Disclaimer: Kishimoto Masashi says that there many Kishimoto Masashi.

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The silence of the gloomy forest was broken by a rush of wind scattering leafs and the snap of twigs.

A bird, hunting for food, instinctively stilled at sound.

Looking down, it sighted two predators, locked in combat.

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Turning aside a blow, Shino's right arm snaked around his opponent's waist.

Bucking his hips, he failed to completely lift the other boy up. Quickly extending his right leg to counter the feeble turnaround his opponent was attempting, he changed the Hip Throw into a Sweeping Hip Throw. The brown haired boy tried to resist, but it was futile. Shino had claimed the Initiative and now with the Momentum on his side, he was like a whirlwind. Unstoppable in force. A loud crash caused the cacophony of the evening to quieten as animals and insects instinctively stilled.

Moving quickly, Shino palmed a practice kunai from the holster on his forearm as he moved over the body to secure his kill. The boy on the forest floor did not try to get to his feet. Instead, he immediately rolled aside, turning as he came into a crouch facing his enemy, weapon in hand. Dark tinted sunglasses reflected what little light there was. Slowly, the bushy haired boy rolled up his sleeve and returned the weapon to its holster with exaggerated care.

Still crouched in the dirt, brown haired boy narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Rising up, the panting boy was careful to keep the weapon in his concealed. A quick glance at the forest floor confirmed that there were no kikai massing nearby. Opening his arms, Shino took a step forward. Leafs underfoot shifted as they were forced into the soft earth. A twig cracked loudly. Slowly, he took down his hood and unbuttoned the high collar of his sea green jacket, allowing the cool evening air to wash over him. Taking a deep breath, he graced the boy opposite with a dark smile, enjoying confusion evident on the other's face.

"Why you ask?" he began in a lecturing tone, arms clasped behind his back. It became impossible to hide the glee in his voice. "Because you are already dead."

Two swift blows on the back of his knees floored him even as arms snaked around his neck. Jerking, the boy brought his left arm up as he reversed his grip on the kunai in his right palm. All he needed was a few se-

"So long, sucker." came a breathless voice behind him as a kunai was dragged across his jugular, leaving a trail of bright red paint that began irritating his skin, causing the whole area to redden. Even as his body went limp, he realized what he must do. Giving up on fighting the left hand, he fumbled for the string around his neck -

Shino's own hand caught his left wrist. Behind him, the blond twisted his right hand. Forcing him to let go of the practice kunai. Before he could protest, the tanned boy yanked at his string necklace.

"Better luck next time, Kenta." said his killer without malice, holstering his own kunai as he picked the one which had fallen. He tested its balance in his hand a few times. "You can pick this up at the shop."

His face lit up with a bright smile. "Maybe."

Kenta rubbed the side of his neck where the string had been pulled taut, carefully avoiding the stinging paint on his throat. Taking a moment to even out his breathing and calm his pulse, he let the tension roll off his body. He needed to regroup and being tense would not solve anything.

Shino took out a length of rope from his small backpack, causing the brown haired boy to tense warily; it was one thing to fall in combat, but the humiliation of being taken? Fists clenched automatically as his heart began drumming out a tattoo on his chest.

"Hehehehe. Its okay. You can trust us." said Naruto, smiling in a way that did nothing to reassure him.

The spectacled boy threw the rope down in the space between them. "The proctor's tent is seven hundred meters north west. If you take the rock face down, you can bypass most of the Fire Cliff trail and simply follow the stream back to the tents. Akira is roughly seventy meters south, where the three trees entwine. He is on the third branch up. That is...if you are interested in saving your friend." he finished, a hint of contempt marring his voice.

"Careful with the Base perimeter. Some weaklings have set ambushes to trap those returning. What a bunch of losers." scoffed the blond haired boy. "Hope you don't get caught, Kenta-chan~!" he said in sing song voice.

The brown haired boy flushed. He took a moment to remind himself that there were two of them and only one of him. He took stock of his situation; the acrid smell of the paint was beginning to overpower the earthy forest scent he had worked so hard to apply. When the wind picked up, it would effectively broadcast his location to all and sundry. Swallowing his pride, Kenta picked up the rope without taking his eyes off either of the two boys across him. "Good luck on the Hunt, Naruto...You too, Shino." he managed after a moment. With that, he vanished into the brush.

They watched him go, pausing to make sure he really left. Once certain, the two darted off into the bush. A hundred meters away, they paused briefly, scanning for a possible ambush. Only once Shino's kikai confirmed that their base was undisturbed did they enter.

The simple lean-to had been built that afternoon and hastily covered with what camouflage they could forage. Inside, Shino came the spot where they had buried their supply cache. Falling to his knees, he dug into the earth with his bare hands. Outside, electric blue eyes scanned the growing gloom, taking in every detail with perfect clarity. The sun was almost set and the temperature had already begun dropping. With a curse, he swatted a mosquito on his neck. Soon the forest would be filled with bloodsuckers, and not the were not sparkly kind. Wiping his sleeve across his forehead did nothing to get rid of the grime there.

Shino knelt down beside him, placing the canteen in the soft earth. He held out a packet of mango juice and some energy bars for his partner.

Grateful, the other boy scarfed down the food in between sips, careful to keep his eyes on the gloomy forest around them. Trying to cancel out the hunger – all participants had been forced to forgo both breakfast and lunch – he focused on the makeup of the food. Cereal with nuts and berries mixed in before being baked with honey. It was unbearably sweet and – worst of all – dry, causing his thirst to become even more pronounced.

Now that the ruckus of the fight had died down, his sharp eyes could make out several small bats flying through the trees, hunting for the insects whose song now filled the air.

"Don't drink too much." chided Shino when he saw that Naruto was about to take yet another gulp from the canteen. Grimacing, the blond haired boy stowed the bottle reluctantly.

"How many do we have?" asked Naruto, trying to get his mind off the thought of the water.

"Thirteen tags, including the one you snagged from Kenta."

"His partner?"

"Taken but not dead. I rectified that mistake forthwith. If they get caught before the tents I say we bring them back in ropes."

Naruto paused for a moment. He thought it was kind of lame that you needed to capture people even if you already had a bunch of Tags. "Ok."

While the main object of the Hunt was to collect the Tag around each student's neck, you could gain extra points for 'Capturing' and 'Returning Bodies'. That said, it was not really feasible to lug around dead weight in a competition like this.

Prisoners and Corpses had a tendency to whine, give away your position, tactics and generally be a pain in the ass if they got their gags out. Should anyone escape well... needless to say, things would get very, very bad.

"What was last year's high score?" asked the blond haired boy as he finished his last energy bar.

"Thirty one tags, ten 'Corpses', two 'Captured' by Uchiha Sasuke and Inuzuka Kiba." replied Shino monotonously.

Holy cow. Thought Naruto, impressed despite himself. Well, we'll just have to do one better. He resolved then and there. No way was the future Hokage going to lose. It was time to up the ante.

"It is time we took the fight to them." he began.

Shino remained silent, focusing on the gloomy forest, senses straining to detect any hint of approaching danger.

"Shikamaru must die."

"Naruto..." cautioned Shino. Ever since his friend had lost those shogi matches – and thus been stuck with several months worth of homework – he had been itching for just about any reason to go up against the spiky haired Nara boy again.

"They have the advantage, yeah. That's why they'll never see us coming." continued the other boy breathlessly, a grin growing on his face. Sensing that his partner remained unconvinced, he quickly added "I've got a plan."

Oh. Right. Like that just made everything better. "A plan?" he asked dubiously.

"Yeah. I call it the Clockwork Orange Gambit." he proclaimed confidently, beaming in the gloom.

The bushy haired boy was not particularly reassured. From the sound of it, this plan spelt certain doom.

"Please take a moment and reconsider, Naruto." hissed Shino urgently. "Shikamaru's ninjutsu will be bolstered by nightfall. Nara clan tactics favor darkness. The edge will be his. We should wait the night out and attack at daybreak, when he will be at his weakest."

"Ah, but you forget something highly important." countered the blue eyed boy in a knowing voice.

What the hell could he have missed? When his partner did not continue, he groaned inwardly and raised one eyebrow up in question.

