HELLO
It is finally done. So sorry it took so long. I was finally bullied into finishing this by a friend who knows you guys deserve a happy ending.
Thank you to those of you that have stuck with me this long. I hope you like it.

It wasn't often that I would wake to pain centering in my neck. Not often as in never have I woken up to a constant pin pricking pain just below my jaw.

Irritation.

Eye twitch.

Pain.

One eye open.

A brief pause.

More pain.

A sleepy grunt.

Both eyes blinking open to a blurry ceiling.

There was a moment I has assumed I was imagining it or that it was a dream that was refusing to end. It wasn't until my eyes were open and I was consciously awake that I knew the uncomfortable prodding at my throat was real and, for some ungodly reason, still happening.

"What?" I grunted, throat dry and voice rough from sleep.

"Are you fourteen?"

I groaned another "What?", finally gaining enough awareness to swat away at the offending finger threatening to jab a hole in my skin.

There was a rustling of sheets and suddenly a curtain of blonde hair surrounding my face. "Are you fourteen?" Rose was propped up onto an elbow, hovering over me.

Rather than allow whatever she had going to drag on I gave her a straight "No" with as little emotion as I could put into it.

"Well the hickey on your neck says differently."

So much for no emotion.

As soon as my eyes grew wide, she was grinning evilly and scanning her eyes back down. My shoulders hunched in a futile attempt to hide whatever may be lurking down there. She merely laughed and flopped onto her back beside me.

"Honestly, I was rather bothered when I woke up here and not in my own, clean, soft bed, but now I couldn't be happier. The shame and regret on your pitiful face was worth it dear brother."

"Please leave me alone."

"Oh no, I'm not letting you off that easy." She was rolling onto her side now, head propped up with her elbow on the mattress and her hand on her cheek. "Just who did you have attached to your neck last night?"

"Rose." I warned, eyes squinting shut and my arm coming up to drape over them.

"I think you owe me an answer."

"I don't owe you shit." I barked back. "If anything you owe me something for dragging me to that awful party."

"Obviously it wasn't entirely bad." Her finger was back to poking at my neck which, admittedly, hurt a little bit. I wondered how bad it looked and how big the bruise was. "Now who?"

"Don't yell."

She laughed but still asked a confused, "What?"

"When I tell you." I peeked out from underneath my arm to watch her nod expectantly, eyebrows lifted. "Don't yell."

"Why would I ever-"

I shut my eyes tightly in preparation and to avoid her judging glare that was bound to come. "It was John." I was ready for a scream or a shout or something more than the silence I was met with. That was until I barely opened one eye to be met with her hand covering her mouth and face crinkled up. "Rose," She burst into laughter, falling onto her stomach with her face pressed into the pillow and what could only be described as cackles muffling their way through the fabric. "Okay you can stop that."

"I am sorry love," She breathed heavily between a few more laughs, lifting herself up to sit on her knees and wipe at her eyes. "But you are utterly ridiculous."

"Stop." I groaned and became the one to glare.

"No, my apologies. I just," She sniffed, laughed again, covered her mouth, and lastly cleared her throat. "It took you two long enough my heavens. Although, it honestly explains the juvenile behavior. You two have always acted like children." She suddenly perked up, brazenly grinning. "Does anyone else know?" With an incredulous look, she simply nodded. "Oh of course not. Though I do suddenly feel the need to tell someone. You know I'm not usually one to become involved in gossip-"

"That's a fucking lie."

"But I need someone to laugh about this with."

With a grunt, I rolled onto my side and tugged the blanket up to my chin. "Go to hell."

"Dear, it's only because I need to mock you." She was running a hand through my tangled hair, tutting at my petulance. "You have made me suffer with this long enough, I'm just over joyed that you two have finally stopped with all the nonsense."

"It's not like we talked about anything. It happened and then I had to take care of your drunk ass before you got robbed or abducted."

She tugged my hair a little too tightly for comfort. "Don't start blaming me for anything."

"Be happy for me."

"I am!" Her hand went to my cheek and forced me to look up at where she was now looming over me. "I am very happy for you. I just hope it all works out, yeah?"

I nodded in return, pushing against her hand slightly. "I promise I won't fuck it up this time."

"Well, that's inevitable." Tender moment over and back to me groaning and kicking her away. Thankfully, it only made her laugh and kick back.

