A/N: I have been working away at this beast for the past few weeks. I'm not the happiest with it, but I'm tired of trying to make it work better. It's just an AU hypothesis of the 5 Missing Years between S1 and S2. It was my theory that Artemis was the one who had died and left the team in such a mess.This was mostly due to foreshadowing from season one. Particularly her almost drowning three episodes in a row, saying she would die for the team, and the photograph taken by Dick on their first day of school. IT MAY STILL HAPPEN *TINHAT*

There is a tense change between 1 and 2. It is intentional.

Warnings: Character Death, Drug Use, Language, Sex, M/M, F/F relationships. Turn back now if these things offend you.

Seriously. I am not kidding.

-B

I. One Small Step

"Where should I go?"

"That depends on where you want to end up."

-Alice in Wonderland

It was a on a sunny afternoon in June that the Beta squad were called into a private school on a bomb threat. That day Beta Squad consisted of Artemis, M'gann, and Wally.

"Awesome, my two favourite redheads. And you can tell Roy that." Artemis said when she got the order.

The evacuation was going so smoothly that it was boring. Artemis waved to a little girl before yawning. She checked her phone, they were making good time. The entire fire department was on the building's front lawn, she could sneak away to a vending machine.

"I'm getting a soda, does anyone want one?"

"Hmmm... I could go for something sweet. Not sure what though." M'gann replied.

"You're craving a grape soda."

"Woah, you can tell that over the mental link?" Wally interjected.

"Nah, I just saw you eying that kid's purple popsicle."

"Can you tell what I'm craving, Beautiful." She could hear his sleazy grin.

"You will drink anything I put in front of you anyway."

"You know me too well."

The air conditioning in the building was off, but a large fan was situated at the end of the hall. It did nothing to help the stuffiness of the bottom floor. The fan just created a tunnel of noise. Artemis stepped delicately around it to get to the stairway to the second floor.

The vending machines were lumped together in a little cubby next to the bulletin board. Artemis's dark eyes flickered over the ads for tutoring and PAC meetings. She smirked at the realisation that she was finally done with high school.

She took out the necessary bills, feeding them into the machine one at a time. It was being finicky, so she had to flatten the bill before re-sending it through.

"B3, H7, annnddd what do I wannntt?" She tapped a finger against her lips.

"Artemis, hurry up. The bomb squad's entering the building." Wally rushed.

"Yeah, yeah. Sprite."

"What? Oh. Yeah, soda."

Artemis juggled all three cans in her already crowded arms. The cold was a welcoming bite to her overheated flesh. She was headed towards the stairs when she heard footfalls and children's laughter.

The grape soda toppled from her arms and burst in a fizzy spray dousing the hall.

"God-dammit." She muttered and turned around.

In the low light of the building she just managed to catch a glimpse of a little girl running off towards the centre of the building. She swore and dropped her remaining cans.

"Artemis to team. I've spotted a civilian still in the building. I'm going to try and get her out."

"Careful!" M'gann chirped.

"Artemis, just stay where you are. I'll swing by and get her out."

"I'm already here, Wally. I don't need powers just to get one girl out of a building. Chill."

Artemis's boots made soft footfalls on the tiles of the hall as she followed the little girl deeper into the building. She was passing the cafeteria when she heard whimpering coming from behind its doors.

She pushed the door further open and leaned her head in. The whimper was louder now, and with a quick look she spotted the girl. The poor little thing was curled up beneath a table.

"Hey sweetheart, it's okay."

Artemis took slow, easy steps toward the girl. Stopped at five feet. The girl was holding something large and black.

"Hey. You can walk, right?"

Another step.

She heard a click from behind her. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her stomach.

"Artemis to Beta. I think I've found the bomb. Clear whoever's left around the building."

"What? What about the little girl?"

A small chuckle confirmed Artemis's suspicions. Her hand reached out for the child and passed right through.

"Either future tech or magic."

"Future tech."

"Shut up, Wally!"

"Listen. I'm going to try and-"

Suddenly the mental burst in a flash of euphoria, endorphins and colour. Then silence.

The blast of wind and rubble only confirmed what they already knew.

Artemis was gone.

II. How long is forever?

"It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited, and that eventually all of us will end up underneath some sheet, never to wake up. And yet it is always a surprise when it happens to someone we know. It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair than there is. Your foot falls down, through the air, and there is a sickly moment of dark surprise as you try and readjust the way you thought of things."

