PRIME'S OFF DAY

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Trasformer characters, and am making no profit off of this nutty work of fiction.

Blame Xbox and plot bunnies for this one. I suck at video games… almost hilariously so. And then I got to thinking "Damn, if this really were a battle on Cybertron, the other Autobots would think that Optimus had gone fraggin' insane. Oooh… and now the plot bunnies have been unleashed from their cage and are running rampant. BUAHAHAHA!

Ironhide's position - control room

As used as he was to war, having fought many battles over the course of his long life, Ironhide still found himself sometimes getting irked by how incredibly noisy fighting could get. He didn't mind it so much in his youth, when his main job was to either shoot Decepticons or bash them to pieces. It was a job he had both excelled at and enjoyed, and sometimes he found that the noise could be helpful to pinpoint enemies he couldn't quite see.

Now, as an older Autobot who had distinguished himself in numerous battles and who had gained a reputation as a great tactician, he found himself having to coordinate, lead and think a lot more than he used to. Thinking for himself amidst the noise had never been a problem, Ironhide had always had great instincts in battle. But having to think for himself, for others, relay commands, try to predict enemy movements… and having to do all of this amongst a cacophony of noise sometimes made the old mech want to shoot something.

So when Ratchet and Bumblebee had interrupted his thought process with a private communication, Ironhide was none too happy.

"Bombs going off, Decepticon scum closing in on us, I'm trying to coordinate a rescue… this had better be really damned important!" the old warrior growled over the closed line.

"Sorry Ironhide, but we didn't think this could wait!" Bumblebee's voice seemed nervous. "Ratchet and I think there's something wrong with Optimus."

Ironhide sighed. "Of course," he muttered. While the heat of battle did sometimes get to some bots, he never thought he would ever hear of Optimus being affected. No, he refused to believe that yet. It was more likely that Ratchet and Bumblebee were just overreacting. Still… more information was required. "Care to elaborate?"

"He keeps getting lost!" the young scout blurted out. Ironhide growled and almost snapped at the pair of them for worrying over such a stupid thing. Thankfully, right at that moment, a couple of Decepticons had found their way to the position he was holding. A few sharp blasts from his cannons dispatched of them quite effectively. At least being in battle offered a lot of opportunities to blow off some steam.

"That's not the worst of it… but that is worrisome," Ratchet's voice finally sounded on the communication. "Not only lost… going around in circles. Covering the same ground over and over again. Running at walls. Not only does he not seem to know where he is, he doesn't seem to know where he should go next. Bee and I have been trying to hang back a bit and wait for him, we make it obvious where we are… and sometimes he still has troubles even finding his way back to us so that he can follow us."

"And he can't jump very well. It's like… well, like he doesn't have very good control over what he's doing," Bumblebee cut in again.

Ironhide mulled over this bit of information and he had to admit, that did not sound like the Optimus he knew at all. He felt that Optimus could someday be a great leader, so to hear that he had seemingly lost all of his good sense was very troubling.

"Yeah… that's strange. Alright… is there any reason for it. Did he take a few bad hits? Is there something scrambling his opticals or messing with his sense of direction? Ratchet, do a scan to…"

"Way ahead of you," the medic huffed. "Or did you think that I was suddenly incompetent as well?"

"Incompetent?" Ironhide raged. "This is Optimus you're talking about… watch what you say! I did not train him to be incompetent."

"Well, not totally incompetent," Bumblebee interrupted hastily. "He can still fight… kind of. Well, no, he does fight. Just not like he usually does. He's a lot more cautious than usual. Like, he's always cautious, but this time it's almost like he's … well…"

"Scared of taking hits, letting Bumblebee and me do a lot of the work," Ratchet interrupted. "Adopting defensive tactics, sniper tactics. He spends a lot of time planning on how to avoid getting hit. Takes a long time looking for cover, even cover that won't provide a good vantage point for taking out Decepticons. And he won't leave a concealed spot until he is certain he won't get hit. If a Decepticon comes out of nowhere, he runs almost in a panic back to cover. Heck, he even tried using Bumblebee for cover at one point."

"Huh? I hadn't noticed that. Oh, and he hit Ratchet once!"

"Humph, barely. Honestly, he kind of hit like a young sparkling who hasn't learned how to fight properly."

"Oh, and when he doesn't know what to do, he sometimes runs around just randomly shooting at … well… things. Like a light control on the walls or something."

"Well," Ratchet mused, "That was helpful … he did clear out a patch of dark energon crystals that was blocking our way."

By Primus… Ratchet had been right. Optimus was suddenly, inexplicably, incompetent. That was distressing, very distressing, as Optimus had been one of Ironhide's favourite students. If they had been talking about any other 'bot, Ironhide would almost have found a bit of humour in the situation. Heck, if they had been talking about Megatron, Ironhide would have burst some coolant lines from laughing too hard.

