CHAPTER 12: This Love Will Be Our Downfall

I wanna take you somewhere so you know I care
But it's so cold and I don't know where
I brought you daffodils in a pretty string
But they won't flower like they did last spring

And I wanna kiss you, make you feel alright
I'm just so tired to share my nights
I wanna cry and I wanna love
But all my tears have been used up

On another love, another love
All my tears have been used up

And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight
But my hands been broken, one too many times
So I'll use my voice, I'll be so damn rude,
Words they always win, but I know I'll lose

And I wanna cry I wanna learn to love
But all my tears have been used up

On another love, another love
All my tears have been used up

...

Cato Greene, District 2. Sect 9.

"Cato, wake up." A hand shakes my shoulder. I open my eyes and see that it's Cashmere. She shakes me again. "Wake up!"

"Stop it," I mutter, and turn in my sleeping bag. "Go away." I feel like the weight of the world is crushing down upon me, and don't want to wake up and face the day.

"Are you okay? I've never seen you like this," Cash says. "I mean, you seem half dead."

I sit up and groan. The soreness in my joints is almost as painful as the poison from Peeta Mellark's knives. I feel more than half dead. The sky's barely light, and all around I hear the buzz of the jungle. It's already swelteringly hot, and there is a sharp ache in my chest where Rosalie stuck me.

"Shut up and let me wake up," I growl. "Where's Enobaria?"

"She's scouting for water. We should have breakfast," Cashmere says, her voice tumbling forwards.

Her eyes are blue and watery and I can tell that she's been crying. She's forcing herself to be cheerful, and I respect that. Despite what everyone might say, Cashmere is pretty decent when she's not on duty. When she's not hunting tributes.

"Hey, you okay?" I ask quietly. She bites her lip, and I think she might start crying again. I change tactics, placing a hand on hers. I speak to her gently. "Let's get some food into you. No more thinking about things that make us sad. Come here, sit with me."

We have our breakfast of dry biscuits, and by the time we're finished, both of us are ravenously thirsty. My throat feels like sandpaper. Enobaria should be back by now. I wish she was, because any moment now I'm sure that either Cashmere or I will pass out from dehydration.

"I didn't get to ask earlier, but what could make you sad? You're always so chill, I never really thought about it," Cashmere says. She keeps on licking her lips, trying to keep them from drying up.

"The usual. Disappointing people, being rejected by girls, sleeping alone," I'm so tired. I just want to go back to sleep and never wake up.

"No way," she snickers."Be serious. I want to know."

"Why? So you can spring it on me someday and make me bawl my eyes out? I don't think so," I tease. But a voice within me lists it all. Clove. Katniss. Hurting the people I love. The only things in the world that can make me sad. I tell none of it to Cashmere, but I feel a new ache that buries itself besides the old one.

She laughs. "You should loosen up more often, Cato. You have potential...maybe one day you'll be as cool as I am."

"That'll never happen, Cato's too in love with a District 12 gutter rat to ever be a true victor, let alone a 'cool' one."

Cashmere snickers, and I clench my fists. Enobaria's back, with no water. She plops down next to me and grabs several biscuits. Her teeth make metallic grinding noises while she eats. The rubies glint in the sunlight.

"If only your insults were as colorful as your mouth," I growl. Enobaria isn't offended, she just looks at me with her heavy-lidded eyes, smirking.

"Whatever you say, Lover Boy," she spits the insult and I feel myself getting angrier, especially since that's what I called Katniss' old district partner. "You're still going to lead us to her eventually. Or would you rather we hunt her down ourselves after we kill you?"

I look away. I need to keep Katniss safe, I need to lead the Careers away from her to give her time to find her district partner and Volts from District 3, time to assemble a team of tributes to protect her. She needs to be strong and stay alive, at all costs.

I wonder where she is. She should still be in the jungle. No, she must be. Otherwise my plan will be useless.

"Yes, but Rosalie first," I swallow the lump rising in my throat and force my voice to remain steady. "We'll go to the Cornucopia."

Katniss Everdeen, District 12. Cornucopia.