-Lemony Snicket

Conner doesn't know what to do. Wally keeps shouting about how nothing is real. M'gann won't stop crying. Dick just ran straight out of the cave, and Kaldur is sitting there quietly.

He's read about the different stages grief takes. None of them fit what he's feeling. The others smear the lines between stages as well. Wally obviously is dancing between denial and anger. M'gann and Kaldur are equal parts depression, he's guessing Dick's bargaining. Didn't this whole scenario happen before? Shouldn't wolf be incinerated too?

Their mental link is silent except for Wally's constant chant of "Wake up. Wake up. Wake up."

Even if there was noise it would sound like the same low buzzing to Conner's super-hearing. Is he going deaf?

Wolf's claws tick as he enters the room. He pads over to M'gann and licks at her hand before slumping at her feet.

"I'll make some tea." He says.

No one looks up.

His hands are shaking as he fills the kettle. Then he fills Wolf's water. There's a dirty spot at the bottom of the sink. He takes a cloth to it and rubs so hard the enamel wears off.

Life burst back into the cave with a whirl of the Zeta tube.

"Recognized: Zatanna B 25, Rocket B 26."

Laughter trickles in with the new occupants.

"And when he just went flying. He face was all 'ragh'!"

"Oh man, then the look the rest of the henchmen got. What was that spell you used, something about bees?"

"I wanted to give them beards made out of- hey what's up guys?" Zatanna's brows furrow.

The mug Conner's holding crashes to the floor.

"S-sorry." He grunts.

Wally's face is bright red as he storms over to the arrivals.

"How can you be laughing at a time like this?"

"I didn't tell them." Kaldur says.

It's the first word he's spoken since he got the news. Wally quiets down.

"Time like-"

"Where's Dick? Why isn't Artemis here?" Zatanna's words come out in a rush.

Conner searches the closet. Where is that damn broom?

A cellphone goes off in the tense silence. Kaldur picks up. He doesn't speak, just listens. It is so quiet as everyone else tries to catch fragments of the crackling rumbles over the tiny speaker.

"Yes, Batman." He sighs.

He hangs up the phone and places it on the coffee table.

"Mrs. Crock was called down to identify the body. They were able to confirm the identity with dental records."

A low keening noise reverberates through the cave as Zatanna collapses. Raquel just stands agog with glassy eyes. She looks like she's about to vomit. Conner does.

Why can't he find that broom?

III. I'd turn my bones to sand

I'd put together everything that's broken

just to see you

-Anything, Third Eye Blind

Wally spent a lot of his time blaming anyone. Himself mostly. He and M'gann aren't speaking. It's hard to share words when you share a bond of feeling someone's last thought fade. The psychic scream that ripped through their shared consciousness all but severed the last connection.

But, he's trying to move on.

He quit being Kid Flash, because he's not a kid anymore and he wants to do something else with his life. While he still has the time.

Now he goes to school most days and fixes cars. He's good at fixing things. They make sense. It's either one thing or another: too much oil, not enough water. Plus super speed means he can get the job done quickly.

Sometimes he goes on dates with girls. It'll be the way they brush their hair away from their face, or perhaps the way they scrunch up their nose that reminds him of her. Wally doesn't do second dates.

He goes out for drinks with the team when Dick turns eighteen. It feels like everything might be normal again until he realises that they've accidentally booked the table for eight instead of seven. There's a seat between him and M'gann left deliberately empty.

M'gann smiles a lot, but it's in the tired way that Black Canary does whenever someone mentions Green Arrow. She keeps brushing Conner's hand away when he tries to touch her.

They talk about their lives like awkward strangers. Or adults. School, work, pets, kids, and the weather fill the gaps where laughs used to be.

Their conversations are light and hold little substance. It's like the Diet Coke of conversation. One calorie not quite filling enough. Plus the gross aftertaste of aspartame. Not that he drinks soda anymore.

When they depart it is with feelings of relief and lying promises of, "This was fun, we should do it again sometime."

Afterward he brings Dick back to his apartment and goes down on him.

"You didn't have to get me a birthday present." His friend says, dazed.

"I'm disappointed in you for not using the obvious package reference."

"Give me a minute, just getting my second wind."

Wally rests his head against Dick's stomach.