"The brighter you are, the poisonous you must be. This is why Orange will rule the world!" proclaimed the blond haired boy exuberantly. "Besides, we gotta do this now. For breakfast, its gonna be Dog Breath and Duckboy on a platter. Come on. We'll own them!"

Rolling his eyes behind his glasses, Shino nonetheless failed to stop the beginnings of a smile from tugging at his lips. It was a good thing he had redone the high collar of his jacket. The face gave away too much information.

"I guess we can give it a shot." he said gloomily. Why the hell had he agreed? Going up against Shikamaru's team in these conditions was suicide. At the very least he should have insisted on having this insane plan explained before agreeing to it. The moment he got out of here, he was having Naruto's enthusiasm declared an infectious disease.

"Can your kikai tell us where he is right now?" asked the blond haired boy, crossing his arms.

"No." The smile fell from his partner's face. "But I have pretty good idea."

Just as it had disappeared, the foxy grin returned in full force.

"Hehehe. Trust me, Shino. This is going to be so totally awesome!"

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Nara Shikamaru paused in his walk as he considered the hooded figure before him.

Face and form were hidden within the shade, surrounded by patch of bright moonlight. Tactically useful and yet needlessly dramatic. Obviously...

"You can come out now, Naruto."

The figure stiffened almost imperceptibly.

"Interesting fact, I can see perfectly in the dark. You are not fooling anyone."

In fact, this is the most half baked plan I've ever come across. Thought Shikamaru silently, sweat beading his brow as he silently pooled his shadow under his feet by conscious will alone.

Out of the corner of his eye, the spiky haired boy could make out his partner's form, creeping across the divide to flank Naruto and Shino. He folded his arms over his chest, hands forming the secret signal: Enemy Above.

"Hehehe. I suppose you've figured me out." said the hooded figure across him, adopting a more relaxed posture.

Eyes narrowing, the dark haired boy replied "Actually, I just guessed. You see, I can't see all that well in the dark. I just guessed. Thanks for the confirmation."

Surprise. Humiliation. Anger.

This is almost too easy. Smiling inwardly, Shikamaru felt his blood quickening with the anticipation of combat. Even though Shino is much more level – headed. He can not help Naruto without giving away his position. A simple one – two attack plan where they kill me before ganging up on Chouji. Good thing I know about the kikai. Now...

"You know, I sort of expected something like this." said the dark haired boy, more to stall Naruto than for real conversation. When he saw that he had the other's attention, he stepped forward, just enough for the moon's light to show the large grin on his face. "Of course, I had expected you to come forward with the offer of an alliance against Sasuke and Kiba, the real threat in this situation."

He sighed tiredly, letting his shoulders sag. "I should have known that would be too complicated for you. What a drag."

Instead anger, Naruto laughed in his face. Hale and hearty, its ring pierced the cold air.

"Ah, Shika. Therein is your greatest weakness." said the shadowy figure, amusement coloring its voice.

Brown eyes narrow. "Weakness?" he asked softly.

Soon this would all be over. Just another three meters and the light effect will be negat...

"Yes." replied the Dead Last, turning aside as hands clasped behind.

"And what would that be?" asked the spiky haired boy contemptuously. He has probably drawn a weapon. But which hand holds the blade?

"What you ask?" retorted a cold, dispassionate voice.

Oh no. With that horrifying realization, Shikamaru felt his blood turning to ice in his veins.

Stepping out of the darkness, bright moonlight reflecting off tinted lenses, was Aburame Shino.

"It is Pride."

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A net fell from the trees.

Eyes widening, Chouji surged forward, the sudden flux of chakra through his system breaking the Transformation Technique.

"DEATH FROM ABOVE!" came Naruto's gleeful voice from the treetops.

How? When did they cha- Focus! Nothing matters now but combat. Shikamaru is exposed.Instead of going after the retreating form in the shadows, Shino dashed forward to met him head on. I have misjudged their objective. The trap is for me!

"Shadow Imitation Technique!" cried the spiky haired boy even as he rolled aside to avoid the falling net, thoughts straining to focus his ability.

The shadow shot forward. Latching onto the jacketed boy, it stopped him dead cold. Frozen, he would be defenseless against Chouji.

But where is Naruto? Thought Shikamaru furiously as his eyes scanned the treetops. Absentmindedly he opened his palms and drew his arms up and apart.

Across from him, Shino's arms tensed and jerked but instead of rising above his shoulders, remained clasped behind his back. A pained voice suddenly said "Aww -"

"Chouji! NO!"

"- Shit."

Too close now, the tubby boy nearly tumbled in surprise when Shino burst into a cloud of smoke. Quickly compensating, he jumped out of the way to regroup.

The smoke quickly cleared, revealing a shock of short, spiky blond hair. Two bright electric blue and healthy sun tanned skin shifting as a impossibly wide grin split his face.

"Hey guys." said Uzumaki Naruto, grinning cheekily at them.

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His hands are tied. That's how he resisted my Shadow Imitation! But then-

"Chouji attack Naruto! Quickly!"

That wiped his grin off in a hurry. "Hey. I'm tied up. That's unfair." he protested, a deep frown on his face.

"Shika?" asked the brown haired boy confused. What about Shino?

"GET HIM!" screamed Shikamaru. I am already dead.

"What the hell guys!?" exclaimed Naruto in surprise, realizing just how precarious his position was.

"An admirable tactic." came Shino's voice from behind him. "But ultimately futile."

As expected, that net was actually his kikai. The shadow wavered, weakened by his wavering chakra. "Get...im...ouji." One hand closed on his mouth. Another brought a kunai to rest on his throat. "You may want to reconsider that course of action, Chouji."

Instead of hesitating, the red faced boy turned and fell on his foe like a bale of bricks.

Even as Naruto freed his hands from the self – binding, Chouji's second blow knocked the wind out of him. Falling, he felt his body go limp as strength vanished and weakness spread.

The kunai seemed sail indolently through the air as it came down towards his neck.

A hard kick to his back sent the small boy face first into the soft forest floor.

Using his partner's back like a springboard, Shino watched as his Insect Clone leap forward to engage the Akimichi boy while he creep around to flank him.

"Clone Technique!"

Chouji is pulling out all the stops. I need to end this quickly. The sound is sure to draw predators. Thought the bushy haired boy as four false opponents joined the fray. Instead of breaking off in different directions, all four remained close to the Real – Self as they charged forward to meet his double.

He does not care about winning. All that matters is taking one of us down with him. He realized with a tact, Shino broke from cover and ran straight at Chouji, making as much noise as he possibly could to divert his opponent's attention. Despite glutting himself on Shikamaru, creating a third Insect Clone so soon had nearly emptied him.

This next move would be determine if he sank or swam.

Across from him, the swarm broke apart under a barrage of blows, having taken two of the four basic clones with it.

+Feed on the large male.+

Another clone dispersed in a small cloud of smoke as the mass of insects sloughed through it.

Still he was too far. Chouji was unbelievably fast. There was no other option.

Preternaturally aware, the other boy leaned back at the last second, causing the thrown kunai to sail harmlessly past him.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his partner recovering. Instead of pausing to look around or searching for the source of sound around him, the blond haired boy immediately started rolling aside.

Seeing his quarry disappear into a bush, Chouji turned on a dime, releasing his own kunai as he did so.

Ducking aside, Shino managed to narrowly avoid the projectile. Sending another kunai down range, it caught the brown haired boy right in chest. Red paint appeared to bloom and then...

Eyes widening in realization, the bespectacled boy deliberately set one foot in front of another, tripping himself up and spraining an ankle as he fell down. Arms rising up to ward off the blow.

The kunai's kiss on his neck was feather soft. For a moment, he doubted his own senses.

Naruto's loud battle cry was muffled by heavy smoke that billowed through the copse.

+The large one is gone.+ reported the swarm through their link. At that, Shino felt the tension drain from his body, leaving him feeling exhausted.

Twigs crack and leafs shift in the cool earth. Footsteps grow louder and then fainter. His partner was trying to find him.

Crunch. Crunch. Crunch.

A hand found his hair.

It yanked. Hard.

"Dammit, Shino! Why the hell did you hit me?!"

"Such a comment is not worthy of being deigned with a response."

