SPECIAL FOR NEW COUPLES!TRIPLE DELIGHT STRAWBERRY-RASBERRY SUNDAE! LINE UP, LOVEBIRDS!

Thus declared the cloth banner under which Ishida Uryuu sat on a date with Kuchiki Rukia- who was unfamiliar with the concept of dates. Or couples. Or many of the new words invented in the last hundred years.

"What is a lovebird?," Rukia wanted to know.

Ishida noticed that she had become increasingly vocal about her demands now that she had become comfortable with having him around.

"Birds that don't believe in the concept of love," Ishida explained.

"But then why are they called-"

"Ironic nomenclature," he fibbed smoothly.

He was getting better at lying and worse at keeping his guilt from bobbing up to the surface every now and then. The pile of cherries on Rukia's sundae and the absolute absence of any on his was living proof of that.

He eyed the red fruits morosely, a little deflated by the lack of Kurosaki's presence. According to his calculations, he should have been here by now. Maybe the plan wasn't working…maybe the orangutan had given up-yes, that did seem like something he would do! Never taking anything seriously! He felt righteous anger coursing through his body at this. Here he was, putting his life, reputation and sanity on the line for this guy's love life, while dealing with the depressing absence of it in his own, and that MORON had no intention of even BOTHERING TO SHOW UP AND-eh?

While he had been steadily assuming the character and facial likeness of Godzilla, Rukia had been busy plucking cherries from her sundae and piling them onto his.

"Ah, Kuchiki-san, what are you-?, "

"I think they forgot to put some on yours," she smiled.

Ishida almost started crying right then and there. Oh sweet lord, what was he doing!? Sending this sweet, violent angel into Kurosaki's arms?How would he ever repent for this? Would Matsumoto-san have to partake of his punishment if he spilled the beans on her? Because really, none of this would have happened if not for that crazy, crazy wom-

Ishida Uryuu spat out the ice cream in his mouth when he realized that the mentally unstable woman he'd been planning to sell to hell authorities was in fact sitting a table away and staring at him fixedly.

"Ishida?," Rukia looked concerned, clearly worried that he was having another attack of whatever he'd been suffering from for the past few days.

"Ah, no! Nothing, Kuchiki-san, nothing… Just, um just saw an old friend, that's all!," Ishida knew his voice was coming out much louder and shriller than necessary, but he'd discovered earlier that if he tried to control it, it served to make him sound almost exactly like a hammered donkey, so he wasn't trying anything like that again.

"Old friend?," Rukia started to turn around. Ishida had a moment to experience what being Kurosaki must feel like-his brain froze, and his tongue went heavy, greatly reducing his capacity to make human sounds.

"NO! KUCHIKI-SAN!NOT THERE!," he jabbed his hand desperately around in the air-somewhere, anywhere but behind her where Matsumoto Rangiku sat calmly, either completely unaware of what was going down, or aware but not particularly concerned about it.

"Ishida…"

Here he realized that he was pointing out, to Rukia and the entire population of the ice cream parlor- a tree.

A hush had fallen over the place, and everyone- a whole goddamned bunch of people he had never before laid eyes on in his life- wanted to know what friend of the young man's was hiding in the tree. Ishida looked at his pointing finger, slightly trembling now, and tried to see if he could innocently change direction ever so slightly to something else.

But no. The whole goddamned scene was empty except for the tree. There was nothing-not even another bloody tree! For shit's sake, it was as if he was eating ice cream in the middle of godforsaken desert!

"Is-is your friend…gone?," Ishida realized with growing horror that she was trying to help him out. She must think he was crazy! Dammit, if he ever got hold of that good for nothing Urahara-san's neck-

"Yeah," he turned an embarrassed, beet red face away from Rukia's gaze. "She-she was just-she was there but she's gone now…"

"I see…," she smiled awkwardly, still trying to look sincerely among the branches.

I want to die, Ishida realized. I want to stop existing.

A tree, he says, muttered their neighbor. And there's a friend there?, someone asked. A person in a tree?