"Sam, please. You need to eat something," he tried again, pushing the plate towards me. I glared at the burger as if it was what had taken away my life. His fist came down against the table. "What the fuck do you want me to do, Sam?" I looked up at him with anger. How dare he not see how much wrong he had done.

"I want you to have never found me!" His eyes softened at my words. He scooted his chair back away from the table to stand. Silently, he paced the floor and reached into his pocket for a carton of cigarettes and a lighter. He placed it between his lips and took a long drag as he lit the tip. "Those'll kill you, you know," I said quietly as the smell of tobacco began to cover the room. He laughed humorlessly.

"Thanks, but I don't think I need health advice from a junkie."I stared at him in shock as he continued to pace.

"Zmenili ste," I stated, forgetting that I was speaking in Slovak. He halted and turned to me. Confusion was written on his face as he took the cigarette into his hand.

"Excuse me?" I shook my head. Just being around someone who couldn't speak Slovak was killing me; I was so far from home.

"Forget it." I stood abruptly and made my way to the door. He quickly ran to me and grabbed my wrist.

"What are you doing?" he asked. I stared at him, wishing he could see exactly what he had done to me.

"I'm going home. I'm going to beg for forgiveness and he'll know that I do love him and we'll forget this ever happened," I said confidently. I knew Kristof. He could get angry but he was truthfully just a sensitive man. He loved me, in a painful amount. He would accept me and we would be fine.

"You can't leave me, Sam." I tugged my hand away from him and continued to the door. "Not again." I could practically hear the tears through his watery whisper.

"It's been six years, Freddie. I've moved on. I don't love you anymore." I should have learned through the recent ordeal with Kristof that lying about this subject never ended well. I wasn't at all surprised by the smile that crept upon his face. His eyes softened and resembled those of the fourteen year old boy I had fallen for so long ago. He brought his hand to my cheek and caressed the dark circles beneath my eyes. Ever so slowly, he inched closer to me until our lips touched. It would have been such a perfect kiss if guilt wasn't eating mercilessly at me.

I pulled away despite the comfortable butterflies in my stomach. His face showed his hurt but all I could do was shake my head. "I'm his, Freddie. I belong to him. A ja budem vždy milovať ho." I hadn't even noticed that I had spoken in Slovak until Freddie looked at me strangely.

"Since when do you speak Russian?" I couldn't help but laugh at his serious expression. If anyone mistook our language in front of Kristof, his anger immediately reared up. He was very proud of his heritage and did not want to be called anything but Slovakian.

"It's Slovak." I frowned. "You're the only other man I've spoken to in English in six years."He smiled, as if it were some great honor: he didn't understand. "It kills me." I watched his face scrunch up in confusion again. He would never understand. "How did you find me, Freddie?" I asked. It had been killing me since Freddie had arrived at the door, although I was sure I already knew the answer.

"Melanie." When I first became a part of Kristof's life, he told me not to end my first. He told me how although he had found his way in America, he would always remember his way in Slovakia. Kristof valued family and the bonds that made it so ideally strong. He told me to tell someone I trusted with my location, to meet with them frequently, to continue being my family. I wanted to tell Freddie or Carly or even Spencer, but I knew they wouldn't let me live this life, so I told Melanie. She was my twin, my second half, and we would always accept one another. I had helped her get a job at the college Kristof attended recently. She was very grateful, and I had thought that when I had called her to visit just a week ago, she had declined because of work. I then knew she was hiding from me after betraying my secret to Freddie.

"Why? Why did you finally decide after six years to come find me?" I stared straight into the brown eyes, seeing into him.

I had waited for years for Freddie to bring me back to Seattle and back to my old life. It had taken three years to finally realize he wasn't coming. Even then, I would have kept hoping if it weren't for Kristof. It was a monumentous day for me in that house, a day that changed so much. I still had dreams about the yelling that boomed across the house. Nie som slepý! Vidím, ako sa pozeráte na ňu. About the forgiving smile and quiet whisper against my forehead. To nie je vaša chyba. Budem vždy milovať. Pochybujem, že nikdy. About the passionate kiss against my lips. Nikdy neopustí ma. It was the day Sandra left and the day I fell in love with Kristof. It was the day I found myself and the day I gave up on Freddie.