I hadn't allowed myself to think much on what had happened. Every time I began to look back I could feel myself slipping into a panicked state. I would quickly try to play it off then. Yeah, John had willingly let me kiss him. Maybe more than kissing- but that was when my heart started to thump away and I could feel my hands hurt and my muscles tighten. But what did it all mean? Who could know? It wouldn't have been the first time I thought I understood John and then he showed me I actually knew nothing about his feelings. How was I supposed to know if this time was any different? And on top of that he was drunk. Maybe he would forget it all. Maybe he does remember but he regrets it. It was too much for me to confront my thoughts and risk working myself up into a worrying mess. Instead I had tried to distract myself all day. I'd finally gotten Rose to leave around noon after feeding her and giving her enough aspirin to ward off headaches for a month. I didn't really want to explain anything to Sollux, afraid he'd scold me or even just make me talk about it. Talking about it was something I wanted to avoid at all costs- even with John at this point. I'd figured maybe it wouldn't be too bad if he forgot. We could go back to acting like nothing was wrong and I would continue pining over someone I should never have. Except maybe it wasn't me pining alone anymore. The tiniest hope that he wanted this too was what kept me wanting him to remember. Despite how uncomfortable it was going to be, just possibly it would be worth it. But that doesn't mean I wanted to talk about it. If I could only know what he was feeling, I would be much better, much more secure. But because I knew nothing, I wanted to avoid it for the time being. So I said nothing to Sollux as we sat on the couch and played video games, or when Karkat came home from work and complained until we went out for dinner, or when we were back sitting in the living room with the three of us debating about a movie to watch. When, per usual, we couldn't settle on a genre without almost breaking into a fight, Karkat grabbed the remote away from me and flicked it to something random. I had put myself on the floor in front of him even though the other end of the couch was open. It was mainly just to annoy him but it backfired when it gave him the prime position to kick at the back of my head every time I made a snide remark. Sollux had settled in the chair next to the couch, not wanting to get involved in our bickering or be any part of collateral damage if I tried to swat at Karkat behind me and accidentally hit him.

When there was a knock at the door, it made both Sollux and I glance at each other before drifting over to Karkat who was unfolding himself and hopping off the couch.

"I forgot to mention," He began, sounding far from apologetic. "I told John to come over. This was back when I thought we were going to watch a movie. Then you assholes had to bicker us into the current situation."

"Not sure why you thought he would be a helpful addition into a quarrel about movies." Sollux responded blankly with a shrug. "His horrible taste is only surpassed by your own."

"Says the person who wanted to watch a stupid fucking spy movie we've already seen three times."

"Okay but it's a good movie. Despite what you two losers have to say about it." At that moment, Sollux turned his glare from Karkat down to me as I was currently locked into a stare at the door. He paused before beckoning, "Hey man, you good?"

It took a few seconds longer than it should to be convincing, but eventually I managed to turn my attention to the question. "Wha- yeah, I'm good."

He glanced to the door, working through a few rounds of possibilities before settling on. "You guys aren't fighting or anything, right?"

"I don't think so."

I didn't know why at first, but Sollux just laughed and shrugged again. "Thought I'd ask based on that scared look you had. I can't keep up with the mood between you two."

"We're fine." I muttered, turning back to the tv in order to avoid whatever look John would have when he came in.

After a minute, Karkat and John settled back onto the couch without a word to anyone else but each other. They were discussing something about a class they must both be in, but I couldn't focus on the words. I was quickly trying to remedy the fact that my heart has sped up. With steady breathing, I brought it back down and tried my best to focus on the show playing before me. Despite my best efforts not to talk to him, I also didn't want it to be obvious that something was going on. I knew with just a whiff of something, one of them would call us out. So, we carried conversations as normally as we could but still only spoke to each other when it seemed appropriate. I could assume from his rigid body language and the similar behavior that he very much did remember and was feeling just as uncomfortable as I was with the situation. But he had to have known there was a strong possibility I would be here, right? I mean, this is my apartment just as much as Karkat's. And Kar would have almost certainly mentioned that Sollux and I would be joining the would-have-been movie night. Which led me to believe he either was going to ignore it entirely or possibly wouldn't mind bringing it up. No matter, I was whole heartedly thankful he wasn't going to do it with these two around. That fact was proven when he stayed behind even after being offered an escape.

