A/N: This is an update without warning. Enjoy.

"Just the way I like it." I smile, standing. "Come on," I hold out my hand, "to the couch." ~

I take his hand and go over to the couch, folding my legs underneath him. ~

"Now that all of that is out of the way...and we didn't really have time yesterday...let's make up for the lost time." ~

"Okay..." I lean against him. "What do you want to do?" ~

"Yesterday kinda burned me out..." I admit, "so no kissing. Well...no intense kissing." ~

I laugh. "I wasn't suggesting that..." ~

"I wasn't saying you were." ~

Well, that was cold. "Okay," I reply uncomfortably. ~

Why is he so tense? "Calm down." ~

"I'm calm," I say. "You're the one who got all cold all of a sudden." I shut my eyes. ~

"I'm not cold," I shrug. "I'm actually pretty hot." In all senses of the word. ~

"I'm not talking about that...because you are." In all seriousness, "I feel like you got suddenly really...tense? Something... Before." ~

"Oh, sorry. It's just my tone." Something before? "I'm not tense." ~

"Okay..." I begin, "Then what do you wanna talk about? Do?" ~

"Everything." Oh! "No, wait-I think I know what you mean. About before." I take his hands and squeeze them a bit. "You...hurt yourself a few times while I was gone, so I was just worried." ~

"It's...it's all over now, though. Because you're back." I pause. "Even if you hadn't, I think I would have been okay." He'll have to find out eventually.. ~

"Are you sure?" He's really fucked up now. So much, that I'm sure it'll take a while to fix him. But it can be done. "I believed in you...I still do." ~

"I'm...not sure." I admit. "I was really bad, Cato.." I whisper. ~

"You can tell me all about it, if you need to. I'm here to listen." I'm here for the long run. ~

"I don't know if you'll want to hear it." ~

"You'll have to eventually." I sigh. "I'm ready. The faster you tell, the faster we can push it behind us." ~

I break eye contact with him for a moment. "Before I start...just know that I'm sorry. I'm sorry I almost broke my promise to you. Sorry for almost ruining this...this now." ~

"You couldn't have known I'd be back...I was just hoping that deep down inside, you knew I was still out there somewhere. But that was kind of a silly thought." I laugh it off. "And before you get all sad about breaking a promise...it's alright. It's a hard one to keep." ~

"I'd hoped...but then thing after thing kept reminding me you were gone, and so...so I resolved that it was because I was completely insane. That my screwed up mind was what was giving me the feeling that you were okay." I squeeze his hands. "I...I guess I'll start from that afternoon. After I'd worked with Annie for a while...we went down to watch some tv to get news...any kind of news at all." I proceed to tearily recount my feelings on seeing what I believed to be him shot dead on television, seeing everyone, my father spending the hours with me, reading his letters, realizing I couldn't live without him, the cutting, the delusions, the next morning, his mom coming back, the confrontation with my dad, the hospital, more delusions and my resolution for three weeks, Finnick and the team coming back, the jacket, the letter, the cakes, the wedding, the next few weeks and how bad I got, getting put on high doses of morphling and my apathetic attitude when on it, how I didn't feel a thing and immersed myself in the cake, coming back to the Capitol, hearing about his father, my attempt only yesterday, crying for help, Finnick coming, and he helping me by getting rid of anything sharp in the house, and my personal decision to go back on the morphling. ~

He tried quite a few times. But...I really can't blame him at all. I said I'd be mad if he didn't make it three months, but he tried. He tried, and that's what matters to me. And he pulled through, whether it was a close call or not. The way he told me, he made it sound like he spent an eternity without me. Just like that hour I spent alone in the cave without him. Talking to him. Him, just a few weeks ago, talking to me. Neither really gone for real. So I guess, somehow, deep inside...we both knew that it couldn't have possibly happened. I think when he's truly gone, I'll know for sure, and vice versa. "Your dad...he told you it would get better, and he was right," I sob quietly. "Come here." I open my arms for a hug. ~

I quickly allow myself to fall into his arms, crying silently. "I'm sorry love...I know you don't want me to say that, but I am...Because now all I can think about is you coming back and having Finnick tell you yesterday that...that I followed through. Because I almost did.." ~

"I was even going to come back then," I admit, "but I thought it'd be better if I surprised you on my birthday, so I took a little break. I needed to rest before all the excitement. And I wanted to wait until it was safe for me." I hold him close and kiss his cheek. "It's a good thing I waited...I don't think I'd be able to see you like that. And you might've gone fucking insane at the sight of me and finished yourself off for good..." ~

"It was still horrible...I...I watched myself bleed and realized what I was doing. That I could die. And...you wouldn't have wanted that." I shut my eyes. "So I just yelled for someone to help me. Because I couldn't trust myself to do something about it on my own. Finnick came, and reprimanded me, bandaged me...and we got rid of anything I could use to do it again." ~

"That's...no, that's a good thing. Just don't dwell on what you did, or could've done. You realized what was happening and you called for help. That's a good thing." I owe Finnick for everything now. I'll come up with some way to pay him back, eventually. "You knew what was happening without your mind creating an imaginary boyfriend." I laugh to break the tension. "That means you're getting better, and you have more self control..." ~

