Okay, first of all thank you all for your wonderful reviews and alerts on this story. I am proud to inform everyone that this is the first joint venture between MattUF1 and myself. I wrote the first part and this part was written by him. So, enjoy! :)

I wish I could say I felt good about my decision. You know, how you're supposed to feel that sense of relief because you did the right thing? Yeah, I don't feel that, you know what I feel? Alone, you know why? Because I am.

Sitting in my apartment with the television on (though I have no idea what channel this is, I don't even care) I listen to the sounds of my refrigerator humming and my stomach growling every now and then.

There's no food in the damn thing, I should just unplug it so I can have some freaking silence (and maybe lower my power bill) in this place. Although I know that silence will only make my mind wander even faster than it is now.

You see, here's the thing; for the second time in the last three years, I was pretty much given a perfect opportunity to find myself a place in this world, a boy who would love me and give me the world and what did I do? I broke up with him. I broke his heart (and mine in the process) and pretty much isolated myself from the only people in the world that I really give a damn about.

So I've found my old friend again, red wine and she and I are going to party all night (or at least until I pass out) because I need my mind to shut down, even if it's only for one night.

I need a break from my own conscious. That bitchy voice in my head that's constantly telling me to run away, even now, even after I have ran away from Leonard, it's telling me to keep going. Telling me to go back to Omaha and get a job answer phones at the company my sister works for.

I could find a good guy there right? I mean not Leonard good and certainly not Leonard smart, but good enough to pop out a few kids with and love them.

That could be enough, loving my children (even though the idea of having kids is horrifying because I still get queasy when people post those disgusting pictures of their babies making messes of their dinners).

Eventually, yeah eventually I could be happy in that life, or at the least, satisfied.

Taking a long breath, I pour myself a drink and scoop the glass up in my palm and take a sip. It's familiar and sweet, a taste I've all but associated with heartache and emptiness. I got drunk on this the first time I broke up with Leonard, I woke up in the back seat of my car after the night I left Kurt.

Hell, I had my first glass (that turned into a whole bottle) at sixteen after my Gran died.

So yeah, red wine and I go way back.

The hardest part of breaking up with Leonard, outside of that sad look that came across his face when I told him it wasn't working, is that everyone has seemingly taken his side.

Not that I blame them, I broke up with him, I'm the bad guy. I just miss them.

Amy still comes over, I couldn't lose her if I tried to pry her away with a crowbar. For that I am extremely thankful but I know that for the most part she wants to spend time with Sheldon.

She and Sheldon are doing…something, where it's at now I don't know. I saw them walking up the stairs together the other day as I was going to work and Amy gave me a hug and Sheldon gave me the same "hello" he always has.

I'm sure Sheldon's not really avoiding me as much as he is just following the social convention that's been dictated to him by his friends.

I can't help but wonder if I've really messed it up this time. Things fell back into place eventually after Leonard and I's first foray into dating but I knew, even as we started this beta test thing, that the risk this time was bigger.

There's a part of me that feels like I should be mad. Maybe I should, they're my friends too aren't they? I've gone to Howard's house before and dragged him out of a pouting fit and back onto his feet (sure I put him there, but that's besides the point). I held Raj as he cried after breaking up with his deaf girlfriend and we watched a tearjerker, cheesy romance marathon of movies to make him feel better.

I mean I also went to bed with him but that's not the point I'm trying to make.

The number of things I've done for Sheldon would fill up a list too long for me to ever possibly right.

Why didn't they take my side? Why don't they come over here and ask me how I'm doing?

Oh yeah, that's right…I ruined everything.

Gotta love self-pity.

Thank God red wine doesn't mock me.

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny?" His knock and voice fill my ears and I cast my eyes to the door hesitantly, as if I'm wondering if I hadn't just hallucinated the sound.

Knock, knock, knock

"Penny?" There it is again, it wasn't an illusion and I'm on my feet faster than I ever have been. As if ignoring him for a split second will force him to turn away and leave.

He's barely through his final calling of my name and I'm opening the door with the best smile I can find. "Hey," I don't call him MoonPie even though it was right there on the tip of my tongue. I don't know why, I feel stupid for being tentative around him. This is Sheldon, he's going to find something to bitch about no matter what.

"Hello, I see you're partaking in an old tradition." He says with a slight gesture to the glass in my hand and I glare at him.

"This is my first glass, MoonPie." Ah, now I feel better. "What's up?"