"Well," Karkat yawned and stretched his arms over his head. "Sorry that my promised movie turned into sitting here and listening to the twin fuckheads" A gesture in mine and Sollux's direction "argue all night."

"Really, it's fine." John replied with a laugh. "It got me out of my apartment for a bit at least."

"Trouble in the broland that is your apartment?" Sollux quipped but it was only met with another chuckle.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Either way, sorry for not fulfilling my irresistible offer." With that, Karkat rose to his feet. "And I'm going to head off to bed. They've got me working the breakfast shift which means getting up at the ass crack of dawn. Stay or leave I don't really care." He waved flippantly, before lacing his fingers behind his head and wandering down the hallway toward his bedroom.

"Speaking of ass crack of dawn, I've got some shit to do that is definitely due before class tomorrow and that is around what time I will get done with it." He swung his arms forward and propelled his body to stand. "Guess that means I should get started." Once he followed behind Karkat and there were two soft shuts of doors, it left John and me finally, inevitably, alone.

"You really can go." I said quietly, not looking at him yet.

"It's fine." He replied quickly, maybe too quickly. He paused and then finished with, "I'm fine."

I didn't feel like I needed to respond to that with more than a small nod. With my back to the couch, I couldn't see him sitting on the other end. At least not fully. There was a bit of movement at the edge of my vision that I could assume, knowing John, was his leg bouncing as he nervously tapped his foot. I was more comfortable then I thought I'd be in this situation considering how much less has thrown me into panic before. I don't think the same could be said for him. He was probably exploding on the inside, trying his best to not act like himself and instead hold his tongue. The television was humming lowly and I almost had the nerve to reach over my shoulder for the remote and turn it up. Almost. Not quite. Instead we continued to sit quietly as the room changed colors with every new scene. With the sun being behind the building next to mine, the room was dim with just a hint of an orange glow. All the other light was coming from the late night show now playing. I knew I could withstand the swallowing quiet longer than John could- I also didn't want to bring anything up before him. I didn't want to force him to talk about it, and I also didn't want to ignore it happening in case he actually did want to say something. Thankfully I didn't have to worry because after not too long he was clearing his throat in true John fashion.

"Are we going to pretend like happened?"

I'll admit I wasn't fully expecting him to go straight for the topic. I figured he'd skirt around the question before he got fed up and just blurted it out. What was even odder was his tone. He sounded flat- very unlike the nervous, jumpy boy I thought I knew. It was slightly unnerving honestly.

I took a moment to breathe shallowly; let the question hang there draped over my shoulders pulling them down. "Is that what you want?" I didn't turn around, didn't show my face, didn't give him any room to try and decide how I felt.

It didn't matter though- his response was too quick and we both knew it.

"No-" His voice jumped high. He tried to fix it by clearing his throat again, breathing, starting again. "Of course not."

"This isn't really an of course not situation. You were very drunk-"

"I wasn't that drunk."

"-and how was I supposed to know if you even remembered doing it-"

"Clearly I remember."

"-and even then, it would be easier to pretend like it didn't-"

"Since when have we ever been easy?"

"-then I wouldn't have to worry about this being something you don't want-"

"Would I have done it if I didn't want to?"

"-I never know what you're thinking or feeling these days so how I am to know if-"

"Jesus Dave it's not that complicated if you would just-"

That current sentence stopped and was replaced with "-if I would just? How about would you just let me finish?" My voice had become louder. Enough to finally make him stop and snap his jaw shut. I hated the thought that Sollux and Karkat could probably hear us bickering. It made me wonder what they thought considering I hadn't told them anything yet. They probably already knew something was up considering how awkward we'd both been acting all night simply from being in the same room together.

