WARNING FOR FUTURE CHAPTERS: ANGST, SELF HARM, VIOLENCE
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee or any of its' characters. I am doing this for entertainment purposes only and am in no way profiting from this.
Chapter 1: Prologue
She says I can sing this song so blue
That you will cry…in spite of you
Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder
Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder
And I have walked these streets so long
There ain't nothing right there ain't nothing wrong
The little wet tears on my baby's shoulder
Little wet tears on your baby's shoulder
-From Lady by Regina Spektor
Sometimes it's like color surrounding you. Swirling and dipping and lazily hanging in the air. Tendrils unfurling and running through you right through your chest into your soul. Grabbing a piece of it and making you feel something so acute, so wonderfully happy or disparagingly sad. Each color has their own emotion to evoke within you. The yellows and oranges make you feel alive; make you feel like you can conquer anything. But the blue. The blue is like a frost, and icy frost that burns inside. A cold fire that made you lose all hope but at the same time was so beautiful that it sweeps you up, holding you in its throws. It reminds you of all of the things that can be gained and lost in a matter of seconds. It makes you think of beautiful things like a baby's laugh, home and laying in the grass watching the clouds or if you prefer, the stars. However, it also reminds you of the terrible things as in pain, loss and death. It makes you realize how little you know and how much you have learned and how insignificant and special you are. It makes you cry. It gives you hope. It makes you human.
There is a problem however, when it stays. When it begins to take over that person; when the song is long gone but that dry ice stays in your chest. It starts to consume you, to warp your reality. It makes you question everything that you thought you knew, and to doubt. It makes you doubt yourself and the people around you. To doubt purpose, to doubt worth. It can even make you doubt love. Yes, it becomes dangerous and Noah knew it. Noah knew that he had to get rid of it, make himself better and happy again but he couldn't do it alone. He couldn't do it alone and he needed help, but there was no one there when he called out; when he pleaded silently for just one person to ask him what was wrong, nobody answered. So he gave in.
(A/n – okay so as you probably see, this is gonna be an angsty fic. One thing you should know about this fic is that there will be no dialogue. This is about Noah's struggle with depression and how he heals. All the thought processes and revelations and symptoms are completely realistic. As I have had experience with clinical depression I can assure you it will be accurate. What I would like you to remember from the get go is that depression is a DISORDER so how Noah views the world doesn't make sense, hence DISORDER. Thank you for tuning in to my fic, Please please review. It gives me incentive to write if I know that people are reading, and makes me know that all my work is worth it. If it sucks tell, just use nice words! Thank you again! –Missy Lynn)