"The whuzza what? You responded, dumbass! Just because you're mysterious, don't think you can get away with acting like an jerk."

After some fumbling – some pinches and a few more hits – blond haired boy picked his friend up under the armpits and started dragging him into the bushes, grumbling all the way as Shino silently planned his revenge.

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"He could not have gone far. You leached him to the bone." said Naruto when he found the ropes that Shino had tied Shikamaru with.

"Chouji could have carried him. Even with carrying Shikamaru on his back, he would make good speed." replied the jacketed boy listlessly.

The blond haired boy frowned. "...Are you charged yet?" he asked, irritated at the turn of events.

"My kikai have already gathered enough chakra for another Clone. Another minute or so and we can have two up and running. However, I myself will not be able to use any techniques." replied Shino tonelessly, hands in his pockets.

Does he truly feel no drain to his reserves at all? Eyes narrowing behind his tinted shades, he mentally noted this next oddity on the list he was compiling.

With the moon hidden by some clouds, it was almost pitch black and yet, he sensed Naruto through his kikai, searching the copse for his missing tag. He can see perfectly in the dark. His senses are every bit as keen, if not sharper, than my own. Combine that with his seemingly endless chakra and stamina...just how is he doing this?

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Meanwhile, the blond haired boy considered his next move.

Once the chakra has been taken in by the kikai, I guess they can not return it to him. That means I have to take point from now on. He realized with a was really bad. With Shino out of the game...

Thanks to the weekend sparring practices, Naruto was under no delusions about his taijutsu skill.

He realized now just how much he relied on his stamina to turn fights to his favor.

Even after months of training, I still can't win consistently against any of the top ten. Stupid Academy. Stupid Instructors. Stupid Fox. Stupid training. Stupid Sasori. Stupid stupid stupid stupid.

Stop crying. Pick yourself up and focus. Replied the voice in his mind.

Biting back a curse, he went over the small copse again. All that remained of the fight were some scuff marks, an uprooted bush and some disturbed patches of leafs with a couple of broken twigs thrown in. Sure, Pineapple - Head was dead. Shino had seen to that when he swiped the hidden Tag pouch.

But Shino is dead too. It doesn't matter what you say. Those stupid Instructors will interpret the neck wound as a Killing Blow. Not to mention the fact that you have lost your own tag. Continued the annoying voice in the back of his mind.

In the way that ten year boys knew being kissed by a girl meant cootie infection and that icky stuff was interesting, Naruto had long known that thinking too much would alter his mind. Thankfully, he was a Hero and thus negated the more harmful side effects of Thinking.

Which is why there was something inhabiting his mind.

What was even more horrifying was that it talked to him. Sometimes. Well, it did not really talk much. It was not like he would conversations with himself. That be stupid. And weird. It would never happen because...well, that be crazy. However, it did lame things like pointing out annoying facts for him in this whole offhand 'by the way, did you know?' tone that reeked of insincerity. Just so it could grind the salt in.

A flicker of light broke the darkness.

Someone was carrying a torch, heading in their direction.

A warm hand came to rest on his shoulder. "We must retreat. Now." hissed Shino, the urgency in his voice growing.

Cursing aloud this time, the blond haired boy turned to join his friend.

Together, they dashed off into the dark woods.

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The Base Camp was located at the start of the Fire Cliff Trail, otherwise known as Training Area Seventy Five.

It was here that the Academy Instructors had pitched their tents and set up several small campfires. One group were being chewed out by Iruka-sensei for making elementary mistakes or trying to cheat. Once the tongue lashing was over, he began to lecture on group tactics. Another group, this one led by Mizuki-sensei, were forced to clean up dirty dishes, wash clothes and take care of the muddied gear brought back by others; their failing had been ignoring the care of their own gear and weapons, a mistake that could lead to serious consequences out in the field.

Not all had to undergo remedial classes though.

Some Instructors were teaching their students how to skin or de-feather the small game they caught. Others helped the children to prepare simple but delicious meals using simple roots, herbs, flowers and plants. And after nearly an entire day on nothing but light rations, even the most picky were willing to to try the food. Those who chickened out or made faces at the taste of their food were laughed at by the other students and lectured by the Instructors on the necessity of eating what was put in front of you, no matter if you liked it or not. Food was scarce in the wilderness and you could never tell when you might get the chance to eat again.

Within five minutes, things had devolved into horror stories of how people had been forced to eat raw fish or game and in a few instances, even dead bodies! Why, once, dying from starvation, Mizuno-sensei had once been forced to eat bark taken off a tree when he had no food. For water, he had drunk the blood of his horse, mixed with milk.

Needless to say, the students huddled in groups, listening with wide eyes as they gasped in horror.

When he judged that they were suitably terrified, Mizuno used the Academy's staple jutsu: The Demon Head Technique.

Five minutes later, the aforementioned teacher was trussed up, gagged and stuffed into a potato sack by some very angry students.

Not all was fun and games however.

Six academy students had been sentenced to death and thus, sent into the jaws of the Shinigami that resided in the tent at the very edge of the camp.

Whether they lived or died would be decided in the coming moments by Sachiko-sensei.

The Discipline Teacher.

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Children. Who could ever understand them? Shaped titanic forces and age old blood feuds, their chatter hid arcane conventions and byzantine politics that would drive adults mad with... madness! They were simply too complicated for lesser beings to understand. Even trying to do so would lead to the abyss of insanity. That or soul warping despair.

Yeah. Adults failed to understand even the most blatantly obvious playground plot going on right under their big noses. Never mind real life where the shit got serious. It was a sad fact of life; the 'adult-er' you became, the more dull witted – and perverted – you were.

"Naruto, are you listening to me?" asked Sachiko-sensei, her voice strained. A tic appearing above her right eyebrow. Why do things keep getting bumped up by eleven when this brat is involved? It is almost as if he is some sort of weirdness magnet. Things just happen around him.

Lined up before her, there stood six little boys, covered from head to toe in splotches of bright orange paint, mud, leafs, twigs and grime. Given that only one of their number was smiling brightly at the predicament, it was obvious that he had some hand in forming this tribe.

"Of course, sensei." replied the little boy guilelessly. He was careful to not sound too innocent – and thus, a little hurt at the implication in her question. Why can't people just acknowledge my awesomeness? Stupid instructors. When I become Hokage, I'll fire them all. Hehehe. I'm so smart. They'll never see me coming...

Seated before them at a very large and very important desk, her turquoise eyes glinting sternly was Yamashita Sachiko, the discipline teacher. In other words, she was the Harbinger of Desolation, the Apostle of Doom, Bringer of Despair and Ascended Avatar of the Fear Made Manifest.

At least to mere mortals.

True Heroes don't fear the discipline teacher. Thought Naruto smugly. He certainly didn't fear any discipline teacher. Having vanquished the previous four holders, the Little Death That Brings Destruction was above such simple ploys as glares and stern gazes. Even the insidious Scary Face.

Not that someone he would ever be afraid. Ever.

"Can you explain how you managed to retrieve all these Tags?" she asked, gesturing to the pile of tags that spilled out of three pouches, stained orange where the paint had spilled. At least, she hoped that was the case.

"Well... me and Shino were walking around, just minding our own business when out of the blue, BLAM! Sasuke and Kiba showed up outta nowhere. Dog Breathe started did his barking thing while Duckboy stared off into the distance, doing his 'I'm so cool' thing and then VSHOOUM! Chouji appeared and things really got crazy. Then we went at it. Kapow Kapow Kapow and a one and a two and one two three. Uzumaki Style: Special Haymaker Combo! BOOM KAPOWY ZEZING! Seeing that I was just too awesome, they tried to take Shino hostage-"

"I was already dead. I played no part in this."

"- Seeing how they weren't gonna fight fair, I initiated my Super Secret Ultra Hidden Plan of Sudden Death. But then, Sasuke interrupted me with his number six glare and it was like a million to one shot but BOOSH KABLOOM WACHA! He's got me dead to rights when suddenly -" continued the blond haired boy, arms swooping back and forth as he started pacing.

Based on her observations, his right hand had come to symbolize an eagle while the right now represented a dragon. Both were locked in mortal combat.

