcy, her own hand sliding up to cup his cheek. "I keep expecting someone to get murdered every thanksgiving. Or to just get a call from Pep one day asking how to hide a body. Or to be the one making that call."

Clint groaned, pulling her closer. "That doesn't make me feel better Darce."

"It's not supposed to," stated Darcy simply.

Looking at her face, he realized she hadn't been joking about the murder comment. "You were being serious."

Sighing, Darcy pulled back enough to look up at him. "Honestly? Yeah, I was. Our parents are bastards. None of us really wants to deal with them and Pep and I only do because they guilt us into it. We don't care what they think. Their opinions are clearly twisted if they can just tell their son to GTFO because he joins the military." Shrugging a little, her eyes dropped to his tie, hands automatically reaching out to adjust it before she stepped back. Taking a deep breath, her eyes rose to meet his again. "Ready to attempt to prevent murder?"

"Yeah," assured Clint, a touch of a smile on his face. Wrapping an arm around her waist, he snags his jacket while guiding her out of the room. "Don't suppose you're any more open to eloping, huh?"

Tony looked like he might fall over. If it weren't for the fact that he was watching his girlfriend's parents like his namesake, Clint might have been concerned. As things stood though, he was more concerned with ensuring an ambulance wouldn't be needed during at least one event the Avengers attended. Not that he was holding his breath; it seemed like they were chaos magnets.

There were four groomsmen standing beside Tony, each dressed in a traditional tuxedo except for Rhodey, who was in white like Tony. The best man was Rhodey, who stood next to Tony. Bruce was next, followed by Clint. Steve was last and, like Clint, he was scanning the room rapidly for signs of trouble. Thor was seated beside Darcy and Pepper's parents, at the end of the bench to act as a physical barrier between the parents and Phil. Just in case. They'd decided it would work better if the other Avengers were acting as groomsmen, rather than just Rhodey, so they could have a more encompassing view of the room. Phil would join Pepper's side of the group, rather than Tony's, in order to even the balance of people and keep Phil further away from his parents, who were seated on Tony's side of the room. Poor Rhodey was going to be stuck walking up the aisle with a guy.

The wedding march started up suddenly, quieting everyone in the room. All eyes turned towards the doors expectantly. Clint just held his breath and prayed they wouldn't have to break up a fight before Pepper even reached the alter.

Jane stepped out first, wrapped in a floor-length lavender dress with her hair just faintly curled. Clint was willing to bet money that Thor was drooling. He could see several other men in attendance who were. He hadn't expected as many people to be present as were (he hadn't thought Tony and Pepper had that many friends), but he was guessing a number of them were business associates.

Natasha came next in the same lavender dress with the addition of a very long slit up one side. Scanning her surreptitiously, Clint tried to guess how many weapons she was hiding beneath the dress and where said weapons were hidden. However, he was distracted by the person who came next.

Darcy's dress was the same lavender as the other two, but with a top to support her ample bust and highlight her curves. The skirt just avoided touching the ground, unlike the other two dresses, and drew attention to the high heels she was wearing. Ones that Clint knew would make her legs look incredible if he could actually see them. It took Bruce elbowing Clint roughly to bring him out of his stunned state and allow him to focus on what came next: Pepper and Phil.

Both siblings appeared just as Darcy reached her spot across from Bruce and, Clint had to admit, Tony was a lucky SOB. Yes, Clint loved Darcy like crazy even with her family issues. But right now? He had to admit that Pepper looked amazing. A glance at Tony confirmed that the genius had noticed it too. The man had stopped his perpetual fidgeting to stare slack-jawed at the woman approaching them.

Pepper's dress was slightly off white and flowed around her body like water. She looked beyond beautiful. Beside her, Phil was smiling proudly at his sister, clearly happy for her. In that moment, he actually looked completely human. Clint looked away from the two siblings then and focused on their parents. Both Bruce and Scar were just staring, slack-jawed, at the sight in front of them. Neither looked ready to cause a scene and he really hoped Pepper was right when she said they wouldn't during the ceremony. It would be really uncomfortable to throw his future in-laws out of the chapel.

Pepper and Phil reached the alter with relative speed, Phil escorting his sister all the way up and offering her hand to Tony before moving to stand beside Darcy. All three siblings were smiling as the preacher began to speak.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to..."

