Anger Management
by Nina
Summary :
After the Thor, Lord of Thunder affair, Jane and Erik went to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. Some would have thought Darcy would follow them to the end of the world. But unfortunately for her, as soon as she got her credit, she was kindly thanked and sent back to New York. Now working as a waitress, living with a blonde flat mate, she tries to pay her bills and survive. There is so much rage in her she feels she could go green any minute.
So when she meets the jolly green giant in a park, trying very much to smash the ducks in the pond, she can actually relate to him.
Notes for this chapter:
English isn't my native tongue and I apologise for any awfull mistakes and syntaxic tortures that might occur within this story.
So this Darcy is still very influenced by Kat Dennings' role in 2 Broke girl$. Yet, this is still not a crossover.
Of course this is a non-profit story. If fan fiction was lucrative, how many of us would be multi-billionaires?
Also, rating is for the language. And safety ?
SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS! (especially the green ones)
Thanks for K. and her inner asgardian for her insight of the Thorian linguistic.
Reviews:
First of all, I thank all of the readers of this fic very much, and all of you that bookmarked/pressed the [follow this story] button. And those who put it directly in their favourites... Wow. Thanks so much! This is my second fanfiction in english, and i'm glad I started writing again. Your comments were very much appreciated too, and helped me seing things in a better angle. I know I took my time updating this but it's quite hard for me right now. I work 10 hours a day at a camp site where I do basically 5 jobs: taking care of children aged 4 to 13 years old, prepare sport tournaments and Bingoes, clean toilets blocks, do some gardening, bartending and waitressing. So writing is maybe a hobby I love but it takes time to find time to write, and i'm sorry for this late update.
Thank you so much for all the readers that enjoyed this little ficklet.
Cybernetic Mango : Yep, Green being all cuddly is a sweet image. Like a T-rex pup. Cute, yet deadly. Yet, cute.
Soaring phoenix86 : Oh gods, all the feels... I'm not much a sucker for tragedies and marvel policy of "learn from your own experiences/suffering/ you only reap what you sow/ great power=responsabilities" makes my heart ache all the time. I'd like my guys to get a little peace of mind, sometimes. Hopefully, This is a fluffy piece, so there will be a happy ending for everyone!
I hope you will get the answers to your questions here ! Thanks for reading, you actually inspired me parts of this chapter! Also MOAR casual contact for our terrible duo.
I'm glad you like this Darcy. In my mind she is a strong woman, and she'll need exactly that to fight for the legitimate Hulk and Darcy 's AM club.
Ell Roche, KatDemon18, Diane, AlexCeasar, miaandBi , guest, guest, Vaneria potter, Hailey-Stone, Fierynight angel, Midori-Hoseki-Suichi , Guest, Evie191 : Many Thanks for your words and hopefully this chapter will please you as much as the precedents. Enjoy!
Chapter 3 :
She doesn't know what just happened. One second, she was there, winding up this poor doctor Banner, and the other, she was brutally shoved far from him, hitting the wall quite roughly. Closing her eyes as she can see white spots in front of her, she hears distorted voices through communicators and noises. Tons of noises. She recognises the sound of gun security being lifted, and then, a roar. A very familiar roar makes the wall tremble and when she open her eyes all she can see is green. Something collides with her in a brutal... hug?
« HOLD YOUR FIRE! »
« ANGRY DARCY! »
« Big... Guy ? »
The Hulk crushes her in a bear hug, He seems to be happy to see her. She smiles and pats him on the back -which really means the shoulder as she can't reach anything else. She mouthes « I've got that » to the line of the absolutely bewildered S.H.I.E.L.D agents and reports her attention fully to the gigantic man in her arms.
« Hey. You didn't call. I thought you were avoiding me. Shall I be angry with you ? »
« No angry, Darcy. Hulk stuck in Banner. »
« So he really is you... right ? You are, like, sharing a body, or something like that ? »
« Hulk is Banner. Banner not Hulk. Don't want to be. »
« ... Alright... And so... you were stuck in his head... that's right ? He can control you then ? »
« Banner not always control. Hulk is strong. Angry. »
« Oh, I'm pretty sure i'll be pissed off if my roomate was a mini-dictator too. Well she is, sometimes. So that makes too of us ? Well, not really. You do have a curfew and i don't. Plus you seems to have a lot of sitters, too... »
He roars, making the whole group of agents flinch, ready to shoot with elephant tranquilisers. Darcy passes her hand through his hair.
