Autor's Note: Hey! I know you're all waiting for an update for my story "You can't fight love", and it WILL come eventually, I just don't know when. My grandmother recently died and it put me into some kind of "depression" and literally killed my writing mood and everything else. And then I got a VERY bad computer virus, that encrypted literally all of my files, including my fanfic, WITH the beginning of the next part I had already written, so I have to "start over"… The laptop will get to a computer specialist in about 2 weeks, and I don't even know if I will get my files back, but I hope he can save at least my fanfics and photos…

So far, so good…

This "new story" is some kind of "project" I'm doing with a very dear friend of mine over at Livejournal, and after talking about it, we decided, we give it a shot and post it… it's kind of Alternative Universe and starts after the episode where Jackson and the others passed their boards. Jackson has slept with April, too, but everything apart from that might go in a different direction. Also: There WILL occur some things that happened in the show, too, like the plane crash in a later chapter, but the "background" will be different :-)

We hope, you enjoy! Review if you like our story ;-) (I'm writing the Mark-parts and she's writing the Jackson ones )

Can't fight this feeling

Mark Sloan POV:

Mark leaned against the counter and watched Jackson talking to one of the nurses. Again. Like he did so often in the past few days. Ever since Jackson had come back from taking his boards he acted strange. At least as far as Mark could evaluate. Something must have happened during that trip, but Jackson obviously didn't want to talk about it and Mark didn't want to force him to. Maybe he should just tell Jackson that he was there for him, whenever he needed him.

Before he could even think about it any further he felt his mobile phone vibrating in his pocket, so he turned away from the younger resident and grabbed it. When he looked at the display he noticed that Julia was calling him and he let out a sigh. Actually, he wasn't really in the mood to talk with her right now, but he still took the call. He didn't want to cause any trouble between him and her, because that's not what he needed right now.

"Hey Babe," he greeted her and put a smile on his face. Just because Callie always told him you could hear a smile through the phone.

"Hey Mark. Are you still up for tonight?" Julia asked calmly.

"Of course I am. You said you wanted to talk to me," Mark gave back.

"I do. And it's really important. Just wanted to make sure you didn't change your mind," Julia replied.

"No, I didn't, don't worry. See you later," Mark said.

"I love you," he heard Julia say but simply hang up. He could always say he hadn't heard it anymore, because he just couldn't say it back. He couldn't. Something within him refused to let him say it back. Was it really that he was not ready? The more he thought about it, the more he recognized that it wasn't that and that he maybe would never really love Julia the way he should. Still, he also didn't want to lose her, so whatever she wanted to talk to with him, he would deal with it.

Jackson Avery POV:

Jackson was distracted.

He had been ever since he came back from San Diego. The time spent there had been some of the best and worst times of his life.

Passing the boards and becoming a bona-fide surgeon should have been the happiest moment of his life, but destroying one of his best and longest friendships made the victory hollow and unworthy of the celebration Alex and Cristina suggested.

April Kepner had never really left his mind. He had tried talking to her in San Diego, but she could barely look at him. Her gaze so distant and guarded that Jackson had to turn away or else the shame would consume him whole.

April blamed her guilt on her religion, but Jackson knew that it was his own selfishness that was at fault.

He should have known better. She was a virgin and her first time should have been with the man she would marry, not the friend that she felt was good looking enough to get it over with.

Jackson Avery was a name and a pretty face.

No matter how hard he worked, or how much he tried to change, that was who he was.

Lexie and April both knew it and it was time Jackson stopped pretending.

Something inside him was missing.

He was an Avery after all. His mother received her divorce papers after a bladder reconstruction surgery and his grandfather came home to find his wife had left a note and a number where he could contact her lawyer.

People left Averys. Jackson wasn't going to be any different.

Alex was the first to notice the tension in their apartment every time Jackson and April were in the same room.

The man was a jackass, but not stupid.

"You don't sleep with a virgin" he had told Jackson "too much baggage"

Jackson ignored him as he ate his cereal and decided not to remind Alex that he was one bad decision away from being in Jackson's place himself.

The next to pick up on his mood was Mark. Not surprising since the two spent the better part of their days together.

He was at least nice enough not to push the subject. That would only last for a short time, eventually the man would want to know what had his partner so out of it.

Mark wouldn't understand. He had one girl, Jackson's own ex-girlfriend, following him around like a lost puppy dog and another girl approaching live-in status.

People were beating down Mark Sloan's door to be with him. No way could he understand what Jackson was going through.

Jackson was in the middle of talking to a nurse about a patient's post-op when he could feel the gaze of someone on his back. He had turned quickly and caught Mark looking at him a second before the man turned away and continued a conversation he was having on his cell.

He could see a smile come across the man's face and Jackson assumed it had to be Julia. Feeling his mood darken Jackson signed the form the nurse handed him and made his way to the lockers.

He just wanted to get home and sleep and if he was really lucky he would manage to avoid all human contact until the next morning.