"Do you have a secret stash hidden up there?" I ask. The Cornucopia lies ahead, glittering in the sunlight. The air is humid and the breeze rolling in from the beach is refreshing. I eagerly push through the last few meters of jungle and emerge onto the sand, my bow ready.

Finnick and Johanna appear next to me. It must be a hundred degrees, and Johanna and I are both soaked with sweat and panting like crazy, but Finnick is in pristine condition. I guess it's because District 4 is in the southmost part of North America, but it's still unfair. My clothes are sticking to my skin, and he doesn't even have to wear clothes.

"A pile of supplies, you mean?" Finnick asks, wrinkling his brow. "Yes, but it's not secret. We kept everything in the horn."

I stare at him in disbelief. I want to yell at him for lacking common sense, but I keep my mouth shut angrily. Finnick never mentioned anyone else in his alliance other than Johanna. I hope for their sake that the supplies haven't been all stolen.

"Katniss, do you have something to say?" Johanna demands. She bares her teeth.

"Nothing," I mutter. "Nothing at all."

We run across the densely packed sand, and reach the horn within a minute. We stop ten feet away from it. To my surprise, nothing has been touched. At least, nothing that makes a difference. From where I stand, I can see the supplies piling up to the roof of the horn. It's truly a stash, a good one at that. There's sacks of apples, bread, and meat, and more weapons than I can count. Sleeping bags are stacked on top of each other in precarious ways, and there are many backpacks and crates.

"All of this was left after the Bloodbath? How was it not all stolen?"

I look at Finnick in confusion, and he winks at me.

"You didn't think we left it unguarded, did you, beautiful?" His eyes dance and I'm glad that I held my tongue earlier. But I don't like how he calls me his pet names, as if I am just another of his naïve little girls.

I grit my teeth, "Don't ever call me that again, got it? And how exactly is this place guarded?" It looks deserted to me.

Finnick holds back his laughter, his golden hair falling towards his eyes as I speak. I want to throttle him, how dare he act like he's superior to me! He gestures at the ground, his gaze fixed on mine. If possible, his eyes are even more intimidating and alluring than Cato's. I understand why people cannot look away from him.

"Take another step, Mockingjay, and you would have been electrocuted to death by a hundred thousand volts of force."

Johanna smiles gruesomely. "We already killed two tributes."

"Actually, it's the amount of amps, not volts, that can kill you,"a voice interjects.

I am surprised when no other than my friend from training, Beetee of District 3 steps out from the dark depths of the pile of supplies. He looks well, with his circle lens glasses and his closely cropped mustache. I stare at him.

In his hands is what looks like a remote. He clicks on a button.

"Safe now! Come in, Katniss Everdeen!"

Even though he's told me that it's safe, I still don't trust the remote. I eye the place where Finnick gestured to cautiously. All of a sudden I'm wary. What if it's a trap? Finnick hadn't told me about Beetee earlier, even though he knew I was looking for him. How could all of this be so convenient?

"What's wrong?" Finnick asks, his mouth turning up on one side. Johanna rolls her eyes for the umpteenth time today and hops over the imaginary line and trots down the slope into the Cornucopia horn.

"Why didn't you tell me about Beetee earlier? You knew that I wanted him as an ally." I frown at him, my hands inching towards my bow and arrow. I'm still sweating, and as we have a small stare-down, I feel myself getting particularly warm.

"Are you two coming or not?" Johanna calls. "Or are you going to wait until the Careers come along and attack us?"

I personally think that our alliance is more powerful than the Careers at this point, although everything is in delicate balance right now.

He wets his lips and looks upwards. I think he knows that our alliance hinges on what he is going to say.

"Honestly, I don't know, Katniss. Wanted to surprise you?"

"I don't like surprises," I mumble, and he shrugs apologetically. I decide to forgive him since he seems sincere. But I need to take caution anyways from now on. This isn't my turf anymore. Note to self: be careful around Finnick Odair.

We walk towards Johanna and Beetee, and there is not even a tell-tale sign of the electric wall going back up. If Beetee doesn't make it clear to us when it is on or not, we'll probably accidentally get fried.

Speaking of Beetee, I have so many questions to ask him and things to discuss that I don't know where to start.