"Then they realize and its Oh No! Stop him before he does the Countdown of Doom. Of course, I was just counting down for fun. You see, the – real – countdown started five minutes before I started counting down. Hehehe. How's that for awesome? Hey Shino, come up here and help me show sensei the next part where we -"

"I am not standing on a desk."

Feeling a migraine coming on, Sachiko snapped. "Is that why are all covered in orange?" she asked.

Naruto glared at her, looking wounded. With a quaver in his voice, he said: "Don't jump ahead of the story! I'll have you know that this gonna be an epic poem of over nine thous-"

A loud bark, harsh and biting split the night air.

"Why the hell are you all orange?" asked a short woman, coming through the door of the tent.

Kiba groaned. "Oh no. Please, Kami-sama. Mercy." he continued, staring up at the roof of the tent in a plea for mercy from the heavens.

Naruto goggled.

There in front of him was the most ferocious looking woman he had ever seen. The air around her seemed almost...charged. With imminent violence.

She had two large Inuzuka markings on each cheek, much larger than Kiba's. In fact, they were bigger than any he had ever seen. Her bright yellow eyes had vertical slit like pupils that seemed to grow and shrink with each breath she took, accenting the bright red and night black eyeliner in a way that said 'I am a killer' rather than 'look at my pretty eyes'. Even her jounin outfit seemed kind of... rough. She smelled of stale sweat, wet dog, dried blood and damp grass, just after the rain. In fact, she smelled... just smelled more than any person he had ever met. When she folded her arms across her chest, he noticed that her sharp fingernails had a mottled brown hue, almost like old wood.

Entering beside her was a giant wolf – dog... thing that was bigger than the table Sachiko-sensei was sitting at. Like the woman, it radiated wild energy and danger, barely leashed. It had an oil black pelt with a snow white underside. The only imperfection marring the lustrous coat was thin patch where the left ear should be. As if that was not badass enough already, there was an eye patch over the right eye. It grinned in a distinctively doggy way.

Or maybe it was a wolfy way.

What if it was a mutant dog?

Suddenly the pieces all fit together. Out of the chaos and confusion there emerged a grand design which conclusively proved that...

Obviously, this was mutant pirate dog. After all, it had an eye patch; the mark of all true pirate captains.

"Ah. Inuzuka-sama." yelped Sachiko-sensei in surprise, jumping to her feet in her haste to greet the warrior woman.

The woman, obviously some important big shot, folded her arms and grinned broadly at the little boy standing on the desk. Unlike everyone else in the tent, he had yet to bow in greeting. Instead of quailing at the sight of her fangs – something that spooked even the Aburame kid behind him – he had a puzzled look on his face as he stared at her, as if trying to place a face to memory.

But we have never met. She thought, inwardly frowning; after the incident with the Hyuuga Elders, all Clan Heads had scrapped plans to influence the Jinchuriki.

Still...my instincts have rarely failed me. I can feel it. He knows me.

The Inuzuka Alpha stared at the chubby little Academy student in his orange tracksuit. This close, she could easily make out the thread marks and needlework across his clothes, even under the bright splotches of orange. Did he sew his own clothes together? She wondered for a moment, before coming to his electric blue eyes, still uncowed with her presence or frightened by her fangs.

The silence grew thick with tension.

When it became evident that the staring match was going to continue, Sachiko cut in. "Please excuse him, Inuzuka-sama. He is only a civilian chil-"

"Dude." said the short boy suddenly, cutting his teacher off rudely. A bright smile grew on his face as he turned to a dumbstruck Kiba. Tsume could practically see the proverbial light bulb switching on in his head.

"Your mom is a vampire."

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Pushing open the door to Sasori's office, Naruto found the older boy writing something on a small scroll. Before he see what it was however, the older boy promptly rolled it with a smug smile.

Resisting the urge to roll his eyes - after all, someone had to be mature - the young boy laid several forms and letters which the shop owner had to respond to. Quickly they got to work.

"Is that all?" asked Sasori as read a letter from the Merchant's Guild with a frown.

"That was everything in the box."

"And did you-"

"I paid the bills when I was at the Post Office." replied Naruto tiredly. You forget to pay one time. Just one time out of like a bazillion and older boy would never let him forget it.

"Hmm. Where are those forms for our lot? We can not miss the Year's End Fair."

"Do not worry. I dropped them off yesterday. All that is left..."

Sasori paused from his letter writing. Taking out a small brown envelop from the sleeve of his heavy robe, he opened it and counted five thousand ryo in crisp, new colorful bills.

Eagerly, Naruto scoped up the money, quickly counting it twice before folding it into his monkey themed wallet which now sported an eye patch. "Is there anything else?"

"Patience, disciple. I hear you did very well yesterday."

Instantly, his face brightened. "Yeah. I was epic!"

"How did your instructor's take it? They must have been surprised." continued the master, careful not let his disciple get carried away.

He frowned. "Yeah, well, they can go suck on their thumbs!"

"Language now." said Sasori without heat.

"So...any more homework?" asked the little boy nervously.

"How is your Juggling coming along?"

"I can handle five balls now!" answered Naruto with a grin.

"Very good, disciple. I bet you will hit seven pretty soon. Now, have you talked to your teachers about chakra enhancement?"

"Yeah, but they said I should train up first. Blah blah blah, its dangerous and you might hurt yourself. Work on your control first and get build up your body."

"Well, your teachers are not wrong. While it might be considered easy for others to learn, your great reserves amplify the risks significantly."

"Aww, come on. I can do it!"

Sasori blew into his hand. Opening it, he revealed a bag of water balloons.

"What the?! No way. How?"

The teen smiled indulgently as he returned the bag, sans one balloon. "I studied under a man who could take every coin out of your pocket just by smiling at you."

Naruto eyes nearly popped out of his head at the thought. "Can I-"

"A tale for another time. Now focus, disciple." said Sasori, holding up the filled balloon in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

Slowly, he began to pour the water. The balloon bulged under the pressure.

Soon, the skin became thin enough to see through.

POP.

At Naruto's horrified expression, Sasori knew that he had understood the meaning behind the demonstration. "A single mistake could render your muscles into jello or cause your heart to explode. Those are some of the better scenarios. Need I go on?"

His disciple's face shifted. Crestfallen, he glanced at the floor.

"I understand where you are coming from, disciple. You have neither the technical skill nor the experience needed to best your sparring partners. Thus you look to boost your strength and speed to breach these gaps. Understandable and even advisable -"

The little boy looked up hopefully.

"- under certain battlefield conditions. For now, focus on perfecting your taijutsu skills and chakra control. Spar. If you are defeated, then you are defeated. Rise and try again as you search for ways to improve your technique. Too often do people seek to increase their power without first honing their mind and warrior spirit."

In other words, it was a resounding 'No'. It was flowery and long winded and meant to give the impression that it was something else, but Sasori was just letting him down gently. What the hell did 'honing the mind' and 'warrior spirit' have to do with fighting anyway?

Nothing. That's what. He thought angrily.

"Of course, I would not be much of a sensei if I had not already anticipated such things."

"So I can learn chakra enhancement then!?"

"In good time, disciple." he replied patiently. A quick flick of his wrist made a small hard glass container appear. It was covered in small script with the picture of a stalking tiger in the middle.

"Heat rub?" asked a nonplussed Naruto.

"You really need to learn how to hold your tongue, disciple." replied his master silkily.

Sensing that Sasori was getting annoyed, he tried again. "Thank you very much, sensei. What does it do?"

"As with other heat rubs, it works to ease muscle aches and sprains."

"... Okaaaay. What else does it do?"

"My special blend will help to increase the chakra resistance of your muscles. Apply it generously before sparring practice or any other physical exercise. That said, mixing this with water is not recommended."

Naruto's eyes instantly widened.

"No. You can not use this to get back at people."

His disciple quickly averted his gaze.

"Naruto, I am not a mind reader." said the master tiredly.

"I'm not so sure about that anymore-"

The shopkeeper his eyes. "Whatever. Do you want to try it?" he said suddenly.

"Yeah! So uhm... how do I use it?"

"Just open it and rub some on the back of your hand."

Quickly, Naruto uncapped the small jar. Inside, there was a soft white paste that smelt strongly of mint. He spread a little over the back of his hand.

