The Melancholy Culture Fest Problem of Rei "Ayanami" Kagura, Part Deux

A/N: Phew! This is the last part of this series. I can finally end this and move on to my long-drawn out works. Hey, guys, it feels good to be back. After this, I'll focus on the third chapter of my Higurashi/Black Ops crossover.

In spite of the large, seemingly unmanageable turnout, the bazaar-cafe got well under way. Everyone crowded the booths offering posters, toys, manga, and DVDs. Two girls stood near the stuffed toys booth, watching the lively scene in front of them.

"This is just like that noisy market back in Osaka," the airhead commented. "Every'wun's lookin' for the best bargains." She dressed like Hecate of Shakugan no Shana, surprisingly appropriate since that character seems like an airhead too.

"I know," Chiyo replied as she watched people crowd the poster section. "And to think that Miss Yukari came up with this just yesterday." For her costume, it was the magic girl costume of Cardcaptor Sakura, complete with the cane thing, which Chiyo would use like a shepherd's staff if Osaka spaces out into nothingness and wanders off. Like to an open window a while ago.

"If it wasn't for your daddy this wouldn't even fly," Osaka noted. Chiyo's father as able to procure a large amount of surplus anime/manga merchandise and have it trucked to their school early morning, along with the food for their cafe.

"Well, that's nothing, Osaka. What matters is that everyone has fun in the culture fest." Chiyo raised her hand proudly.

"Kawaii!" a high-pitched chorus rang and they were instantly surrounded by a large crowd of otakus.

"Oh my," a man screamed. "Magical girls!"

"They're so cute," a girl piped in, jumping up and down.

"So cute, so cute," yet another guy exclaimed.

"I want to hug them!" they cried. Chiyo and Osaka screamed and backed off.

The sudden attention frightened the girls. Chiyo and Osaka huddled together in fear. For the first time they found something much more creepier than Kimura himself!

To the otaku crowd, the girls were absolutely adorable cuties that they want to hug. To the girls, the crowd transformed into zombies, making them backing away until they felt the wall on their backs.

"M-m-miss O-saka, what should w-we do?" Chiyo asked with a shaky voice.

"This is it, Chiyo-chan," Osaka bleated, holding on the genius for dear life. "The end of the road for us."

It all seemed lost when they heard a flutter of a cape. Then Sakaki stepped in between the two and the crowd. The people who were ogling at Chiyo and Osaka now turned their eyes to the interloper.

The crowd gasped as the tall girl seemed to loom above them. It seemed a goddess had just descended on earth to meet them, which was exactly how they view Sakaki. Her beauty, together with her elegant and commanding presence, and the added height of the witch hat, made their legs quiver and their mouths drop on awe.

"Oh my goddess!" a boy exclaimed.

"Who is she?" another asked, confused and intimidated.

"So... amazing," a girl muttered in ecstasy. "Why does it have to be so!?"

While they were still mesmerized, Sakaki turned to Chiyo and Osaka. "Chiyo-chan, Osaka," she said, "stay behind me." The two girls promptly ducked behind the tall girl.

With both friends safely behind, Sakaki focused on the group which threatened her Chiyo-chan and Osaka. This group, Sakaki noted, were an ordinary-looking lot, contrary to the oft-invoked image of the otaku as a shabby, unkept recluse who never sees the light of day except at conventions and spouts off pop-culture references. Most of them were boys and girls in the uniform of other schools but there were also some skinny college types as well as a guy who look like a flower shop manager. One thing they have in common was that they want to hug them... in a creepy sort of way.

From behind Chiyo peered fearfully while Osaka looked on, blankly expecting something. A confrontation between Sakaki and the otakus, who would win?

She finally spoke, "Okay, I would like you to leave the girls alone."

Her voice was cool as ice, clear as crystal; her bearing dignified, the otakus were instantly charmed by her. "Hai!" they replied excitedly.

"Good," she added. "Now behave and enjoy our anime bazaar."

Another excited and they obeyed eagerly. With them gone, she called her two friends, "It's okay now."

"Thank you, Miss Sakaki," Chiyo said, shaking with terror. "For a second there, I thought they were gonna take us home."

"That was a close call," Osaka mewed. "If it hadn't been for you, Miss Sakaki, Chiyo would've been mounted over a fireplace display like those deer trophies."

And Chiyo's eyes went blank at that non-sequiter.

"Wow, crises averted," Yomi said, appearing in a green business suit - with pants- and having green hair to match. "Thanks for your help, Sakaki. Those otakus were getting unruly."

"It's nothing," Sakaki replied modestly.

"Don't be modest, you're quite the head-turner."

Sakaki blushed a bit. Then she noted, "Speaking of eye-turner, where's Kagura?"