Clint let the rest of the preacher's words fall to the edge of his hearing as he once again began to focus on the ballroom. This really wasn't the part of the wedding they were worried about. The ceremony had already been determined as a safe zone. It was the reception that could prove problematic. Pepper and Darcy had both sworn their parents wouldn't do anything during the actual ceremony; Phil wasn't so sure. Which was why Clint was watching them like a hawk.

Thor had gotten more than a bit caught up in the ceremony from what Clint could see. The god was practically crying in his seat. Idly, he wondered what would happen when Thor and Jane were married. He doubted the wedding would be on Earth, but who knew. Maybe they would have one on Earth and one on Asgard. It would make the most sense.

Sliding his eyes away from Thor, Clint refocused on Bruce and Scar. Not for the first time, he wished he could read minds. He would give a hell of a lot to know what was going through their minds. Then again, with as much as he respected Phil, it might make him want to kill the two adults. The appeared unable to really move or respond to much, their eyes locked on the wedding. It was only Clint's sharp eyes that caught the fact their eyes were locked primarily on Phil. Idly, Clint wondered how much he'd want to hurt his future in-laws if he knew what they were thinking. Given how much he respected Coulson, probably a lot.

His thoughts were interrupted suddenly as something hit him in the side of the head. Blinking, he glanced down at the floor where he realized there was a piece of a flower stem resting at his feet. Glancing across, he found Darcy staring at him with a raised eyebrow. Subtly as possible, he stuck his tongue out at her. She just blew him a subtle and silent air kiss, covering it by pretending to push her glasses up her nose. Apparently, Darcy and Pepper were right: wasn't the parents they needed to worry about causing trouble during the ceremony, it was the siblings.

Looking forward again, he caught Phil's amused smirk and Pepper's board-room look of exasperation. There was amusement glinting in her eyes though, so she couldn't be too annoyed. With siblings like Darcy and Phil, Clint assumed Pepper had to have a sense of humor. It just maybe wasn't a normal sense of humor, given she had to wrangle Tony all the time. Then again, what kind of sense of humor is a family of wranglers going to have if it isn't abnormal? I wonder how many times they've sat down together with drinks and swapped stories about stupid things their charges do? Wait, I'm one of those charges. Shit, I really, really hope Coulson never said anything about Rio. Darcy does NOT need to know about Rio.

Something hit him in the side of the head again (probably another stem), drawing his attention once more to the wedding. This time though, from the looks on their faces, Phil was the culprit. Darcy was snickering and Phil was innocently looking forward, but Clint knew that was the face he always wore when he had actually been responsible for whatever upset had just occurred. Of course, if Coulson wanted to, he could fool anyone into believing he was innocent. He just didn't always choose to do that, like right now when his lips were quirked up and his eyes just faintly crinkled.

"You may now kiss the bride." The loud proclamation by the priest returned Clint's attention to the wedding, his eyes darting towards the pair just as Tony grabbed and dipped Pepper for the kiss. There was plenty of laughter and chuckling from those in attendance and Clint only didn't whistle because he suspected one of the three siblings might hit him. Besides, Darcy beat him to it, prompting more laughter from around the room. Pepper may or may not have subtly flipped her sister off based on the way Coulson and Darcy were both shaking a little with laughter.

Righting Pepper, Tony wore the biggest grin on his face as he offered her his elbow and began to lead her down the isle. Rhodey followed, careful to keep himself between Phil and his parents, who's expressions had shifted from shocked to irate. Thor's large form blocked them further from action though, acting as the primary (and likely firmest) barrier. Darcy stepped up next, looping her arm with Bruce's and allowing him to lead her down the aisle towards the back. It would have made Clint's skin prickle, except Bruce wouldn't try anything. The scientist had freely and wholly admitted that Darcy scared him more often than not. Clint couldn't understand it but, hey, even 'pissed off and ready to kill someone' Darcy was hot to him.

Nat linking her arm through Clint's drew his attention back to the actual walking part of the ceremony, though really he could probably just let Nat lead him to the doors. Then again, she would probably push him into someone- like Thor for example. Just for the fun of it, of course. Not that he'd have much fun but Nat would probably laugh herself silly over the whole thing. So he forced his attention on walking so his red-headed best friend didn't shoulder check him into some poor soul's lap, only turning his attention from the walkway to glance at Bruce and Scar.