"Come back to the team."

"You know I can't do that."

"Heh, yeah. Did you know Raquel and Zatanna are dating?"

"Dick."

"No, this was nice Wally." He pulls himself back into his pants.

He stops on his way to the door, "If you ever change your mind..."

"You'll be the first one to know."

He meets Linda the next day.

IV. Blending into dull tableau

"It's difficult to ever go back to the same places or people. You turn away, even for a moment, and when you turn back around, everything's changed."

― Gabrielle Zevin, Elsewhere

He used to be the one with his shit together. Now he's barely making it through for himself, let alone providing for a needle-addict best friend with a pregnant girlfriend.

Kaldur would ask himself when everything became so undeniably fucked up, but the date's marked on the calendar with a big red 'X'.

He's getting a glass of water when he runs into Jade. She's wearing an oversized Tee of Roy's and a bland expression. She too grabs a glass and sits at the table.

"It's almost the anniversary." She says quietly.

It's what they're all thinking. The League, The Team, The Light. Everyone has their calendar marked for this day.

"It's hard to believe that it has already been two years." He remarks.

"My daughter will never know her aunt."

Her hand is absently rubbing her stomach. Kaldur sighs. He needs to get out of this apartment. Roy's likely collapsed on the couch trying to detox without going through withdrawals. He promised he wouldn't call Dinah, but that phone number keeps looking friendlier with each glance.

"We need milk." He says, standing.

Jade gives him a look that tells him she doesn't buy his bullshit excuse to leave their little lovenest-a-trois.

"Get me a pack of smokes." She says.

He glares, "You said you quit for the baby."

"I did. I just wanted to complete the image of you behaving like a man who wants out of his marriage."

"...What?"

"You know, 'Papa ran out of smokes and went to get some. That was three years ago.'? Classic excuse for men leaving..? Humour is lost on all the wrong people."

"Right." Kaldur pulls a shirt out of the hamper and slips it on.

He grabs his bike and house keys then left. Through the door he hears Roy shout something from the living room. His resolve keeps as he exits through the fire escape.

Fresh air stings his lungs. He longs for the softer oxygen in Atlantis's gates. Under the sea, that's where he'd rather be. Instead he finds a familiar desolate phone booth and squeezes into it.

"Recognized: Aqualad B02."

Ever since Dick pointed out that the Zeta Tubes sounded strangely like Artemis he's found them creepy and tragic. The cave is oddly quiet. No quietly squabbling M'gann and Conner, no Jaime and Garfield arguing over the channels. Clearly they've been dispatched on a mission. He stares at the sofa and is reminded of happier times. Slumber parties on this sofa. The strange Tetris game that managed to fit seven or eight teenagers and a giant wolf onto a single piece of furniture. He'd been squashed between Dick and Conner and was continually kneed in the face by a squirming Wally.

It's weird. It feels like they're all dead, instead of just one of them.

V. Collapsar

"When there's nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire."
-Your Ex-Lover Is Dead, Stars

His breath is hot on the back of her neck. He presses kiss after kiss there -marring her with teeth and tongue. Pale fingers swirl against her stomach and up to her breasts. Her breath catches.

"Conner, don't stop." She gasps.

M'gann feels their psychic connection flicker. His emotions are muddled as they rush at her. Confusion, hurt, and need all cling at her consciousness. It makes her weary. She retreats the link further.

Conner bites her harder and digs the fingers of his right hand into her thigh.

"Come on." He grunts in frustration.

M'gann rolls her eyes and turns around to flip him onto his back. She covers his mouth with hers to shut him up.

Tonight is the first night in three weeks that Garfield hasn't come rushing into her room from a nightmare.

"Our room."

She reins in the rush of annoyance and sends a feigned wave of affection over the link.

"Baby, we haven't had sex in close to a month." She rolls her hips.

Conner keeps silent, but she feels him arguing with himself. She remembers when they were focused on each other during sex. Not on jobs, identities, Her, or her adopted brother's grades.

Just the raw animal act. She drags his hands up to her chest and rides him harder.

No thinking. No ideas. No feelings. Just this.

Conner huffs and removes his hands.

"M'gann stop."

"What? Why?"

She slides off his lap and tangles one hand in her short hair. He tugs his boxers up and sits on the edge of the bed. Conner reaches for her hand and she gives it warily.