« Hush, hush, it's okay, big guy. Wow you're noisy. »
« Darcy don't like noise? »
« Sometimes i do, especially music. But i'm next to your mouth, and it hurts when you scream. I bet you don't like the noise too, right ? »
« Hulk hate noise »
« See ? The same. Sooo... What have you been up to ? I waited for you to call. But i suppose the doc wouldn't let you use his phone five minutes. »
She talks and talks and talks and under the unbelieving eyes of S.H.I.E.L.D, the Hulk actually listens, ignoring the rest of the world. They sit like she just did earlier with Bruce Banner, and something incredible happens. A rumbling sound, like the distant crack of thunder in the mountains, escapes the giant's throat. The Hulk is laughing.
« ...So it's all the gamma radiations' fault, right ? And I can't believe you are actually him. I thought he was involved in the story but not that he was... you? That's crazy. A good chance i didn't bet on that, i would have definitively lost. But now, yeah, i do see the resemblance. You do look like each others... which is a bit stupid to say, if you are the same person. So, do you think the good doctor actually washed up my number or what? »
« Hulk shrink, skin shrink. Number skrink too. »
« ...yeah that is quite logical i suppose. Maybe i could write really big letters or numbers so... »
« WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE ? »
A tall man with an eye patch that Darcy has never seen before but who does have a ferocious appearance – a good mix of super villian and space pirate – stands in front of them. Right behind him stand proudly the Avengers. Well, at least, part of them: Captain America, Iron man and Thor. This is not something you see any days. The Hulk changed in the middle of a corridor, without any menace detected. When you know what control Bruce maintains on his alter ego, this is pretty strange on its own. But nothing was smashed in the process, even the vending machine is intact. And the Hulk is sitting on the floor next to it, listening to a pretty young brunette with a raspy voice and one of the most impressive cleavage Tony ever seen. Which means a lot. Thor recognises her immediately and beams.
« Thor! Remember me buddy ? »
« LADY DARCY! WHAT A GREAT JOY IT IS TO MEET YOU AGAIN UNDER MUCH LESS TROUBLED CIRCUMSTANCES! THE LADY JANE WILL BE MUCH PLEASED TO HEAR YOU ARE AS HEALTHY AS EVER ! »
Darcy is quite happy to see the asgardian again. The great big dude with the bossy attitude looks at her intensely before asking one of his agents for the identity of this civillian. Agent Coulson appears, sending a quick look to Darcy before filling in his boss.
Tony Stark takes this opportunity to approach the duo, but is immediately stopped by a bulky arm. The girl behind him chuckles and, looking at Fury from above the arm, drawls:
« So, is it okay if I bring him home before midnight? »
A silence fells on the room before Tony burst in laughter. Fury seems quite lost for once, and he's got to make sure JARVIS is recording that. Oh, he is having such a great time. From the moment they became science brothers, he has always pestered Bruce with his love life. And here was the Hulk, bringing his girlfriend home. And a pretty hot young woman, too! Was the Hulk having a mid-life crisis? Oh how Bruce would turn green at the thought -oh the irony!. But here comes Steve -aka Captain America -aka the-world-is-dangerous-and-barbaric-place-now-that—i'm-not-an-ice-cube-anymore- reaches for the girl. Always a professionnal, the dear Cap.
« Ma'am, I would like you to calmly come to me. Everything is okay, Ma'am. You'll be safe. »
She smiles like he is a cute little puppy and the Hulk... snorts ?! Oh, Tony's day is getting better and better.
« I know I'm safe, Cap'tain. Thanks for you concern, though. So... Sir ? May we go now ? I'm pretty sure it's way beyond office hours, and that everyone is dying to go home. Plus I still have to cook my muffins for tomorrow. »
« Miss Lewis, I am sure you understand that the situation we are faring is quite unique and new for us. Could you tell me what's going on here ? »
« Well sure, why not ? Hulk, here, and I, met last month in a parc. We ended up making some ricochets. »
« Ouh, like in Amelie ? I loved this movie »Tony chirps in his best (or worse) impression of Pepper and smirks. The Hulk growls in response and the Iron Man gives him a cheeky smirk. Thor looks quite lost, and so does Steve. Darcy supposes it's a generation/alien thing.
« Anyway, we met and got on well. Now we've got this anger management thing going on. I'm constantly mad, he's green, we're looking for a hobby to help us relax, but the doc -Docteur Banner, i mean- kind of postpone that, now I've got plenty of ideas I'd like to share with my friend, so can we go now?"