Steam was practically blowing from Bruce's nose as he glared at the group like they had personally betrayed him which, given Pepper had asked her brother to walk her down the aisle, they kind of had. Scar, by contrast, looked like she was caught between shock, insult, and actual, physical pain. It was weird to see the play of emotion cross both adults faces, but he couldn't feel bad for them. It just wasn't possible. Not after the crap they'd pulled.

Forcing himself to look forward again, Clint focused on where they were walking. His eyes locked on Darcy far ahead of them, her arm linked through Rhodey's as they proceeded to exit the chapel behind Tony and Pepper. They were almost out of the chapel and into the momentary safety of the church. Though Pepper, Darcy, and Phil had insisted the ceremony wasn't going to be targeted, Clint wasn't as convinced. The fact that he had a few taser-strength electric arrows and a net arrow in his pants proved that. He'd have to remove them before Darcy found out though- not only would she start asking if he was carrying arrows whenever they went anywhere, but the list of phallus jokes she could make was pretty extensive. And knowing her, she'd make them at various points around S.H.I.E.L.D. just to make him squirm.

Clint released Natasha as soon as they were outside the main hall, letting out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. Based on Steve's face, he wasn't the only one who'd been expecting trouble. Come to think of it, his back looked a little rounder than normal...

"Steve, are you wearing your shield under your dress shirt?" asked Pepper suddenly, her voice almost edging towards accusing.

The red the flooded Steve's cheeks nearly had Tony on the floor as he began cracking up. Still, the super-soldier managed to find something coherent to say at least. "You said there might be trouble."

"Dude, you aren't throwing a shield at our parents," objected Darcy, though she looked about ready to break down into a fit of laughter too. "I don't care what they do, someone can just pick them up and carry them out. It's not like either one is military trained."

"Darce, it's Tony and Pepper's wedding," reminded Clint, carefully edging his way into this argument. Darcy shot him a look that clearly said 'so?', to which he tried to refrain from sighing. Security wasn't Darcy's specialty. Not by a long shot. "It's a big event and everyone knows Tony is Iron Man. There's no way we should expect anything less than trouble."

"Please, Pepper will shot anyone who upsets her wedding herself," dismissed Darcy with a wave of her hand.

"How is she supposed to do that without a gun?" asked Clint, only to realize half a second later how stupid that question was. Pepper was armed; of course Pepper was armed. Probably with a gun, courtesy of Phil. Sure enough, she lifted the hem of her dress higher than before to reveal what looked like a taser strapped to her leg. Almost immediately, Clint's eyes turned to examine Darcy's form. "Do you have a gun strapped to your leg as well?"

"Do you have arrows strapped to yours?" countered Darcy in a voice that sounded sarcastic. Clint didn't answer, just shifted uneasily. The look of surprise that crossed Darcy's face would have been funny, if it was from anyone but Darcy. "You actually have arrows strapped to your leg, don't you?"

"Two taser-grade electric and a net," confirmed Clint, shifting a little uncomfortably.

"How were you even expecting to get to your weapons?" asked Tony, who looked like he was ready to fall over laughing. "What, were you going to tear off your clothes and attack?"

Steve turned even redder, tugging a little at the bow tie he was wearing. "I have another shirt on underneath."

That just sent Tony into further fits and caused Steve to turn redder than before. Even Phil looked a little like he wanted to laugh, though Clint would bet money his boss was armed to the teeth. Then again, all Phil needed to qualify as armed was a bag of flour (Darcy had somehow turned that security footage into the screen saver of every person in S.H.I.E.L.D for a week).

A tug on Clint's arm brought his focus back to the room at large. Namely, it was Darcy tugging on his arm that brought his focus back into place.

Grinning, she tugged on his arm again and began leading him towards the front doors of the church. "C'mon birdie, let's fly to the reception hall. Pep got the best cake ever. Seriously, if it was legal, I'd be tempted to try to marry it."

"Instead of me?" asked Clint, giving her a wide-eyed look.

She pretended to give it serious consideration for a moment, eyes looking him up and down before she let out a slight 'eh' noise and continued pulling him out of the church. "Well, the cake wouldn't argue with me."

"Except you'd probably eat it in a matter of days," pointed out Clint, trying to stifle his grin. Playing it serious always made these conversations more fun, and he knew Darcy was doing this for him. They'd had a long discussion about big weddings and Clint's dislike of them. She still refused to elope though, citing the high probability her family would murder them both. Before he knew Phil was her brother, he'd thought she might be exaggerating. Now, he was pretty sure she was being semi-serious. Or at least serious about the part where her family murdered him.