"M'gann, we may not have had sex in a month... but it's been almost a year since we made love."

"Conner, it's the same thing!" She removes her hand and shifts a nightgown.

"No. It's not. You told me that Martian intimacy is all mental and emotional, yet you're blocking me out."

"Yeah? Well maybe I just need some space."

"How does the couch sound?" Conner snaps and grabs his pillow.

"Sounds perfect to me!"

"Fine."

"Fine."

The door shuts with a click instead of a slam. M'gann wants to tear her hair out in frustration. She settles for a quiet hiss and curls around her knees.

Unconsciously she starts rubbing her forearms together and muttering in Martian. She just wants to break something. Then set it on fire. Then eat an entire factory's worth of cookies.

Maybe not necessarily in that order.

There's a spider on her shin.

"Gar, you don't have to sneak in here." M'gann sighs.

The arachnid scuttles off her before shifting into her "blood brother".

"I was practicing my web-making. I made you a heart, see?"

Indeed, there is a crooked heart surrounding her kneecap. She tugs him closer and presses a kiss to his forehead.

"You're doing that thing Mom used to do."

"Mm?"

"Pretending to be happy when I'm around, then cry when you think I'm gone. It's okay to be sad, Megan. I'm a big boy. I can handle it."

"Yes, you're very strong and big. We'll have to start calling you Beast Man soon."

"I'm serious!"

"I'm the adult, Little Green. It's my job to protect you. Even from myself. Now get some sleep."

He yawns and paws at an eye, "Right back at you, Big Green."

VI. Deceased

"You're either living or you're dead. When you're living, you're alive. When you're dead, that's what you are. But when you're dead and then you're not, you're alive again. Can't we say "alive again"? Didn't that sound nice?"

-Ned, Pushing Daisies

Deceased is a redundant word. Ceased already means stopped, adding the 'de' is unnecessary. The 'de' is usually used to mark the opposite of the roots' meaning. Typically negative in context.

For example: destruction, construction, devolve, evolve, denote, note

His mind does this for hours. Taking things and picking them apart to find the flaws. It's just like hacking or living up to Bruce's expectations.

(That isn't fair. Bruce hasn't done anything wrong.) He mentally chastises.

The point is he's spent the past two years picking apart the situation and the bomb and the false child and the soda cans -just looking for a flaw, a sign.

Denial. (There's that 'de' again.)

Well, he's trying to be just nial now. Accepting of the fact that Artemis was incinerated by twenty pounds of nitroglycerin at point blank so she was left a charred lasagne-with-teeth shell.

Only two of the team knows what the body looked like. He broke in and looked at the photos, M'gann read Bruce's mind. Neither of them can talk about it.

They don't talk much more anyway.

Dick has his theory for the drift that affects his team. If he thinks of the team as one entity, like a machine, or a body and if you remove one component then it shuts down.

The leg bone's attached to the hip bone. If they were a Megazord, Artemis would have been an arm or something.

But, then the rest of the robot is stumbling around looking for the missing limb. Then all of the other limbs start falling off.

Boom! There goes a leg! Then the head falls off. Now the Megazord is a chest cavity with an arm and leg trying to flop itself to some semblance of togetherness.

Dick's lost the metaphor. Actually, it just makes him sadder, because it reminds him of how many times poor Red Tornado has been dismembered. Also, he owes Gar a new Power Rangers' toy.

VII. Choking On All Your Alibis

"Pity is for the living, envy is for the dead."

-Mark Twain

Poor Ollie. Two sidekicks in just as many years. Poor, poor Mayor Queen who sits upon a throne of smugness and missed phone calls.

If you look up 'bitter' in the Dictionary there's a picture of Roy Harper.

It's true, Dick showed him to prove it.

Of course, he's not really Roy Harper. He's a bad case of identity theft that won't go away. The real Roy Harper probably wouldn't end up a junkie dating(in a serious relationship with) an ex(on-again-off-again) assassin.

But, the real Roy Harper never lived to grow pubes either, so...

Whatever. He needs to get his act together. He woke up on the bathroom floor this morning (again). When he asked Jade about it, she scoffed and said he was holding her hair through morning sickness. Such a lovely liar.

Over the years he's come to terms with the fact that he doesn't deserve the love of a woman who has a kill count in the forties. He's okay with that (no he's not).