Nicholas Fury considers himself to be a pragmatic, cold headed man. He likes to consider all his options and the girl seems to be controlling Banner's rage problem. The Hulk is calm and hasn't done any damages, albeit he is still menacing. This could prove a real advantage in the future. He need to think about this alone, and far away from the madness.
"Do whatever you want, but HE stays in the building."
"Don't worry, we'll have some take away and use his credit card." Tony whispers to the angry duo as the agents clear the corridor, glancing nervously back at the super group, waiting for the Hulk to go on a rampage any minute.
When the building is completely emptied except for a playboy billionnaire philantropist in an iron suit, a demi-god, a super-spy and his bow, the representant of the whole nation with the stars and stripes tattoed on his butt and her dearly green friend, Darcy stands up and beams.
"Okay... so that was easy. For a super spy agency. I mean."
Thor barks a laugh and gives her a slaps on the back that sends her flying on Tony Stark's chest plate. The Hulk stands, growling at the puny god that is maybe better than the green magic one, but stupid enough not to control his strengh. Angry Darcy may be brave and tenacious for a human female, she is still fragile and tiny. The metal man [ caters them ] to the elevator, ignoring the tension between the other members of his team, which irritates the Hulk. Darcy is his friend, not the Avengers'. And he doesn't like the smooth tone he uses with her. He already has a woman, why does he wants to take her too ?
The penthouse still bears the marks of Loki's defeat and where he fell. The metal man made no repairs and Hulk is quite happy to show his friend the hole in the ground. Darcy seems quite surprised and listens to his tale, ignoring the amused looks of the avengers at the strange sight before them.
Then Tony shout "PIZZA!" and a whole pandemonium hurls the girl to one of the most confortable looking living room Darcy ever seen, with the most incredible sofa and a huge plasma screen. They sprawl themselves on the couch so un-superhero like that she can't help but feel like she's intruding. But the great big hand on her back, pressing her gently toward the group, makes her worries go away.
She starts calling him "Green" the day after they finish watching the Hell Boy duology. It' s all part of Darcy's "Let's make the Hulk interact with people and do normal activities instead of crushing them" plan. The movies are from her favourites list, and she finds it fun to notice some similarities with their (now) daily life. Tony snorts when he hears the term of endeavourment , but a growl from the big guy currently sprawled on the ground at Darcy's feet makes him swallow back an comments.
A sort of strange domesticity settled in the Avenger Tower. Darcy comes around at least two days a week, and after a long bargain with Bruce ( quite an epic episode of only Darcy's and Bruce's fury lashing out as the other guy stays silent -he knows Darcy will have better arguments against Bruce – which surprised the scientist so much he finally agreed – but only with heavy surveillance from his comrades in arm) she manages to get her lime-coloured friend for herself (with a super-babysitter). That's how they end up in Tony's penthouse, shamelessely lolling on the expensive furniture and rugs in front of the tv, eating ice-cream while Darcy takes for a mission to keep the Hulk's pop culture up-to-date. They start with basic action movies she feels they will like but ends up choosing her own personnal choice of nerdy or obscure comics adaptations, and of course, foreign movies. She gets him to read, too. He struggles a bit, and, after the first weeks,she ends up reading out loud for him while he simply lay down and enjoy the sound of her voice. Sometimes, when it's Thor's turn to watch them, he sits next to them, smiling brightly. Sometimes, it's Clint's turn, and he simply watch the tv from the top of the sofa's arm. Usually, Darcy smiles and the Hulk just huffes and basically ignores anyone that intrude on their time.
But soon the quiet and calm evenings are disturbed by a whole bunch of superheroes (minus Natasha that claims she needs some time off the guys) that settles with them on the couch, watching the movies, eating popcorn and junk food and drinking beer. They are loud, and a bit unnerving sometimes. At first, Darcy doesn't say anything. She is still a bit shy around this band of merry men in tights -yes, she made the Hulk and Clint watch this version of Robin Hood- and she's using Stark's things, and eat his food. She wonders briefly when she became a regular in the Tower, when did reading comics and playing jenga with one of the Avengers became ordinary.
But they are loud and much more invasive than her, which is quite a lot. She knows they don't mean to bother her and she quite enjoys spending time with them, but it IS Hulk and Darcy's alone time together, the only moment they got after Fury's analyse of the videos from the park and the bill he received. They are still being punished, and Darcy is pretty sure the man is sadistic, for a whole fortnight they had to listen to the raving rants of a science high Tony Stark. And now, 3 weeks laters, she is starting to get mad. Really mad. Not Arleen Quinzel or Freakazoid mad -well, a bit- but really Hulk mad. They have to do something, to go out, away from the Avenging Spandex Wearers Tower.