Wait… Megatron…

"Bee, Ratchet! Do you think the 'Cons could be behind this? Could they have corrupted his battle computer or compromised his systems?"

"Wow, do you think the Decepticons really have that kind of technology?" the young Autobot almost sounded scared.

"Hm… we'd have to run some very in depth tests to determine that. I certainly hope we're not looking at some sort of new Decepticon technology. If they can do this to Optimus, do you think any of us are safe?" Even Ratchet, who had seen all kinds of battlefield trauma and damage, sounded a bit shaken.

"Well, we certainly don't have time for that. Keep an eye on him, keep him close, get through the Decepticon forces and get him to the evac site. We'll have time to check things out afterwards." Suddenly, curiosity got the best of Ironhide. "By the way… how is it that you have time to stand around communicating all of this to me? Did you find a quite spot? Should I send help?"

"We're fine… we're on our way. This area has been cleared out, we know where we have to go. We're just… ugh, how do I put this?" Ratched paused.

"Optimus is running around in circles again!" Bumblebee blurted out. "So we're waiting for him."

"Primus help us," Ironhide muttered out loud. "Fine, enough. Tell me your position, I'll send in reinforcements to get you out of there and then we can…"

"No, wait…!" Ratchet interrupted. Then there was silence. Ironhide waited, paced in the small control room he was occupying, stuck his head out the door and blasted a couple of stray Decepticons he had heard. The battle had subsided a bit, but Decepticon reinforcements were sure to arrive.

"What is going on, guys?"

"Just wait!" Ratchet snapped. Ironhide tapped his giant foot, feeling his already-thin patience wearing out. "Disregard for now," Ratchet reported back. "Optimus seems back to normal for now. We'll report in more detail later. We're going to try to head to the evac site as quickly as possible. We'll contact you if there are any more problems."

The old mech huffed a sigh of relief. With Optimus back to his senses, he had great faith that the trio would get through to safety. However, worry and doubt gnawed at his gut. What if Optimus relapsed again and suddenly lost his head?

Meanwhile, at Optimus', Ratchet's and Bumblebee's position

"Really, I'm fine, Ratchet. We don't have time to do a scan, we have to get to the evac site. There's a passageway on the opposite side of this room, but we have to get past that Decepticon war machine first. The turrets on top seem to have limited range, so the best way to weaken it is to take out the legs, limit it's manoeuvrability and the range of it's weapons. Bee, you aim for the turrets while Ratchet and I take out the legs. There's not much cover in here, so keep moving, try to stay out of it's range. Constant movement means we won't have a lot of time to stop and take aim. The turrets are smaller targets and farther from ground level, so Bumblebee, use an automatic weapon. It will pack less of a punch than a rifle, but you won't have to stop and aim as much, just use short bursts of bullets in the general area. Is everyone clear on what has to be done?"

"Wow, it sure is great having you back, Optimus," Bumblebee stated with obvious relief. "We were really worried about you!"

"I appreciate your concern, but you should not have compromised your safety for me. Delaying and waiting for me could have been dangerous for you. If this happens again, if I appear to be malfunctioning, just worry about getting yourselves to safety. Leave me if you have to."

Ratchet snorted. "Ironhide would have killed me. And he was concerned, too."

Optimus winced. "I suppose you were obligated to let him know, though I wish it hadn't been necessary. I do feel embarrassed about the whole thing. Did you try talking to me, seeing how my responses were?"

"We tried, well, Ratchet tried, but you wouldn't really stand still. You were always either running around in circles or trying to shoot things."

"No wonder you were concerned. I do apologise, I really could not control what I was doing. Even my thoughts were… well… they didn't seem to be my own."

Ratchet tsked. "Is there anything you remember that might help us determine what went wrong?"

The warrior tilted his head in consideration. "Nothing that makes sense. I just felt a lot of confusion and frustration and, shortly before I came back to my senses, I thought; 'That's it, screw this, I've had enough for one day. I'm gonna go make myself a sammich.'"

"Er… screw what?" Bumblebee scratched his head. "Was something broken? And what is a 'sammich', Optimus?"

"I have no idea…"

Author's note: Mubhahaha. Poor Optimus. I actually started the game playing most of the Decepticon campaign, but there was no way I could have written a Decepticon story. It would have gone something like this:

Megatron: Soundwave was acting confused and incompetent. I shot the fool to keep him from getting the rest of us killed.

*stuff happens*

Megatron: Breakdown was also acting confused and incompetent. I also shot the fool. Why am I surrounded by so many idiots?

The end.