Finals Hell

Peter watched Neal from his office as the younger man yawned for the third time in as many minutes. He started to pack his laptop and leave for his lunch right on the dot. Peter noticed he started doing this around the beginning of October. It's the middle of December now and Peter's starting to get worried since it looks like he hasn't been getting enough sleep the past couple days. Peter got up and called Diana up to his office.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Diana asked as she closed his door.

"Yeah. I have a gut feeling Neal's been up to something. It may be nothing but,"

Diana crossed her arms and relaxed a little since this wasn't going to be an 'official' talk. "You notice that he's been taking his laptop to lunch every day for the past couple months, too?"

Peter nodded. "That, and he's taken exactly hour long lunches and now he's been tired the past couple days on top of it. Do you know anything about that?"

Diana shook her head. "'Fraid not. Jones and I have seen him in the coffee shop down the street a couple times but that's it. You want me to go 'run into him'." Diana did air quotes.

"Just make sure he's not doing something he shouldn't be?"

"No problem, boss."

*line break*

Diana spotted Neal on his laptop in the corner of the shop sipping on a coffee with his eyes glued to his screen. She bought a coffee for appearances and then walked over to where Neal was seated. "Fancy seeing you here."

Neal's head shot and he minutely tilted his screen away from Diana. "What are you doing here?"

Diana gestured to the coffee. "On my break. What are you up to? Peter got you doing work over lunch?" She bent over to look at his screen but Neal pulled the laptop away before she got a look.

"Yes! I mean, no. Not exactly. it's, complicated?"

Diana just raised her eyebrows at him.

"That was a really bad lie wasn't it?"

Diana sat down across from him. "My neice can lie better than that and she's three. What's really going on?"

Neal chewed on his lip as he thought how to tell her. "Do you promise not to tell Peter?"

"Is it illegal?"

"No." He answered right away. "Completely above board."

"Then sure. I promise not to tell Peter."

"You can't write it down either."

Diana sighed, getting annoyed. "I promise, whatever you tell me will in no way get back to Peter. Now what is it?"

Neal took a deep breath then turned the computer to Diana. "I've been taking online classes from the local community college to get my GED."

Diana smiled. "Neal, that's great. Why are you keeping it from Peter though?"

Neal turned the computer back towards himself. "I wanted it to be a surprise. I also have a problem that maybe you can help me with. See, it's finals week next week and-"

"Neal, I will not help you cheat."

Neal gave her a look. "This stuff is easy. It's high school completion classes, not a masters degree. The problem I have is that the campus is out of my ratius."

Diana looked confused. "But they're online classes anyway. The whole point is to do it away from campus."

"And that's what I thought, until I got this email from all my professors last week. To ensure there's no cheating all finals are given on campus."

Diana was starting to understand. "You need someone to escort you to the campus to take the test since it's out of you radius."

"Exactly. Will you take me? Please?" Neal gave her puppy eyes.

"As much fun as it is to see you beg, I can't."

"But I need to go to pass."

"I'm sorry Neal, but only Peter can take you out of your radius. The only exception is if he gives another agent written permission, and even then we would have to tell him where we're taking you."

Neal sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Well what am I suppose to do then?"

"The only way is to tell Peter the truth."

"But I was going to surprise him when it's all done. After this quarter I'm still going to have to take winter, spring, and summer quarter before I'm done with the high school completion program."

"Then you're just going to have to surprise him early then. You're going to need to go to the campus those other quarters anyway during finals. It'll be fine, Peter will be proud." She patted him on the shoulder. "See you back at the office."

"Bye." Neal said absentmindedly as he was deep in thought.

*line break*

For the next week, Neal kept making excuses on why he couldn't go to tell Peter about his classes. The next monday he was in one of the old file rooms when Diana stormed in and slammed the door shut, leaving him trapped.

"Why haven't you told Peter yet?"

"I haven't had the time." Neal lied smoothly.

Diana called him on it. "Bull."

"No it's-"

Diana cut him off. "Don't you dare lie to me again, Caffrey. Now why haven't you told Peter yet? Or are you chicken?"

Neal got defensive. "No I'm not."

Diana smirked. "Then let's go tell him."

"Fine."

"Fine." She grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the file room.

"Ow." He pulled his arm out of her grip.

"Baby." She teased.