Roy checks the answering machine for messages, no calls from Ollie, hey that place he cold-called three weeks ago wants him for an interview.

Then he checks the Calendar.

Fuck.

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck. Fuck.

He manages to scrape a razor across his face to get rid of the most offensive of the scruff. Jade will literally kill him if he misses this. He's not sure if she'll dispose of the body or keep a part of him for their daughter to see as a warning whenever she asks "why don't I have a daddy?"

Gross.

He shoots up to remove the stress of having to face the disappointed and judging faces of his former teams. (After he puts the suit on of course. It's hard to make himself care about pants when he's high.)

The Funeral Reunion is as depressing as it is every year. There is visible coldness and distance between the two aliens. This year's guacamole is awesome, though. Dick credits the new kid.

Wally introduces him to a new girlfriend (which is new) whose name he can't remember (which isn't new) and-

Ollie's here.

With a new girl.

Not a girlfriend, a fucking sidekick. She's blond and looks at once excited and devastated. Roy feels the blood hammering in his veins. He's angry and envious, because Ollie places a comforting hand on the girl's head. He's still here. He's still alive and Ollie won't even return a phone call.

"Her name's Cissie. Artemis was her hero." Dick fills in (because that's what Dick does, rimshot.)

"Well, I'm sure with a name like that she has a history of inspiring fear into the heart of crime." Oh, there's Jade.

Absently, Roy rubs his girlfriend's shoulders. His buzz is wearing off and it's making him cranky. Not that the others will notice the mood change.

"What's up with Vegeta and Piccolo? Trouble in paradise?" Jade asks.

It takes him a good minute and half to get it, but it's the first time Roy's laughed in about a week.

"You know Conner has superhearing, right?"

"Yes, but I also know he's been deprived of proper Dragonball education."

"True. Anyway, I don't know the specifics, but Conner's insecure about only being part Kryptonian and having a bad case of the Neverland blues. M'gann still hasn't forgiven herself for Art- the reason we're all here today. When two low pressure systems meet a storm brews and whatever." Dick sighs.

"Thought you said you didn't know the specifics."

"I am the son of Batman, I know everything."

He and Jade take a taxi home and the driver goes the long way just to make them pay more. Roy feels like he should be angry, instead he just gets that 'hollow observer' feeling he's so accustomed to. He hands the man the right cash with a two-dollar tip.

Jade's collapsed on the couch by the time he gets in. Roy treads carefully as he hears the snuffles. Tiny hard tears are escaping Jade's eyes as she stares at the TV screen. She must have turned it on for background noise. But, Enter The Dragon is on.

"She loved this movie. I think it's what inspired her to-" She bites her lip.

For once, Roy is doing the comforting. He sheds his suit jacket and curls up on the couch with her. She sobs a big wet stain on his rumpled shirt.

The wracking of her chest has slowed when the phone rings.

They both stay still and let it go to voicemail.

"Roy. Jade. I have gone out for some cigarettes. The bills have been paid up for the next two months."

They all leave eventually.

VIII. nO gnivoM

"I believe that life is a game, that life is a cruel joke, and that life is what happens when you're alive and that you might as well lie back and enjoy it."

― Neil Gaiman, American Gods

She doesn't go to the wakes or the dinners or the little 'Team Building' get-togethers filled with awkward pauses and thinly veiled blame. It's exhausting and she doesn't know how the others keep up with it.

Zatanna already has to stare one ghost in the face daily. Artemis would understand. If the chance provides itself then Zatanna will shuffle life's deck to return the archer to her mortal coil. No hesitation. No questions asked. Hopefully no repeat of season six of Buffy.

Alas, it's not in the cards. Instead Zatanna fills her life with happy things. Her and Raquel's apartment looks like a cross between the set of Charmed and a forties pulp novel. Books everywhere.

They have a cat named Amistad who keeps trying to eat her plants. They still miss Artemis, but the grief is settled and quiet. It does not hang over like an overpowering shroud like at The Base.

She wonders if the new members added to the team will manage to break through the block of depression crushing the original team members.

(If to press already means to put pressure on something, doesn't that make the 'de' in depression unnecessary?)

Zatanna and Raquel go out to dinner that night. They both order grape soda and think nothing of it.

Understand we'll go hand in hand

but we'll walk alone in fear.

Where do we go from here?

- Once More With Feeling, Buffy The Vampire Slayer

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