I place my backpack down on the sand and open my mouth to address him. But then my stomach rumbles. I look over and Johanna is pigging out on apples and dried meat, and swigging it down with water.

"Johanna, give me that," I hear myself saying, and on its own accord, my hand grabs the metal bottle from her lips mid-swig. I bring it to my lips and begin to frantically gulp down as much of the fresh, lovely, life-saving water as possible

Johanna complains in the background, but I can barely focus on anything else other than the water spilling over my tongue.

Someone hands me an apple, I think it was Beetee, and I devour that too. I hadn't realized how hungry I was, and now that there's this enormous pile of food and water, I can't stop myself. I have five apples and the entire bottle of water until I'm even close to full.

I'm not the only one who's happy about the supplies here. Finnick has already gotten comfortable. He's in a little corner of the horn with a piece of rope and an apple, watching us with those luminescent eyes. I feel like he could stay that that for a long time with his piece of rope.

Johanna has kicked back too…but her definition of comfortable is taking all her clothes off and climbing up to the top of the mountain of supplies.

"Is she sleeping up there?" I ask Beetee. He is still standing next to me, patiently waiting for me to finish eating. He pushes up his glasses.

"I'm not quite sure, but I wouldn't recommend you eat anything from up there. Sanitary reasons," Beetee's eyes crinkle in the corners when he smiles. "Now, from overhearing your earlier conversation with Finnick, I gathered that you needed me for something. Care to share your idea?"

"Well…first off, how do I tell if the wall is on or off?"

The older man smiles and pushes up his glasses for the third time in just as many minutes. I think that it's a bit of a habit. Then he points to a spot on the left, guiding my gaze to it. There, I see it. It's a floating patch of waving air. It's the chink in the armor that Beetee had told me about during training…every force field has one, and I guess electric force fields are no exception.

He's looking up at me expectantly with his magnified eyes (Beetee is one of the shortest tributes this year). I think about maybe asking him how he set up the entire thing. I mean, how did he even get the technology to make an electric wall for god's sake, that spans across hundreds of feet? As far as I can tell from the occasional chink in the armor, the electric field reaches all the way around the Cornucopia, stopping at the water.

I just shake my head in amazement, smiling a little. It's incredible what Beetee has done, but it has only given me faith in what he will do.

"You're right, I need your help. I heard that you're a brilliant strategist." I take a deep breath and I can feel the Mockingjay rising within me. I look him in the eye. "Can you help me win the Hunger Games?"

Cato Greene, District 2. Cornucopia.

The Cornucopia is barely visible through the trees ahead when the ground begins to move. It's almost noon.

We are so close to our destination. We are not expecting the earthquake when it comes.

"Ahhh!" Cashmere screams and grabs my arm as the entire jungle shifts beneath our feet, cracks appearing everywhere. A tree groans and I look up, afraid that it'll fall on us. The ground shifts again, in an entirely new direction, and I lose my balance and fall to my knees with Cashmere still screaming. All around us branches are falling and the ground is opening into deep cracks.

"Get out of the jungle!" Enobaria yells, but it's easier said than done. I can't stand up. The ground is moving in all different directions, the cracks getting bigger and the movements getting grander and less predictable. Leaves are falling like snowflakes and all around is the shrill crying of creatures and birds.

"OH MY GOD!" Cashmere's nails are digging into my shoulder and finally, with difficulty I rise and sprint across the remaining stretch of jungle with her by my side. She cries out as her broken arm swings against a tree trunk.

We collapse on the edge of the sand and look back into the dark recesses of the jungle, as grinding sounds and rumbling ensues. There's something seriously wrong with this arena. Nowhere else is the ground moving, only the slice of jungle we just came out of. It must be some type of trap, just like everything else so far.

Enobaria has her hands on her knees, wheezing a bit. Cashmere and I look at each other as we lay there on the ground.

"Your nose is bleeding," I say to her. She sniffs but the blood keeps flowing.

"It doesn't matter. I can put it to good use," she says, and then before I can protest, she uses two fingers to pick up the blood from her nose and swipe it across both my cheeks.

"That's disgusting, Cash. What is it, war paint?" I ask, amused.