"Hey there, good-lookin', how's the suit?" Tomo's voice was a smart and suave inflection normally reserved by guys making a pass to girls. In this case, the remark was directed at a trembling Kagura.

"Uh, p-piss off, Tomo," the tomboy snapped sharply, in a futile attempt to keep her face from reddening. Her rather fair face made it impossible to hide it.

"What's wrong, Kagura?" the wildcat taunted. "A little shy with the booty?"

"What booty?" she asked crossly.

"No denying, it Kagura, you're sexy as hell so be sexy."

"Tomo, I'm not about to humiliate myself for your entertainment," the tomboy sharply retorted. "I'll just stand still like that Indian statue that sells cigars."

"Oh really?" Tomo challenged.

Kagura smirked. "Yes. And no one would tell the difference." She crossed her arms in satisfaction, closing her eyes.

"Okay~." She then cupped her hands around her mouth and cried aloud. "Hey, everybody! Rei Ayanami's HERE!" Kagura's face broke into a horrified frown.

A thundering noise ensued as a large crowd stampeded to their general direction, shaking the floors intensely. Dust engulfed and forced a coughing Kagura to clear the air with her hand. When the dust settled, she realized with shock that her worst nightmare has arrived.

They squeed, "Rei!" Then wild cheering broke out, which nearly deafened her.

Seeing Kagura reeling from their adoration, she slinked up beside the tomboy and put on arm around her shoulder seemingly in good ol' fashion bon homme.

"So Kagura, feelin' like an Indian at a cigar store now?" She put her face close to the tomboy's, beaming with a cat smile.

"Damn you, Tomo," Kagura muttered threateningly.

"Take it easy, " she added in a suave tone, "you'll get used to it." Then she jumped back in the crowd, leaving Kagura to face the music alone - but not out of her sight.

Before Kagura could call her conniving 'friend' out, a boy jumped out front, excited like a rabbit on speed.

"Miss Ayanami!" he called out, "it's nice to meet you!"

"Eeep!" Kagura almost jumped back, startled by this guy's abrupt introduction. He was smiling like a kid in a candy store, eagerly eyeing the sweets in jars, which crept her out even more.

"I-I-It's n-nice t-to m-meet you too," she stuttered nervously, unknowingly modulating her tone to that famous character.

"Kawaii!" he squealed. "I'm so happy to see you."

Pissed, Kagura snapped, "How about I break every bone in your..." Tomo's hands shot up, holding the tab for her to see, forcing her to relent, "Uh, I mean, it's not everyday I get to meet people outside my vat of maple syrup and bourbon."

The guy squeed again, oblivious to the nearly-voiced threat to his bones. Soon the crowd followed, and Tomo gave her thumbs-up of approval. Kagura was swimming in a cocktail of emotions behind that forced smile, consisting of anger, embarrassment, and frustration. This is gonna be a long day and she wondered if she's gonna lose her mind.

Tomo was smirking like the hustler she is, she didn't noticed that something loomed behind her, angry and ready to use the broom in her hand for some terrible, unholy purpose. That was until something caught her attention.

"Miss Sakaki," a shrill voice called, "how do you like my look?"

Sakaki turned to the source of the voice and lo and behold, it was Kaorin in a very classic, pearl-white satin dress. The tall girl was quickly held over by a spell cast by the overall wholesomeness of Kaorin's attire. Her knees wobbled and her face lit up in a smile as she ogled at the short girl, who looked like she jumped out of the pages of a shoujo manga. She wanted to hug her, she's so cute.

Kaorin lit up as well as she as she watched the woman of her dreams approach her, only she didn't find it cute. It was romantic! For her, it was a dream come true. The coolest girl of the school is actually approaching her. She was so excited that she wanted to to jump to her feet, to cry in joy for her love was coming to her. She shone gracefully in the light, almost a movie moment. She saw her smile, it was a smile to kill for.

The lady at the shop was right about choosing this dress, a very simple yet elegant one, very European without looking like a queen marching to the guillotine. And she wasn't kidding that it'll fit like a charm. How right it she is, she thought happily aloud, how wonderful it made her day since that creep turned her attention to Kagura.

As for Sakaki, her witch costume is fine, cool even, but she often imagine Sakaki dressed in those period uniforms, something like used by those soldiers who ride horses into battle. Who were they? she thought. Huskies?... Hummars?... Hussars...? That's right, hussars! She would be handsome like them but not in those colorful, extravagant-looking jackets but something with the virtues of her dress, a uniform of black or dark blue. She'll look so cool with that. And with a sword, at her side, she's irresistible!

Then she stopped. Kaorin looked up to see Sakaki, her smile that she had always dreamed of, close to her eyes, so much that she wanted to touch it. It was so breathtaking.

Sakaki was also mesmerized as well as the dress of hers made Kaorin look like an adorable doll that finally came to life in a fairy tale. She wanted to hug her, lift her off her feet and dance with her.

