Ali Hillis is officially my favorite voice actor now. I was inspired to write this after I watched this video...

/watch?v=waKe-AK628w

The air was heavy in the Farron house one hot Tuesday evening in New Bodhum. The eldest Farron daughter, Lightning, she called herself, stood leaned against a countertop while her sister's fiance sat on her granite countertop with a glass in his hand, swirling his brandy around.

They'd sat in the same spots in Lightning's kitchen for at least two hours after Lightning had caught Serah and Snow about to go at it. She might have finally accepted their engagement, but she would never approve of Serah getting pregnant before her wedding.

Over the hours, Lightning and Snow had fought about morals, then about common sense, then Lightning's apparent sexual deprivation, then about the very real possibility of Snow's guaranteed emasculation if ever tried something like that again under her roof before both fell silent.

"You ready to swear that you're gonna get a little smarter?" Lightning snarled after a while. A glass matching Snow's sat beside her mostly empty. She picked it up and took a swig of its contents while waiting for a reply.

Snow was silent for a moment, swirling his drink around in his glass.

"Hey, Light?" he asked in his cheekiest voice.

Light groaned, knowing she probably wasn't going to get her answer. "What, Snow?"

The glass clinked as Snow set it on the countertop.

"Go screw yourself," he said under his breath.

Lightning looked up at him, her glare well more than enough to cut diamond. You did not.

She took a step closer to him. "I'm sorry," she said almost sweetly, stepping even closer. "but I didn't quite hear that. You wanna say it a little louder?" By this point, she was very much in his face.

Snow shuddered, avoiding eye contact. "No, not really. You kinda scare me a little bit –"

"'Cause I've got this gunblade right here…" Lightning continued, pulling said weapon from its sheath.

"I…I can see that, a-and…"

"And it's a lot BIGGER than any blade you've got," she finished venomously.

Snow's eyes, though slightly glazed from the alcohol, widened in disbelief. Just one more thing Lightning trumped him with. His manhood.

"Wanna bet?" he growled.

"Not particularly," Light sighed, returning her gunblade to its case. "I like a challenge. You, sir, fail to provide one."

Snow left soon after this.

He never was good with comebacks.

At three in the morning that same night, he showed up at Lightning's doorstep. When a half-asleep Lightning Farron showed up at the door in her pajamas, he laughed.

"That's not what your sister said!"

Snow spent the night on his fiance's front sidewalk unconscious while Lightning nursed a few broken knuckles.