"Hm, if I married a cake and then ate it, does that count as murder?" wondered Darcy aloud, barely managing to hold her serious voice in place.

That was the point when Clint finally cracked, his snickers shaking his shoulders as he pulled open the door of the waiting limo for her. "Ask Tony, he probably knows."

"I don't want to know why Tony would need to know that," remarked Darcy, sliding into the limo. Clint followed immediately behind, crossing to the other side of the vehicle to sit beside Darcy. "He's now married to my sister, I don't want to know anything about what laws he might or might not have needed to know up until now."

"It's probably safer not to ask," agreed Clint just as Natasha slid into the vehicle across from them, followed by Steve.

"What's safer not to ask?" asked Steve curiously as he settled in beside Natasha. Phil would be joining them last- Rhodey, Thor, Bruce, and Jane would be riding in another limo. And of course, Tony and Pepper got their own. Tony had tried to get each pair their own, but Pepper nixed it with Darcy running back up. This wasn't a movie premier; they could handle sharing limos.

"What weird sex and marriage laws Tony might know," replied Darcy, leaning back into the seat. She snuggled up to Clint a little so their shoulders brushed. "I don't really want to know more about the crazy sex stuff he got arrested for before he married Pepper."

"I'm pretty sure Pepper knows more than anyone," remarked Natasha, straightening her dress a little. "When I was undercover at Stark Industries, even I saw more than I wanted to of that man. And I was only there for a month."

"Ugh," muttered Darcy, pressing her face against Clint's shoulder. "Don't tell me these things."

"Don't tell you what things?" asked Phil as he climbed into the limo, pulling the door shut behind him.

"She doesn't want to hear about Tony's various exploits and adventures prior to marrying Pepper," replied Natasha, smirking a bit at Darcy.

Phil pulled a face and settled in on the other side of Darcy. "I wish I didn't know. Pepper's told us most of it, at least the things that weren't in litigation."

"That reminds me, someone made Tony get tested right?" asked Darcy, lifting her head from Clint's shoulder. Some of her make-up was left behind on the sleeve, but Clint attempted to ignore it. The lack of Darcy against his shoulder was more troubling.

"I did," confirmed Phil, smiling a bit. "He's some how clean. I'm not sure how he's managed that, but he is."

"You know what? I don't care how," stated Darcy, settling back in beside Clint. "I'm just glad Pepper isn't going to catch something from him."

"Um, could we change the topic please?" asked Steve, his beet red face staring backing at them with pleading eyes from across the car.

Clint snickered, trying to hide the sound as a cough. Pepper's glare told him that he failed. The car started rolling forward then, turning into the street to head towards the hotel where the reception was being held. It momentarily silenced the car.

"So, Darcy, are you and Clint thinking about a wedding like that?" asked Steve, changing the subject with the stumbling efficiency he always showed when embarrassed.

Clint shifted uneasily in his seat, glancing at Darcy who was giving him an equally uneasy look back. Yeah, they'd discussed a wedding, but they didn't even have a date set yet. It was more like this abstract concept they were still trying to work out between them. Neither one was ready to actually dive right in and discuss details though. They just knew they eventually wanted to get married.

"We haven't really talked about it yet," admitted Darcy, glancing back at the others with a shrug. She didn't elaborate, for which Clint was grateful.

Steve apparently wasn't ready to give up the topic though, if only because he was afraid they'd start discussing Tony's sex life again. "Aren't you engaged though?"

"Yeah," confirmed Darcy with a shrug before she returned to resting her head on Clint's shoulder. "But we've only been engaged for like, a month. We just haven't gotten around to discussing it, you know?"

"Even after a month?" questioned Steve, looking more and more confused with every minute that passed. "But shouldn't that be something you start discussing now?"

"Not everyone starts planning their wedding immediately Steve," remarked Natasha, coming to their rescue with the swift efficiency of someone who was used to preforming rescue operations for people. "Especially people like Clint and Darcy. They'll probably go a year, realize they forgot to get married, and then throw something together in a rush at a courthouse."

Darcy hummed a little, pretending to consider Natasha's words. "That actually sounds like a pretty good plan. What do you think Clint?"

