Years of Loneliness

He was cursed. He'd realized this at a very young age, but no matter how often he thought about it, he couldn't get over it. Why did he have to be born to a race which can live forever? It forced him to find a pastime for several years at a time - something that's just not humanly possible. If he couldn't spend time with the one he loved, he didn't want to live at all, and that's what saddened him all the time.

None of his friends ever really asked him about this, either. The Lemurian kept to himself all the time, and nobody ever really knew what he was going through. All throughout the journey he had plastered on a fake smile just to see her smile as well, even if he knew it wasn't meant for him. He longed to gently run his fingers through that silky, smooth hair of hers, to push her up against a wall and kiss her on the mouth hard, his hands running all along the curves of her body. To just hold her and love her and -

But she was his best friend's sister. He couldn't even begin to understand the forbiddenness behind that. It probably wasn't such a good idea to keep fantasizing about being with her when he knew he couldn't have her. He'd told himself this countless times already as well.

So he sighed as he again reminded himself that her auburn hair would never be touched by him, her lips would never be kissed by him, and her gorgeous white body would never be held by him. He would be condemned to the longevity of loneliness once more for some odd years, possibly hundreds.

"What's the point of living forever," he mused, referring to both the Golden Sun event and the Lemurian draught, "if I cannot share it with her?"

His question remained unanswered in the dark as he pulled the covers up to his neck and rolled onto his side, closing his eyes, preparing for years and years of loneliness.

...

Heartache grew more and more painful four years later when he received via pigeon mail carrier a wedding invitation and he had to watch her marry. Isaac was definitely a better choice for her, though. There was just something about that gleam in her eyes whenever she looked at him that never appeared in the sadness she looked at the Lemurian with. It was a sort of promise - to both Isaac and Piers - that she would never love anybody else, and when she announced, "I do," tears brimming in her eyes as she smiled at her almost-husband, he knew all hope had been lost.

He'd at least talked to her a little bit, though. It turned out that she and Isaac had been planning the wedding since their adventure when they reunited, but barriers were in the way, "along with Isaac's stubbornness," Jenna joked as she conversed with her old friend. The blue-haired man just stared in awe at how beautiful she looked. Traveling the length of her curvaceous body was the traditional white gown, clinging to her skin as if it was adhesive. Her red-brown hair was tied up into a bun with some stray curls falling out, cascading down her bare, beautiful shoulders, and the blond man behind her held onto her waist as tightly as was humanly possible, making clear an already crystal point - she was his now. The drink in her hand tilted a little to the side when she laughed, threatening to spill and stain the fabric. But Piers wouldn't have let that happen.

Conversations took place between all the Adepts, mainly congratulatory speeches and drunken chatter, especially from Garet, and Piers took part in some, though never having drank anything himself. The Mars Adept made for great entertainment when he grabbed the groom and demanded he dance with him (and when Isaac refused Garet lazily replied with an "Okay," and stumbled onto a nearby table), and the Lemurian had to admit that that made him smile the first real smile in a long time.

After a while there was an announcement that it was time for the newlywed couple's dance to start. Piers watched from the sidelines with his arms crossed, at last a drink in his hand, as the love of his life was literally swept off of her feet by her knight in shining armor. The way they swayed so perfectly together made his stomach churn and his heart twist and he almost couldn't take it anymore and left. At the last moment he was stopped by a hand on his arm and a familiar voice.

"Stay a while."

The voice was husky and almost soothing, and the Lemurian found he couldn't refuse the command.

He turned around to face Felix, his trustworthy leader throughout the years of their adventuring. His dark eyes seemed to grow darker with every stare he made at Piers, who had to think twice before asking, "Are you drunk, Felix?" He'd seemed a little off-kilter, anyway.

Instantly, Felix's eyes regained some color, the brown bringing the life and some of the joy back. "No." The brunet led him over to a secluded corner, away from all the other couples - including Mia and a local Valean, Ivan and Sheba, and Garet and a broom. "I'm just not so sure that Jenna made the right choice here."

For the briefest part of a second Piers felt his heart race. Did he really doubt Jenna and Isaac's relationship? "What do you mean?"

"I mean that Isaac's not cut out for a family." He clenched his fists against his abdomen and glanced towards his younger sister who was grinning up at her husband. "And that's what Jenna wants."

Piers stopped listening after that, contemplating what the future could bring.

As he boarded his ship on the shore of Vale, he heard a distant call and he turned his head back to look for the source. There she was.