"Yeah, sure." Her mouth curves into a smile. I dab my finger in the blood and give her a scarlet circle around each eye. I lean back to admire my handiwork while she snorts. "Thanks, Cato."

Down below, half a mile away where the Cornucopia is, I see figures moving around, looking in our direction.

And then my blood turns to ice my breath catches. Of course this all goes wrong in the worst way possible. I can't stop looking at her and my chest is tight and my pulse too fast. I can feel the blood roaring through my veins.

"What's wrong?" Cash says, and her face changes as follows my gaze.

"What's wrong?" She repeats. But she knows, and now Enobaria knows too. I grit my teeth. My fists clench and unclench, and I want to ask the figure down below why I can't protect her no matter what I try to do and why I'm always putting her in danger when all I want to do is keep her safe.

Katniss Everdeen raises her bow at us.

Katniss Everdeen, District 12. Cornucopia.

I see him from a mile away, stumbling out from the jungle and falling to his knees. My breath catches in my throat and my hands start to shake uncontrollably at my sides.

Finnick, who's been watching me for some time now, is the first to notice. He pushes himself up from his little corner and stands up besides me, squinting against the sun to see the figures on the edge of the beach.

"The Careers."

My hands are still shaking like crazy, but I have calmed down a little and grasp for my weapons.

I lift my bow and fit an arrow in the notch.

"You're going to shoot?" Finnick asks. "Cato's there."

I almost relent, but I don't. I take deep breaths. My arms stop shaking and I realize that I have a clear shot of them. If Beetee lifted the electric field, I could kill one of the Careers. I could kill them all.

My voice is strong and steady when I speak.

"Yes, I'll shoot when I see the whites of their eyes."

Finnick sucks in a breath. He puts a hand on my shoulder, but I shake him off. He looks away, as if deciding if it's worth it to stop me.

"We're safe here, you don't need to go looking for trouble," Beetee advises me. Johanna comes up behind me and agrees with him.

"How will this ever end if no one kills anyone? I'm tired of sparing people's lives," I say.

"Katniss," Finnick warns, but I shoot him a glare as deadly as an arrow. He continues talking. "You can't touch them...they-"

I turn on him then. "Speak another word and I'll shoot an arrow through your mouth." He shuts up immediately, clearly thinking that his mouth is far too pretty for an arrow to go through it.

"Lift the barricade," I tell Beetee. I'm not afraid and my stomach is not jumping. I'm so calm that this seems unreal. Cato is standing completely still on the hill. I think he can see me. I know what I need to do... I need to kill Enobaria in order for him to be free from her and safe. I'm reminded again that he's not the alpha in the arena anymore now that his mentor is with him. She's controlled him until now, and I can't stand that idea.

"Ok, they're looking at us like we're meat. Now Katniss' plan sounds good to me," Johanna says. I look over and she has this huge axe ready in her hand.

"No." Finnick stares me down with those sea green eyes again. I shoot him a warning glance. Shut up Finnick or say goodbye to your lips. As if catching on, he bites his lip. "I'm not risking my life for you, Katniss, if you're going to be selfish like this."

"Lift it!" I yell, almost scream, and everyone jumps, even Finnick. Up on the hill, I see Enobaria gesturing at her pack. They begin to run towards us. Cato is the last.

"Who do you think you are, Katniss? The electric field will stay in place. This battle isn't one we need to fight." Finnick wrenches my bow out of my hands, and I turn on him with my fists and feet and start to hit him, trying to get it back. I'm screaming like an animal, but Finnick is strong and he pushes me back.

"I'm the Mockingjay!" I cry out. A sudden surge of strength courses through me, and I yank my bow back and string it again, pointing it at Finnick and then at Johanna, who is poised to strike.

"I am the Mockingjay," I repeat slowly. "Beetee, lift the barricade or I'll kill you. And if you try to stop me, Finnick, I'll kill you too."

Beetee has no weapons, and fear enters his eyes as he presses the chinks in the armor disappear and I know that there is nothing but air between me and the oncoming Careers. I study them for a moment. Cashmere has her arm in a sling, Enobaria's teeth are bared like an animal, and Cato looks like he's in pain. He's slower than the rest of them, hanging back. I try not to look at him. I need to stay focused.

