Hey guys! I'm taking a break from West Italy to post this, my first-ever FMA fic!

As always, thanks to my lovely beta, MoonClaimed. If you don't know her, go check her stuff out. She's hysterical.

FFnet recently added in a cover option. This cover is done by the talented Firestixian. You can check out her work at firestixian . deviantart . com (just remove the spaces!).

I own nothing.

Roy glanced around. "We need a distraction," he whispered.

"A distraction? For what?" Ed asked.

"Hawkeye has a blade on her. If she can cut her ropes, she can break us out."

"He has a point, brother. I can't do anything with these on." Al lifted his hands to indicate the cuffs prohibiting him from clapping and escaping.

"And Mustang's useless without his gloves…" Ed bit his lip. "Man, those girls really caught us off guard."

"Let this be a lesson, Fullmetal: never underestimate the power of fangirls."

"Sir, if I may make a suggestion," Riza volunteered, "as far as distractions go, it's probably best to play to their 'fangasms'."

Ed seemed about to agree before stopping to shoot a glare at Roy. "I am not making out with him."

Riza mentally snapped her fingers. Damn, I was really hoping for some pictures…

"What? You don't find me attractive?" the colonel said with a becoming pout.

"…I'm straight. And I have Winry." Ed narrowed his eyes at the two older military personnel. "What about you two? They love Royai."

"It's unprofessional to act like a couple while on duty," Riza stated.

Roy continued to pout for another moment before a genius idea came to him. "…Elricest?"

The brothers stared at Roy in horror. Alphonse seemed more than a little traumatized.

"That..." Ed's voice trailed off.

"We're just not going to go there," Riza said, voice shaking.

"Ok, so then playing to their desires is out," Ed sighed, giving Riza a thankful look.

"Not necessarily. They like adorable things. If only we could get some sort of emotional distraction going," Roy muttered.

Ed's eyes opened in realization. "Al! Think of cats!"

Al's eyes shined. "You mean it?"

"Yeah, talk about them, sing about them, I don't care. Just go."

"Fullmetal, I hardly see how this-"

"I love cats," Alphonse declared loudly.

The guard, who had thus far been willfully tuning out the prisoners' discussion, glanced over at him. "…What did you say?"

"I love cats. I love every kind of cat. And I want to hug every cat, but I...," Alphonse sniffled, "I can't. And it just makes me so sad to think about all of the cats that don't have a home and how I should have them."

The guard stared at Alphonse. "It's ok, I mean, it's not your fault…"

"I know, but," tears started to pour from Al's eyes. "I just love them and I want them all. I want them in baskets, and I want them in bow ties, and on my bed, and on a rainbow…"

The guard wiped her eyes. "They really are cute."

Al nodded. "I think about how cute they are, and how their ears and the whiskers and the nose…I just love them. And I want them. I want to hug every cat. But I can't hug every cat!" Al bawled. "I'm sorry I'm getting emotional. I just love them so much!"

"That…that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard," the girl mumbled.

"I just want to hug them all…" Al mumbled.

The guard stared for a moment before wiping her eyes and standing tall with resolve. "I'll go get you one. At least it's one that you can hug." With that, the guard turned on her heel and left.

"That…wow." Roy said simply.

"I had no idea you could act, Alphonse," Riza said, surprised.

"Act? Who said anything about acting?" Al asked, still sniffling.

"There, there." Ed patted Alphonse's shoulder awkwardly with his cuffed hands.

"Wait…you mean he wasn't…What the fuck, Al? Son, you need help." Roy said, slightly disturbed.

"In any event, we should probably get out of here." And I should probably start working at these bonds…Curse Al and his adorableness for distracting me!

Al turned to face Riza in horror. "But why would we leave? She's bringing me a cat!"

"Al, we can visit a pet store on the way home and you can hug all of the cats there," Ed said, belatedly sensing a flaw in his plan.

"But brother! This cat's been promised a hug! I can't abandon it now!"

"The cat doesn't understand us. It's just a dumb animal. It doesn't know it's going to get hugged," the elder snapped, temper rising as he felt the seconds ticking away.

Al gasped. "Brother! How can you say something like that? Cat's have emotions too!"

"Alphonse," Riza started slowly, "I know how important this is to you, but right now we need to leave. You can't hug every cat; you said so yourself."

Al sniffed. "But I can hug this one!" he cried indignantly.

"Al, I swear to god if you don't get up now-"

"Alphonse! I found this little kitty! He's adorable, isn't he?" The guard ran back in with a small, fluffy, black and white spotted kitten in her arms. "Oh, but you can't hold him with those on, now can you?" The guard reached into her pocket and quickly unlocked his shackles. "That's better. Now here, take him, and hug him! Hug him Alphonse! Hug him with your life!"

Alphonse gently took the kitten from the guard and held it close. "It's even purring!" he cried, tears starting to form in his eyes again.

"Al," Ed whispered. "Your hands are free. Use alchemy and get us out of here!"

Alphonse glared at his brother. "I'm hugging a kitten right now."

"Al, if we miss this chance to escape because of you, I swear I'm going to-"

Alphonse's face took on a sinister look. "I said," he began maliciously, "I'm holding a cat right now."

Edward sighed.

"Well?" Roy asked. "What's he waiting for?"

"He won't do it."

"What do you mean 'he won't do it'?"

"He's with a cat…there's no reasoning with him while he's like this."

"…You can't be serious."

"I am." Ed hung his head in shame. "I can't help but wonder where I went wrong."

"You did the best you could," Roy said soothingly.

"Ok, Alphonse, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to put your cuffs back on. But I can leave the cat in here if you'd like," the guard offered.

Alphonse nodded enthusiastically. "I understand, you're job is to ensure we don't escape. It was so nice of you to allow me to hug the kitten, though. You're my favorite!"

"Oh my gosh, you're so sweet and understanding! Thanks so much!" Al placed the kitten in his lap and held out his arms while the guard reshackled him.

Ed glared at his brother. "I hate you."

The door to the room opened and a second guard came in with a tray of food and an eager look on her face. "Did I just hear that all it takes to be Alphonse's favorite is to bring him a cat? I'll be right back." She handed the original guard the tray and dashed out of the room.

15 minutes later…

Alphonse stared in awe around the room.

"Brother, look! There must be at least a hundred of them. And I get to hug them all! I think I'm in heaven…"

"…I really hate you."

I didn't want to spoil it before, but this story was influenced by a certain video: youtube watch?v=mTTwcCVajAc.