Gotta move...
Gotta move...
Gotta move faster...

Three words. Only three words echoed through my now empty mind. No, not those. Not the sweet ones. I would love if it would've been them. And another pair of lips would be speaking them to me. But world doesn't work that way. It's cruel.

'It's too late.'

It's gonna' get...
It's gonna' get...
It's gonna' get louder.

'Oy, didja hear me?'

I looked at him. There he stood, victorious. Full of pride. And that sneer. I wanted to wipe it off his face with my fist. God, I imagined it so many times how I beat him into bloody pulp.

I nodded. And then I got angry at myself. Who am I? An idiot? I wanted to scream my voice out, to shout, to kick and punch. But only thing I did was standing there, dumbfounded.

We're gonna' get...
We're gonna' get...
We're gonna' get stronger.

God, I was so stupid back then! I could just beat the crap out of that bastard! I am Grimmjow FUCKING Jaegerjaquez!

But I didn't do it. 'Cause of him.

'But it still looks like it doesn't get through that thick skull of yers. Da Berry is mine now.'

'I understood that, asshole.' I finally spoke. Where the heck was my voice up until now?

'No, I don't think ya did, Blue. What I mean isn't only tha' he's mine now tha' also means – I want you to stay away from Ichi.'

'What?' my eyes widened. Anger boiled inside my guts. Who gave him rights to order me around?

'Did I fucking stutter? Or are you deaf? Ya heard me. I don't want you to be near him.' Shirosaki started to get angry. Serves him right.

'Don't tell me what to do, Snowflake.' then my eyes widened again. Only this time with realization.

We're gonna' feel...
We're gonna' feel...
We're gonna' feel better.

'Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Don't tell me you're feelin' danger, huh? You're afraid that if things between you and Ichigo won't go well, he'll run straight into my arms?' I said, half of my face occupied by my famous shit – eating grin.

Then grin, almost same sized as mine took place on Shirosaki's face. And then that bastard started to laugh like there's no tomorrow. My smile fell.

'Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!'

And as suddenly as he started to laugh, he got serious again. His white eyebrows knitted into a frown as he spoke to me, dead serious look in his eyes.

'Listen, Blueberry. I'm not doing this fer myself. I do this fer Ichigo. He's with me now. I know ya well enough to foresee that ya will make a move. Can ya move those stoned brain cells of yours? Ichi really loves me, I know that. Can ya imagine how will he feel if ya will lose your self control and blurt out your feelings?'

They push us around,
but we're tearing it down,
and we're having the time of our life.

I felt my heart clench. I can. Ichigo isn't emotionally stable. I know him since we were toddlers. Shirosaki does too. It always has been the three of us – we did everything together, we were inseparable.

Faster...

And he doesn't even know that I am gay. But to make him choose between the two of us… we – me and Shirosaki – had a silent deal that first comes, first gets served. The fact, that Ichigo didn't denied Snowflake, was obvious sign to me that he had something for albino.

Again, I just nod like the last moron in the Universe.

Louder.

'So, I made myself clear. Leave.'

'Wait, Shirosaki, how am I supposed to do that? Quit school?' I started to raise my voice.

'That's up to ya. But I have an idea. I know it may seem cruel, but if you try to push him away-'

Stronger!

'Are you insane?' I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled his face closer to mine so he could see hell that my eyes promised to him if he tries to make another joke like that.

But I didn't expect his fist, which suddenly connected with my jaw.

'It's for his sake, damnit!' Now Shirosaki was the one who raised his voice.

I still didn't let him go. We were staring at each others' eyes. Those disgusting golden pools and tattooed eyeballs.

'Do you want to break him again?'

All sounds around me disappeared. Only thing I heard was loud thumping in my ears. Blood rushed in my head, I felt dizzy. Those words were enough to finish off my determination to fight. My grip loosened. Shirosaki stepped back.

'Leave, Blue. It's for the best.'

Better?..

And that's what I did. I pushed Ichigo away. At first, he was persistent. He kept asking me what's wrong, sending e – mails, messages, and texts. And me? I just ignored him. As if he didn't exist. And then, one day, he asked quietly:

'Is it because me and Shiro?'

That was the moment when my feelings exploded.

'YES! YES IT IS!'

It was the last time he spoke to me. After my answer he turned on his heel and dashed away. Sharp arrow of pain stabbed my heart.

'Do you want to break him again?'

'Do you want to break him again?'

'Do you want to break him again?'

'Do you want to break him again?'

'Do you want to break him again?'

'Do you want to break him again?'

I wanted to chase after him, to plead to be friends again, but Shirosaki's words kept ringing in my head like some mantra. Really annoying and fucked up mantra.

So, that's how my senior year in high school ended. After graduation I entered M – University, studied there and forgot about Ichigo completely.

LIES.

Every fucking night I keep dreaming about him. I think about him every second. There's not even a single moment that I don't see those brown eyes filled with shock and sadness. Like they were the last time I looked at them.

You can't tame this energy inside.

A/N: God, I finally wrote my first ch of my first fanfic! I'm so excited! :D I finally gathered some courage. Since English is not my first language, I am not very brave and self - confident about this. While writing/editing this I listened to DJ Fresh - Louder (Club Mix.) (figures xD), I guess that's how I'll name chapters - after a song, cuz I have no ideas when I need to come up with tittle, or summary, for that matter. But why fanfic is called 'Sensei'? You'll get it in later chaps. ...if I won't drop writing this, cuz I'm queen of laziness and the Muses don't like to visit me very often. Well, I hope you enjoyed!~DramaticChipmunk