Nonetheless, now that he had stopped interrupting me. I finally turned to him. He had apparently been staring at the back of my head, or my profile, or whatever he could see from where he was sitting. Because of this, my eyes were immediately met with his. It caused my voice to drop into my stomach and my lungs to constrict. He looked calm but scared, anxious and yet collected. Always unsettling for me how steady his gaze was. Even when scared his eyes were wild and determined. Foggy blue skies casting an irresolute stare down on me. My words were suddenly and forcefully tangled into a knot on my tongue and snagging on my teeth when I tried to push them out. Unable to hold his eyes, mine fell down to his chest that was almost still as a result of his subtle breathing. Further down to his fists, latching onto pants, knuckles white, trembling. His body was always more telling than his eyes, than his voice. Still I found no comfort in knowing he was just as much of a mess as I was. If anything it made my mind plummet further into itself. I was lost in my own head and he was waiting. I'd snapped at him and now I was sitting there staring at him without saying another word. How hypocritical. I ought to speak up; not act like I was trapped in fear and uncertainty. Not act like I could see the same feeling mirrored in him as his knocking knees and his grinding jaw and his twitching eyebrows.

"Are you going to finish?" He managed, called it out to me.

I was stuck there in my thoughts of his eyes so accusing, mouth drawn into a frown. A frown of a mouth that had but only shortly ago been so close to mine. The thought of which sent me back into a whirlwind of memories- some of which I was fond of, others making me want to throw up and simultaneously launch myself at him.

"Dave-" My attention was back but my mind wasn't. "Finish then won't you?"

Still nothing but a breath and wide eyes flicking between his and the space just above his head. What was I supposed to say? How could I fit in everything I'd been feeling since we were kids? How I still remember building sandcastles and doing homework together and missing him- god, did I miss him. Even when he came back I missed him, the old him. How could I explain that there wasn't a moment when I ever truly hated him? Even when he flaunted his relationships or left me feeling more alone than I had when it was just me and Bro. I wanted to say so much and I couldn't figure out what to start with or how to even begin. It was suffocating. I wanted, yearned, to make myself clear for once. Finally let us be on the same page. And I knew he wanted to listen. He wished to know everything this time. He was welcoming me, so why was it harder than ever before?

"Dave." He repeated louder, quicker, stern.

My response was immediate this time. Just as quick, gliding out of my mouth on an exhale. My voice was quiet, timid, longing. "I love you."

That's what made it out. Nothing about our past or any thought I had in the previous fleeting minutes. It was apparently the only thing my voice could form. I wasn't all that prepared for it. I knew as soon as it happened he wasn't either. Eyes went wide on both our parts. Both of us shocked that it had come out like that. I had said it before, once, years ago. Surely he still knew it was true. I had to have at least made that clear.

I thought at best he would start to speak and at worst he would simply get up and leave. Despite that, he just continued to sit there and stare back at me, eyes scanning from my eyes, down, then back up. I'm not sure I'll ever comprehend how it happened. Memory too blurry and frantic that it has left the following few moments blank. There was that rushed, untimely confession then sudden movement without another thought. No thoughts because there I was kneeling up from the floor with one hand on the couch cushion and the other reaching out quickly. He was bent over, eyes already closed but with both hands coming to hold my face and steady himself. He'd tossed his glasses to the floor beside us which made me and my unbruised nose thankful. His fingers were cold against my cheeks, cold sliding around to the back of my neck. I hesitated with my nose inches from his while scanning over his expression for any sign of discomfort. When I was only met with tense anticipation, my fingers tangled in hair curling upwards at the ends. I used that both to ground myself and to pull him forward the rest of the way as I rose fully onto my knees. In the now dark room with only the murmur of the tv and the hum of the heater, I brought his mouth to mine finally, cautiously, slowly, hopeful. It wasn't desperate like the times before. It wasn't rushed. I didn't do it hoping that he wouldn't pull away or that he wouldn't wake up. It felt right this time. My nerves weren't because I was scared of rejection. Don't get it wrong- I was fucking terrified but for the right reasons. The flutter in your stomach jittery reasons. The reasons that stemmed from this beautiful boy finally accepting all I had to give him.

I wanted to curse myself for getting wrapped up in my own thoughts again. I should have been focusing on the ten pin pricks dancing along my neck and cheek and the breath ghosting over my mouth every time we parted but were drawn right back. Whether it had been the fatigue, the nerves, or the alcohol, the other night hadn't felt like this. It had been hurried and haphazard. There was no languid pull of our lips. Instead, it had been almost rough smashing as if we were trying to make up for lost time or get it done before either of us realized what was happening. Now, he was sinking closer to me in a sluggish way while holding on like I would slip away if he gave me the space. That's laughable honestly.

I could never leave him now.

I never wanted him away from me ever again.