"I thought I could move on, Sam. I really did." He paused to take a drag from the shrinking cigarette. "But you never knew how much I loved you until I lost you." Things were beginning to look more and more like a cheesy romance novel. And if my memory served right, I was supposed to instantly forget about my former lover as Freddie said those words. At that moment, I wanted to. But as much as I wanted to, how could I? Kristof had given me a home and a family. Freddie had only given me heartache. "How could you leave me?" He held my face in his hands, overwhelming me with emotion. I tried to convey it through my eyes.

"You were going to leave me," I whispered. Tears were pouring down my face, because the only thing more depressing than my present was my past.

I shook his hands off and shuffled into the bathroom beside me. I locked the door, sliding down the hard wood before he finished processing my words. My eye shut on their own accord as I took in the scent of the mini soaps and fresh hand towels. Freddie had obviously excelled in whatever work he did if he was able to stay at such expensive hotels. He had probably went to the college of his dreams and graduated at the top of his class. After getting his master's, he would have been pelted with job offers. And of course he must have had numerous girlfriends with good manners and degrees. There wasn't any room in his life for me. I was only fooling myself when I ever thought there was.

The callused hand struck against my face with a sickening slap. It tangled its way into my hair, bringing my face inches from its owner. His beer-stenched breath covered me unpleasantly. I shook my head and tried breaking free of his grasp. He only held on harder. "You can't run away from me."I stared into those malicious blue eyes, praying to any god that existed to just end it already. Blood poured out of the gash on my cheek and the cuts on my naked body. He reached out to grab the knife again.

"Please!"I yelled, tears smearing the blood over my face. He just laughed maniacally and brought the blade against my chest. I could feel the letters being etched into my skin. W. O. R. T. H. L. E. S. S. I screamed in agony, drowning out the choked sobbing coming from the corner of the dimly lit room. He moved the knife to my hip. M. I. S. T. A. K. E. Thy cries grew louder.

"Shut the fuck up!" he said over his shoulder, "Or you'll be next." I shook my head. I wouldn't let him hurt her. I couldn't. He brought his mouth to my ear, his proximity disgusting me further. "She's lucky. I won't do all of this to her," he punctuated the sentence by stabbing the knife into my shoulder. The scream caught in my throat as he continued. "I'll just fuck her while you watch." The pain left immediately; it was replaced by primal anger and hatred. With all the strength my sixteen year old body could muster, I wrenched the blade out of my shoulder and his hand. My father froze with shock and could only watch as I plunged the knife into his neck. I shoved his seizing body off of me and rushed to my sister in the corner. She waited for the life to leave his eyes before looking up at me.

"Sam, we have to get help," I said, taking her hand and dragging her away from hell.

It should have been me. It should have been my skin marred with careful writing. It should have been my hands that took his life. It should have been my bravery that saved us. In all honesty I wouldn't have been able to save us. She had always been cunning and unafraid and perfect. I was an idiot and a coward. I would have let him kill her if only to spare my own life and she would have willingly sacrificed herself. I had much more of my mother in me than she did: I was as spineless as the woman who left her daughters to be raped and murdered by a psychopath. I tried desperately to shake away the dream, the memories.

I needed it.

I had never gone longer than a day without cocaine, I didn't know how terrible it would be. My brain screamed in agitation at me. I wanted silence. My hands scrambled across the tile floor as I tried to stand. I caught my reflection in the mirror, trying to look through the haze in my vision. The darkest bags were set under my wide eyes, and my skin had taken a sickly white. My collar bones seemed to protrude more than usual and I shook with hunger. I turned the door handle, using it to support myself. I almost fell as I stepped into the main room. My eyes searched for Freddie, but everything continued to blur. I scratched at the bathroom door as my knees went week and I fell heavily. I needed to keep my eyes open; I couldn't relive my past again. "Freddie!" I yelled, clawing at the carpet before my eyelids began to close. A fire burned inside of me and it wasn't going to fade.

"Zabi ma."

AN: Hiya! I finally finished this instead of doing my summer assignment. :P So a little background which will be touched in later, I actually really liked that part. Oh god, I'm creepy. So PLEEEEASE review. It really motivates me, and it just takes a second!

Loooooove,

Melanie

"Zmenili ste." - "You've changed."

"A ja budem vždy milovať ho." - "And I'll always love him."

"Nie som slepý! Vidím, ako sa pozeráte na ňu." - "I'm not blind! I see the way you look at her."

"To nie je vaša chyba. Budem vždy milovať. Pochybujem, že nikdy." - "This is not your fault. I will always love you. Never doubt that."

"Nikdy neopustí ma." - "Never leave me."

"Zabi ma." - "Kill me."