They weren't the only people lost in thought though. Some of the girl costumers of the bazaar saw this to their surprise and excitement so they immediately went to toward them without a second thought as the two girls, one a mature, classic beauty and the other a shorter and cuter girl, aroused their yuri tendencies. It made them scream and jump, even a few fainted with a bloody nose-spray from the sheer amour exuded by the two girls.

This did not make Kagura's lot easier as this left a lot of boys looking at her. It only made her feel more miserable, making her look even paler as the fanboys had shivers all over their bodies.

Minamo Kurosawa's class transformed their room into the health cafe and boutique, featuring everything from fresh fruit smoothies to stalls of herbal tea.

"Thank you and hope you enjoyed our boutique," one of the girls said as a costumer just purchased a can of low-fat, low-sodium soup stock.

"Hi Michiko," Nyamo greeted. "You're doing great there."

"Great?" she exclaimed. "It's wonderful. We didn't think it get off like this but sales are phenomenal! We needed to order again because we're about to exhaust our stock."

"Great going, Michiko," she said, feeling proud about her class showing some initiative.

"Man, and I thought Miss Yukari would beat us with her anime & cosplay bazaar."

Nyamo thought about Yukari. She then remembered about the bizarre affair with Kimura and the costume. She thought of dropping by to see Kagura, curious to see how Yukari's doing.

"Speaking of bazaar, where's Miss Yukari?" she asked.

"Uh, she was here a while ago," Michiko explained. Then she winced. "She sorta bragging about their bazaar." Actually it was an understatement, it went more like...

"Haha!" Yukari jeered at the students of Kurosawa's class. "In you face, losers. What's your pansy-ass health clinic gonna do against my otaku bazaar?" She cackled madly and did an odd-wiggle dance in triumph to further mock her rival's class. "What are you? Hippies? I suppose this is Woodstock and-" she pointed to a costumer- "that guy to the right is Bob Marley, looking for a healthier spliff."

"Me, Bob Marley?" 'Bob Marley' explained nonplussed, in what was obviously an Afro-American accent. "I'm Jimi freakin' Hendrix." Then he left off humming All Along the Watchtower.

That last scene made Yukari blinked her eyes thrice to comprehend it all. "Yeah, whatever, man." She flashed a peace sign. "Suck it, down, bitches." She then left off light on her feet, with a class left in sweat drops of confusion.

Nyamo sighed. "Typical Yukari. Okay, Michiko. You hold the fort while I go check out their classroom."

"Right-o," she replied with a salute.

She arrived at Yukari's class to see so many people. "Wow, I really to hand it to Yukari," she said, knowing that if Yukari puts her heart - or alcohol-soaked gut - in one thing, she can do anything. But then she had Chiyo, who comes from a well-to-do home, and no doubt the resources to procure the large amounts of anime merchandise being sold today.

And selling like hot cakes for that matter. She saw people coming out of the classroom with bags of goodies. The other thing she noticed were many of them were cosplaying.

"Wow, talk about Comiket," she noted aloud. They really added to festive atmosphere of the display in their costumes but then she met someone to top it up a notch.

"Good morning, Miss Kurosawa," a shrill voice greeted, "are you here for the anime bazaar?"

Kurosawa could not answer the question as a wave of sheer cuteness washed her over. Chiyo dressed as a magical card made her seem so angelic.

"Uh, Miss Kurosawa?" the pint-sized girl asked after standing their looking at her with a smile for twenty seconds.

"So...cute...", the teacher managed to say and proceeded to move up her - slowly.

Chiyo immediately recognized that look gait just like from those otakus a while ago so she did the most sensible thing: back away quickly and panic.

"M-miss K-k-kurosawa, s-stop!" she stammered but to no avail; once the infectious cuteness overload takes hold there's no turning back. Thus again, Chiyo was faced with another hug-happy person.

Kurosawa was on autopilot, wanting to hold the cute girl in her arms. She couldn't resist. Chiyo's just so adorable. The cosplay thing made her even more so. So... cute So cute... SO CUTE!

"No touching of the bazaar staff, please," a calm yet menacing voice said. A hand fell on her shoulder, prompting the teacher back to her senses. She froze and turned around to see Sakaki in a witch costume.

"Miss Kurosawa," she gasped, "I didn't know it was you."

"Whoa, Sakaki, what was that all about?" she asked, puzzled at what she said about touching staff.

"Oh, some people wanted to hug, Chiyo-chan and Osaka," she explained. "I had to put a stop to them before they go any further."

"Oh, I see," she apologized. She turned around to say sorry, "Sorry, Chiyo-chan."

Chiyo did not reply, trembling in her place with her brush of possible kidnapping.

