To Find The Sea

By "Dr Girlfriend"

"Follow the river, and you will find the sea." – French proverb

Part I: The Cruelest Month [1]

Foreword (Updated Aug 17, 2012)

Welcome to my first fic! Sorting through the great variety of "Shakarian" fics can be a daunting and confusing task. As a reader of this sub-sub-genre, I am always very appreciative of authors who tell me up front what I can expect from them. That way, I can make up my mind early on about whether or not I can comfortably follow the author's imagination.

So what delicious little treasures do I have in store for you all?

- Multiple character perspectives.

- Loyalty to the basic story arc, but with a different imagining of how we get to those plot points.

- Sarah Shepard: Mindoir survivor, decorated soldier, woman of uncompromising principal.

- A more complex, realistic vision of the Alliance, Cerberus, and the Council.

- Characters from canon that have only been briefly mentioned will get more fleshed out backgrounds.

- Minor original characters that help us learn more about our most beloved squad mates.

- Un-glorified violence. Dark themes. Sexy sex (if I can manage it, fingers crossed).

- What we all really care about here: SHAKARIAN!

Constructive criticisms are always welcome. I am committed to being attentive to what does and doesn't work for all you fabulous readers.

Normandy SR-1, Sahrabarik

"Commander Shepard! Commander Shepard! Just a few questions!" Joker shouted extending a large metal spoon across the mess hall table.

Doctor Chakwas snickered loudly, holding her sides, as Ashley flashed an invisible camera.

"First, who are you wearing this evening?"

Dropping her face into her hands, trying desperately to hide her own laughter, Shepard shook her head. Well, it was her own damn fault for insisting on her tradition of sharing meals with the entire crew a few times each week. Joker would never be able to resist putting on his one-man show for such a large audience. It was when he was at his most smug that she thought his squinty green eyes made him look especially like a weasel.

"I'm ah…I'm wearing my one-of-a-kind standard issue captain's casuals."

The room cheered, overjoyed that the traditionally stone-faced Shepard would join the little game.

"And you are looking absolutely fabulous, Commander."

Ashley made a clicking sound as she twisted her torso around to catch Shepard from different angles with her phantom camera.

"Now Commander," Joker continued. "We've just heard that the Council has sent you a basket of rainbow muffins and declared you Empress of Awesome. My question is: why do you hate humanity?"

"Because…I love muffins? I don't know," she chuckled. Her olive skin was flushing with pink. She couldn't stop tucking her short dark hair behind her ears.

"I see. Fantastic." Joker put two fingers to his right ear, and nodded. "Oh, we're just getting another report now. It says the Council has listened carefully to your suggestions on investigating this threat of mass extinction and has taken swift action to push their heads up their collective ass. My question is…do you want this brown stuff on your potatoes? Its actually pretty good."

The crew roared with laughter. A pale man in greasy overalls toward the back and his stringy haired female companion hissed his disapproval. There were at least some people who remained unmoved by Joker's performances.

"Hell yes! Pour it on there, pilot."

Joker dutifully did as was requested and tipped his hat in her direction as he passed the tray of food. Shepard bowed her head in acknowledgement and scooped up a mass of the stuff on her fork. The sweet and savory taste onions and rosemary luxuriated on her tongue. Suddenly feeling emboldened by the growing energy of their party, she stood up with her cup of water raised high above her head.

"We fight! Until there is a kitten in the lap of every human, salarian, asari, turian, and quarian! We will assess the cuddling requirements of the krogan at a later date."

A dozen other glasses raised in response, followed by the victorious chant of, "a kitten in every lap!"

[1] The title of Part I is taken from one of the more famous lines of T.S. Eliot's The Wasteland. That part of the poem (in my interpretation, anyway) is all about how in spring new life grows from the dead left by winter. And that's what I feel is happening to Shepard's squad: though they're growing and becoming stronger people, but its a painful process.