A/N: This was originally in script format, like the DED songs, but I'm trying to comply with FFN rules. Which are dumb. *sigh* So if this seems weird (well, it was already weird…) that's part of the reason. Their song's to the tune of "The Happy Happy Birthday Song" by Arrogant Worms.

This takes place on Roxas's very first day, when he still seems capable of doing *some* stuff and hasn't fallen asleep for 7 days yet.

"Okay, Roxas, time for your initiation," Demyx said in the creepiest voice he could muster, which wasn't all that creepy, but it worked well enough to make Roxas glance around warily.

Axel whacked Demyx upside the head. "We're not here to scare the kid, we're here to teach him life lessons."

"While singing!" Demyx added happily.

"What…?" Roxas said, still not very responsive in his zombie-like state.

Sighing, Axel shook his head. Even though Axel didn't have a heart, Demyx annoyed him enough to where he had finally given in and let him have his way. "Sure, Dem. Whatever." It would be interesting to see how Roxas reacted, anyway. If he reacted at all.

Taking a moment to tune his sitar and strum a few chords, Demyx grinned. "Ready!"

Roxas frowned, still not having a clue why the two other members had drug him into Axel's room.

"And a one, and a two, and a one, two, three four-"

Demyx jarred the other two Nobodies' eardrums with the loud melody, and then began to cheerfully sing along.

"It's not too often that we take

Another one into our ranks-"

Axel picked up with the next two lines, "Now that you're here it's time for pranks

And other random stuff."

For some reason, whether for effect or just to get more oxygen was unclear, they both gasped dramatically, and Axel took over for the next few lines.

"There's recon, fighting, and ice cream

As we work to fulfill our dream

But you're the newbie in this team

So time for some advice."

Instead of advice, Demyx and Axel went on to the chorus.

"Congratulations! You're more than a Heartless!" Demyx jumped on Axel's bed, and he shoved the sitar-playing Nobody off, singing the next line.

"Congratulations! But you don't have a heart left!"

"Congratulations! You're not just a Dusk!"

"But if you want to stay that way you should not make a fuss-"

Now it was Demyx's turn again, and he was enjoying every minute of performing with his sitar.

"Xigbar you shouldn't sit next to

At meal times or he'll steal your food-" He mimicked this by almost sneaking Axel's open bag of Jolly Ranchers into his coat pocket, but the redheaded Nobody snatched them back with a glare. Demyx went on without pausing.

"But even worse than Number Two

Is the Savage Nymph, Larxene."

This time their gasp seemed more like an imitation of fear. Roxas still had no clue what was going on and wondered if it was a good idea to take any sort of advice from these two. Well, he trusted Axel, and Demyx sounded right about Larxene, who had seemed to glare knives into his skull the one time she'd looked at him. He shuddered involuntarily, but Axel and Demyx didn't notice as they continued their song.

"Don't play poker with Number Ten," Axel sang.

"You will know exactly why when," Demyx alternated.

"You see him playing with Xaldin-"

"-And winning his money," Demyx finished, then strummed loudly on the chorus.

"Congratulations! Marluxia's plants didn't eat you!

Congratulations! You survived Zexion's daikon stew!

Congratulations! Axel didn't burn down your room,

So keep up with the good work so I can give mine to you."

Axel rolled his eyes before looking at the notecard Demyx had made for him in case he forgot his lines.

"If you make Vexen real angry,"

"You'll end up like Sora should be," Demyx sang, and Axel glanced over at Roxas, who seemed to be taking all this in silently. He hadn't tried to ask a single question yet.

Maybe he's sleeping with his eyes open, Axel thought. At least he hadn't seemed to register anything about Sora.

"Frozen for all eternity-"

"-Inside a block of ice!"

*gasp*

"And if you are lazy like me

Saïx will be a real meanie," Demyx sang, making Axel sigh inwardly at the insult against his best friend, even if it was true. He picked up the next two lines, glad the song was almost over.

"And Xemnas you will never see

Except at rare meetings."

Demyx poked Roxas with the bottom of his sitar as he played, making the younger Nobody jump. Axel rolled his eyes and continued to sing the chorus again.

"Congratulations! I'm Axel, got it memorized?"

"Congratulations! That's his catchphrase he says all the time," Demyx explained, ad-libbing from his original lyrics.

"Congratulations! Now let's go celebrate

You're alive so you deserve the 'icing on the cake.'"

Together, Axel and Demyx finished up the last line of actual singing:

"Congratulations, Congratulations, Congratulations!-"

"Uh, what's his name again?" Demyx whispered to Axel.

"You weren't paying attention during the meeting, were you?" Axel rolled his eyes.

"Like you were!"

Axel hadn't paid attention, but he had been the one to recruit their newest member.

"Uh… Rock-something…" Demyx mumbled to himself since Axel had decided to let him struggle for it on his own.

"Roxas, you moron." Axel nearly facepalmed.

"Yeah, Roxas! That was it!" Demyx beamed like he'd figured it out himself. "Congratulations!"

"Um, thanks?" Roxas replied questioningly.

"Just so you know, that was a one-time deal," Axel told Demyx. "Now get out of my room."

"But I heard Xigbar say something about possibly getting a new member in a few days-"

"You know what 'one-time deal' means, right? The only reason I agreed to this was so you'd stop with the begging." Otherwise he just would've given Roxas some normal, spoken advice, like any sane person would.

Demyx grinned slyly. "So the begging did work? Sweet!"

"Just get out." Axel pushed the Nocturne out the door and shut it. Which still left a total zombie sitting on his bed. "Come on, Roxas. Let's go get some ice cream."

"…Is that the 'icing on the cake' you sang about?" Roxas asked hesitantly. Axel smiled just a little- so this kid did pick up on things.

"Sure is. Got it memorized?"

They walked through a corridor to Twilight Town, and Roxas tasted sea-salt ice cream for his first time.

A/N: I don't think he actually went to the castle before having ice cream with Axel, but eh. :/ I'm trying to stop obsessing over every little canon detail in my 'fics, because sometimes it just doesn't work. *shrug*

I really am trying to work on my in-progress 'fics, especially WYWTD, but I keep getting sidetracked recently. *wince* Summer vacation starts next week for me, so hopefully I'll be able to get caught up again.