To make this point clear, I moved up to my feet and kept going until he was sliding onto his back and the floor under my knees was replaced with the couch. His hands had never left my face for a second. As soon as I was above him with knees bracketing his sides, he was tugging me back down. I lost track of the time and how much air I sucked in trying to catch my breath. It was the same for him, I guessed, considering how often he would shift and gasp or whine when I took a break and spent time latched onto his jaw, his neck, just below his ear. I knew I was rambling through every breath in between, it would make him give an airy laugh occasionally. I couldn't hear much of what I was saying over the buzz in my ears and the thumping of my heart. It was probably all embarrassing either way. I knew this much from what I did realize I was sputtering out.

"You're so gross."

His eventual response was a mutter, but I only laughed against his skin. "You love me."

"Yeah," He puffed out, fingers twisting up in the hair at my neck. "I do."

I felt heavy after listening to that, wanting to melt against him and cling to him for the rest of my life. I would have never believed it even just months ago if someone told me what I'd be doing or hearing in this moment. But here it was now and my brain was fizzling, almost unable to comprehend it all. I must have stalled because I could feel his chest heaving against mine and his shoulders scrunching up.

"Hey,"

"Say it." It came without much consent from my brain. It was clipped and rushed as wide eyes stared at the blurry pillow to the side of his head that was covered in hair splayed out against it.

He had stopped moving entirely, stopped even breathing. But it was just a moment of hesitation before he was relaxing back into the couch and letting an almost inaudible "I love you" float from his lips directly into my ear.

The admission let me fall back into a flurry of kisses against his mouth and even more amorous rambling. "Shit." I let slide out when he would pull back to breathe and I would get a chance to look at hooded eyes and shiny lips. It elevated to a quiet, "Fuck", when he would lift his chest to push against mine or tug at my hair. Short expletives transformed into lengthy thoughts that fell onto his shoulder and made his movements stutter. "I love you." Another, softer pull to my hair. "God, I love you." An almost silent choking of a whine. "I love you so fucking much." When he couldn't stand it anymore, he would push instead of pull, forcing my face back down to press light kisses into the crook of his neck.

I didn't know when I would have stopped if it wasn't for a laugh and the clearing of someone's throat a few feet away. I would have spent hours lavishing him in soft gestures and whispers of everything I had been dying to tell him for years. But now there was an unpleasant groan followed by a snicker that I tried to ignore. John apparently couldn't based on the fact that for the first time his hand left my face and was pushing against my shoulder.

With a quiet grunt I finally left him alone, moving up to my elbows before fully to my hands. I didn't miss out on the opportunity to gaze down at reddened cheeks, mussed hair, and glossy eyes that quickly slid shut. There was just a beat before he was scrunching his face up and pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. Since my beautiful view was gone, I pushed myself back to where I was sitting on my bent knees and pushing my hair back out of my face. I was met with a glare and a grin.

"This is disgusting." The glare said, turning to wander into the kitchen.

"Oh you know you're just jealous." The grin mused, arms crossed against his chest as he leant against the doorway of the hallway and the rest of the apartment.

Falling easily into our usual banter instead of being embarrassed felt easier than I thought it was going to. I guess I had gained some sort of confidence from what just happened, adrenaline making me more comfortable that I could have imagined. "Yeah Kar, you want to come over here and join in." I opened my arms, one hand waving him over but was only give a scoff and an inaudible grumble in return. "And besides I thought you were going to bed."

"I'm thirsty." He bit, ducking his head into the fridge.

"Hungry." Sollux responded before I asked, followed by pulling the fridge door out of the other's grasp and opening it wider. "And don't act shy," Sollux continued as he mimicked my actions. "We know you want us to drown you in affection."

He spoke up with the next noise that came like tetchy exasperation out of his chest. "Like hell I do." He was clutching a water bottle in his hand, lifting it in a threat of a smack.

"Aw baby," I was stopped short.

"Uh Dave-" It was a quiet voice below me- oh yeah John was still lying there under me. "Would you maybe mind removing yourself from my lap?"

"Shit, yeah, sorry." I spluttered quickly, scooting to the other end of the couch where I was fully off him.

He sat up, hands going to straighten out his hair before giving his still rosy cheeks a quick pat then falling to his lap. "Sorry guys." He began but Sollux just laughed loudly again, cold pizza hanging limply in his hand.