Realizing that the genius was in no condition to respond, she turned back to Sakaki. "Nice costume."

"It is," she replied modestly. "It's required if you're running an anime bazaar."

Then she thought of Kagura, her best swimmer. She also thought about that incident yesterday with Kimura and his costume. "By the way, how is Kagura?"

Sakaki's face winced. She pointed to the large, more closely-packed crowd just outside the classroom. "Well..." she began awkwardly. "There's a reason for our rather huge turnout." Together with her and Kaorin, who was by her side.

On cue, she heard a voice calling out in attention like that of an auctioneer. "Hello, everyone, boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, step right up to get with your pictures with the one and only Rei Ayanami." It was followed by so much clapping and high-pitched cheering.

The voice immediately got her attention. "Was that Tomo?" she asked, nonplussed at what's going now.

"Ya, it is," Osaka bleated. "She's turnin' Kagura into a sideshow attraction."

"But how?" she cried out in shock.

"Tomo blackmailed her," Chiyo explained.

"What?!" The teacher could not compute Tomo and blackmail in one sentence; the only logical outcome is sheer evil. Outraged, she cried, "I'll have a talk with Miss Takino." The three girls then knew what an angry Nyamo could and fell in behind to make sure she doesn't do anything rash, marching behind as she began pushing through the crowd to meet Tomo.

"Miss Sakaki, wait," Kaorin called out as she followed the others behind.

"Hi, Miss Ayanami," said a short, blue-haired girl with an ahoge, "how was EVA 3.0?"

"Not bad," she replied. "I'm finally leaving that creep-o Gendou for good." Surprisingly, it went well for her. After the first excruciating minutes, she finally got a hang of it thankfully without blowing a gasket. The secret was to answer these guys anything, anything at all. It was a hit-and-miss affair for sure, but it so far she got lucky. What made this tolerable was that these people were complete strangers with know idea about her real identity. Haha, she thought, Tomo's plan's a total bust.

"And you were watching Shinji and Asuka leave into the red dessert," she added. "Are you jealous?"

Oh, that tricky part since she only so brief scenes from the movie. Then she thought of that horrible little convenience-store boy from her dream, which sent shudders all over and made her think of scrubbing her brain clean with bleach. She replied, "Yes, I'm jealous." Of not having that freak in my dream.

"I'm so right," Konata chimed. She then turned to Kagami. "See, she still likes Shinji, Kagami."

"Ew, that's gross!" Kagami sharply retorted, "Come on, I watched the movie with you when you dragged me in and that was technically his mom."

As they were arguing, if you can call Konata fibbing and Kagami snapping an argument, Kagura felt rather light-headed, perhaps from heat of the crowded hallway. "Can I have a glass of water?"

Sure enough, a lot of hands offered her paper cups full of beverage. "Whoa... thanks," she said.

Tomo was less than satisfied with what's going on. I's starting to get bland as Kagura was going from a deer in the headlights to a true mascot who work the crowd. She didn't want a true mascot. She wanted to see savory suffering, she wanted to see an constantly embarrassed and humiliated Kagura, sweating, smiling that forced smile and speaking in that helium voice was comedy gold for her. Now that's changing, she needs to Kagura to learn her place.

"This is getting lame," she muttered in an annoyed voice. She saw someone using their cellphone to take pictures of Kagura next to her. Then a devious idea hit her, giving her an evil smile.

"Hey, everyone," she cried out loudly to get their attention. "I got an idea." That achieved the desired effect as everyone turned to Tomo and murmured loudly amongst themselves.

"What's she thinking this time?" Kagura asked herself.

"I got a proposition," she began her pitch. "How about we have our pictures taken with Rei?" Kagura gasped, eyes blank in horror.

The crowd cheered loudly. Everyone was saying in the lines of "That's a great idea and we can bring from this day a token of our beloved."

Kagura felt utterly in danger. "Crap, I gotta get outta here." But before she could exit stage right a gaggle of boys surrounded her, put their arms on her shoulders with hands raised in V-for-victory with one companion, raising his camera for picture.

"Say cheese," he said to the assembled, except for a visibly horrified Kagura.

"Hey, wait a minute," Tomo cried, stopping the photo-session.

"What!" the boys cried.

"Rei Ayanami here is the patented mascot of this here fine establishment," she explained in pseudo-legalese, which was surprising for the school's most idiotic girl. "That means you can't have your pictures taken with her unless with sufficient financial compensation."

"Huh?"

The wildcat explained briefly in one phrase, "Pay up."

"What?" Kagura bellowed for the first time throughout this insanity, her 'red' eyes flaring in anger. "HELL NO, TOMO! I'm not gonna let you pimp me to these freaks."

"That's right," the boys around her cried defensively. "We're not gonna allow you to cheapen our queen Rei for monetary gain." Then one of them asked Kagura, "Did you just called us 'freaks'?"