At first, his hand felt cold. As the seconds ticked by however, the area began to heat up. Within a minute it was burning. After a while, the sensation became more manageable.

"That's it- YEOWCH. WHAT THE HELL?"

It felt like his hand was being torn apart.

A strong hand held his wrist. With it, a sensation of stillness. "The effects are somewhat strong the first time around. Do not fight the sensations. Let your body get used to it." said Sasori to his paralyzed disciple.

After a few agonizing minutes, the burning pain subsided and became a dull throb.

The moment he let go of Naruto's wrist however...

"WHAT THE FUCK? NO SERIOUSLY. YOU STUPIDFACE. YOU B-" screamed the boy, his eyes watering.

"Calm yourself, disciple." said Sasori cuttingly as he initiated a simple ocular genjutsu. The shop disappeared, replaced by thousand malevolent eyes hovering over a dark expanse. A flash of lightning highlighted a field of skulls laid out before a writhing form, twisted beyond the limits of time and space, incomprehensible in its horror. A deformed limb, reeking with puss and ichor stretches forth...

The vision ended but the sweat on the little boy's palms remained, giving him pause.

"Now..." began the shopkeeper softly. "...you can explode and go crazy or whatever. Stomp around the shop like a bear with a sore head. Scream. Shout. Have yourself a real nice pity party. Rail against the injustices of life. Or you can take a deep breath and relax and just get over it."

The silence stretched as the young boy fumed. With obvious effort, he gathered himself and reined in the impulse to lash out. "Why didn't you warn me?" asked Naruto angrily, not quite covering the quaver in his voice.

"Why did you not warn me?" corrected the older boy immediately, beginning to lead his mind.

The little jinchuriki glared at him, unwilling to be diverted.

Careful to make sure he sat level with his disciple, he explained: "I am your teacher, Naruto. As promised in our bargain, I will train you and shape you into a great shinobi. However, I will not spoon feed you techniques. Nor will I hold your hand when you continue on paths which I have warned you against."

Naruto narrowed his eyes. "A man learns best when he gets burnt?"

"Precisely." replied the older boy coolly. A flick of the wrist and a little smoke drew his disciples attention to another hard glass container. "Now, this blend costs roughly three million ryo to make." continued Sasori, starting to pull at his disciple's strings.

The little boy's eyes widened to the size of saucers, thoughts of anger and revenge gone from mind. "Holy Ramen. What the he-"

"I trust you will use it wisely, disciple." continued Sasori without care. "As I will not be able to make more for some time. I suggest you save this for prolonged taijutsu sessions. That said, how is your training coming with Yuugao-san?"

"She's got a genin team now." replied the little boy, rubbing the back of his hand absentmindedly.

"Ah. So who do you train with now?"

"I get to train more with Anko-chan and she's cool." Realizing what he had said, he was quick to add "For a girl."

"Of course." said Sasori, smiling like the cat who got the canary.

"What?"

"Do you not want to continue you kenjutsu training?"

"...Anko can teach me kenjutsu."

"Trust me, Uzuki-san is on a completely different level when it comes to swordplay."

"When will – you – teach me kenjutsu, huh?"

The older boy smirked. "Good save. Not enough force though. I will start training you once the holidays begin."

"Really?"

"Really. Now, do you want to start training with Yuugao again?"

"...Yeah."

Sasori took unfurled a small poster. It advertised a fighting tournament. Listed below a picture of two muscled fighters was entry information and weight brackets.

"Where did you get that?"

The older boy just smiled. "I know a few of the people involved. That is not important. What matters however, is that I can get you in. The question is, will you do all you can to win?"

"Yes." replied Naruto, eyes blazing with conviction.

"Even if it means using 'Darkside' techniques?"

Caught, his face took on a constipated look. "That's not fair."

With a flick of his wrist, the red headed boy made a short scroll appear in his hand. He laid it down in between them. "Why not read about it first. If you decide against it, do not use it."

"..."

"Power is simply power, disciple. It is neither good nor evil. What matters is the intent behind it. I think what you are really afraid of is that you will like it. Or perhaps, even worse, realize that you were foolish to ever think of it as evil in the first place."

"No way. I would never do that."

"Yet you arbitrarily label this scroll evil without having read it. Just like some people label others without knowing anything about them." said Sasori accusingly as he finally sprung the trap.

The older boy smiled inwardly as his disciple winced at the realization.

Naruto stuffed the scroll into his courier bag with a sour expression. "Alright. Whatever. Ok? I'll read it. Once." he huffed angrily.

It was more to avoid the conversation than out of actual agreement with Sasori, but he would take what he could get.

"Very good, disciple. Now, have you been studying for your finals at the Academy?"

.

.

.

The red headed teen watched as his disciple left the shop for the day.

Once the ring of the doorbell died down, he retreated to the sanctuary of his workshop. Stepping carefully on a certain plank, he slid a wall panel aside, revealing another puppet. Absentmindedly, he sent it upstairs.

In the workshop, a earnest looking young man was going over a sheaf of documents.

"Any progress?"

"Unfortunately no, Sasori-sama. The facility is simply too well protected."

"Then it can not be helped."

The silvery haired teen looked up startled. "But Danzo wi-"

The Puppeteer silenced his agent with an imperious wave of his hand. "One can not make an omelet without first breaking a few eggs. Show me the plans, Kabuto."

Even as he set his mind to the details in front of him, he could not stop his thoughts of erring to the subject of his student. Things were approaching a critical phase, made even more dangerous now that he had seen the Sandaime's hand. Never have I sparred with one patient enough to play such a game. he realized with grudging respect.

It did not matter. As long as his true hand remained hidden, nothing would be beyond his reach.

"Sasori-sama?"

"Kabuto, begin prepping a female corpse. Age...lets say late twenties to early thirties. Dark haired, fine featured and athletic. Preferably a kunoichi but any body meeting the specifications will do. I will go and procure the required clothes."

The spy graced him with a earnest smile. "Preparing a Queen, are we? "

"Merely exercising prudence."

.

.

.

Kabuto's hands flashed through a complicated seal sequence.

With a rush of air, the world around him disappeared in a swirl of light. Baby blue tiles, freezing air and smell of disinfectant marked his return to the secret surgery theater he had built for those time he could not venture forth to the laboratory provided by Orochimaru. Here, now truly alone, Kabuto allowed himself to relax for a moment. No time for music or a drink though. He must not tarry.

Instead of consulting his records, he began opening the freezers at random. Searching for a body that would suit his needs. A hundred different memories flashed through his mind as he studied the bodies. This imposed abstinence was really grating.

Finally, he found one that would do.

Trailing a hand between two small pert breasts, he opened the ribcage and began the procedures which he had learnt from Orochimaru, so very long ago.

Humming to himself, Kabuto felt a thrill of pleasure as he begun his work.

Slowly, piece by piece, things were moving. This forced abstinence was but a passing thing that would make the Pleasure all the more sweet when the time came. Oh yes. This was but a minor setback.

A joyous smile light up the silvery haired medic's face as he sewed the wound close. Now, to work on rest of the body.

Bit by bit, the corpse lost its death pallor, becoming more lifelike with every passing minute. Four hours later, instead of a dead body on a metal table, it appeared as if it were a live woman who had merely been sedated for an operation.

With care, he began to dress the woman with the clothes Sasori had provided.

"There, look how beautiful you are! Why, Motoko-chan, you'd have to beat the men away with a stick if you walked down the street, ne?" said Kabuto with a winning smile as he channeled his chakra into several strips of paper covered with strange, serpentine seals.

Placing them on the back of 'Motoko's' neck, the seals began to writhe, as if alive. A short chakra scalpel traced a fine red line across the skin. Almost immediately, blood, bright and red began to seeped out from the wound.

Like predators scenting prey, the writhing seals swarmed around the small cut. One by one, they entered the body.

Warm hazel eyes fluttered open.

A hand rose and cupped Kabuto's jaw like a lover. Mokoto smiled at him. Slowly, her mouth opened. It moved, but no sounds emerged.

The beatific smile on the silver haired medic's face never wavered. Molding chakra into his hands, he introduced it in short bursts to Mokoto's system. Whispering as he did so: "Let him see the fallen fruit, sitting warm and inviting in the afternoon sun..."