" LET'S GO FISHING!"
Darcy runs from her job directly after her shift. She had the idea since she woke up and it took its time replaying in her head the whole morning., helping her through a very tiring day.
She used to love going fishing. Her grandfather always took her to this perfect place during the summer, where they would pretend to spend the whole day tickling the fishes when actually they would just nap, or read in the shade, away from the noises of civilisation and most importantly, the constant nagging of her grandmother. Some of her best childhood memories were just that. The two of them, their fishing rods and the sound of water clapping gently at their feet.
Peace.
The biologist looks up to see who has disturbed his thoughts. The little black and yellow tornado throws her bag at his feet, and pounces on the couch next to him. Her hair is tousled, her lipstick faded, and judging by the slight curl of her mouth, she seems to have had a bad day. Again. He gently takes his glasses off, and rubs his temples.
"Fishing? You want to take the H... us, fishing?"
"yeah, why not ? I like fishing. Plenty of time to nap and looking for shapes in the clouds. Plus, we would be out. Away from here."
She slumps next to him and delicately presses her forehead on his shoulder, sighing loudly. They stay like this for a while, Darcy too weary to feel any embarassement. Later, she would justify her personal space invasion as a "bonding exercise" for Bruce. He, himself ,is trying to stop the thoughts of what he would rather do with the girl which actually involves a nap but excludes that awful uniform of hers. Recently, he seems to have more and more of these thoughts...
A loud knock makes the door tremble and Tony appears. Darcy grumbles a little and straightens up on her seat.
"Did I hear someone say fishing? Oh MY ! What in the name of fashion is that ugly... mustardy...thing?"
"My uniform, mister Stark"
"Your uniform? Do you work in a prison? No, wait, are you on parole ? Are they making you wear this so you don't vanish in a crowd? That's harsh. Also, I told you to call me Tony. My friends call me Tony."
"I'm not sure I want to be your friend right now, Tony"
"They also say that. See? Friend. So... Fishing?"
That is the moment when Thor and Clint choose to enter the room, and two similar grins appear on their faces. Darcy knows that smile. That smile means troubles.
That's how a calm afternoon by the river, naked feet in the grass and a nap under a tree gets transformed into a full day expedition of Tony fully Hulk-proofed and very large – and ridiculously expensive- luxury yacht.
The whole team is here. Natasha and Pepper are sunbathing on the sun deck, next to a jacuzzy that could pass for a swimming pool. They wanted some time away from "the boys" . Darcy knows she should be offended to be considered as one of them, but she's too busy trying to figure out either to be amazed or irritated by Tony's initiative and the turn of events.
Bruce is napping in a corner, currently keeping his stomach from escaping his sealed lips. Sea sickness isn't something that Hulking out could change. What a brilliant idea it was to bring him in the middle of the ocean, in a small embarcation ( 230 feets were hardly small for a boat but for the Hulk, it would still be a cockleeshell ) surrounded by hyperactive superheroes and his alter-ego's not so secret crush.
Clint and Thor have disapeared some times ago, but last time anyone saw them, they were looming over the bow of the ship (oh the irony) looking for a way to sit on the figure head (the figure head! A giant Tony-faced merman with a pouty smile! Darcy never thought she would find someone as narcissistic as her flatmate but then again, she had never met Tony in the flesh before ) so they can have a "better view". Somehow they might end up in a "peeing contest" like the times they drank so much they decided to go on the penthouse roof and see who would aim the furthest. Of course, Thor would always win but as everyone knew, it was just a matter of time before Tony would invent a contraption to help him break this record.
And Tony is Gods-know-where – he had said something about a sky lounge- looking for something to drink. He has said he would not be long but this was already 30 minutes ago and Darcy is feeling a bit left out. She lays her towel on one of the huge and very confortable looking deckchair, takes out of her bag her favourite sunglasses and her i-pod. This is maybe not the perfect fishing trip she had in mind, but, hell, she is on a yacht, no, a GIGA yacht, like the ones you only see in movies or on the glossy pages of peoples magazines. She is with some of the most amazing people on earth, on a crazy boat -no, a ship . Bruce looks like he is finally asleep, a bucket on his lap. For once, she feels like she can relax and enjoy freely her day off. Nothing to worry about, no money problems, no anger issues. Nothing could make her move out of her chair. And nothing would.
Oh Boy. How could she be so wrong ?