"Piers!" Jenna cried, waving her arms frantically above her head, jumping in an attempt to gain his attention. Isaac came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and kissing her neck to calm her down enough that she wouldn't bust out of her dress. She giggled at the touch of his lips. "Write to me!" she shouted at the Lemurian. "I'll be waiting for your letters!"

He couldn't have done anything else but smile and wave - mostly because he didn't want to cause suspicion from Isaac. "I promise I will, Jenna!" The name slipped off his tongue probably more sweetly than he intended it to, but if that bothered Isaac, he sure didn't show it because he resumed nuzzling his wife's neck, listening to her giggle once more.

He started the boat now, hands on the tiller as he prepared to steer his way back to his homeland, Lemuria.

Treat her nicely, Isaac, he thought, or else she'll be the one preparing for years and years of loneliness.

...

It wasn't until ten long years later that he heard from her again. He had been dating Mia for some time, though their relationship was built mostly on formalities and politeness - the poor girl had been betrayed several times before he showed up - and the angelic healer was invited to Jenna's baby shower. He coaxed Mia to go, but she did the same to him. She sensed how much he still cared for the redhead, and the only way to get her back was to act now, she explained.

It was also then that he realized he'd never written a single letter to Jenna, despite his promise. Never in those ten long years had he even seen her beautiful hand at calligraphy, or her messy scrawl when she was upset. What did she think of him?

He did as Mia said, though, and sailed the both of them to Kalay, which was where the shower was being held. He was a little hesitant - he would probably be the only male at the occasion - but he was quite determined just to see her again. Even if he couldn't wrap his fingers around her soft curls, even if he couldn't hold her in his arms, even if he couldn't kiss her, he would just be happy to see her face once more.

When the two Mercury Adepts had passed all the barriers that tried to block their way, they finally made it into the city limits of Kalay. Piers docked the ship and climbed out, helping Mia along the way, who thanked him politely.

It wasn't hard to find her house - it was the nicest one in the neighborhood, of course, and had balloons and decorations draped up on the outside, the windows all cluttered with colored confetti. Either this was Jenna's house or her baby was about to share a birthday.

Mia knocked on the door per Piers's request - it would make much more sense for the lady to show up first rather than the other way around - and her knuckles seemed to tremble in excitement. Women and babies, he mused to himself, smiling a little as he heard the locks on the other side of the door click and turn. And then he gasped at the sight before him.

Jenna had aged very well, he observed, with no apparent changes other than a little height - and the belly she rubbed so tenderly, of course. Her auburn hair was let out of its ponytail and cascaded down her back gracefully, and her face looked even more like a doll than it did before, if that was possible. Her brown orbs dilated when she caught glimpse of the tall man behind Mia and she gasped as well.

"P-Piers?"

He hadn't changed at all either, really. Though, he supposed he hadn't since the day he was a mere twenty years old, and in all his years of living, his face, his stature, his voice all stayed the same. His hair never grayed, which he was thankful for, but he never got to experience the "joy of growing older." He was bound to feel it soon, however, as the ancient texts have stated that even Lemurians age - very, very slowly, of course, but once they do, it becomes very discernible.

He waved a hand from behind Mia. "Hello, Jenna." The blush, unsurprisingly, was very hard to hide. It seemed the period of ten years had done nothing to teach him how to hide his feelings.

Awkwardness became clear as day when the three at last stepped into the house and Piers saw nothing but women, his suspicion confirmed. He was the only male there, unless Isaac was hiding upstairs.

"Isaac's up at Sol Sanctum with Garet," she said, answering his unasked question as she led them through the living room. "Apparently Isabel's pregnant as well." She referred to Garet's wife, who was impregnated just two months after Jenna.

Once they were seated in the remaining chairs and one from the kitchen - for Piers, of course - Mia glanced toward Piers, who caught her eye, and then gestured her head towards the redhead. Piers turned away and pretended not to see, and the healer sighed.

"How far along are you, Jenna?" she asked, trying to make conversation in the awkward room.

There was Sheba, anyway, who turned out to marry Ivan. Her features hadn't changed in the slightest, either, observed Piers. Her blond hair still fell to her chin, the same length it had been during the adventure, her purple orbs still shined brightly with Jupiter's passion, and that childish face was still there, mouth small, eyebrows raised as if she was always excited. It seemed that she was still the same old Sheba, not having changed since the Golden Sun. She glanced towards him and managed a friendly smile, which he returned.