"Come on, guys," Tomo quipped to bring attention back to the matter. "Cough up the dough, she ain't free." In the midst of this, Kagura tried to wiggle herself away.

"By what authority gives the right to do that," a very hardcore NGE fan said accusingly to the wildcat.

"I do!" At that moment, Miss Yukari jumped into the mayhem at Tomo's side. "I'm the class adviser for this fine young entrepreneur, Miss Tomo Takino, and I approved her idea."

"What the hell, Miss Yukari," Kagura shrieked, seeing that her already surreal situation has gotten even worse. "You're being in on this!?"

Ignoring her terrified student, she added, "Anyone who disapproves, say 'aye'."

"Aye!" the crowd voiced strongly their disapproval.

"Is that so," the slacker teacher said sweetly."Okay, no more Rei Ayanami." She called out to Tomo, "Take her back in."

"No, wait," the otaku crowd begged. "We'll pay up. Just tell us how much?" Being faced with the choice of not seeing their favorite character again, they choose having to for their pictures taken over her dignity.

"Why does this happen to me?" she asked herself helplessly as people haggled and jockeyed with Yukari and Tomo for a chance to have a memento with her.

Like a hurricane, Nyamo knocked the unfortunate in the crowd out of her way in anger as she struggled to reach her student . Each knock-off was punctuated with a cry and a thud on the floor as Kurosawa got closer - and angrier - to ground zero. She landed a kick to the balls when someone turned around, causing him to bawl down in pain.

"Noooo...," he cried in slo-mo fashion before hitting the floor dramatically.

Then she finally met Yukari, who was taking pictures of her own of Kagura and without having to pay for it since she's the teacher. "Oh yeah, baby," she said mischievously. "One for the scrapbook."

"Yukari!" That startled her out of her picture spree, she turned around to face a pissed-off Kurosawa.

"Hi, Nyamo," she said amiably. "Welcome to the anime bazaar! Would like a poster of a hot guy?"

"What the hell is this, Yukari?" the PE teacher demanded sharply. She then took a look at the camera in her friend's hand. "Are you taking pictures of Kagura?"

Yukaroi whined, "Sheesh, Nyamo, don't be so stressed up all the time, it's a free country."

"What is Kagura doing in a cosplay she clearly doesn't to put on?" she asked testily.

"What? That was yesterday," she quickly and haughtily pointed out. "I think your favorite swimmer decided to get naughty and wild today."

"Five yen a head for posing with Rei and ten for a picture," Tomo announced price and Yukari's smirk turned to a smile of embarrassment. Nyamo looked and was pissed with all the people surrounding poor, sullen Kagura, who looked like a petrified wet kitten in a microwave oven. Her whole cosplay appearance made it even more apparent, totally contrary to naughty and wild.

"Tomo, what are you doing?" Nyamo asked.

Tomo perked her head up in reply. "What? Oh this? It's part of otaku bazaar. Right is Rei Ayanami giving her dainty ass for pay-per-view."

"Why is that?"

"Miss Kurosawa, I manage to convince her. And it's got Yukari's seal of approval."

Nyamo glared angrily at her friend, the face of pure murder aimed at Yukari, who let out a red-faced smile. "You... were... in... on this?" She then began to move slowly towards her.

"Come on, it wasn't me that had this idea. It was all Tomo's." The slob of an English teacher shook her hands with empathy to disown the whole scheme. You big-mouthed idiot. I'll kill you, she cursed Tomo. She then shot off like a hot rocket as Nyamo gave chase through the hallway, the latter screaming for blood, forcing everyone to jump out of the way. It didn't last two seconds as something got into the way.

BOOG!

"Arrgh!"

"Eyagggh!"

"Noooh!" a male voice cried.

When everyone got back to their feet, they notice a particular individual on the floor. "Kimura!" they all cried.

He did not respond, seeing that he's own face was still open. Then with audible creaking mechanically got up from the floor, holding a box. "Hello, everyone. I have with me companion piece that would be suited for Rei Ayanami here."

"Kimura, don't you have any shame?" Nyamo looked at him with the intent of strangulation.

He was silent, then his brain told him to run. "I better go." He got up ran for safety, only to trip out the second story window, screamed and crashed to the garden of poisonous plants below.

"Okay, enough is enough." Nyamo's hands flew in frustration. "Kagura, let's go."

"Oh yes." Kagura jumped with joy.

"No wait." Tomo jumped with up. "If you take her away, we'll lose our profits."

"She's right," Yukari joined in.

"I don't see how profiting from one of the swim team's best is justified."

While they were arguing, Osaka took a look into the box. Then she opened it to reveal its contents. "Hey, y'all. Check this out."

Everyone turned eyes to the open box. Inside of it was a school uniform of white and blue.