"Because I'm on medication." I remind him. ~

"But...still!" I sit up straight and let him lay his head on my lap. "Now, you can be off the medication, and you can live your life with me. It'll take some time, but we got all the time in the world, Peeta Bread. Soon, it'll be okay." ~

"I..." I take a deep breath. "I still think I should keep taking the medication. At least...for a little while. Going on and off on it could hurt me, too. Or suddenly stopping." I look up at him. "I'd just...rather be safe than have a freak out one night because I woke up when you used the bathroom and thought this was all a dream." ~

"But I'll always be there to calm you down...I'll be sure to leave the bathroom light on so that you can see I'm there." I don't want him on meds. "That sounds like an addiction, Peeta..." ~

"No, no..." That isn't what I mean. "I just don't know what they can do if I just spontaneously stop and start taking them. I don't want to be anymore messed up than I already am...I'll talk to a doctor and see how they say to slowly start getting off of them." I pause. "I just don't want anything to get in the way of us ever again." ~

"But the morphling would get in the way...that shit puts you in weird dazes." I'd lose him for times and times during the week if he stays on. "I don't want you to be out of it." ~

"Would you rather me randomly forget that you're real and start screaming at you in random places?" He didn't experience what I was like before I starting taking the pills. I shut my eyes. I don't want to think about that. ~

"But the drugs would make you completely forget...I don't want you to forget." ~

"They wouldn't make me forget...what makes you think that?" ~

"Well, it's a drug? It's a painkiller, Peeta! It makes you hallucinate, doesn't it?! It does that to most people, anyway..." I lie down on the couch and stare up at the ceiling. ~

"It never did that to me...I..I stopped seeing you after I got your letter in the jacket. And I hadn't since you came. It freaked me out, because I'd just started taking them again, something that'd helped me...but yet you were there." I sigh. "I didn't hallucinate, I stopped." At least, I'm pretty sure everything I saw was real. ~

"But...I'm here," I whine. "I think you'd be fine without it. That's just my input." ~

"You...you didn't see me then." I pause, thinking about it. "I pulled a razor and threatening to slit my throat in front of my dad. Even though you're back...there's still something wrong with me, love." I have to come to terms with it. "I'm unstable." ~

"Yeah, you're not stable now...but I said I can fix you!" I readjust my position temporarily to kiss his forehead. "You were just really sad...you saw someone get blown up. And thought it was me. That's why you wanted to slit your throat. Because I wasn't there! But I am now..." ~

"I'm just so untrusting of myself...What if I think something's happened to you-for whatever reason-and I do something terribly irrational? I'm not saying I should take them forever...but I can't just stop all of a sudden. It could do more harm than good." ~

"No, continuing to take them would do more harm than good! We finally have each other back, and you're still going on those meds 'to be safe'? Nothing can happen to me now! I'm by your side for good." ~

"You don't get it, love..." I say, trying not to get upset with him. "To randomly stop something that my body has gotten used to can really fuck me up, permanently." ~

"Your body was used to me," I wink, "but you got me back and I know you won't be fucked permanently from that. You'll be fine without the morphling, Peeta. It's just a bad addiction that you have to kick to the street." ~

"I don't have an addiction, Cato." I assert. "I'm willing to stop, I just need time to make sure it hasn't been adversely effecting me." ~

"But...!" You're wasting time, just agree with him you idiot! "If I notice anything funky going on with you, I'm calling someone. But it's worth a shot, continuing." There you go. Good boy. "As long as you're okay..." ~

"I'm going to warn you, I do space out sometimes." I admit. "Like, just stare. But if you pat me, I'll snap out of it easily. Otherwise, no one's said I've been any different." Besides the mood, that is. But now that he's agreed, you can't tell him. He'll object. No lies. "And...I do get a bit...apathetic?" I pause. "It was to help with the anger and sadness. I don't get as upset or raging over things, but..." I don't get nearly as happy as I used to before the medicine, either. I really don't feel much at all on it. I'd only taken one before he came, so the medicine wasn't as strong. If I'd been whatever 'normal' was for the past few weeks, I probably wouldn't have cried. It might've had to have taken effort to crack a smile. ~

"How long would it last...?" I like emotional Peeta, as much as I call him a crybaby. I can't deal with apathy for too long. ~

"As long as I was taking them. The more often, the stronger the effect, obviously." ~

"But...give me a timeframe. For how it will be." ~

"Only a doctor can do that, Cato." If I'm doing this, I want to do it right. ~

I sigh. "Alright, Lover Boy. Whatever you say." ~

"Thank you." I shut my eyes. It's only mid day and I'm exhausted already. ~

When I look over to him, I see how tired he already is. Maybe he does need something like morphling. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. "Peeta?" ~

"Hm?" ~

"Now that we're done with all that," I begin, "talk to me about how excited you were when you found out I was real." ~

I smile. "Well, what do you mean? What was I thinking?" ~

"Everything." ~

A/N: There's hundreds of thousands of words of this fic we wrote and I kinda stopped uploading all of it and people STILL favorite and subscribe to this story so I might as well update right?