He licks his lips and shifts a bit to the left and that's when I notice he has a plate of something in his hand, covered with tinfoil.

"First of all, don't call me MoonPie, only MeeMaw—"

"Calls you MoonPie." I interrupt, feeling a slightly triumphant smile tickle my cheeks as his glare deepens. "Got it."

"Yes," he says dryly, letting out an exaggerated sigh. "I suppose we could call this a bit of a Segway as to my presence at your apartment this evening. Seeing as it is Anything Can Happen Thursday and Amy is working late, I found myself at home alone and decided to bake some of my MeeMaw's famous cookies."

Oh, so it's cookies in his hand. Well, nothing really goes better with wine and self-loathing like a good batch of cookies! "Oh really? And you brought me some?"

"MeeMaw always—" He stops and looks beyond where I'm standing. "May I come in? This plate is still hot and it's becoming troublesome to hold?"

"Sure," I step aside and watch as he moves inside and quickly shuffles to the kitchen and sets the plate down on my counter. "I see you went with your plaid pants tonight. I thought those were special occasion pants?"

If there is one thing I can always do with Sheldon, it's notice those little things that he does, the things no one else notices. Like the fact that he wears his plaid pants when he's doing something he loves. Like flying kites or when a new Flash comic book comes out. Not any other, just for Flash does Sheldon bring out the plaid pants and makes the rest of the world cringe.

"Well, cooking my MeeMaw's cookies is a very special occasion. As I hardly ever make them and have spent years trying to master the recipe just right, it's an important event." He says, taking off the tinfoil as I move towards where he's standing (okay I'm actually moving towards the wonderful smell of what appears to be Peanut Butter cookies).

"Years?" I challenge, taking in a heavy whiff of baked goodness and feeling my mouth water. "You mean Dr. Sheldon Cooper with his IQ of 187 didn't master his MeeMaw's cookie recipe on the very first try?"

Staring at me as if my mere presence is the most exhausting thing he's ever had to deal with, Sheldon plucks up a cookie and hands it to me. "According to my MeeMaw, you cannot cook with your mind, you cook with your heart and I have, quote, kept mine locked away so long I'm not sure how to bring it out." There's something about what he says that draws me away from everything about this moment. The wine, the cookies, the mood of the room between us.

All I can do is look at him and see a boy who's never known how to use his heart. Clearly the words mean nothing to him because he rolled his eyes when he said it. But I realize then that it's true. I've seen Sheldon's heart, it was there when he dragged my ass out of the bathtub or when he offered me money without a second thought. He cares about people, I like to think that he cares about me and I certainly hope he cares about Amy.

But he doesn't understand it, in a lot of ways he fights it.

It makes me sad because I'm suddenly and very oddly afraid that he'll figure it out to late and be all alone.

That's when I realize that my original thought is pointless, he'll never be alone. Hell, I couldn't live with myself if I abandoned him and a part of me thinks Leonard feels the same way.

In his own roundabout way, Sheldon has a way of digging himself into your heart.

"You are looking a bit slack-jawed, Penny? Are you intoxicated?"

I sigh, okay so he gets into your heart and all that cheese…but it would still be fun to slug him in the damn throat.

"No, I'm not intoxicated. I was just thinking." I say, remembering there is a delicious cookie in my hand and I take a bit.

It melts (and I am not even kidding) it fucking melts in my mouth. I actually moan and smile a bit when I realize that I've made Sheldon blush at the sound before I put the rest of the damn thing in my mouth because I need to get to cookie number two as fast as I possibly can.

"So I take it from your overbearing display of affection, that you enjoy the treat?" He asks, biting into his own cookie as I struggle not to be upset that he's taking away from, what he said, was my plate of cookies.

"They are so good." I murmur between bites, not really giving a damn that talking with my mouth full is a big no-no for Dr. Whack-A-Doodle. "Five years, we've known each other for five years and you've never made me any of these before?"

Sheldon moves to my fridge and opens it, he's looking at the overwhelming lack of food that I have and when he pulls away, he looks at me tiredly. "You really need to make a trip to the grocery store, Penny."

"Yeah well, I really need to get paid first."

"If you need—"

"Ah," I cut him off, I loved the generosity of that moment from him, but I'm not about to feel that anxiety again. "I can't take your money, Sweetie, I'll get to the store, until then…I have cookies and wine."