For a moment, he though she might actually be serious. But a glance at her eyes, namely the way they were so wide and innocent, told him it was all a joke. Pretending to consider the idea him, Clint slowly nodded like he was agreeing. "I like it. Let's do it that way."

"But you can't!" argued Steve, horror crossing his face. "That's not a wedding. Is it?" His eyes darted from Darcy and Clint to Natasha and back again. "Is that what a wedding is now?"

"Steve, Clint and I could run off to Vegas and be married by an Elvis impersonator," stated Darcy simply, offering him a shrug. The horror just continued to increase on Steve's face to the point where Clint couldn't stop the silent laughter that shook his shoulders.

Darcy tried to give him a dirty look, she really did, but the look barely lasted three seconds before she was leaning heavily against him and shaking with her own laughter. That Phil hadn't gotten involved already (and put a stop to their antics) was probably a miracle. Then again, he was beginning to see a less contained side to his boss. A glance over confirmed he was barely containing his own laughter- he could see from the way his eye was twitching.

Steve, meanwhile, had gone from horrified to borderline embarrassed pouting. "That wasn't funny, guys."

"I was being serious," gasped Darcy through her laughter. It took a deep breath for her to finally calm down, though the grin on her face was still firmly set in place. "You can get married in Vegas by an Elvis impersonator. Clint and I just have more taste than that." At Phil's snort, she glanced at Clint, considering him for a moment before shrugging and looking back at Steve. "Okay, really, it's that Pepper would kill us. I personally think it would be hilarious."

"It would be funny," agreed Clint, smirking a bit. "Though I think the Denny's wedding would be funnier." They'd actually looked up wedding themes and chapels once, just for kicks. It had almost been disturbing. Seriously, who got married at a Denny's?

"We could get pancakes," pointed out Darcy, still grinning like crazy. "That would make it pretty awesome."

Across the car, Steve groaned painfully. It almost made Clint feel bad. Almost. He'd be the first to admit this was hilarious too, though. It wasn't like they were actually going to get married at a Denny's; Darcy was right about Pepper killing them if they did.

Steve was saved from further jokes when the limo rolled to a stop and remained that way. Almost immediately, the good captain was climbing out of the car, leaving the laughing remainder of the party behind. Natasha was out behind him, shaking her head a the group in mock disapproval (Clint could see the hit of a grin tugging at the corner of her lips). Which left Phil, Darcy, and Clint sitting in the back seat.

Momentarily, things turned awkward. Namely, they turned awkward because Clint hadn't been alone or even semi-alone with Phil since his boss's origins had been made less private (Darcy was there, but he doubted his girlfriend could protect him from her brother). It wasn't that he was really afraid of his boss, just that he was terrified of the man. Clint had seen Phil do things no human should be able to do with the most mundane of objects; he didn't doubt the man could kill him with something so obvious as a seat belt.

And of course, it was Phil that broke the uncomfortable silence. "We should probably follow them. Pepper will kill us if we aren't at the reception."

"She won't kill us," argued Darcy, even as she began maneuvering her way out of the car. "Well, at least not until after the reception. She doesn't want blood on her dress."

Phil chuckled a little, following her lead. "I think you underestimate our dear sister's skills. I'm pretty sure she could kill us all without getting a drop of blood on her dress."

"Okay, yeah, probably," agreed Darcy from outside the vehicle. "It might still ruin her wedding though!"

Clint waited until Phil was halfway across the car before he followed his boss and girlfriend out. Darcy had fallen silent by the time he escaped the car, her and Phil simply staring at the hotel with trepidation. Not that Clint blamed them; he was just as uneasy over the night ahead.

"I'm starting to think I shouldn't have come," muttered Phil under his breath, his unease apparent. "If they ruin Pepper's reception-"

"It'll be on them," stated Darcy firmly, snapping out of her dazed state and grabbing Phil's elbow. Her other arm slid through Clint's just before she began to pull them both towards the hotel entrance. "C'mon. Our sister and friend is in there with our parents. We can't leave her to face that alone."

"And here I thought we were trying to protect your brother from your parents," joked Clint, even as he willingly followed Darcy inside. "Time to cause a distraction."

"Just try not to blow the place up this time, Barton," stated Phil, narrowing his eyes a bit at Clint. "And keep your clothes on. We don't need to revisit Rio."