A faint blush appeared on the dark hair woman's cheeks. She averted her eyes demurely. In a husky voice, she said "...and let me be the serpent beneath. Hidden and waiting to strike."

Surging forward like a striking snake, Kabuto pinned the woman to the cold metal table as his lips devoured hers.

.

.

.

Anko's house is pretty nice. Thought Naruto.

It was spacy and airy. Clean in a way that he never seemed to achieve with his own apartment. The walls were done in soft pastels. There were a couple of paintings. A large scroll with the kanji for 'Will of Fire' was the centerpiece of the living room. The plants she kept gave the place a fresh tinge that offset the bitter smell of the tea leafs she kept. Like him, Anko had tonnes of comics. She was a kindred spirit and True Believer.

"Come on. Open your mouth, Naruto." said the pale eyed woman, leaning into him now.

Gathering his titanic willpower, he forced his body past the waves of pain and psychic suffering. Beyond the utter humiliation of what he was now compelled to do. With determination that had shaken the very multiverse to it foundations, he opened his mouth.

"Come on. Use your tongue. You need to swallow." continued the young woman, her pale sandy brown eyes narrowing.

Pushing past the revulsion, the young boy closed his mouth around the squishy objects.

"There, there. Just relax your throat. Keep your tongue down and relax. It's all in your head. The faster you do this, the quicker we'll be done." she continued, coaxing him on.

Despite the spasms racking his body, Naruto managed to swallow. Slowly, the slimy – things – slipped down his throat.

Beside him, Anko chortled. "Not bad. Now, care for round two?" she asked with a soft smile.

A tremor shook his body at the thought. Instantly, his palms broke out in a cold sweat as goosebumps spread. "..uuh...I'm good, thank you."

"You suuuuure?" she said, dragging the last syllable out.

"Yeah um...can I get another drink?" asked the young boy, hoping to wash the disgustingly vile taste away. And to think, people actually did this voluntarily...

Across from him, she swallowed an entire load in one go. Licking her lips, she winked saucily at him. "Calling it quits already?"

"There are some boundaries that are never meant to be crossed." said Naruto queasily.

The violet haired woman rolled her eyes and downed another load in a flash, causing the young boy in front of her to shiver despite the warm afternoon sun.

"Come on, its not that bad." she said plaintively.

"Its disgusting!" screamed the boy, nearly manic. "Its salty and slimy and just...just...EVIL! Do you have any idea what its lik-"

Flashing through the air like a lance of lightning, a metal spoon delivered its deadly payload of beansprouts, chives and scrambled egg into his open his mouth. Coming into contact with his tongue, the foul concoction of vile soy sauce, evil vinegar and corrupted sesame oil began to exact their butcher's bill.

The little boy's face changed through several interesting shades of color as he came to terms with the – thing – filling his mouth. Finally, he did the unspeakable.

He swallowed the vegetables.

... they tasted... Healthy.

It was akin to the destruction of purity and goodness. To the sun going out, leaving behind an empty shell of ceaseless hunger and unending avarice. The sheer pain and agony induced was horrendous. To top it all off, the soul rending despair drained any thought of resistance, leaving one incapable of taking control and ending the wretched torment.

This was Death; in all its forms, experienced in a single horrifying second of abject desolation.

"Just four spoonfuls, Naruto-bo~!" sang Anko happily. "Then we can get some dango. My treat."

The catatonic boy gazed blindly at the ceiling. His mind shattered by the trauma.

Would this hell ever end?

.

.

.

"Here you go." said a waitress, laying there orders on the table. "Will there be anything else?"

"Ah, thank you. We're good." replied Anko as she paid for the food. Out of the corner of her eye, she spied a sly thief, hoping to get away with their ill gotten goods. Lightning quick, her hand lashed out, landing three blows in the blink of an eye.

"Hey!" reproached a little boy, drawing back his hand in remonstration.

"Nuh-uh. Mine." purred the violet haired woman opposite him.

Naruto gave her a grumpy look.

Anko ignored it in favor of her dango. Raising the stick, she brought the dumplings to her mouth, slowly.

"..."

"mhmm."

"Can you at least – pretend – that you are not enjoying this?"

"...aaah." Eyes half lidded, Anko rolled the confection across her tongue, allowing the sweet glaze to melt. Slowly.

Electric blue eyes hardened into clear chips of ice. As cold as the winter tundra. He would have his revenge!

Chuckling, she finally relented. "You wanna learn something cool?"

A large frown grew as his face darkened. "The last time we learnt something cool, it was drinking hot sake with tabasco sauce."

"Aww. I thought you liked breathing fire." countered Anko with a smile that was wholly unrepentant.

"Whatever. Look, I don't need your help with vegetables any more. Henceforth, I shall never eat any vegetables again. Ever. Times infinity infinity!"

"You can't survive on ramen alone, Naruto." she replied with frown.

"Yes I can. It is by the Ramen that I-"

"How tall are you compared to Kiba?"

"...Tha- That doesn't count. Dog Breath probably eated some super growth potion."

"Ate. There is no such word as 'eated', Naruto."

"Yes there is. I invented it."

"Oh, so you are an inventor now?"

"The correct phrase would be neologist." said the little boy pompously, puffing up his chest. "That and Future Hokage."

Adopting a thinking pose, Anko mused aloud with all the innocence of a kitten: "Hmm. I suppose Sakura must have 'eated' some super potion as well."

Red faced, the little jinchuriki blushed hard before leveling a baleful glare at her. Why the hell is everyone taller than me?!

"Just you wait and see, I'm going to shoot up! I'll be taller than you!" proclaimed the little boy feistily.

She raised a fine eyebrow in disbelief. "How are you gonna do that if you can't even eat your vegetables?" the young woman riposted with a superior voice.

Mouth hanging open, the little boy paused, crossed his arms and having sent a good glare to let her know just how serious he was, thus set his peerless intellect to work.

How could he remain Pure and Virtuous and most importantly – true his Patrons and Himself – in a world that seemed determined to change him. He wondered, his thoughts increasingly sad and melancholic.

The flash of a butcher's cleaver caught his eye, causing him to relive his first meeting with Kabuto in that small, cramped office, aeons ago.

Yes.

That is it! He thought, his mind racing with possibilities as little bits of red flesh were cast off the cleaver. Its exactly what Sasori would like in an answer: simplicity and elegance, joined as one.

Surely this was a Sign, sent by the Ramen.

With a triumphant smile and a light step, he journeyed across the shop. Staggering back, he narrowly avoided colliding into several people. He set down his prize, causing the table to creak under its weight.

"I shall become a fruitarian." proclaimed a haughty bob of blond hair peeking out from behind the giant watermelon. "After all, its actually healthy. Just like the Food Pyramid says."

"Mhm. Doesn't it also advocate vegetables?"

"It can't be right all the time, obviously."

"Obviously."

One hand snaked its way around the watermelon, not quite able to reach around. Gripped in his left hand was the spoon, Chosen Slayer of the Fruit.

Sensing the impending disaster that little boy was no doubt about to unleash, nobody paid any mind to the brunette woman who quickly paid for her tea and excused herself before the mayhem started.

So that is Uzumaki Naruto. She thought, mind racing with questions. Focusing, she began to memorize every detail of their brief encounter.

.

.

.

It was only five o'clock in the evening but the streets were jam packed with people.

Laughter, music and fireworks filled the air as children ran to and fro with their wooden ANBU masks, playing 'Ninja'. There were hundreds of street stalls, selling a variety of items. From candied treats, fine cloths and exotic spices to rare gems, clothes for the new year, trinkets and good luck charms. There were games and contests. A lucky draw had been set up by the Konoha University with a grand prize of a million ryo to attract people to the stalls set up by their students. In the public square, students from the Springtime of Youth Dojo were holding an exhibition to showcase their taijutsu. Later that night the stage would be cleared for a kabuki play.

Swift hands expertly folded the merchandise.

Tying a series of knots around the coarse brown paper wrapping, he held the blade up for the customer.

"Thank you." said the woman, taking the parcel up by the string.

"Your welcome~!" replied Naruto cheerfully.

