A/N:

This badfic is actually worse than 'legolas by laura'. Seriously.

It was a dark night Legolas was walking in the forrest that was next to a tree

All forests are next to trees. That's what makes them forests.

Legolas heard sound from the bushes and go see what it was there was a girl child elf who had lovely blond hair that was long her face was slender round and she was eight years old Legolas fell in love with her immediadly when he met her and took her to live with him after five years Sary was round faced slender eyed 13 year old whose blond hair touched the ground Legolas decided to tell Sary she was chosen to destroy the dark lord sauron becouse she was the child of gods

Forget all the other shit and fact that its impossible to be "slender round"... LEGOLAS FELL IN LOVE WITH AN EIGHT YEAR OLD?

Legolas had gone to the library four years ago and read it from a book and immeadly realized that the child was Sary the book had a prophecy it went like this In the coming dark years a Child will be found from the forrest who will destroy the dark lord sauron with her godly innnocence that she got as a present from the gods who her parents will be the Child will be blond haired and slender round faced and will be found in the forrest when she's eight

No sign of full stops. Running low on supplies. Must abandon search. Over.

Legolas told Sary Sary said it can't be true i am your relative you told me so pretty one

So...he not only fell in love with a fucking eight-year-old, but they're RELATED?

Legolas said sorry but I lied my love you are the descendant of gods you have to go to Frodo and take the ring from him Sary said well I'll go are you coming Legolas said I'm afraid I can't becouse I'm dying and then Legolas died

Well...that was random.

Sary yelled NOOOOOOOOOO! My love you will have the last kiss Sary kissed Legolas and then she went to find Frodo only Legolas's bow with her that she got from Legolas

No shit. Who else would she have gotten Legolas' bow from?

when she arrived to Frodo's cabin Frodo pulled her in and raped her and hit her with a sword but then the door opened and Aragon stepped in and killed Frodo and took Sary and headded for home Aragon took Sary. To his home Aragon put her in. His bed and said. Frodo had been posessed by Sauron that's why.

I can't tell if the author hates full stops (since she never used any until now) or if she loves them (since she used about fifty in this paragraph alone).

He must have gone crazy. But why. Legolas didn't tell me. About the new taker of the ring. Who will also. Destroy Sauron Sary woke up. Happily and said. Hello Aragon I have a gift for you. Here it is a new sword. That gods have blessed. You can even kill. Sauron with it. It is so powerful.

Why. Must you. Type like. This all the. Time.

Now we're going to Rivandall. To see elf Eldorna he can bring Legolas. Back to life.

Rivandall must be the place where Elrond's dyslexic brother, Eldorna, lives.

So they left towards Rivandall on their way. To Rivandall Aragon said. Why did Legolas die Sary said.

He died of shock. When he found out what. I am Aragon said. Well what. Are you Sary said. I am GOD!

Faaaaaall on your kneeeeeees, and heaaaar the angel voooooiiices...

Why don't you believe. Me do you believe me. Or shall I damonstrate. My power Aragon said. That's not necessary. Becouse I think I have fallen in love. With you I have fallen in love with you too Aragon. Said Sary.

I've lost track of who is saying what. Well actually, I've lost track of what is even happening.

They had sex for the rest of the night.

BUT SHE'S THIRTEEN!

The next morning. They arrived to Rivandall Eldorna was waiting there. For them. Sary took Legolas's body. From her back.

Apparently, she was just using Legolas' corpse as a backpack.

And Eldornna said. Legolas is dead.

No shit.

But I will bring him. Back to life. Eldorna said MUISTMOMM and Legolas was alive again.

Mist mum? Moist mum?

And said. Hello Sary. And kissed her Aragon said. Tsk tsk Legolas.

"Tsk tsk Legolas," said Chris Hansen, "She's only thirteen. Take a seat right over there."

Sary loves me. Legolas said. We have to have a DUEL! They started fighting. There. But Suddenly they both flew. Along the ground with force.

"FLY, YOU FOOLS!"

Then Sary came and said. I love. You both that's why I stopped your fight.

They all had passionaty sex all night...

So much for godly innocence...

The nest morning when they had stopped having sex. A monkey appeared on the window! "Legolas said" YIKES A MONKEY IS BEHIND OUR WINDOW SARY KILL IT! "Sary said" IT IS A GIFT FROM GODS TO US IT IS A MIRACLE MONKEY IT CAN HELP US!

Or it could just be a wild animal that escaped from the zoo.

Legolas opened the window and let the monkey in! The monkey attacked Aragon and digged his brains out! "Legolas said" WONDEFUL COME HERE MONKEY!

"WONDEFUL! THANK YOU VERY MUCH MONKEY FOR DIGGED MY FRIEND'S BRAINS OUT."

Monkey went to Legolas and Legolas humped the monkey!

WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK

Sary got mad and "said" I'M GOING ALONE YOU PRICK! Sary went to Sauron's castle and arrived to it's gate! Sauron opened the gate and threw Sary in jail.

It think her plan failed because she wasn't actually "godly innocent"

After a month Legolas wondered where Sary was. His wife Mr Monkey "said" SHE WENT TO SAURON'S CASTLE!

His...wife? Mr Monkey?

Legolas went near Sauron's castle but orcs appeared there! Legolas killed them and went on towards the prison and saw Sary there and let her out but at the same moment Sauron came there and started beating up Legolas suddenly "Sary yelled" I WILL STOP YOU EVIL SAURON I HAVE COME TO DESTROY YOU!

Except she failed miserably the first time.

"Sauron said" JUST TRY YOU LITTLE SLUT!

I'm rooting for Sauron here. He speaks the truth.

At the same moment Sary used her power and hit Sauron on the head with it but Sauron just laughed and "said" HAHAHAHAHAHAAA YOU CANNOT KILL ME! Sauron started beating Sary but suddenly Sary heard a voice inside her head that "said" MY DAUGHTER USE YOU GODLY INNOCENCE BY CONCENTRATING HARD!

Which "godly innocence" are we talking about? She's thirteen years old and she's already shagged two different guys, and at the SAME TIME may I add?

Sary concentrated and destroyed Sauron's head and the went back home with Legolas. Mr Monkey and Legolas adopted Sary and they all lived happily ever after

So apparently, Legolas got married to a monkey at some point in the story, and they have now adopted Sary (aka. the thirteen year old girl who Legolas has already banged) as their daughter. Just...wow. There are no words.

A/N:

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