"It's a school uniform," Chiyo observed.

"It's not just any uniform," Keima gasped, "that's the school uniform of Rei Ayanami."

The otaku crowd gasped as if the holy grail had descended, which in the uniform's case, was it. Looking at made everyone very silent, yet this silence was unnatural as all parties involved uttered not a word lest they stir yet a greater commotion than before, leaving a tense atmosphere that could pop in a second.

The uniform in Osaka's hands was seemed to shine at them like the Golden Fleece. "Get it!" one of them shouted.

With a great cry they all charged at her to grab the uniform. Osaka screamed, or rather, bleated, at the wave of onrushing humanity. She tossed the uniform away. It caused them to stop and jump up to catch it, raising a huge, boisterous free-for-all as they struggled to attain the one of the most-sought-after otaku artifacts, kicking up clouds of dust.

Kurosawa took advantage of the chaos and swiped Kagura away, motioned the rest of the gang inside the classroom. She closed, sealing the class and other costumers away from the ruckus outside. Seeing that everyone's all present and accounted for, costumes not withstanding, she sighed and collapse on a chair.

"What a weird day," she muttered.

"Gee, you think?" Kagura snarked.

"What's going, Miss Kurosawa?" A girl asked nearby, wondering what was going on outside.

"You know what's going on? I'm shutting this down."

"W-what?" Yukari looked mortified. "You can't do that!"

"By the way you treated Kagura," she replied coolly with arms crossed, "I think I can."

"Don't you dare, you singles-bar hopper," she threatened.

Nyamo blanched rapidly as her friend treacherously revealed her failed attempts at looking for partners. "W-w-why I-I never frequent a singles bar!" She grappled Yukari and it turned into a wrestling match.

"Whoa. I didn't know Nyamo was that desperate." Tomo smirked. She turned to Yomi with a puppy-dog smile. "Just like you, Yomi."

"What makes you think I'm looking for a boyfriend?" Yomi grumpily asked.

"I don't know. Maybe that Rin Asogi cosplay of yours is like an advertisement for predatory females." Tomo grinned stupidly. She then called out loudly, "Boys, beware! Yomi wants to eat you all-"

She was abruptly stopped by a growling Yomi's hands around her neck, clearly not happy with the unflattering commentary of her so-called best friend.

Seeing her friends turning on each other, Chiyo hurriedly pleaded for them to stop. Kagura sighed in despair at the way their day's turning into. "Dear God... My day sucks so much." She felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned around and looked at Sakaki, very concerned of the athlete.

"You don't have to worry, Kagura," she said thoughtfully. "I'm with you."

Again, Kagura was struck by how the tall girl was trying to cheer her up. "Gee, thanks..."

At the corner of the room, Kaorin felt dejected by what she saw. "Miss Sakaki," she abruptly cried desperation, "why won't you notice me!?" All her effort in in attaining her beloved's heart seemed to vanish in a puff of smoke... gone. She then cried a literal river of tears as she contemplated her loss.

Chihiro, Kaorin's steadfast friend noticed the sadness that reigned on her. "Kaorin, are you alright?"

"I'm not alright!" she shouted. "Don't you see I'm sulking?" she cried some more.

"You know," she suggested, "what could get worse? Kimura's not stalking you lately."

She stopped crying and turned around at that. "How does that help me?"

In the midst of this confusion, Osaka the airhead looked at the scene in front of her: Yukari and Nyamo fighting, Yomi strangling Tomo, and most of their classmates/staff and costumers looking on with increasing horror, not mention the ruckus outside had just died. The airhead seemed to be taking in everything she saw and heard and her mind was whirring as it tried to make sense of it, which was amazing as random things like cup noodles, octopus balls, and Ryan Seacrest all pop into her mind searching for a solution. What's even more amazing is that she's seemingly capable of deep thinking at all.

"Hey y'all," she finally said. "What'cha all fightin' about?"

That brought everything to a complete halt. Nyamo, Yukari, Yomi and Tomo all looked at her with wide eyes, wondering what the hell is she up to. "Is it 'cause we're closin' shop?" she added.

"No, no, no," Tomo said impulsively. "We're not closing shop." She held out a box. "See this, we have one more attraction on our sleeve that can save the day." She opened it flamboyantly. "Behold, an Evangelion school uniform." Everyone's mouths fell wide open.

"What? How'd you get it?" Chiyo said in amazement since she saw the box disappear into the cloud of otakus a while ago.

"Silly, I got caught before those losers outside got their grubby hands on this baby." She smiled like she won the lottery. "I think to soothe the savage beasts outside, I think Kagura should wear it."

"What?" the tomboy snapped and stood up. "No way in hell, not this time."

Unfazed by her defiance, Tomo replied sweetly. "If you don't be a good girl now, I'll make you a star." She held out the tab.