I point my bow at Enobaria, who is only ten feet away now, and let go.

Cato Greene, District 2. Cornucopia.

The arrow is too fast for the eye to register, but we all hear it, the smooth sound of a blade sailing through the air.

When it makes contact with Enobaria's shoulder, everyone seems to freeze. We all just stare at the blood gurgling out of the wound. Cashmere gasps, Johanna giggles, Finnick Odair groans with annoyance. Katniss is the only one who does not react. She calmly strings her arrow again and pulls it back, this time aiming at Cashmere.

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Enobaria roars. A long succession of swears follows as she yanks the bloody arrow out of her shoulder and throws it on the ground, snarling. The world begins to move again and I find my voice.

The bow is still trained on Cashmere's chest, and Katniss is breathing in and out slowly, like she does when she is about to let go.

"KATNISS, DON'T SHOOT!" I yell. I don't care if Enobaria is hurt, but Cash has been a friend to me.

But she doesn't listen. She shoots. Cashmere screams and falls, her hands clutching her thigh. Enobaria roars again and runs forwards with her knives, trying to stab at Katniss. She barely makes it two steps before Katniss shoots her other arm.

I am motionless, torn between the two alliances I'm part of.

"Cato!" Cashmere cries, rolling on the ground.

"CATO! ! #$%" Enobaria swears, throwing her knife at Johanna. It misses and Johanna leaps forwards with her axe, lifting it up above Enobaria's neck.

Katniss meets my gaze silently. She is smiling triumphantly at the Careers on the ground, in a way that is not like her. I make my decision. I throw my knife at Johanna, and take another from my belt and whip it at Finnick. I take a step forwards and crouch besides Cashmere, who is sobbing.

Johanna tries to bring the axe down, but I nabbed her in the hand and she cannot control the movement. The axe falls on her foot with the blunt side. She bellows in pain and hobbles back into the Cornucopia.

Katniss' eyes get wide. I put Cashmere's arm over my shoulder and help her stand up. "Cato, what are you doing?"

"I'm trying to protect my friends, Katniss." She stares at me in disbelief. Cashmere clings to me and grimaces, crying out as she tries to find a foothold in the sand.

"Get me out of here, Cato," Cashmere sobs. Enobaria is struggling to get up, but both her arms have arrows through them and she can only squirm, grunting in pain.

"No, Cato!" Katniss yells.

I look at Katniss. Her eyes betray her strong front, they are full of tears and in the sunlight they shine silver.

"You should have listened to your allies. They knew what you didn't," I say, as Cashmere hugs me tightly. Does she not understand that without Enobaria and Cashmere, she doesn't have anyone to kill her opponents off for her? They're all probably sitting in a circle being friends. Most of the kills have been made by the Careers. With all the Careers dead, the Games will take forever to end.

"All I know is that you're hurting yourself to protect me. I don't want you to fight my battles," she scowls.

"You're the Mockingjay, the survivor." I feel a smile spreading across my lips despite the situation. It hurts to smile, it hurts more than anything. "You don't need anyone to be strong, let alone me."

The hostility fades in her eyes.

"No, I need you," she says wearily. "Only you."

Katniss Everdeen, District 12. Cornucopia.

He is so beautiful in that moment. With one arm he holds Cashmere to his chest. His hair is the color of honey and his skin is sun-kissed. He's lost weight in the arena. His face is still startling handsome, but gaunt and pale.

When I tell him that I need him, his eyes melt. I've never seen him look at me that way, with a piece of the liquid sky hidden in his gaze. My focus is on nothing except for him. Finnick groans on the ground, clutching his stomach, but in this moment Finnick Odair is far from my mind.

I step forwards with my bow and arrow. I am the Mockingjay. In order to win the 75th Hunger Games, I must be the only one left alive. And yet, I feel like I would die if the boy standing before me was hurt.

I leap over Enobaria, who is groaning on the ground. My eyes are fixed on Cato's. He bites his lip. I've seen him do it twice in the last dozen minutes. He squeezes Cashmere tighter, but I see that it's a reflex. He's nervous. I've never seen Cato Greene nervous.

I am five feet away. Three. Two. One. And then there is only one step between us.