The rest of the women were unfamiliar to him, however. In the seat across from him sat a young woman with black hair that hung over her eyes but never went past her shoulders. She had a look that could kill whenever he glanced at her, and he realized it probably wasn't a good idea to get on her bad side. Next to her was a blonde with blue eyes and a smile that attracted eyes. She seemed more like a friend Jenna would hang around. The other two ladies appeared to be twins, with long brown hair that fell to both their shoulders, hazel eyes that told stories of their childhoods, and mouths that spoke hundreds of words to each other as Piers was observing them. They tended to do the same things - lie back at the same time, move their hands in the same fashion when they spoke.

"Six months," said Jenna proudly. She rubbed at her stomach and giggled when she felt a kick. "I can't wait to see what kind of surprises this little guy will bring."

The blonde perked up. "They told you it's a boy?"

Jenna smiled but it held some sadness. "Isaac wanted to know, so I had the doctor check."

Piers held back a grimace. It should always be the woman's choice whether or not she wants to know the sex of her baby. He had never been a father - never remembered his father as he lost him at such a young age - and even he knew that.

The rest of the night consisted of gift-giving, and Piers felt horrible when he realized he hadn't even brought a gift. He hadn't written in ten years, hadn't gotten her a gift for her baby shower, hadn't done anything to even try and communicate with her. No wonder she married Isaac.

When he and Mia were readying to leave, Jenna begged them to stay for at least a little while longer. Mia happily obliged and pushed Piers to when she told him in private, "This is your chance, Piers."

But he declined, not feeling at all interested in anything else for the night, unsure of whether he should have, instead wishing to spend his misery alone. He told Mia that she could stay there for a few days or a week and that he would come by in the ship later to bring her back home. But he wasn't even sure if he wanted to date Mia anymore then, if they even still were after all of today's subtle exchanges. His sights were still set on the young mother-to-be, who was probably heavily distraught after hearing one of her friends promise he would write and then never receiving one letter from him. It was his fault.

Jenna retorted with the question, "Why?" but Piers never answered. He said his goodbyes and closed the door behind him as he moved closer and closer to his ship, feeling the heartbreak as he realized that he would once again have to live by himself for years and years of loneliness.

...

In the spring of six years later he received a letter from her by carrier pigeon. He had finally started to do something with himself - he had been married and divorced twice, sadly, once to Mia - and opened up a small business in Lemuria, selling paintings. That was something none of his friends ever bothered to notice: he was an excellent artist; the long nights at the tiller throughout the adventures had given him a second pair of eyes through which he could see the world. Though, he had only just recently become enthralled by this hobby, having only painted a few times every year previously.

He walked through the door to his house and opened the letter, his eyes scanning over it. Remembering several years prior when he couldn't wait to lay eyes on her penmanship once more, he felt a twinge of happiness as he imagined her beautiful hand sculpting all the letters that were written just for him so perfectly. But then his brain actually processed the words that were written and his face turned somber.

She explained how Isaac had left her to investigate Sol Sanctum by himself, how he moved up to the Goma Plateau to do so, and how he took their son with him for a year or two so he could grow up with the same wonder and excitement as his father. Their son, who was named Matthew, was just barely six years old, with the blond hair of his father and the personality of his mother. She told of how much she missed him already, and in her 30-something-year-old age, being alone wasn't an option for her.

She wanted him to stop by for a visit.

Surely he couldn't refuse, could he? After all, he still felt a deep compelling affection towards her. And he was definitely in no position to turn down a friend in need.

So, in the morning, when he was packing his suitcases, he went up to the attic to try and find a particular blanket - he hadn't really traveled anywhere in a long while, but whenever he did, he had to have that specific piece of cloth to keep him warm - and he came across some old pictures. They were pictures of his past lovers, past wives including Mia, past weddings, everything in his past life. He didn't particularly find anything amusing about those, though - his eyes were glued to the thing that he saw in front of him. It was a painting he did a long time ago, and the longer he stared at it, the more he remembered the exact brush strokes he made while painting it, along with every individual color he mixed to get the shading and the background just perfect.

It was a portrait of Jenna and Isaac at their wedding, of that one moment when Piers was staring in awe at how gorgeous she looked, with Isaac's arms wrapped tightly and protectively around her waist. That moment was etched into his memory so vividly, and now it was etched onto a canvas for the world to see just how beautiful she was. If it was possible, her and her husband's faces in the painting reflected even more happiness than what was present in person. Jenna's auburn hair was painted in neatly as a few curled strands fell to her shoulders, and Isaac's chin was resting atop her head, a huge smile plastered onto his face.

