A tiny drabble I wrote at 4am when sleep evaded me!

"Happy Birthday little girl," Quinn whispered towards the sky. She was stood on the penthouse balcony, her fingertips gripping the railing tightly as the stars illuminated the night sky. The clock had just turned 00:00 and like she'd done every year since Beth's birth, she'd gotten up and stood outside, regardless of where she was, and wished her daughter a happy birthday.

She couldn't help but wonder where she was; what she looked like; who she looked like; what her interests were. She'd never know the answer either. She'd lost that right when she signed those adoption records, but she'd completely ruined it when she was blinded by the need to have her daughter back. She would do anything to have her back and this only led to her losing her more.

"Quinn, honey." A quiet voice croaked. It was laced with sleep. A small body pressed into her back and short but strong arms snaked around her waist.

"Go back to bed, Rach. I'll be there soon," she assured.

"I'll wait," she tightened her grip on her wife's physique and began to wait. "I can't sleep now I know you aren't next to me," she admitted.

"I'm sorry,"

"What are you sorry for?" Rachel replied, her brow scrunching with her eyes tightly shut.

"I thought it was meant to get easier…this…not having her nearby. They promised it would get easier." Quinn replied shakily. She was holding back the tears and it was exhausting.

Rachel moved and squeezed in front of Quinn. Her body pressed tightly to the cold metal bar; her eyes desperately seeking Quinn's; her fingers pressed tightly to her wife's hips. "Who did sweetie?" she asked.

"Everyone. Santana, Brittany, Mom, Frannie."

"Baby, none of them have gone through what you have. How would they know?" Rachel told her. "How do any of them know what it's like to give up a child? I love Santana and Brittany but they've known their daughter every day of her life. Same with your Mom and with Frannie, their children have always been there. No one has ever had to cope with losing a child. You have done it tremendously. Admirably. Nobly. Inspiringly." Rachel concluded, punctuating her last few words with kisses to her wife's cheeks.

"I haven't."

"When didn't you?"

"Senior year…"

"Oh behave. You were still only a child then. When in your adult life have you not acted in those ways?"

"It's my own fault that I've had to act that way. I should never have done what I did all those years ago," Quinn replied. She truly regretted behaving like an insolent teenager when she saw how Beth and Shelby had bonded. She was jealous. Guilty. This woman could provide what she as a mother couldn't.

"Quinn, you were a child messing in adult things. Of course you're going to regret it," Rachel replied, her grip on her wife's waist tightening.

"I wish I knew where she was…"

"I know you do," Rachel sighed.

They stared into each other's eyes before Quinn took her wife's hand and laced their fingers together as she led them back into their bedroom. She helped the diva back into bed before doing the same. Her arm wrapped tightly around Rachel's shoulder. The brunette's face was pressed into the crook of the blonde's neck basking in the warmth and proximity to the woman she loved most in the world.

"I love Harmony, you do know that, don't you?" Quinn said shortly after they'd gotten settled in bed.

"Of course I do, silly." Rachel sighed.

"Good. I miss Beth but I would never spite or hate Harmony because of that."

"I know baby." Rachel replied. They had had this conversation ever year since Harmony had been born. Quinn always felt the same at the break of Beth's birthday and she felt the need to reiterate her love for their daughter.

"She's my little beacon of light," Quinn sighed as her fingertips trailed up her wife's side. "Although, those little diva moments of hers…" Quinn trailed off as she chuckled. Quinn bit back her laughter. It was nice to hear her wife breaking the emotional tension that had held her for the last hour.

"I'll love this one just as much," she added as her other hand absently rubbed circles on her wife's slightly swollen stomach.

"I know you will baby." Rachel replied softly. "I love you."

"I love you too, Rachel. Everyday I thank whoever is up there for giving you to me. I thank them for giving us our beautiful daughter and for gifting us this one," she said as she patted the bump. "Things may have been difficult and perhaps they always will. This thing with Beth may never fade-"

"I don't expect it to," Rachel interrupted.

"Let me finish… It may never fade but the things I'm doing right as an adult and that is loving you and our children are making up for the wrong things I did as a child."