That's when I notice him moving across my apartment and heading towards the door. There is a deflation in my chest that I can't explain, like he's taking away my favorite Hello Kitty doll (okay if he tried that I'd tackle his ass, but this is how I would feel if I couldn't).

I don't want to ask, I know that when I do the question is going to sound pathetic, but I can't help myself. "Where are you going?" Yep, it came out soft and breathy and I feel like a loser.

Thank God or his particle that Sheldon doesn't pick up on this sort of thing and he merely peers at me over his shoulder as he keeps walking. "To retrieve the milk from my apartment, we cannot have MeeMaw's cookies without a glass of milk." And he's out the door while I watch his back move across the hall.

Having not been in 4A for a good week, I take this as my chance to see those familiar walls and scurry to catch up with him. I make my way into his apartment just as he's reaching the kitchen.

So it's not any different, I guess I really shouldn't have expected it to be but it makes that little feeling in my chest come back. I wonder if there will ever be a time when I can come in here and laugh with my friends again.

"Hey Sheldon," I start, watching as he pulls out the gallon of milk and a pair of glasses from the cupboard.

"Hmm?" He answers, it's relaxed and easy, something about the simplicity of the sound that calms me. I can't explain it.

There really isn't anything to explain, maybe I'm going crazy, I don't know.

Just ignore me…

"Do uh…has Leonard talk about our breakup at all?"

I know I really shouldn't be prying into this. Leonard has probably said some pretty unpleasant things about me (or not, this is Leonard we're talking about). Maybe I hope he has, maybe if he can hate me for a while then we can start over and find that friendship again at some point.

Waiting for that wouldn't be so bad, waiting for him to want to date again would be. Because I won't go back there.

Sheldon is precise in pouring the two glasses of milk, making sure they even out perfectly and he even goes on to check the gallon level.

I roll my eyes but don't say anything. The subject needs to stay the same.

Picking up the glasses, he's moving towards me again and I give him an expectant look.

"I believe the better question would be has Leonard stopped talking about yours and his breakup." He says, walking past me and I'm anxiously following him out the door, shutting it behind me. "It has been the topic of conversation more than once, despite my futile attempts to bring up intelligent and meaningful subjects."

I feel like I should stop him, like I should just say okay, take my glass of milk and let it go.

But I don't, I'm a masochist like that.

"Is he mad at me?" I ask as we move to my counter and sit in two stools in front of the cookies next to each other.

He seems to be processing my question as he takes his cookie and dips it into the milk for a moment and then eats it.

So now I have to wait for him to finish chewing because he couldn't wait to answer me before devouring his first cookie.

Yes, I'm on my third since we've sat down but I'm perfectly fine with talking with my mouth full!

Finally, he swallows and I'm watching him again, feeling like my brain is about to explode.

Sheldon nods. "I think so, but for the most part he appears to be…grieving."

"Oh," my heart sinks.

"I believe his exact words were; it's real this time, I knew it was because she didn't cry when she told me."

And he's right and I remember specifically not crying because at the time it didn't hurt me, it felt like an escape.

I feel like I want to cry now, but I won't let myself. Instead I just eat another damn cookie and realize that we're starting to run out.

"Your absence from our apartment has not gone unnoticed." He says, literally, out of nowhere and I'm looking at him with puffy cheeks filled with cookie that I force myself to swallow. "Amy brings it up constantly."

Oh. "Oh, well I don't really think I'll be around any time soon."

Sheldon nods slowly, taking a slow breath as he refocuses on his milk. There's one cookie left and I'm ready to let him have it (the guy did make them) when he pushes the plate to me and proceeds to finish off the rest of his milk.

"Thanks." I say gratefully before eating it slowly, no milk, just savoring the taste. "This was very nice of you, to bring me some cookies."

"Well I did make far too many." He responds but I know that's not true, he made them with every intention of sharing them with me. Maybe that was just to stroke his own ego and hear me praise how good they were, but for now I'll pretend it was because he wanted to spend time with me.

That maybe he missed me a little.

Yeah, I can say that, it makes me feel better.

"Penny?" He calls my name and I'm watching him, finishing off my milk as I raise my eyebrows in response. "Would you be willing to accompany me to paintball this Sunday?"

"Wh—" That was, without a doubt, the last thing I ever expected him to say.

Seriously, if he had told me he was really a superhero and Sheldon Cooper was his alter ego, that would have surprised me less.

"Sweetie, I don't think so. The guys won't want me to go."