Mark Sloan POV:

When Mark turned away again after he had ended his conversation with Julia he saw Jackson already a few feet away going down the hallway and was quickly to catch up with him before he could enter the resident's locker room.

"Hey Avery! Wait!" he called, trying to get Jackson's attention, and luckily for him, it worked out.

Jackson turned around and looked at him.

"What is it, Dr. Sloan? I'm about to head off," Jackson sighed and he looked kind of exhausted. Tired even. And that even though their day hadn't been this long. No long-hour surgeries or such, just the usual stuff.

"Listen, Avery... I can see there is something bothering you, even though I don't know what. But I get that you don't want to talk about it and that's totally okay..." he started, almost not recognizing himself. Since when did he talk so much? But he needed to get this off his chest. Now.

"I won't even say you can talk to me if you want to, because I hope, you know that." He placed a hand on Jackson's shoulder consolingly.

"But I was asking myself if you wanna grab some beers? Of course only if you want to. If you don't have anywhere else to be."

He looked at Jackson hopefully and within a matter of seconds, Julia was forgotten. Wiped out of his mind. He could feel that Jackson needed some sort of distraction and he wanted to help him through whatever Jackson was going through.

"By the way... have you... made a decision about your future? I heard, a lot of hospitals want to have you, and even though I would really..." he stopped himself biting his lip. He had almost told Jackson that he would miss him if he was gone and that was so not Mark Sloan-like. Since when had he become such a softy?

But he really liked Avery, and they got along in a way he didn't with anyone else. They understood each other, they didn't even need to actually talk. Sometimes looks were enough. Even Lexie had already noticed it, and that although they didn't spend much time together lately. Especially not since he was with Julia.

"I mean..." he went on, rubbing his neck nervously. "I'd love for you to stay, Jackson, but if you wanna go, I don't blame you either. I just want you to know that I support your decision, whatever it is. But you will always be the best student I ever had."

Jackson Avery POV:

Jackson could say no.

Thank Mark for his offer and continue on his way. The outcome would only make the older man more suspicious and Jackson had to admit a part of him was actually touched that he seemed to care so much.

Jackson would consider Mark a friend. The man had stuck his neck out for him on more then one occasion and had it not been for Mark Jackson probably wouldn't have passed his boards.

One beer couldn't hurt, besides, all he had to go home to was a dark room and a television set.

"A beer sounds good" Jackson said and the smile that came upon the man's face made Jackson feel somewhat better.

"Great" Mark told him "meet me in the parking lot in 5"

With that Mark sprinted off in the direction of his office. Jackson could keep the talk squarely on his job prospects. He really couldn't deal with letting his boss know how truly pathetic his personal life was.

20 minutes later and the two men found themselves at Joe's Bar and for a Friday night it was abnormally quiet. A few patrons lined the bar and one or two couples sat in a booth, but otherwise the place looked pretty deserted.

Holding up two fingers Mark indicated that the beers were to be for him and Jackson.

"So, how have you been Avery?"

"Stick to the offers" Jackson told himself.

"Overwhelmed" Jackson said "who knew all the hard work came after you passed the boards" he laughed, but it sounded fake to even his own ears.

"Right" Mark said and Jackson could hear the man give a disappointed sigh "so, you've been thinking about any of those prospects?"

"A few good ones" Jackson said "but I've gotten used to this crazy city"

Jackson could already see Mark smiling "Does that mean what I think it means?"

"Chief Hunt hasn't really offered me a position yet" Jackson said.

"Are you serious?" Mark asked and his voice seemed edged with a bit of anger.

"I'm sure it's coming eventually"

"Don't worry about it" Mark said "The offer is there, even if I have to put Hunt in a headlock to make it happen"

That had gotten the first real laugh out of Avery that Mark had seen all day.

The two were discussing exactly where Jackson had received offers when Mark caught Kepner walking into the bar.

"Kepner!" Mark yelled as he waved the girl over. She gave a wide smile and started to head over before her eyes fell to the man beside him and she stopped in her tracks.

Jackson's head was faced downward. "Fuck" Jackson screamed internally. He should have went home to his dark room and television.

Looking back at Kepner, Mark saw the woman do a complete turn and exit the bar.

Could Jackson had made the fact that he and April were on the outs any more obvious.

"You two okay?" Mark asked.

Jackson looked up at Mark and at that moment he really couldn't care less about looking pathetic. He needed to talk to somebody so they could tell him how to fix this.

Before Jackson could begin Mark's cell-phone went off and to his credit Mark ignored it. The first call was quickly followed by a second and whoever was trying to get in contact with him wasn't going to give up anytime soon.

"Give me two minutes" Mark said and he quickly got up off the stool and made his way to a hidden corner in the bar.

What in the hell was Jackson doing?

He couldn't unload all of this on a guy who was just trying to be nice. Mark had a kid and a girlfriend to worry about, he didn't have time to sort out Jackson's problems too.

Fishing a few bills out of his wallet he placed them on the bar top and made his way out of Joe's. Jackson would apologize to Mark tomorrow.

He was getting used to saying sorry anyway.