All Clint could do was groan as Darcy's laughter trailed behind them down the hall.

Beautiful didn't properly describe the reception hall: Tony had literally had the place transformed into an opulent palace. No, really, Clint knew from the recon he'd done days before that the walls certainly were not gilded with real gold. And he wasn't about to even discuss the silk and flowers that were hanging from the ceiling. At least they now knew the word 'subtle' didn't exist in Tony's vocabulary. As things stood, Clint had spent the last hour just staring at the room while tracking Bruce and Scar's locations.

It had been weirdly easy so far: Phil had pretty much remained on the opposite side of the room from his parents, careful to keep moving whenever the other two adults did. And so far, neither Bruce nor Scar had attempted to approach him. In fact, they seemed pretty content to speak with Steve and Natasha, something which couldn't be said for the two Avengers as they looked like they wanted to bolt. Especially after the fifth time Scar's hand had come out to rest on Steve's arm.

"Are you going to keep staring at my parents all night?" Darcy's voice from beside Clint's head nearly made him jump. There were so many people around, he couldn't hear her approach like he normally could.

Glancing back at his fiance, he noted the pout she was giving him. It was her 'I'm bored and you're ignoring me' pout. Usually it was a pout reserved for meetings; that she was pulling it out now meant she clearly had specific expectations from him. And he had no clue what those were. "I thought that was kinda the plan, Darce."

"No, the plan was for us to keep them separated," corrected Darcy, leaning down a bit to whisper directly into Clint's ear. "Come on, the others are doing a good job of keeping my parents occupied. Let's dance."

"Darce-" started Clint, only for her to cut him off with a firm look.

"This is non-negotiable, birdy," stated Darcy firmly, stepping around the chair a little to grab at his arm in an attempt to pull him up. "We're dancing. It's my sister's wedding."

"We're going to dance at our own wedding," pointed out Clint, even as Darcy hoisted him up and began pulling him towards the dance floor. "I'm supposed to be keeping an eye on your parents."

"They're with Steve and Natasha," pointed out Darcy, spinning them around so she was facing Clint. One of her hands tugged his onto her waist while the fingers of her other hand tangled with his. When she had his hand where she wanted it (which seemed a lot further back and down than he remembered being suitable), she dropped her free hand onto his shoulder and tugged him into a slow dance. "I doubt Mr. American Spirit and Miss. July from the espionage pin-up calender are going to let my parents within 20 feet of Phil."

"But that's the point Darce," argued Clint as he tried to scan the room. "I'm supposed to be watching to make sure there isn't a mix up in their locations."

Pepper would kill him if he messed up and it ruined her wedding. He wouldn't mention it to Darcy, but her silent look of 'screw up and I will abandon you on a frozen ice cap' had been pretty clear. Clint was the lookout, he was the coordinator. It was his job to make sure there were no mix-ups.

"Clint," stated Darcy firmly, the hand on his shoulder moving to force his chin down so she could meet his eyes. Irritation painted her face as she glared up at him with the impatience he'd come to recognize as something only Darcy seemed capable of pulling off. "They're fine. Breathe. And if Pepper tries to kill you, I'll handle her. Seriously, my sister isn't stealing you for the whole night. Staring at you can only keep my attention for so many hours before I get antsy."

"I've noticed," remarked Clint, his eyes still locked on Bruce, Scar, Steve, and Natasha. A quick sweep of the room confirmed Phil was still on the other side of the room, far away from his estranged family.

Soft hands suddenly gripped Clint's face, tilting his head down a second before Darcy's lips pressed firmly against his. Momentarily, his mind went blank, largely out of shock. One of his hands slid up into her hair, pulling her closer as he let the pressure of her lips distract him momentarily.

When she pulled away a second later, Clint tried to pull her back to him again. Laughing, she dropped another quick kiss on his lips before snuggling her head against his throat with a sigh. Tugging gently at his torso, she silently prompted him into beginning to dance again. "Just relax Clint. Nothing is gonna happen. Between the rest of the Avengers, us, Pepper, and Phil, we can do this."

"I'll try Darce," sighed Clint, his eyes flicking back to where her parents had been a moment ago with Steve and Natasha. Except only Natasha, Steve, and Scar were standing there. "Um, Darce? Do you see your dad?"

"Clint," groaned Darcy, snuggling closer against him as they continued to move. "Just relax. Seriously, my parents aren't gonna do shit. Especially not if they want to ever come to another of our weddings ever again."