"Good ahead, make my day."

"Oh, I will." She raised it up for all to see. Then something snatched it. "Hey, what gives-!" She spun around to see the offender who took her tab.

"Not this time," she said quietly.

"No fair," she whined but a pair of strong arms grabbed her. It was Kagura.

"Haha," she said cockily. "How'd you like being had this time, Tomo?"

Tomo, being energetic, struggled vigorously, making it hard for the tomboy to pin her down. "Can't hold me down forever, Rei."

"In your dreams, Tomo." But Sakaki tossed the tab to Chiyo and joined in holding the wildcat down.

"Oh my..." Chiyo said as she looked at the "gallery" Tomo prepared out of Kagura's Facebook photos. "Check this out." She motioned for Nyamo and Yukari to look.

"Wow, isn't she cute," Yukari purred, not caring for an upset Nyamo next to her.

As for the PE teacher, though, now she knew that Tomo had gone too far. Now she needed to be taught a lesson. Then she looked at the uniform. "I have an idea." She gathered anyone not clamping down Hurricane Tomo and explained.

"Ah! Let me go!" The wildcat was getting increasingly agitated at being restrained as Nyamo approached.

"Let her go," she commanded.

Kagura and Sakaki let her loose. She got loose and jumped out of their arms. "Ha, serves you too right. Nothing can stop the great wildcat high-school girl."

"You're not going anywhere, Miss Takino," Nyamo sternly scolded.

She turned around to face an very upset PE teacher. She chuckled nervously. "Oh. Hi Miss Kurosawa. How's the culture fest?" Her eyes darted in around for a quick exit, desperate to get away from trouble.

"Not fine until justice is done."

"Whaddya mean?" Tomo was looking at her options: stay and find out or wait for what happens next. Neither are appealing as the former meant she had to get out a window to traverse the ledge into the next classroom.

"You know, the prudent thing for me to is have the principal shut this down and subject everyone involved, "she glared at her, "especially you Tomo, along with Kimura and Yukari-"

"Hey!" Yukari clearly doesn't like to be lumped up with Tomo in this one.

"- to inquiry by the faculty and the student body. However, I have a better idea which would save the culture fest."

"Huh?"

"Grab her," Kurosawa ordered casually. At that point, Yomi sprung up and held Tomo, followed by Kagura and Sakaki. "This." She smiled evilly as she held the box holding the school uniform.

Realizing with horror just how screwed she is, she struggled and pleaded rapidly, "No! Wait! I'm sorry, I didn't mean this to be this way! Let let bygones be bygones. Wait, I'll do anything but that, anything but that..." Her pleas for clemency fell on deaf ears as everyone gave her forced makeover.

The whole class was restored to order as the crowds were once again brought to line, allowing for the efficient services of the otaku bazaar to return once again. The only difference was that there were two Rei Ayanamis now, flanked by Rin Asogi, and the tall girl in witch costume.

"Welcome to our anime bazaar," Kagura announced, this with confidence. "We have loads of stuff for you. And our prices our heck a lot lower than Akihabara's."

"Yes, and any of you fatties want to lose weight," the other "Rei" said with a stupid grin, "go to the health boutique next to us, but if you wanna stuff yourselves with cheap snacks, this the the place to go." She turned to "Rin". "How was I doing, Yomi?"

"Remind me to tackle you on the way home," Yomi replied, a vein in her forehead indicated how she disliked that fat comment.

"Rei!" one of the otakus cried. "I love both of you."

"Oh that's sweet," Tomo said, "now you wanna buy something or not?"

"I want to hug you," he replied giddily.

"What? Screw you," Tomo spat, her eyes popping like that of a frog. Kagura grinned evilly at the wildcat.

"You're so cute~." He proceeded to approach but he was stopped by a girl in witch costume. He looked up and asked, "Hey, what gives?"

"No touching of the staff," she simply said.

"I want to meet my waifu," he said adamantly.

Sakaki was not one to back away so she let loose a dark, ominous aura, which the otaku instantly recognized. "Any problems?"

"N-no-no," he quaked in terror, "e-e-every-thing's j-just fine!"

"Good."

He decided that it's better to not question the tall girl and back off, running away. She smiled. "That's better."

Kaorin approach Sakaki with a cup in her hands. I hope this works. She asked, "Miss Sakaki, you look thirsty. Would you like to try this?"

Sakaki turned to see Kaorin, same adorable Kaorin, in her irresistibly cute dress, this time offering her cup, much like a kitten pushing a ball of yearn towards her. The tall, long-haired girl felt herself heating up as she hesitantly took the cup from her hands.

As for Kaorin, she was nervously waiting for Sakaki to finish her drink. The drink was brand and a flavor which was her favorite and she didn't know if her crush likes it or not. She feared Sakaki might not like if she didn't.