He could've sold it; it was arguably his best portrait ever. He could've made a lot of money off of it. But there was something holding him back.

In all the years of almost never communicating with her, he had never given her anything. Sure, he had given her affection and compliments from afar, but never had he given her something materialistic, and this was just the perfect thing for her to wrap her hands around and hang up in her house. It would be a reminder not only of her love for Isaac - which still pained him deeply - but also of the promise that Piers would still be there for her. Despite never reassuring her of it, he reminded himself bitterly.

So he packed up the remaining items he needed for supply on the ship, and in the early afternoon, he left the shore of Lemuria for that of Kalay once more, only this time, it wasn't with Mia.

It didn't take him long to get there - a few days at most. He wasn't really counting, only thinking of what he would say to Jenna when he arrived at her place. Would they be the only two people there? That would be awkward. Although, he was really hoping that nobody else would be there, because he wouldn't be himself around other people. Around Jenna, he felt like he could.

He recognized her house right away, even without all the decorations plastered up on the outside. It was a beautiful white house that looked as if it had been freshly painted.

Hesitantly, he reached the door and brought a shaky hand to knock on it three times. Seconds - though they felt like forever - passed and the sound of locks clicking could be heard. Then, from behind the door emerged a beautiful white figure with a familiar tint of auburn hair.

Brown orbs pierced into yellows and looks of longing were exchanged.

Chills were felt.

Blushes were made.

And then words were spoken.

"W-won't you come in?" she invited, stepping aside to open up the door just a little bit more.

He nodded shyly and walked in, admiring the decor. It seemed new - but then again, he hadn't been there in six years, so maybe his memory was tricking him. Lovely end tables complemented fabulous furniture, beautifully drawn paintings hung on the walls - and a picture of a rabbit signed by Matthew added to the atmosphere - and adornments sat in little areas throughout the house. It definitely reflected her personality, or what he remembered of it.

"So..." she started, unsure, "how long has it been? You know, since we really talked? Twenty years?"

"Twenty years in the spring," replied Piers. He seated himself down on a loveseat before he realized his mistake. "If I recall correctly, that is." That wasn't much better.

Jenna sat across from him in a white recliner. It sort of complemented her attire - she still wore a part of the one-piece dress from the adventure as a high skirt, which she matched with a plain white blouse. It added to her transformation into her new-found classiness over the years.

But it soon became clear that she couldn't take the silence anymore. "I've decided to leave Isaac," she said sadly. Piers turned his gaze onto her with sympathetic eyes - he knew how bad it felt to lose someone you love. He remembered her letter then, how she explained why Isaac left her, going to live up by Sol Sanctum or something like that. He had assumed - and hoped, though it pained him to - that she was just expressing herself after a big fight and that he would be home soon. But the way she said what she said, it didn't seem like that was the case.

"But why?" Even though it was none of his business. All of a sudden, though, his painting didn't seem like such a great gift...

She set her hands on her lap and shrugged, letting her own eyes land where Piers's previously were. "We just turned out to be...two entirely different people." Her auburn eyes were fixated on the coffee table separating them now. "He isn't cut out for family life. But that didn't stop him from taking Matthew for the next little while." She couldn't help but chuckle a bit at that. He hated being a father so much that he had to take his son for a year or more.

Piers nodded. He felt relieved that he'd never had any kids with his wives, especially Mia. He didn't know if he could bear that... Or maybe he'd still be with her had they had a child. It was best not to think about it, though - having a child with somebody who wasn't Jenna. "It's rather obvious he isn't residing in town, then," he said rather slowly, leading to her answer to the almost-question.

She nodded as well in response. "He's living somewhere up in the Goma Plateau, by the Sanctum. He told me he wants our son to 'grow up with history'." Then her voice started to grow shaky. "It's so dangerous up there... No matter how many times Isaac has told me the Sanctum isn't active anymore, what if it erupts again? What if there's a rockfall? What if I lose Matthew, too?"

He frowned. "Jenna, I really don't believe it could hap - "

"Don't tell me that, Piers," she snapped. He could see her tears now, even though her head was down. They slid down her face and fell to the upholstery of the chair, staining it with wetness. "When I was younger, everybody told me how lucky I was to have both my parents still, and every night when they tucked me in they promised they'd never leave me... And then shortly after that I didn't see them for three and a half years." She took a shaky breath. "And Isaac's dad, too. They took him. And Felix... I didn't see my own brother for three years and he'd already changed so much and now he's just an asshole, and even Matthew, my own son. I'm going to outlive my own son and - "

"Jenna," Piers interrupted. He slowly got up from the loveseat and went over to her, lifting her head up and putting a finger to her lips to silence her. Her eyes were red and wet.