"I get that Darce, but-" started Clint, only to be met by a glare from Darcy.

"Clint, my parents aren't stupid," stated Darcy simply. "They aren't gonna do anything disruptive."

"If they were sober, I'd agree Darce," countered Clint, looking at her worriedly. "But-"

A crash and shout from the opposite side of the room made both of them cringe and share a worried glance before they slowly turned towards the disturbance.

Everyone at the reception was staring at the table where the wedding cake had formerly been. Formerly being the key word- the cake was now on the ground. With Bruce laying face first in the now destroyed cake. Phil was standing to the left, a look of shock with a touch of guilt planed on his face. It didn't exactly take much effort for Clint to guess what had happened though. Phil was too good to have sent his father careening into the wedding cake on purpose, meaning Bruce had likely done something rash such as taking a swing at Phil and overbalancing into the cake.

Sputtering, Bruce pushed himself out of the cake, stumbling slightly as he stood. Shock was painted across his face, as if he couldn't believe what had just happened. The way he was swaying spoke volumes and confirmed what Clint had suspected: he was drunk. Which was confirmed when Bruce scooped a handful of cake from his suit and flung it at Phil. Who automatically ducked, as any good S.H.I.E.L.D agent would do. This meant said cake crashed straight into Pepper, who'd come running as soon as the disturbance began. It splattered across her face, flecking onto her dress and into her hair.

Silence momentarily filled the room as everyone stared at her, waiting to see what she did. The silence lasted for all of two seconds, before Tony swiped a finger through the offensive piece of previously flying cake and stuck said finger in his mouth. Clint tried not to groan as Darcy nearly broke into giggles beside him.

"Huh, not a bad choice in cake, Pep," remarked Tony, despite the glare his new wife was giving him. Her glare lasted for half a second before she began to giggle a little. A giggle that was broke off a second later when a loud 'splat' cut through the room.

Fearfully, Clint turned his attention back to Phil, who's suit was now splattered with cake. Thrown, by the looks of it, by Scar. And she looked absolutely livid as she supported Bruce, glaring at Phil like he'd committed some personal offense against them.

"Phillip Jonas Potts!" shouted Scar, rage flicking in her eyes. Clint actually felt the color draining from his face- it was the same look Darcy gave him when she was pissed. Well, at least he knew where it came from now. "How dare you throw your father into your sister's wedding cake!"

"There goes our cover," muttered Darcy, thumping her shoulder against Clint's shoulder. "Pepper is going to kill someone over this." Clint winced. Yeah, someone was probably going to get it over this. Probably him given he was supposed to be the look-out.

"I didn't throw him into anything," stated Phil calmly, attempting to brush the cake from his suit. "He threw a punch at me, and I stepped out of the way."

"Don't lie," growled Scar, narrowing her eyes further. "Your father is a peaceful soul. You're the one who left us to join the military industrial complex!"

Phil looked like he was about to say something (either to rebuke his mother's statement or disarm the situation), but Steve stepped up between them instead with his arm held out in a motion meant to keep them separate. "Hey, this is supposed to be a happy day for Pepper. Whatever your family issue is, can you please put it aside for Pepper, if no one else?" The grateful look Phil shot at Steve transformed rapidly into a wince as Scar spoke up again.

"Shut it," growled Scar, shoving her finger into Steve's arm firmly. "You are the reason our son ran off to join the military. It was your example that put thoughts of joining the army into his head! He was trying to emulate you. So you have no right to speak!" Her finger repeatedly jabbed into his arm with every word, the fire from earlier flaring up. As if to punctuate her irritation with Steve, she managed to scoop up another handful of cake and threw it...

"Did your mother really just throw cake into Captain America's face?" asked Clint in shock. He knew his jaw had to be hanging open, but seriously, it was Steve.

Darcy groaned, shaking her head and covering her eyes with her hand. "My mother is the definition of hippy-dom. I'm 90% certain she still refuses to wear a bra."

"This is going to get bad, isn't it?" asked Clint wearily, unable to tear his eyes away from Steve, who still looked shocked, and the woman who'd just thrown cake in his face.

"Very bad," confirmed Darcy, her voice weary. Any concerns they had were shattered a moment later though, when a hunk of cake struck Scar squarely in the face."

