I wanted to play a bit with Kate and her background, casting her in a more vulnerable light. Thus, this idea was born. Consider it a new spin on a somewhat old theme. You may consider this AU, as some have struggled with believing the premise.

Disclaimer: I don't own them. They're just so fun to play with!

There were few things in life that Kate Beckett had ever been sure of. She was sure that she wanted to dedicate her life to bringing justice and closure to others. She was sure that her job was one of the most important aspects of her life, and she was sure that she had fallen in love. What took her by surprise, as she sat on an abandoned swing set in the middle of the night, during a torrential downpour, was just how much she had fallen in love.

She truly believed that she'd been in love before, although just one time. When she thought back to Will, and how wrapped up in him she'd been, she was sure that she had experienced the real deal. However, in this moment of clarity, as Kate sat on the rain-soaked swings with nothing left in her life, she knew she'd been wrong.

What she felt for Will was strong, but what she felt for Castle was all-encompassing. She'd never before considered giving everything up for another person. Even in her height of attraction to Royce, which she could admit to herself in retrospect was just physical attraction, she was never willing to give everything up.

She couldn't quite wrap her brain around the fact that she had done so for Rick, and he didn't even know it. She'd done it even after he'd walked out, unable to watch her put her life in mortal danger, yet again. However, on that afternoon while hanging from the roof, fingers slipping as her life flashed before her eyes, it became clear to her that only one thing mattered; him.

She found the clarity odd after all the struggle, the self-doubt, the doubt in him and the time she worked to heal. She couldn't quite understand how something that just 12 hours ago had seemed so incredibly complicated, could suddenly seem so clear.

She was somewhat amused by the simplicity of it all as she sat in the rain, staring at the empty swing next to her, the place where he'd occupied not even a year before. Of everything she'd been through in her job, and in her life, she was struck by one certainty above all else. She had to go to him, and go to him now.

She rose from the swings and walked to him, blocks and blocks in the pouring rain. It didn't even occur to her to take a cab, as she was too focused on getting to him to consider other travel methods. She didn't rehearse what she was going to say, or how he might react to her, fixating instead on the moment when they would finally move beyond all the barriers and just be.

As she rounded the corner and neared his building, nearly 45 minutes later, she inhaled deeply. She called him so she could tell him she was there, to let him know that they needed to talk. However, he didn't answer. She couldn't say she was surprised, but his avoidance wasn't going to stop her this time.

The door man looked at her quizzically, clearly perplexed by her drenched state. "Would you like me to call him and let him know to expect you detective?" The man asked politely.

"No thanks." She simply stated, somewhat dazed as she proceeded to the elevator.

At his door, she knocked and waited, again not thinking about what she was going to say when he opened it. It was if that thought process didn't even occur to her. The door swung open and she was met with his cold, disapproving stare, a blunt "What do you want Beckett?" directed at her.

She said the only thing that would come to her mind at that point, "You."

Then she was on him, grabbing his lapels as she kissed him fiercely. He didn't respond, causing her to grasp his shoulders to keep him with her as she began to apologize, "I'm so sorry Castle. I'm so sorry."

She tried to kiss him again, but he pushed her away, although she could see his resolve slipping, the knowledge that he needed to keep her at such a distance broke her heart. She began to cry as he asked her what happened.

She told him, also revealing to him that she wanted him, that he was all she thought about on the verge of death. It was all somewhat cathartic for her. However, he still resisted when she moved to kiss him. Kate was determined to make him understand, and she would wait all night if she had to. He waited four years for her, and she would wait as long as it took for him to see that she was genuine in her words, in her need for him.

She leaned back slightly, a tear still falling slowly down her cheek as she moved her fingers to softly brush his lips. The look she gave him, a look of pure love and complete honestly, of unguarded vulnerability and openness to him, finally pushed him over the edge.

He was on her, suddenly and fiercely, kissing her lips, moving to her neck, lining her jaw, and hands exploring. One minute he was completely withdrawn and the next he was all over her, backing her completely against the door as his need to touch her and to taste her consumed him.

Although she'd taken control by showing up, by communicating her wanting him and by showing him that her words were true, he held the power now, as her knees buckled and she could do little else than grasp at the back of his shirt. As he trailed hot and needy kisses down her neck, she did little else than hold on, overwhelmed with the sensations. He moved to her lips again, sending a trail of fire through her, and setting her body ablaze as it had never been before.

The heat slowed momentarily as he came into contact with the marred flesh in the center of her chest, a marker of her brush with death the year before. He kissed her there before moving back to slowly unbutton her shirt and expose more of the flesh there. Kate slowly moved her hand to cover his, resting it over the scar, as she drew her other hand to caress his jaw and kiss him again, slowly and deeply.

It was a pivotal moment for them, the moment where they finally shared the physical and emotional wounds life had dealt them. It was a moment of recognition of everything they'd been through together, everything that led them to this inevitable place. Their kisses slowed and their gazes held, both smiling somewhat in amazement that they were finally sharing this moment.

With that, Kate slid her hand back down his arm, laced their fingers and, never taking her eyes from his, led him to his bedroom.