Beside him, Sasori was already fiddling with his abacus again. It was like he was addicted to it or something. That and catalog books advertising selections of wood. What if there were hentai pictures secretly hidden inside the catalog books?

That would certainly things. Obviously the Dark Side had sunk it claws into the unsuspecting boy. Insidiously corrupting him. Turning him Adult-er bit by bit.

"Any idea when Uzuki-san will arrive?" asked the red headed teen as he began arranging some makabishi.

Yuugao?

Sasori sighed in a put out manner. "Did you even deliver the letter?"

"Tch. Why are you so quick blame me?" replied Naruto quickly, sensing an opening. "She did not send one back. How the hell should I know when she supposed to arrive."

The older boy smiled serenely at a bunch of genin who had been staring at their stand. Picking up a scarlet red umbrella, he twisted the handle as he opened it.

Chek-chik.

Short blades extended from the ribbing and tips. Chakra reactive fabric hardened with a loud snap. Another twist released the catch, allowing the handle and hidden blade within to come free of the umbrella.

"Would you like you try?" asked the shopkeeper, a friendly smile on his face.

After a bit of nervous chatter, a tall girl in a rose pink blouse and teal green pants left her compatriots behind and ventured forth. She had seal brown hair and dull copper eyes.

As expected, Sasori in 'Salesman' mode. All charm and goodwill as he showed her the umbrella. Soon they were talking about various types of shuriken and what wire worked best. Once her eyes glanced a towards a selection of throwing knives for a second time, he was already unlocking the case and presenting them to her.

Blah blah blah weapons blah blah cool blah blah wanna see more? Blah blah blah. Yeah blah blah I know what you mean blah blah.

The two of them continued chattering.

Well fine. If the boss wanted to waste time without closing a deal, then would was he to argue?

Time for some snacks!

"Naruto-kun?"

Foiled again!

"Ah, Uzuki-san." said Sasori pleasantly, almost beaming in welcome at the jounin.

"I have your order ready. Would you like to see it now?" he asked, drawing the long handle of a nodachi in a beautiful blackwood sheath out of its red silk covering.

Having worked at the Eternal Beauty for nearly a year, Naruto had developed a feel for weapons. He could tell the difference between grades, ranks and different makes. But this...

... was on a whole different level.

Everything about the nodachi screamed perfection. This is what he has kept locked up in the workroom all these months? Its...

"Wow. It is so beautiful, Sasori-sama. You made this?" said girl from ealier in an awestruck manner. Her eyes as wide as saucers.

"I only helped to repair the blade." replied the shopkeeper humbly. "It was nothing really."

"That will not be necessary, Sasori-san. I have the final payment here." replied Yuugao, her mouth becoming a thin line as she placed a padded white envelop on the desk.

"Wow. Sensei. You're buying a sword?" asked the snot nosed, appearing beside the violet haired woman. Another two snot nosed brats came up behind him, their forehead protectors prominently displayed on their heads.

This was the Enemy.

"Can we see it?" asked a snot nosed girl.

These were the people who had taken Yuugao away and stopped her from teaching him.

"Yeah. Come on, sensei."

By now, people were stopping to stare at the gathering around Sasori's stand, wondering what was going on.

The jounin sensei frowned at her students antics. Even as she began to speak, they began talking.

"Dumbass. Don't you see she wants to keep it sheathed? It probably has not even been consecrated yet."

"Idiot. Don't call me that. Besides, all that ritual stuff is fake anyway. There is no such thing as sword spirits."

"Puh-lease. Not now. We're in the middle of the market. Che. Morons."

"Oh really, Haruhi-chan? If you weren't such a teacherco-"

"Iba-baka! Don't you da-"

"Enough you three. Be quiet." said Yuugao sternly.

Abashed, the trio chorused "Hai, sensei."

"I apologize for the disturbance, Sasori-san. It-"

"Oh, that is all right. It is only natural for children to-"

Everyone talks happily.

Just like that. He is alone. Here but not really here. Away from Them because They had pushed him Out.

Fists clenched.

Naruto really, really wanted to hit something.

.

.

.

Returning from his errand, Naruto found Sasori packing up the stall with some coolies.

"Stop glowering. The wind might change and your face will get stuck."

"I am – not – glowering." replied the young boy hotly as he searched his courier bag.

Candy wrapper. Musashi comic. Sketch book. Half eaten candy bar. Instant ramen. Note book. A fork. Cloak for Invisibility Technique. Instant ramen. Water balloons. Smoke bomb. Orange spray paint. Itching powder. Lunchbox. Instant ramen. Super Sudden Orange Death bomb. Aha!

"Here, let me take that." said a burly man.

"Many thanks." replied the shopkeeper as he handed the heavy crate over to the coolie.

With a grunt, the coolie stacked another crate on his other shoulder, and leaning down, picked up a heavy sack before making his way to the laden cart.

"Here's the tea you wanted." said the young boy, handing him a beige colored wood box marked with an lone tree.

"This is it then?"

"Yeah." replied Naruto, holding out the receipt.

"That is all right. Remember to log it in tonight before we close."

The small boy raised an eyebrow.

"Meet me at the Ever Dawn Row around...nine." said the older boy serenely, folding his hands in front of him. The long sleeves concealed the quick motion of his hands from all but the closest. Speak yes. Wheels move. Vital.

Well, it was not like he had anything better to do. It was time for adventure. "Maybe. My schedule is very busy." said Naruto with a grin. "Places to be. Things to do. People to prank."

"Tch. If you do show up, find something nice to wear at least." said Sasori as he took a seat at the front of the cart while the coolies got on the back.

The driver snapped the reigns and they were off.

Naruto turned and disappeared into the marketplace, losing himself in the heady mixture of unfamiliar smells and stranger sights.

.

.

.

In Konoha, if you wanted good food, lavish decadence and obscene prices, you needed to look no further than Ever Dawn Row. No matter your appetite or taste, you could sate it there. Discretion assured.

Naruto felt his palms sweat just walking down the road. He did not have many nice memories about this place. Mostly because most of the shop owners here had sworn to kill him for pranking their businesses.

The cool looking yukata he had bought earlier stuck out like a sore thumb amidst the fine clothes and jewelry everyone sported here. His clothes felt cheap and low and just...wrong. For the first time in his life, he realized that - maybe - girl's were right when they said that what you wore mattered.

Walking calmly beside, Sasori was talking easily with some other merchants they had met at a bar. Someone told a dirty joke and everyone was suddenly laughing.

Pfft. Easy for him. The older boy had some of the finest clothes that Naruto had ever seen.

It was more than that though.

Despite his age, only seventeen this year, Sasori understood all the complicated words the merchants used. He was up to date on what seemed to be every topic that came up; from the fluctuating price of rice to politics in this county or that country or what was going on in our schools today and some weird stuff about 'reproductive rights debate' that 'the hot potato' that was plaguing the Council. After a while, it seemed like everyone cursing some guy called Gato for every problem under sun when it came to shipping.

He was just so...confident.

When Sasori spoke, people listened. He could make almost anything seem funny or witty or sarcastic or just interesting. People liked him. Like 'really liked' him. Not fake 'like' him.

Everyone thought he was great. They paid Attention to him. Even when he was not speaking, just listening.

It was almost like being Hokage.

But people suck up to Oji-san because he's the most powerful person in Konoha. You've heard what they say about him when they don't think anyone is listening. said the voice in his mind.

Right then, surrounded by smiles and laughter and jokes, Naruto forgot about being Hokage.

He forgot about wearing the funny Hat and smoking the pipe with the strange smelling leafs. He did not want people to bow down to him or say nice things to his face, only to turn around and badmouth him.

At that moment, the only thing he wanted in the world - more important than anything in the history of Ever times Infinity Infinity was standing right beside him.

Naruto wanted to be Sasori.

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The Dragon's Gate restaurant was plush and traditional and posh and very, very weird, Naruto decided as he watched some waiters carry a giant white platter and place it in the middle of the table which was already overflowing with strange and colorful dishes. This platter was filled with strips of white flesh, so thin you could almost see through it. At one end, a giant red fish head was opening and closing as if trying to breath.

Naruto felt a shiver just looking at it.