Pepper marched up then, stepping between her parents, Steve, and Phil. Both of her hands landed on her hips, her irritation beyond apparent as she stared down the two people who'd raised her. She didn't offer an explanation for the flying cake, though Clint caught her shaking frosting and crumbs from her hand. "Enough. All of you. Mom, take Dad back to your room. Clearly, neither of you are sober enough to be here and not start a fight."

"He's not your father!" spoke up Bruce suddenly, straightening up and throwing a finger in Phil's direction. "He's not your father, so why'd he walk you down the aisle? That was my job."

"I had Phil given me away because Phil has always supported me," stated Pepper simply, crossing her arms. "He's my brother and I love him. When I couldn't talk to either of you, I could talk to him. When he found out about Tony and I, his biggest concern was how Tony treated me and not the fact that Tony ran a company that previously sold weapons. He was concerned with my happiness and not what my boyfriend chose to do for work."

For a moment, Clint thought it might actually be over. That maybe, just maybe Scar and Bruce would back down. Not that the reception probably wasn't over at this point, but hey, maybe there was a chance.

Then a piece of cake found it's way straight into Scar's face seconds before another splattered across Bruce's.

Pepper's exasperated (and disbelieving) look fell squarely on her brother, who was standing there as if he hadn't just flung baked goods at their parents. He also dropped the innocent look a second later, offering his sister a shrug. "I'm relatively sure your reception was over anyway, Pepper. Plus, they threw cake at Steve."

The grin that broke across Tony's face as he snuck up behind Pepper caught Clint's eye about two seconds before he smeared cake across the back of her neck. She stumbled slightly forward, shock written across her face for two seconds before she picked up a handful of cake and smashed it in her laughing husband's face. The whole situation devolved in seconds after that.

Clint still wasn't sure who actually threw the next piece of cake (which splattered across the face of none other than Nick Fury, who was there solely for security reasons), but after that there was no stopping the madness as the reception devolved into a full blown food fight.

Some people hurried from the room with indignant cries while others scooped up whatever was closest and joined the fray. A few were snapping photos from behind tables that Clint was pretty sure would end up on the internet later (and Darcy would likely have to subsequently remove through less than legal means) and many more appeared to be in pure shock. For his part, Clint grabbed Darcy and pulled her beneath the closest table, flipping it over for cover as the chaos devolved.

For a second, the pair stared at each other in shock, unable to believe any of this was happening. Seriously, they'd been expecting a fist fight at worst, not a food fight. How many food fights were there at wedding receptions anyway? This had to be a first. At least, for a wedding this size it did.

Giggling broke Clint out of his thoughts, his eyes turning to Darcy. Her shoulders shook silently as she tried to restrain her laughter, though it was pretty clear she was failing. A smile tugged at the corner of Clint's lips at the sight and remained for about half a second before he broke into his own laughter.

For two minutes they remained, laughing, behind the upturned table.

It was Darcy who managed to get herself under control first, taking several deep breaths in an attempt to regain her composure. The grin she shot at Clint was massive. "Only my family, right?"

Clint just nodded, still gasping for breath. It took him a second to regain his breathing enough that he could talk. "Only your family." Glancing over the up-turned table, he noted the food was still flying and it looked like the remaining people had at last joined in. Ducking back down, he took up Darcy's hand. "C'mon, we should leave now before security shows up."

"What, just abandon them?" asked Darcy in surprise, raising an eyebrow as she took Clint's hand all the same. He tugged her into a crouching gently, checking behind the table again. "Can we do that?"

"Unless we feel like getting arrested," confirmed Clint, checking again before he tugged her out from behind the table and bolted for the door. "Someone needs to be free to bail them out later."

He'd expected her to show more resistance, but the way she was giggling told him she was completely on board with his plan. Which was probably for the best, because he'd get arrested before leaving her behind. And, well, suffice to say, the police knew him by name by now.

He didn't slow down once they hit the hallway though, navigating them towards the back of the hotel where he'd had the foresight to park his car earlier in the day, just in case something happened. There was no such thing as too many escape routes. Besides, someone would need to bail the others out later.

Grinning as they reached the car, Clint opened the side door and offered Darcy a hand in, which she took as always. Bracing an arm on the car frame, Clint leaned forward a little to kiss her quickly. "So Darce, how does eloping sound now? I hear Vegas is beautiful this time of year."