"You're like an older brother I never wanted." Neal said as he cradled his arm. "This is probably going to bruise." He muttered to himself.

She rolled her eyes. "And you're like a little sister I never wanted." She shot back. They stopped in front of Peter's office. "In."

He opened the door and she gave a little shove. He stumbled in and Diana followed in after. She closed the door and blocked it so Neal couldn't try to run.

Peter watched the whole thing in silence. "May I help you two?" He finally asked when no one made a move to speak first.

"Neal has something to tell you." Diana said.

Peter sighed and set his pen down. "What did you do Neal?"

"Nothing! I just have to ask you something." Neal paused.

"Which is…" Peter urged Neal to talk. "Use your words Neal."

"I've been taking online classes to get my GED and I need you to take me to the campus on thursday and friday so that I can take all my finals." Neal said in a rush.

"I know."

Both Neal and Diana looked shocked. "You know?!" They both said.

Neal turned to Diana. "You promised you wouldn't tell him!"

"Diana didn't tell me anything so calm down."

"Then how?"

Peter opened a drawer and pulled out ads and catalogs from the college. "I seem to be getting your mail. So I made a couple calls and found out that one Neal Caffrey seems to be enrolled."

"Did you use FBI resources to spy on me?"

"No, that's illegal and I could get fired for that. I just told them I'm your father. Once I supplied your social security number they told me all your classes." Peter smiled. "The only thing I haven't figured out is why you didn't tell me in the first place."

Neal sighed. "That just seems to be the question of the day." He muttered. "I wanted it to be a surprise."

Peter smiled at Neal and Neal smiled back shyly.

"The only thing I'm wondering," Diana broke the moment. "Is why you wrote Peter's address instead of your own. You had to know that stuff would be mailed there."

Neal shrugged. "I figured Peter would just write it off as junk mail. Since the FBI doesn't pay me," Neal shot a glare at Peter. "I needed to sign up for financial aid and if I put down the address for June's house my request would have been denied."

Peter stood up. "Well now that that is settled, you two can get back to work." Peter pointed at the two of them and put his other hand on his hip. "And no more fighting."

"She started it." Neal pointed right at Diana.

"No way Caffrey, you started this one." Diana shot back.

"And I'm ending it." Peter spoke over both of them. He started to herd them out of his office. "Neal, stop teasing Diana. And Diana, stop taking Neal's bait, you know he's only after a reaction." Peter turned back into his office. "I'm like a parent with a room full of children." He muttered as he shut his door.

"We love you too, Dad!" Neal yelled before the door shut all the way. He turned to Diana and smiled. She just rolled her eyes and went back to work.

*line break*

An hour later Neal sighed in frustration and rolled over to Jones' desk, who happened to be the closes to his. "Do you know much about biology?"

Jones gave Neal a confused look. "Not on the top of my head. Why?"

"I need to memorize all the parts of an animal and plant cell plus be able to name the function of each part." At Jones' still confused face Neal clarified further. "It's for my final on thursday. I am going to officially get a high school diploma by the end of summer." Neal said proudly.

"Do you have any of the parts memorized yet?" Diana cut in.

Neal acted insulted. "Of course I do!" He numbered them on his fingers as he named them. "The nucleus is the brain, the cell membrane is the wall thing around the cell, and the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell."

Jones and Diana waited for Neal to continue. "That's it?" Diana finally asked. Neal smiled sheepishly and shrugged. "You told me in the coffee shop that this stuff was easy."

"It is. The math, english, and history parts at least. Chemistry would be pretty simple too since Mozzie taught me reactions for forgeries when I was younger. But I've never had to know the difference between an animal and plant cell, or the animal kingdom, or any of that stuff."

"Do you at least know the six kingdoms of how life is classified?" Jones asked.

"I think fungi is one?"

Jones and Diana looked at each other and groaned in unison.

"What's 23,890 times 44,903 equal?" Jones tried again.

Neal thought for a second. "1,072,732,670."

Jones shook his head. "Dude, how can you have such a big gap of knowledge missing? Did you only go up to eighth grade or something?"

Neal smiled and did a small bow in his chair. "Middle school drop out at your service." Diana and Jones both looked shocked so Neal shrugged. "What can I say, middle school didn't agree with me. And I've gotten by so far without the knowledge of plant cells."

"Until now." Diana pointed out with a grin.

"Until now." Neal agreed. "Think Peter will know?"