"Stop fidgeting and start eating your food."

The small boy in the bright orange and blue yukata smiled venomously at the teenage boy in the heavy kimono beside him. "This stuff is all seafood." he whispered back, careful to keep the smile up. Seafood was some of the most... evil food in the world.

"So? Start eating. It is good for your brain." replied older boy, tentatively poke a giant claw with his chopsticks.

The claw snapped, making a whistling sound that really hurt Naruto's ears. Around them, people started laughing. One of the ever present waiters adjusted the burner under the dish, causing the soup to bubble. It might have been his imagination, but Naruto thought this made the crab go berserk. Struggling, the giant crustacean failed to escape from its watery prison. For its legs had been broken before being place on the dish.

The old woman next to Naruto began speaking with the weird words again. Ugh. Thought the little jinchuriki in frustration. Everyone at the table spoke in a language he did not understand. He felt more left out than ever.

Sasori replied in a sharp, guttural tones. As if he was involved in a shouting match.

Spirits, please don't let Sasori's two faced bastardness get us kicked out of the restaurant. Let them kick him out and leave me here.

The woman's eyes widened in surprise. Laughing, she offered a toothy smile to red headed teen who simply smiled serenely in reply.

A waiter cleared away Naruto's food even as he was still eating it.

Before he could protest, another waiter carefully laid down a large steaming clay pot. With a cloth, he deftly removed the lid, releasing a cloud of steam.

Rubbing his eyes, the little boy stared down at the oily red soup, filled with strange vegetables and noodles that seemed as thick as the fingers on his hand with a strange white filling in the middle. Needless to say, the dish looked sufficiently deadly.

"Our friend noticed your attitude. I told her you like noodles." explained Sasori at his look. "Go ahead, try it."

"It has fish in it."

Sasori sighed in a put out manner as he poured a cup of tea. "Yes, Naruto. There is fish. And no, there is no chicken or pork or beef available." He grinned. "There is duck though. Squid and octopus if you are adventurous. Some shark if you feeling extravagant. And of course, there are always vegetables..."

Despite his words, the little jinchuriki understood the message. Grimacing, he raised the noodles carefully, pointedly ignoring the dark green cucumber which had little spikes sticking out of it and clearly grown in a vat of mutated fungus in some dark laboratory. The noodles on the other hand, having – barely – passed muster, were permitted the honor of being eaten.

This was not so ba- HOLY ORANGE!

A cool glass was placed in his hands. Downing it quickly, Naruto almost choked. Gasping, he set the empty glass down.

"What the hell was that?" he asked, finally getting his voice under control.

"Firepot Eel noodles. A spicy delicacy from the Rokkaku Island. Located at the south edge of the Water islands. They have a penchant for spicy foods."

The little jinchuriki realized that people were staring at him.

"Hehehe. Not that it's bad or anything. Just whew! Wow."

The other people at the table smiled indulgently. Maybe it was once of those things everyone secretly hated but publicly said they liked because it was tradition or some bullshit.

"Hah. You very opinion, young one. You mind like dragonfly. Move. Move. Move." said the old woman beside him haltingly with an indulgent smile.

"Oh. Uhh." What the hell mind. Think of something Mind!

Sasori cut in, this time his tone smooth and soft as he talked. The old woman narrowed her eyes as she began going through a string of prayer beads while she replied. This bac and forth continued for a while until everyone at the table had joined the discussion.

While he did not understand the words, it was clear that this was a hot topic. Soon, everyone at the table was speaking at once. As the discussion got more and more heated, Naruto noticed that the words 'Yagura' and 'Terumi' kept popping up. Soon enough, two people were growing red faced and others seemed downright angry.

Two merchants had actually gotten to their feet and were pointing at one another. You did not have to understand the language to get the gist of what they were saying.

"Memorize their faces, Naruto." whispered Sasori suddenly. "I want you to draw them later."

Feelings his palms grow cold with sweat, the young boy nodded and put on a worried look, surreptitiously glancing at the people around him as he memorized their details. Beside him, the Puppeteer smiled inwardly. Turning back to the argument he had orchestrated for the Hokage, he can not help but feel at home once more.

How was it that Kojima Yasutaka had put it...

Closing his eyes, Sasori can feel the infernal Suna sun above him. The warm sand grating his sandaled feet. Hot wind carried with it the smell of camel dung, exotic spices, dried leather and strong coffee. In his hands was a careworn book, one of the great classics which all Shadow Theater disciples had to learn to put on a show.

The first lines read: "All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players."

How very true that is. Mused Sasori as he enjoyed his sake.

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A gust of wind made Uchiha Sasuke tighten his robes around his small frame.

Even here, at the Naka Shrine, located at the very end of Konoha, the faint laughter and song of the Fair reached him. A loud 'boom' filled the air as a firework exploded, unleashing a giant golden phoenix, wreathed in fire.

Following swiftly behind were the clan symbols of the Hyuuga, Aburame, Inuzuka, Akimichi, Nara, Sarutobi, and Yamanaka. After this came the symbols from the Merchant Houses and other factions. More and more fireworks lit up the night sky with dancing dragons, snarling tigers, flying birds and running horses.

Turning from the pyrotechnic montage, Sasuke entered the dead shrine.

He had a lot of work to do before his guest arrived.

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"Are you sure?"

Soft, musical laughter filled the dark shrine. "Even after all this time, you still doubt me? What a willful child you are."

Sasuke's onyx eyes narrow in frustration.

Across from him, two Sharingan spin languidly. "But then, you are after all, Fugaku's son. I suppose it simply your heritage to be brash and stupid."

"You will show me respect. My Fathe-"

"Is dead! You think invoking his name will make us bend knee?! Do you have any idea how much your father was hated? Do you really think he became the Clan Head because we loved him? He played the game well, I admit. He was fortunate enough to marry up and produce a strong shinobi in Itachi." A black wave surged forward. Spidery fingers, as cold as the grave wrap around Sasuke's throat. "You on the other hand..."

Instead of fighting her iron grip, the small boy brought his strong legs up. Channeling chakra through his muscles, he kicked out and somersaulted backwards. The woman's form burst into a thousand black petals that melted like snow when touched.

"Finally the strong blood. I was beginning to think you were totally Fugaku's child."

Flushed, he realized that he had become fascinated by the genjutsu. Breaking it revealed the woman, slowly combing her silky hair. Smiling languidly at him as she stood, the woman tossed a simple scroll to him. It bore no markings except for the character 'Root'. Sasuke raised an eyebrow in question.

"And what do you exp-"

"I tire of your questions." said the woman icily, cutting him off. "Time and again, we have proved ourselves and it is time you paid in kind. You now know the truth about the Uchiha Massacre. Act on it. Unless you prove to us that you are not a pawn of the Council, there is nothing more to discuss."

With that, the woman vanished in a swirl of leafs.

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The Hunt: A yearly exercise designed to test the knowledge, tactics, teamwork and survival skill of Academy students. Recent reforms have led to participating students being divided into groups of boys and girls which compete separately. One particular concern however, is the fact that simply acquiring Tags now counts towards winning. In the past, participants had to have both a the Tag and corresponding body to increase their Kill Count. As the saying goes, 'If there is no body, then the target is not dead'.

Language: While nearly everyone speaks a common tongue, there are many local dialects unique to different parts of the world. Even the manner in which people speak can make a conversation incomprehensible to someone who was not raised in that part of the world.

AN: Finally! Now that the prep stuff is out of the way, its time to kick ass! xDD

The next chapter should conclude Arc One. Now, this is the first time I've actually written a drawn out fight scene. Hope I did not make things too confusing. If you notice any mistakes or something I can improve on, please point it out. o.o

Finally, Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas everyone! :D

I would like to thank ChaosTheVoid, bakapervert, Viktorius, Loiosh311, slatedfox, axellover-burn-baby, Nalya, Jetsmillion, ijpowers92, senpen banka, roboguy45, Orchamus, TheGreatBubbaJ, RedHound, saiyan prince1, Shinsou Tengen Wabisuke, Epicweaver, Hiei-Uchiha, erching, Vaughn Tyler, UNSecur, thatdenosguy and Shadow of the Dead Reaper for your reviews!

Thanks for the support everyone.