In that moment, Kate had never felt so sure of anything in her life. As they reached his bedroom, cloths were removed slowly, each taking great pleasure in their first moments of true intimacy. When he touched her, she quivered, longing for more. Despite everything she'd been through in her life, all of her insecurities and her fears where her body was concerned, Kate felt confident that this moment was right and that he was right.

He laid her on his bed, continuing to trail kisses on her body as he prepared to finally bring them together completely. Their kisses grew intense, caresses turning to desperate grasps as whispers turned to moans. He snaked his hands down to touch her gently, feeling that she was ready for him, as he was for her.

Castle knew that there would be room for foreplay, for exploration later, for now though, it was about feeling them together. The urge to bury himself within her was becoming difficult to ignore, and as he spread Kate's legs and settled himself there, he knew she felt the same.

Slowly, he nudged himself against her entrance, ready to plunge himself within her. However, with his first attempt to do so, he felt her body tense as she started to shake violently. He looked down to her and saw that her eyes were squeezed tightly.

"Kate," he whispered. "Open your eyes for me."

When she did, and they were once again locked in a loving gaze, he softly whispered, "just relax."

She nodded, offering him a smile. Pulling him down for a kiss and relishing in the wonderful sensation that was his body pressed closely to hers. She wanted him so badly, but she couldn't control her traitorous body, she couldn't will herself to just calm down and relax.

After a few moments, complete with soft caresses and gentle kisses, he felt the tension leave her body and moved to enter her once again. He got a little deeper before she pulled her hips up, inching her body to the head of the bed and away from him. This time she wouldn't open her eyes or meet his gaze.

"Kate," he whispered to her. "If you don't want to do this, we can stop. It's been a long day and you've been through so much." He ran his fingers through her hair, softly lining her skin with kisses.

"No Castle. I want this so much," She started, "I'm just going to need you to talk me through this." She answered to him with a shaking voice, her hands grasping his upper arms.

"Has it been a long time Kate?" He asked softly.

"Longer than you think." She answered, unable to make eye contact with him. The insecurity in her voice was evident. She silently urged him to continue, but something in her tone didn't settle right with him. The way her body tensed and she held her breath, the way she averted his gaze. If he didn't know better, he would swear that she was- no, he thought to himself, it's not possible. Still, he couldn't shake the suspicion that something was off and he had to know.

"Kate, please forgive me for what I'm about to ask you, but." He paused, worried that he was really going to offend her, "have you done this before?" She glanced away from him and remained silent.

He was floored, sitting up and pulling her with him, "but how? You said that you'd been with partners, Kate." He spoke, referring to the discussion about whether they would want to know about former lovers before getting married.

Kate let out a heavy sigh before explaining. "I have had lovers, and I've done a lot. I have experience Castle. I just don't have that specific experience. I've never technically had intercourse." He was still shocked by the news that she, who practically exuded sex, could be a virgin. Again, he questioned.

"but HOW?"

Kate rolled away from him and covered her body with her sheets, feeling a familiar sense of embarrassment, self-loathing and bitterness. She vowed to herself that if she ever got to this place with him, she would never let him know that she was a virgin. Virgin, Kate thought to herself, I fucking hate that word.

She felt the warmth of his palm on her bare arm, "Kate, please talk to me." He whispered. "Don't close yourself off to me now." He was desperate to understand and he needed her to put the pieces together for him. He didn't recognize his self-confidant, assertive and sexy partner in the shaking woman who had her back turned to him now.

Overwhelmed and unable to face him, she rolled out of bed, "Castle I'm sorry. This was a mistake." She moved to slip her panties back on, feeling around in the dark for her bra and her shirt next. She couldn't stop the shaking in her hands, the tremble in her lip, as she urgently looked for her clothing.

"I thought you chose me." He stated, bringing her movement to a stop. "You said that you just wanted me. I don't understand this Kate, but more importantly I don't see how this changes things."

He was right. She made the decision to jump in with him, to chose him over everything else, and at the first show of vulnerability she was ready to run. Sighing heavily, she stopped what she was doing and let herself fall back to the mattress, sitting with her head in her hands.

He quietly moved beside her, waiting quietly for her to speak. Finally, she did. "I didn't want this to be an issue. I didn't want YOU, with your experiences and your charms, to have to deal with this. I just wanted to do it this time, and I thought because it was with you I'd be ok."

"So you were just going to let me take your virginity and not tell me Kate?" He asked somewhat incredulously, more surprised and hurt than angry.

"Damnit Castle, I'm not a prude, I'm not innocent and I'm not 16. It isn't that big of a deal." She snapped at him somewhat defensively.

Castle stood up and put on his robe, grabbing a t-shirt and boxers for her. As she stood to tie the shorts, securing them to her waist, he spoke again. "I'm going to make us some coffee and then we're going to talk." His tone left little for negotiation.

Kate looked up at him, touched by the love that still rested in his eyes, she simply nodded and followed him out into the living room. She settled on the couch and prepared herself for his return from the kitchen; she had a lot of explaining to do.

A/N: It's complicated, but the possibility of this was thought out and will be explained :) I really hope to keep it in character and avoid clichés as well. Think it's worth continuing?