Sakaki took a sip from the cup. It was sweet... like candy. Kawaii!

"How was it, Miss Sakaki?" she asked.

"It's good... What is it?"

"It's raspberry juice, my favorite." Kaorin looked up eagerly to see Sakaki's reaction.

"It's like heaven," she said slowly as she looked at Kaorin in admiration.

"Really?"

"Yes. Just like you." Sakaki took Kaorin by the hand.

She's holding my hand! It was an unbelievably magical moment for Kaorin as her love took her by the hand. Her eyes were so dreamy, she wanted to kiss her. Sakaki, for her part, almost wanted to faint from the sheer cuteness of her friend.

The two girls once again, provoked the yuri tendencies of the female costumers, which caused loud screams of joy.

At the sides, Yukari and Nyamo watched the festivities as they went back to normal, which is a relative term.

"Aw, look at that," Nyamo said happily, "makes you want to yearn for your own high school days."

"Our school days never had anything like tabs or crazy-blackmailing wildcats," Yukari pointed out sourly. "Sheesh, you never even allow me to make a killing."

Nyamo then asked skeptically, "By a 'killing', you mean making a profit out of my swimmer's troubles?"

Yukari then changed topic to avoid setting her colleague afire again, "Chill out, Nyamo. I mean we saved the day, right?"

"Yeah, we did," Nyamo conceded.

"I'll be the one to take credit for it." She gestured to herself proudly.

"Yeah, you go do that." Nyamo decided it's always best to leave her friend with her immaturity. Then something came up. "Uh, Yukari," she asked awkwardly, "you wouldn't happen to sell..." She gulped and bit her lip. "You wouldn't happen to sell Junjou Romantica?"

Yukari's ears perked on this and let out a Cheshire grin. Finally her friend is confessing her another dark secret. "Oh, really? I think we have in stock. Why~?"

More awkward, she blushed, "Really? Um, do you like yaoi?"

"Sure do," Yukari casually replied, hoping to draw a lot more dirty blackmail material from her friend, "I was quite the connoisseur back on my day."

"Is that why you tried to peak on the boys' bathroom back in middle school?"

"Yes, I-" Yukari caught herself. "Wait a minute? I told you not to bring that up!"

"So that confirms it," Nyamo said triumphantly, "you do like hunting men."

Pissed that she's been had, Yukari retorted, "We'll see I how you are when I-"

"ARRGGH!" A scream rang from the hallway. Chihiro ran all the way to the classroom and into Nyamo's arms.

Seeing, the girl alarmed, she asked, "Chihiro, are you right? What happened?"

"There's a giant monster back there," she replied, totally terrified out of her wits.

Everyone turned their eyes to giant, bloated figure rushing down the hallway. I looked like the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man had red allergies all over.

They gasped. "Kimura!"

"Ay, gurls," he greeted with difficulty. This was the result of having fallen into the garden of poisonous plants a while ago. Kimura looked more terrifying than the Michelin Man on steroids. "Ay hab to get to da nurse's offis." Then he fainted with a thud. "Ay, cood yus sum 'elp, gurls."

"Quick!" Chiyo cried worriedly. "We've got to take him to ambulance." She and the others scrambled to the giant Literature teacher.

"Well, there's one person who had it worse today," Yukari muttered as they rushed to his aid.

A/N: THE END. Now I can finally take a break focus on Higurashi Black Ops, or Dear You Dedushka as it I called it.

"It's nice to you see me that took care of my welfare," Kimura said in his hospital bed, now back to normal thanks the swift treatment of the doctors. In the room was the entire gang in their costumes, their teachers, and his family.

"Eh, we couldn't just leave you in the condition that you're already in," Yomi replied.

"You falling on an a poisonous garden of plants was one thing," Tomo added, "seeing you plopped on the hallway was another.

"Thanks for saving my daddy," his daughter said to Sakaki, who strangely was like a younger version of her.

"It's nothing, really," she replied modestly.

"I like to thank you so much for saving my husband," Mrs. Kimura said gratefully.

"It's good to know you're husband has such a, well, wholesome spouse." Nyamo shook her hand.

"Oh that's alright. We get that all the time."

Everyone smiled rather awkwardly at that.

"Maybe I should bake you some treats."

"Ah, that's too much," Chiyo said happily. "We don't want to impose on your gratitude, Mrs. Kimura."

"Snacks? Oh boy!" Tomo jumped excitedly. "Count me in."

"Would like to be my nurses on the weekend, girls," the Lit teacher spoke with sudden excitement.

Everyone went silent at his blunt statement. Then the gang quickly ran out of the room for their lives, leaving the family and two teachers behind.

"Oh shoot, honey," Mrs. Kimura scolded him lightly. "Where are your manners?"