As he gazed into her teary eyes with his own yellow lenses, he did something he thought he'd never have the courage to do, even when they were just two kids traveling together.

He pressed his mouth to hers and closed his eyes, allowing his body to finally act on its own. She seemed hesitant at first, but then she relaxed into the kiss, closing her own eyes as well. She brought her arms around his neck and brought him closer, smiling into the kiss. It was truly a dream come true. No breaths were taken, no sounds were heard, and it was just the two of them for that moment of stopped time. Nobody else mattered.

Until she pushed him away and opened her eyes frantically, gasping.

"Piers - "

"You still love him," he said, understanding. He knew exactly how that felt. He was pushed into both of his marriages, the same way Jenna was just pushed into that liplock. Whenever he kissed his first wife, Julia, or Mia, he'd imagine it was Jenna, probably not unlike what she did right there, imagining instead that it was Isaac. Then the moment would die and all that was left was awkwardness.

She let her head drop back down, brown hair shielding her face. "I'm sorry." He could tell that she meant it, too. It wasn't everyday that she felt someone kiss her with so much passion that it was probably held back for several years.

But then he realized she probably had felt that, with Isaac. The two of them grew up together. They did everything together. And when she was kidnapped, his world fell apart and he had to go rescue her, if only to tell her how he felt about her. And that's probably exactly what happened.

He remembered them going off on their own when the two parties were united, often to just sit around a campfire by themselves and talk, he presumed. But now he understood what that meant.

He had no more chances.

All the could'ves, should'ves, and would'ves plagued his mind and he closed his eyes tight for one moment, lost in thought while accepting the fact that any and all hope towards pursuing a relationship with her was now dissipated. He had no right to impose on what they had, no right to take away her happiness just so that he could have his. The only thing that would make him happy now was to make her happy.

"You must go see him, Jenna."

And she knew what he meant. She had to go to him and get him back, even if it was only to get her son back and not Isaac.

She looked up at him once more. "Piers, thank you for making me understand - although I know that was probably one of the worst ways to do it..."

He put up his hand to silence her, not wanting to feel any worse. "As long as you're happy." Then he took his hand and rummaged through the pack that he brought with him, feeling around for something in particular. He found it within short seconds, and he pulled out the painting of her and Isaac at their wedding, handing it to her, smiling sadly.

Jenna's eyes widened in shock and pure amazement. "P-Piers, this is incredible." She ran her hands along the canvas, memorizing the texture of every curve and crevice, admiring the colorful details. "Is this for me?"

Piers nodded. "I wish you and Isaac the best." He moved her hair away from her forehead and kissed the skin. "I love you," he murmured into her softness. Then he turned away, grabbed his pack, and walked out the door.

A tear that he didn't know was there strayed away from one of his eyes and he wiped it away with the back of his hand.

He figured he'd stock up on art supplies and food, since he'd probably be sailing his ship for several years and years of loneliness.

A/N: I just edited this today (7/11/13) and fixed a looot of issues I had with this story before. The awkward beginning is no more (well, it might still be awkward, but not as much as the prior one), and a lot of the phrasing has been changed to make it easier to understand, not to mention a few tweaks here and there to improve the overall flow of the story.

To be completely honest, I wish this story was more popular than it currently is. I mean, I'm not really complaining since I have 3 amazing reviews, but this is one of my least-viewed stories, with less than 200 hits altogether. It's just kind of sad, because I still think this is my best work.

Anyway, back to this one. The plot assumes that the party has been hanging out in Vale ever since the Golden Sun passed nearly a year prior. For the sake of this fic, Jenna was 15 when the Sun came, 16 when they were all together, and after the four years passed and they met again at her and Isaac's wedding, she was 20. Ten years pass and she's 30, pregnant with little Matt. Another six years down the drain and she's an almost-middle aged woman, 36, nearly divorced before Piers came back. And the rest...well, yeah, but she's concerned about outliving her son because of the Golden Sun event.

Thanks to all my reviewers for their incredible, in-depth reviews. I really, really loved reading them again! And thanks to everybody who read this story :)

~CGA