Title: Choices

Summary: In memory of a friend, "Choosing is never easy."

Choosing is never easy. As a child, I've been subjected to many choices, and more often than not I always wish that I could just have both; both two flavors of candy, both two teddy bears, both two messenger bags. It was always both, because I was only a child.

And as any child would, I wondered as to why I couldn't have both. And as any parent would answer, it was because you simply needed one. One was enough, they said. One was enough.

But with every person, there comes a time where one is most definitely not enough.

I haven't always been an only child. I had a big sister named Kusukusu who was beautiful, kind, and smart - most basically, the person who I wanted to be.

Admittedly, we often crossed each other's heads and I was usually who started the argument, she was always there for me. How I loved it when a kid bullying me would meet the stare she saved only for them.

It was priceless, being protected by your older sibling.

Do you know how corny and cheesy it is to say "I love you," to your sister or brother? Insanely corny, and ridiculously cheesy. That's why we hardly ever say it to one another and usually speak in heated and playful banters.

It was a lot more fun that way; you'd think we two were arch enemies and not sisters.

Kusukusu was four years older than me, and when I turned eight, I had a little brother born into the world, named Daichi. He was the cutest thing, and regrettably I was insanely jealous of him because I was no longer the youngest.

No. Not anymore.

I started venturing off, seeking my friends. The little relationship I had with my sister fell into ruins once I saw just how much she favored my new brother.

Then I found Amu.

Amu was like a sister to me, but it was different. She opened me into a new world, that I was not familiar with. Though I knew that in her heart these were just small things, I still saw how she was happy with friends of different kinds. There were Yaya, Tadase, and Kairi, people of different personalities.

But I only loved Amu best, because she was the one who drew me out.

Life, at the time, had been nice. I didn't care that my parents no longer had time for me. I didn't care that I almost had no sister- I had my friends, I knew I'd be all right, well, until Nagihiko came.

Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy and all, but I would have preferred it if he hadn't taken so much of Amu's attention. You'd feel the same way, if the only friend you have takes interest in a boy.

A few months more passed and I started to close into myself again, because Amu and I hardly talked. No more late night phone calls, no texts, no meetings. It was hard letting go of Amu, but I would live, as I survived all those hardships back then.

Seeking out into the world, I found my new savior- writing. The school newspaper needed a ghost writer and what do you know, I actually had talent!

This creative outlet went on nicely, and I was able to keep on my fluency on English as well as develop my people skills -on paper at least.

Then of course, everything had to be ruined.

My sister turned sixteen that year when hell broke loose and I saw things change before my very eyes. My parents started fighting, and I wished it all away. I didn't want to see that, no not at all.

The reason of their fighting, I thought, was because Kusukusu was being extra stubborn and hardheaded in Japan - she went off to live at our homeland whilst I stayed with our overseas working parents- and it wasn't helping that my dear sister was epileptic.

I had to cope that year, sleeping in a room all by myself and going to school where I had to give protection for Dai, and not anyone protecting me.

I was twelve, when I made a wish that my life be like this anime character that I liked because she was just too awesome. And sadly, I got that wish granted but not the way I thought of.

My parents divorced, and I had been faced with the most hardest of choices.

"Who are you going to stay with, your mother or your father?"

When I had been asked that question I didn't know what to say. I remember how my mother looked when she had asked me; tear streaked cheeks because we'd been fighting and I had crossed the line.

Of course, even as a thirteen year old I saw no reason as to why I had to be asked that. It wasn't like my opinion mattered.

Note as well, I was very angry because... How the hell do you ask a thirteen year old girl to choose between two outstanding and amazing people who's loved and taken care of her for her entire life?

To this very day though, I remember the exact same words I said because a decision had to be made ; "I'm staying with my sister. I wanna be where she is."

Wish granted a month later I bid America goodbye and flew back to Japan.

Things were different there, but I coped, because the school newspaper program I joined allowed me to write to them, as well as prioritize the advice column they had.

On going with school and meeting new friends, I'd received the oddest of jobs. I turned into a messenger.

My parents could no longer speak to each other without fighting and if one wanted to speak to the other, it had to go through me.

I always hated being the messenger, playing the telephone cord, and as Hermione Granger said, "I'm not an owl!".

Aside from that, the year had passed by and when I turned fourteen I felt rather happy. I had a good relationship with both my parents, and my siblings and I got along well.

But then something happened and Kusukusu started an argument against our mother that wouldn't be easily forgiven. I had been pulled into that argument because I'd known that my sister was leaving albeit two days.

I became the messenger yet again. Oh god how I hated it...

And since it was summer I couldn't see any of my friends.

All I could hold onto was my advice column back in America, which only hurt me even more.

I had received a letter saying that I didn't know what I was saying and that I should have been ashamed because as I had no boyfriend of my own (Nagihiko had been a small crush) I had no right to tell such 'lies'.

The person had based her facts on another advice column saying that "boyfriends who cheat on you deserve second chances". At that point, I don't know why but I broke.

I cried in a way I hadn't done in a very long time. In a way, there was no one else left for me to approach but the friends I had in America.

TARKYN, weird named I know, stood for Tadase, Amu, Rima, Kairi, Yaya, and Nagihiko. They were people I knew I could rely on, and when I poured out my heart and soul as well, despite the fact that they were a million miles away, they stood for me and let me cry out using emotional icons and virtual tears.

At that moment I would have done anything to be with them, because they were the type of people to never let you down.

In life, you come to make lots of choices. Whether trivial or important, no one really knows. What matters is you think of what you choose before you choose.

Because choosing is never easy, and because of the choices I made, I am the person who I am now.

I may be fourteen and have a long distance relationship with a guy in America who looks like a girl, but hey, that's what my choices lead me to.

This was written in memory of someone I used to know. I hate to use Rima in such a warped situation, but I needed to write this and let it out...

Honestly, sometimes crying it out is never enough. I know why I wrote this and I don't care if it's OOC or whatever- this story/drabble needed to be written.

So yeah

Peace!