He is as still as a statue. I drink in the details of him. I want to know everything. There's a big cut across his chiseled cheek, and several small ones on his chin. War paint streaked across his face. He smells of sweat and earth.

His lips are dry and rough when I kiss him. He doesn't move, doesn't blink, doesn't do anything but watch me with eyes as cloudy as a rainy day.

"Stay with me," I say to him. "You can be safe."

And then he chuckles a bit, closing the distance between us, pressing his mouth on mine hard. Now it comes. He is no longer still, but alive and warm. He pulls away but comes back, this time a short, sweet one full of unspoken words.

When he draws away for the last time, he goes on as if nothing has happened. "Safe?" He scoffs. "From who? These two?"

Cashmere hiccups and grabs on tighter to Cato's shirt. Her nails are digging into his shoulders and I can see crescent marks on his neck where she was grappling at earlier.

I look at what is left of the Careers. They had seemed so impressive and powerful in the beginning, but now all that's left is these two wounded females and the youngest of the pack. Finnick is on my side, Rosalie is lost somewhere, and Gloss is dead.

"I'm at the apex of the food chain. I'm a predator, but I also must be a killer. Don't worry about me, little mockingjay." I notice again how pale he has become. He has dark circles under his eyes and still looks like he is in tremendous pain. His voice is so quiet, so serious. Is his wound still so grave?

I snap around at the sound of sand rustling.

Enobaria grabs my legs with both hands and drags me to the ground. I struggle, but she has a vice grip. It doesn't matter, I have my bow. I string it while on the ground and point it at her throat.

"Well well, the bow comes to the rescue again. Isn't that convenient, Girl on Fire? What in the world could you do without?"

"Watch me!" I yell. I take a knife out of my belt and throw it at her grinning face.

But it never hits her, because with inhuman speed, Cato is there. He catches the blade in his hand, but not fast enough. Blood starts flowing down his wrist. He lifts his eyes. They have darkened in anger. His lips move silently as he lets the knife fall to the ground.

"What are you doing?" I whisper hoarsely.

"I'm counting to ten so I won't lose control and decide to kill you," he says simply. He continues. "...Nine. Ten...I'm done counting, but I still have an urge, Katniss Everdeen." Cato studies his hand, as more blood drips down. He gives me a smile. I recognize the look in his eyes.

I never expected to see that look again. I thought he had changed. It's the gaze of someone who loves to kill, to destroy.

But then it shifts. His pupils become huge and it is as if he realizes that it's me, not one of his "prey". He takes a shuddering breath.

"Go, Katniss," he says, and he pries Enobaria's hands from my ankles and pushes me up.

I want to grab onto his arm, to stop him from leaving again. Not again...I can't stand being alone. All I've wanted since I first set foot in the Capitol is so close. All I need is Cato to be here with me. How can a I be the Mockingjay, the strongest of them all, when inside I am crumbling apart?

"Meet me at the lightning tree tonight after the nightly counting," I whisper as I fall hard onto the ground. I am pleading to him with every fiber of my being. "Please." And then I feel myself being pulled backwards, into the safety of the force field, by Beetee. My feet drag on the ground and I clutch onto my bow, looking back at Cato. His brow is scrunched up, but I'm sure that he heard me. I don't even kick or fight, even when Beetee puts me down and clicks his remote. I'm breathing quickly, unable to catch my breath. I feel like I'm going to cry, but I don't.

The chinks in the armour float above our heads again as I watch Cato help Enobaria and Cashmere up. Before they disappear back into the forest, he turns back at me and starts to laugh, for no apparent reason. The sound of it remains in the air long after he is gone.

Already I am counting the moments until tonight.

A/N: I've never truly experienced writer's block until this. I've been away for so long! I missed writing, and after reading over the entire story starting for Formidable to the last chapter of Insurgence, I realize that I've been so intent on becoming a more "mature" writer that I completely ruined my story. The past few chapters of Insurgence have been so flowered up with metaphors and these fancy wording and details that the story itself has been lost. I want to return to simplicity. I want to be a storyteller, not someone who just plays with words.

I hope that you, my readers, will continue to support me despite my long absence these past few months. Reviews and thoughts are very much appreciated! xox