"What do you have to be sorry for? If anything I should be thanking you. Looks to me like that one won't be so depressing and exhausting anymore." He waved the pizza at me before flopping it into his mouth.

"Thanks." I responded flatly but it made John's smile return a little which I couldn't help but be thankful for.

"I mean, don't get me wrong, we both really like to listen to you complain and whine all the time, but this is a huge fucking relief."

"I get it."

"No really, I'm ecstatic. Can't you tell?" He lifted his eyebrows slightly with a small upwards twitch of the cornes of his mouth.

"Same for me." Karkat droned, face set in its normal apathetic scowl.

I nodded, extending a hand as a pointed gesture. "Clearly."

"Come on," Karkat began as he pushed Sollux by the shoulder. "Let's go and leave this revolting scene behind. I don't want to think about it anymore and I doubt Dave will tolerate you making fun of him for much longer."

Sollux resisted for a moment as he snickered and gave a thumbs up. "Mom and Pop are truly grateful. Just be careful son." The last thing I could hear was Karkat questioning which one was the mom followed by a smacking sound and disgruntled complaining.

Again, we were left alone. I still felt somewhat light from the normalcy of our squabbling, but I knew if I dared look at John I would plummet into self-conscious mess.

"Dave." He called quietly. From what I could tell as my gaze was focused on the wall, the ceiling, anything else, he was sitting up straight now. Sitting up then moving to his knees and fumbling his way over. Sitting down in front of me as I retracted myself further into the couch arm in a poor attempt to get away. "Look at me." I wouldn't. I couldn't. His hands came up to touch my cheeks but I flinched. "Dammit Dave just fucking look at me." His hands were cold now. Either from not being on me or from nerves. Cold on my cheeks as he pulled my face down and close to his. It was only to gain my full attention. He leaned back once he had it but his hands stayed on my face. "Are you okay?"

It was a soft question that immediately made me defensive. I laughed a little too loudly and my eyes wandered away from his face again. "Of course why wouldn't I-"

"No." He said sternly, shaking my face back and forth. "Don't do that. Just look at me and give me an answer." Putting my attention finally back on his face was a mistake. He was staring so intently into my eyes all hard features and determination. "Are you okay?"

I couldn't breathe again. My throat was caught half way in a swallow, too dry to actually be successful. "Are you?" It took long enough, but it still came out quiet and scratchy.

He sighed, bringing our foreheads together. "Yeah, I think so."

His eyes slipped closed, as my hands came to match his by planting themselves on his cheeks. "Then I am too."

We probably looked ridiculous, him kneeling between one leg stretched out beside him and the other on the floor. Both of us holding the others face with our foreheads pressed against one another. It was unexplainable how embarrassed I'd be if Karkat or Sollux decided to come back through. And yet, somehow I couldn't care. Not when I finally had this. Had him telling me he was okay after kissing the breath out of me in a completely conscious and sober state. I couldn't care about anything else but him. I never could and I wasn't about to start now.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "For everything- all those years."

"John, you don't have to do this." My thumb went to stroking softly against his cheek but he just delicately shook his head.

"I've put you through so much. It was awful. I am awful."

"You're not." Both thumbs rubbing against his face, other fingers trying to scratch at the base of his hair. "I promise you it's all okay. None of that matters now."

He actually laughed at, shoulders hunching. "You're crazy."

"That I will agree with." His laughter was contagious, bringing an easy titter from my chest. "But you are too."

"This is going to be dysfunctional. Truly a mess."

"This-"

"Us."

My laughter stopped and my thoughts faltered. "Us?"

"We are a dysfunctional mess."

I could tell now that I was smiling with abandon. My cheeks were beginning to ache and my face was growing hot but it was nothing compared to the heat from beneath my palms. I was trying to look at him, watch his expression, but he was so close he was rather blurry. I wouldn't dare pull away. I wanted to keep him as close as I possibly could for as long as he would let me. I was hopeful and forgiving. Clinging to every one of his words and pulling from them any meaning I could. "There's an us?"

He was still laughing gently as he gave the slightest hint of a nod. "Took me long enough, yeah?"

I pushed forward to place the softest kiss to the space of his cheek not covered by my hand before returning my forehead to his and breathing out a content sigh.

"It was worth every minute."