No more words

Once words are said, we can never take them back. No matter how much you want to grab them and push them back where they came from. They would simply hang there in the air, tearing at our souls. Laughing at us just how stupid we are to say them. Because it hurts the longer they stay there.

And for a second, a 'sorry' seems to make it better. Taking away the hurt and meaning of our words.

..

And another seconds passes.

..

.

And another.

It doesn't make it better. And they're still there…

The bag is sitting at the back of the closet for Kami's knows how long. It's filled with clothing, yen, weaponry and other essentials I might need. Every so often, I would add something into it. Just as frequently I would take something out of it.

When I see her smile, my stomach knots into itself. The guilt and pain slamming into me being almost too much for me to bare.

Her head rests upon my bare chest, her silk pink strands fanning and caressing my bare skin. Her breathing is steady, telling me she if fast asleep. I can't count how many night I've spend simply watching and waiting for her to whisper my name in her sleep like she always does. Just once more before this would all shatter.

Kakashi… She would say with a breathy voice laced with love and affection. And I love it, craved it.

But at the same time I cursed it, digging into a part of my heart she doesn't have access to. And that simple murmur of my name fills me with self-hate and disgust.

Rin. My beautiful Rin.

She haunts me still. Even in her death I still love her.

I let my fingers weave their way through my lover's pink strands. Sakura is an incredibly beautiful woman with a matching golden heart. I know that it would be more than easy to live happily if I could just forget Rin. That I could just…

Love you..

I slip carefully out of bed, not wanting to wake my companion. Walking over to the closet, I snatch a pair of pants off its hanger and quickly stuff it into the hidden bag. I grab another few items and do the same.

Suddenly though, I feel the hairs on the back of my neck rising. Alerting me that someone's watching me. But when I turn around and let my lone eye rest upon Sakura I know she's still asleep on our bed.

Our bed.

Guilt washes over me and I remove a shirt from the duffel bag, placing it back on its original hanger and ease myself back into her arms.

xXx

"What do you want on your pancake, Kakashi?" I glance up from Icha Icha tactics and stare at her for a moment, captured by her beauty. Then I realize she has emerald eyes, Sakura's eyes, not the chocolate brown ones like I'd been imagining.

"Kakashi?"

"Nothing, thank you." I keep seeing Rin instead of Sakura. Is this how Sasuke had felt before he left her broken two years earlier? So much guilt and pain for leaving a woman who gave her love unconditionally and stomping it into the ground? I felt as if I was being ripped apart.

"I'm putting syrup on it 'cause I know you like it, even if you don't want to admit it." Her voice taunts me. Her green eyes twinkle in delight and she gives me a dazzling grin. I wonder why I can't be satisfied waking up every morning to a goddess like this.

I put my Icha Icha down and stand up from my spot at the table. Before I head into the direction of our room, I call back over my shoulder.

"I'll be right back."

Once I get there, I trace the knob of the closet before I open the door. I take my bag out to unzip it, ready to take out another set of clothes.

Only when I opened it, my heartbeat stops and my blood freezes over. All the shirts, pants and undergarments aren't as I left them. They are folded neatly in perfection.

I move downstairs and watch Sakura as she laughs into the phone over something Ino said. So carefree if nothing is wrong.

When had she learned my secret?

How long has she known about my plan to leave?

xXx

Why hasn't she said anything?

Was it because she thinks it's a mission bag? But that can't be it. She knows I prefer to travel light, even when I'm gone for months I don't pack as much as this. Instead of my continuous wondering, it would be far easier if I just asked her about it. Straight out. Confront the problem. But the very idea that her dazzling smile may be wiped away once more, the very smile I had taken months to give back to her kills me.

He had taken away her smile when he left. And I'm about to do the same. I can't ask her.

It has been coming. And I cannot stop it. I've known it for days that tonight, I would not pack something and go back to bed. The bag is so full it threatens to burst. All there's left to do is to actually pick it out of the closet and go.

And tonight I would do so.

Tonight was the night she would smile no more. At least, not for me. I lost that right to that smile the moment I began to doubt and second-guess our relationship.

Tonight I would leave Sakura for a dead woman. It sounds stupid know I think back at this. But as they always say, 24/7 always shows your wrongs. I was blind to see that what I was looking for was right here in my arms, and I was about to lose it too.

I make love to her one last time. Savouring her sighs, moans and taste. But accidently I fall asleep myself.

I awake no later than two in the morning. I sigh, glad that it's still dark for me to slip out of her life. I turn over, hoping for one last time I can bask in her beauty.

But there is no one there…

Startled I sit up, looking around for a sign. It comes from my acute hearing that picked up rustling sounds from downstairs. Silently, I make my way towards the noise. And there is the view I would never forget for as long as I live.

There at the front door Sakura stood, placing a small bag of food on top of my duffel bag from the closet and a thick jacket. She stands there in thought for a minute before reaching under the coat rack and pulls out an umbrella. She ties it to my bag.

"Sakura?" My voice startles her. I know because she jumps and tenses. But she doesn't turn around to look at me.

"What are you doing?"

With her head down, she tries to walk past me as she speaks. "I made some food for you in the bag; most of it will go bad in about a week so eat it. I also gave you an umbrella in case it rains. Kami, I still don't get how you never got a cold before from sitting in front of the memorial in the rain without protection."

"Sakura." I grab her arm before she can get away. But she rips it out of my hold and cradles it close to her chest. She takes a step further away from me to as warning. Her rejection of my touch breaks something inside of me.

"Don't." She finally looks up at me. "Don't touch me."

"Please understand." My voice sounds almost pleading. I want to embrace her and smell her hair, but I stop myself in time. I'm lucky enough she didn't punch me with a chakra induced fist.

"I never do." She stares at me with cold eyes. Not because she hates me, no her hart is to pure for that emotion. I almost wish it was because of hate. It's cold because there is no more warmth in her.

"Don't say anything anymore. I've already had this conversation once with Sasuke. I Don't feel the need to do it again. There are no more words I haven't said already."

Tears burn behind my eyes, but I swallow them back. "At least say goodbye."

"Goodbye Kakashi."

There is no love in the way she says my name. Nothing like she used to whisper it in her sleep. A piece of my heart withers as her monotone voice reaches my ears. Desperate for something, anything, I lean in and brush my lips against hers. Her hand, tough gentle, pushed me away. The spot on my chest where she touched me burned.

"Goodbye."

As I step out of the door, bags in hand, I whisper.

"Sorry."

She locks the door behind me with a final thud.

And as I walk away, the unsaid words hang over my head. Some words however, are never said.

And we can never say them again. Because the moment would have been gone.

Her heart has already been broken.

All we can do is repeat them over and over again to ourselves.

…

..

.

In our nightmares.

A/N: Quick oneshot. Wouldn't let me sleep until I put it on paper so here it is.