Best Laid Plans

Oh my god! Despite every effort to regulate her breathing, Olivia found herself in the throes of a full-fledged panic attack. She shot up out of her hotel room chair, raced across the room and threw open the balcony doors. She stepped out onto the balcony gasping for air and tried to force her lungs to calmly take in air.

How di-, when did th-. OMG! As she struggled to draw breath, she latched onto the railing in front of her and bent forward slightly allowing her chin to rest against her chest. Just as her heart started to slow its pace, the tears came.

Ohmy-, Ohmygod. She moved to the side of the balcony and sat against the wall while she leaned her head against the railing. For the life of her, Olivia did not know how she let things get as far as they had gotten. To be fair, she didn't realize anything was "happening" until she was knee deep, with no way out. If she was honest herself, she knew things had started to change a couple of months ago.

A Couple Months Ago

They were all in full campaign mode and as such, things were tense and everyone on the trail was on high alert. Although Cyrus had brought her in to work with him for Governor Grant, at Gov. Grant's request, she found herself working directly with the governor. As time went by, she started to admire him and began believing that not only could this man actually win and become president, but that he should be and needed to be the next President of these United States. Their professional relationship quickly turned into a friendship as she discovered the many things they had in common. Then one day there was a shift; it was slight – one might have even over looked it – but it was a shift nonetheless.

The campaign had been on the road for consecutive days and everyone was being pushed to his or her limits both physically and emotionally. The Governor had come down with the flu and was holed up in his hotel room. Sick or not, he had a speech to give in less than 48 hours and it had yet to be written. With that in mind, Olivia had gone to his hotel with a draft of the speech in one hand and a bowl of soup in the other. For the most part the brainstorming session was uneventful. They laughed, he ate and she worked on the draft. She looked up from her notes at one point and caught him staring at her with this strange expression. For a moment she stared back as she tried to figure out what he thinking. She couldn't decipher what exactly she saw reflected in his eyes but she knew she was being affected by it. Her heart suddenly skipped a beat and her breathing changed. Confused by what was happening she flashed him a shy smile and quickly looked back down at her notes. A few days later, while talking to an intern about poll number she felt as though she was being watched. She looked up and saw him staring at her from across the room with the same expression on his face. His expression was a mix of wonderment and adoration. Again she noted her reaction, which was elation tempered by confusion, to his expression and quickly looked away.

Over the course of weeks, confused by recent events – and not one that handles confusion well – Olivia began to discretely distance herself from the Governor. She was never in the same room with him for too long, never stood too close to him, never maintained eye contact for longer than necessary and suddenly it seemed there were numerous tasks, not related to the Governor, on the campaign the needed her undivided attention. She thought her maneuvering would curb whatever was happening but it only served to make it worse. When he wasn't physically in front of her, he took up residence in her mind and in her thoughts. She often caught him staring in her direction when he was talking to staffers or reporters. She noticed his expressions now held a bit of sadness and she couldn't help wonder if she had put it there. Once, when she couldn't avoid being alone with him without raising eyebrows as to why, she had brought up this guy she was casually seeing and how great he was. She also asked him about his wife and kids and their lives together. He had listened politely and answered her questions diplomatically all the while drinking in the sight of her. She left that meeting feeling even more confused than before.

Something was happening. She didn't dare put a name to it or speak it aloud – as if doing so would breathe life into it and make it real. Nevertheless, she was certain something was happening.

Confirmation came a few days later when the Governor received a call from his wife telling him that his daughter had broken her arm in a horse riding accident. All air travel had been suspended that weekend due to weather so he remained with the campaign even though everyone knew he wanted and needed to be home with his daughter. Although no one had dared enter his office sensing he needed space, Olivia had quietly entered the room and stood silently in the corner. She had yet to make eye contact with him even though she felt his eyes on her from the moment she entered the room.

After a minute of thick silence, she spoke quietly, "I'm sorry about your daughter."

"Thank you" he whispered. He rounded his desk and walked toward her – stopping a few feet away. She met his eyes full on for the first time in months. Her stomach flipped as she watched him smile at her and take a few steps toward her – stopping short of invading her personal space. She shook her head as she took mirroring steps backwards.

"I do- I don't know what's happening." She whispered with ragged breath. "I, I uh, I" she stuttered as she tried to gather her thoughts. She watched with dismay as he took another step in her direction. Again, she mirrored his advance with a retreat of her own. "You're married." she hissed with desperation.

As he took a final step toward her, into her personal space, he whispered, "Just for a minute, just one minute, stand near me."

Any thought in protest was wiped out of her mind as his mumbled plea reached her ears.

"One minute" she warned.

She watched him watch her and she searched his eyes for answers. Indulging in one minute of uncensored want and need, she felt herself get lost in his soft eyes. She felt pinned in place as she watched him slowly lower his face to hers. Although her mind screamed at her to move away, her eyes closed and her chin rose slightly to meet him. She was overwhelmed by the gentle nature with which he kissed her. Suddenly all the emotions she tried to compress rose to the surface and she realized it was she who had deepened the kiss. She relished the feel of his hands on her face and his fingers in her hair. She sighed as her palms flattened against his chest and she felt the beating of his heart beneath her hands. In that moment, with the rest of the world on the other side of door, she felt complete. She couldn't, she wouldn't deny herself this moment – however fleeting it may be. It was the latter thought that caused her to reluctantly break the kiss.

"We can't" she whispered as she wiped her mouth. He started to speak but she cut him off, "I can-, you can't." She quickly moved past him and walked to the door. With her back to him she paused just short of the door to compose herself before walking out of the room.

Present Day

Olivia walked back into the room and closed the balcony doors. What am I going to do? She thought. She walked to the bathroom and splashed water on her face. As she walked back into the room she heard a soft knock at her door. Her heart skipped a beat as she heard his voice through the door.

"Liv, it's me. Open up."

She opened the door and allowed him to enter the room.

"We need to talk about this" he stated.

"I know." She said as she turned to face him.

They stood a few feet apart and just stared at one another. She didn't know where to start and the words she wanted to say wouldn't come. She opened and closed her mouth twice before she finally looked away. When she met his eyes again she was surprised he had closed the distance between them and now stood directly in front of her. Both of their breathing had become labored and the room was thick with tension. She began to shake; the trembles started in her hands and moved up her arms. Soon they overtook her body as she backed away from him. He covered the distance between them in two strides and grabbed her face. At his touch, she was rooted in her spot. She stared deeply into his eyes and found that no words were needed. This was happening. This had happened. There was never a line to be crossed or a choice to be made. As she watched him lean in to kiss her, her last thought was: Even the best laid plans sometimes go astray.