"Think Peter will know what?" Peter himself said from behind Neal.

"Do you happen to have a wide range of biology knowledge and willing to teach it to me by thursday?"

Peter frowned. "Have you had since the beginning of October to memorize all this and waited three days before the final to do it?"

"If I say yes will you not help me? Because if that's so then I've had it memorized the whole time." Neal took a sip of the coffee on his desk.

Peter groaned. "Damn it Neal. Okay, you two," he pointed at Diana and Jones. "No more gossiping. Get back to work."

"Yes boss."

"Neal, my office. Take all your notes." Neal nodded and gathered all his things together. They both went up to Peter's office. "Sit." Peter pointed to the small, round table next to his desk and Neal obeyed without question. "Now, you are about to partake in one of the oldest ways of studying for a final, flashcards."

"Seriously? Your big fancy way of studying is flashcards?"

"Have you ever studied for a final?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Then you're going to try it this way."

Neal scoffed. "There is no way flashcards work that well. Did you use them in college? And at Quantico?"

"Yup."

"And the whole Harvard crew out there? Did they use flashcards too?" Neal leaned back in his chair and gestured to the agents in the bull pen.

"Come here." Peter opened his door and addressed all the agents. Neal got up while rolling his eyes and stood next to Peter. "Everyone that went to Harvard, would you please raise your hands." Everyone raised their hands. "Okay, now keep your hand raised if you had to use flashcards during your finals." About one or two agents put their hands down but the rest kept them raised. "Thank you." They went back into Peter's office and sat down in their respective seats. "Told you." Is all Peter said smugly.

Neal sighed. "Fine, I'll try making the flashcards."

*line break*

Neal ended up using the flashcards, much to the amusement of Peter, for the next three days as he got ready for his final. Thursday morning at seven he showed up at Peter's house so Peter can take him to the campus.

"You ready?" Peter asked Neal in the car.

"As I'll ever be."

"Which finals do you have again today?" Peter asked as he switched lanes.

"From eight thirty until ten thirty I have my timed essay, which will be a persuasive essay by the way."

"So your reputation as a con man is riding on getting an A."

"Exactly." Neal said with a laugh. "And after that from eleven until one I have my biology final."

Peter pulled into a parking spot at the campus. "Your favorite subject. Do you feel like you studied enough?"

Neal grabbed his messenger bag by his feet. "As well as I could."

"Good luck then." Peter reached behind him and grabbed the morning paper.

Neal froze before he opened the car door. "Wait, you're staying here?"

"Yup." Peter answered as he opened to the sports section. "Got a deviled ham and everything." Peter put the paper on his lap. "That reminds me," He reached back again and grabbed a brown paper bag. "El packed you a lunch. Some french name I can't pronounce."

"Peter, this is seriously embarrassing."

Peter just picked up his paper again. "Technically I'm suppose to go in with you since this is out of your radius, but if you would rather do it that way…" Peter started to slowly fold his paper as if to put it away.

"On second thought, this is fine!" Neal pushed back the sleeve of his hoodie. "Wow, look at the time! I should get going so I'm not late. Bye Dad, see you at one!" Neal rushed out of the car. He found the classroom easily and took a seat after signing in behind a couple other people who got there before him. Five minutes later he realized what he said. He smiled after a moment of thinking it over.

*line break*

Monday morning Neal came into the office beaming.

"I'm guessing the finals went well." Diana commented.

Neal sat down next to Diana's desk. "They did. The grades were posted this morning and guess who got an eighty seven on their biology test?"

Diana faced forward towards Jones. "Ha! Pay up Jones."

"Damn Neal, I bet you could get an A." Jones grumbled as he gave Diana a couple folded bills.

"Please," Diana said while counting her money. "You bet someone could get an A in biology after just getting introduced to the subject three months ago. Even Neal can't pull that off."

"Hey!" Neal butt in. "I'm sitting right here you know."

"I can see that." Peter said as he walked by. "And yet you should be at your desk. Hop to it kid." Peter ruffled Neal's hair as he walked pass.

"Peter!" Neal whined. "You messed up my hair." Neal huffed as he tried to fix it while he went back to his desk. Peter just continued to his office. He sat down at his desk and just watched as Neal kept trying to fix his hair. Peter finally cracked a smile and quietly laughed at his pseudo son's antics.