Sheldon is shaking his head even before I finish. "They will not be available this Saturday, they are accompanying Howard as he takes his mother to San Diego to visit a shop there that, apparently, sells a certain kind of kidney bean that she enjoys."

"And that takes three people?" I ask, finding the reasoning odd.

That's when I see the slight smirk paint Sheldon's lips. "They are all going in case Mrs. Wolowitz is entrapped in her seat in the car and needs help exiting."

That little shit, he's actually smiling thinking about the boys trying to drag Howard's mother out of her car.

Something about his smile makes me smile and then I'm suddenly laughing and his smile is gone, replaced with confusion and wonder.

Wiping at the tears in my eyes, I let out a few more soft chuckles and sigh. "I would love too," and I really would because it's so geeky and so…Sheldon that I realize I need it. I need to get my geek on and doing that with Sheldon means I won't have to feel awkward or answer any questions about Leonard.

He doesn't care and I don't want to bring it up.

"That's great," he says, and it's almost genuine until his face distorts a bit. "Do you have equipment? After you accompanied us last time I told you to purchase some paintball equipment for future use."

I'm smirking again, because I know my answer is going to make him twitch and I'm a little bit excited about that. "Nope." I say simply and there it is.

His eye twitches, his hands fidget and I'm biting the inside of my cheek not to start laughing again.

"Well that is unacceptable. There is a sporting goods store that sells proper equipment, I suggest you purchase what you need otherwise you'll be forced to ask Leonard or Wolowitz to borrow theirs."

Damn him, yeah, he's right, I'm not about to do that. "Is this place open now?" I ask, realizing I barely got through half of my glass of wine and I'm good to drive.

Of course, Sheldon doesn't see this. "It is not within walking distance and I am certainly not going to drive."

"Sweetie, I'm fine, I barely had any to drink and I'm sure the cookies soaked up whatever I did. We'll be fine."

"Penny," he starts, annoyance in his eyes. "I'm sure that the local law enforcement of Pasadena will not take into account the fact that you've eaten a few delicious cookies."

I lick my lips and grin. "Do you want me to do a sobriety test for you?" I stop, reaching out with both hands to my sides and then bringing them in to touch my nose, I don't miss, then again I've practiced this drunk so that I don't miss then either, but that was when I was younger, I don't drink and drive anymore.

Not after I lost that side mirror in Hollywood.

Not after I actually found things in this world that I didn't want to lose.

"Okay?" I ask, eying him expectantly.

He studies me for a second, almost circling me and I throw my head back with a groan.

"The edge of your carpet, walk that line for me."

"You can't be serious?"

He puffs up a bit. "I'm always serious, Penny."

"Bazinga says otherwise, MoonPie." I return, moving to the edge of the carpet. Why I put up with this stuff from him I'll never know.

But I do, it's like Soft Kitty and not sitting in his damn spot. It's pointless and annoying and I do it every damn time.

"Only Mee—"

"Are you paying attention?" I silence him, pointing to my feet as they move one in front of the other. "I'm only doing this once."

So he watches me as I walk along the edge of the rug and feel like an idiot but also feel about a thousand times better than I did before he came over with his little plate of cookies.

It's simple, it's fun in that aggravating kind of way and it's just the right kind of normal.

I wondered if Sheldon missed me when he came over here but I realize now that I have really missed him this week.

When I finish walking the line, I look at him with bright eyes and my hands on my hips.

He takes a breath and moves past me, grabbing my keys out of the bowl he made for me (seriously the guy made me a bowl with clay, there's not much he can't do). He then hands them to me and I smile.

"Good," I say and I'm suddenly leading him out the door. "Say, are you still hungry?" I ask, following him down the steps.

Sheldon nods slowly. "Yes, outside of the cookies I haven't eaten this evening. As it is Anything Can Happen Thursday I was unsure of what to make myself."

"You want to get some pizza at Giacomos?"

He stiffens in front of me, but keeps walking. "But it's Anything Can Happen Thursday, the entire premise is to change what I eat on this day, change up my routine. Giacomos is what I normally eat on Thursdays."

I smirk. "So you want some pizza?"

"Dear Lord, yes."

A laugh escapes me as I finally realize what's bubbling up inside of me. Yeah, I wouldn't ever leave Sheldon behind, wouldn't ever abandon him.

But I know now that it goes both ways.

Sheldon won't leave me either, and I kind of love the Whack-A-Doodle for that.