HELLO EVERYONE! HERE WE ARE! THE FINAL CHAPTER OF BRING YOUR PET TO WORK DAY!
Wow I can't believe this is the final chapter! This is the first chapter story I've actually finished! Granted it's basically crack but nonetheless, it's still a multi-chaptered story! *sniffle* they grow up so fast! DX! Anyways a big thank you to everyone who has stuck with me since I started! This is dedicated to all of you! I'll make sure to make this chapter super fun as a grand finale! WE'LL GO OUT WITH A BANG! Without further ado, the thing you've all been waiting for...
THE DISCLAIMER! (that is why you guys read this right?)
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, all problems would be solved the way they're supposed to be solved in the ninja world, with a trusty kunai through the chest. Because sometimes, trying to talk your way through international disaster and war while telling someone they're basically retarded for thinking the way they do... Well, it tends to piss people off.
HEY READ THIS! ES MUY IMPORTANTE!
Before reading the chapter, go on youtube and search: MMD (OP)PAI RANGERS and click on the video posted by biribiribitch. The video is a vocaloid song. Be sure to watch it or a certain part of this story will be totally lost on you and it won't make any sense. So yeah, watch it then read or else you'll be missing out on something that will be totally funny.
Weddings are supposed to be a time of joy, happiness and union. Blushing brides marry the one they want to spend the rest of their life with, surrounded by the people who love and support them. Handsome grooms think about the sex that will happen later on that night. The best man thinks of how hot the maid of honor is. The maid of honor ignores the best man but secretly thinks he's hot. The mother-in-law thinks of ways to torment the new bride. The father tries really, really hard not to think about the fact that his daughter won't be 'pure' after that night. In all, it's an everlasting tradition that brings together love and family.
A wedding has beautiful decorations and they give off a feel of elegance. Everything goes over perfect on a wedding day. It's as if the Kami's themself surround a wedding with a barrier that prevents bad things from happening, warding off any bad luck or karma.
But apparently, Sakura had done something in a past life to really piss off the Kamis.
Either that or the devil himself decided to split his soul in half and purposely reincarnate himself into Naruto and Sasuke for shits and giggles.
Really, considering the hectic week Sakura had gone through just a few months ago, that would be forever engraved in her mind, she should have known better than to have a big wedding and invite everyone. Especially those two. Hell, she did know better.
To top it all off, in a spur of the moment decision where she was probably deliriously high, she gave those two pyschos she called best friends, an irreplaceable part in her wedding. Damn her soft spot for them.
She should have just grabbed Itachi and hightailed it to that American tourist spot, Las Vegas, while she had the chance.
But nooooo, she just had to hang a hypothetical giant neon sign on her neck that said "BITE MY ASS KAMI!"
Four thirty. Four-fucking-thirty in the goddamn morning was when Sakura was dragged from her warm, and comfortable bed by Ino and Hinata, her alleged best friends.
Bitches.
"Come on forehead! You're getting married today!"
"Fuck off and let me sleep pig."
"Like hell I will. I need to make that thing you call a face actually look presentable for this special day."
"Bitch."
"And damn proud of it."
"I-ino-chan! Sakura-c-chan! Your language!" Hinata stuttered while blushing in mortification. Ino tried to look somewhat close to being sorry while Sakura just grunted.
"Sorry Hina-chan. But really it's not like you haven't heard it before." Ino's eyes took on a mischievous glint. "No, actually I think you've used them before, especially when you're in the bedroom with K-" The rest of Ino's sentence was cut off as Hinata tried to strangle her. In the meantime, Sakura went back to sleep. Because it was four-fucking-thirty a.m. for Kami's sake. Ino noticed the lack of reaction from her pink haired friend and promptly slapped her upside the head. Sakura growled ferociously but remained snuggled under the blankets, killing the desired feral effect. Her pale hand ventured out from under the large red comforter, tapping the other side of the bed curiously, as if she were searching for something.
"Where's 'Tachi?" She mumbled, her voice muffled by the pillow she was currently smothering herself with. Ino giggled at the childish nickname before she clapped a hand over her mouth in horror.
"FOREHEAD! YOU SLEEP IN THE SAME BED?!"
"Ah." She replied, the monosyllabic word grating on Ino's nerves. It seems Itachi had been teaching his soon-to-be wife some bad habits. Hinata gasped at the revelation.
"Have you- OMIGOSH YOU AREN'T A VIRGIN!" Hinata fainted while Ino continued to scream.
"OMIGOD! YOUR WEDDING DRESS IS ALL WRONG NOW! WE'LL HAVE TO CHANGE THE COLOR! WE CAN'T HAVE YOU WEARING WHITE! BUT THEN EVERYONE WOULD KNOW! UGH DAMN YOU TAINTED WOMAN!"
"Ino, this is Itachi we're talking about." Sakura stated as if that was a Shakespearean worthy declaration on why she wasn't a virgin. Ino thought for a moment and decided that did in fact explain it, not that she was about to let Sakura know that though.
"But you're supposed to wait until you're married to do that Forehead!" she whined. Honestly, did Sakura have no shame?
Well, it was Itachi.
Damn that Adonis-like man.
Sakura waved her hand flippantly in dismissal.
"Who the hell is still a virgin nowadays anyways pig? Sex is sex."
It was at that moment Ino saw an unhealthy amount of Sakura's mother in her best friend.
She shuddered in horror as she remembered the silver-haired woman forcibly dressing up a nineteen year old Sakura as a hooker for Halloween two years ago.
"CHA SAKURA-CHAN! ITACHI WONT BE ABLE TO RESIST YOU LIKE THAT! GO GET MOMMY SOME PRETTY GRANDCHILDREN NOW OR I'LL DISOWN YOU! And tell Itachi-kun hello for me!"
As sweet as she was, Haruno Saya tended to stray from the side of good morals.
Trying to forget the memory, Ino yelled at Sakura.
"Sakura how can you say that so casually! How long have you two been doing these sort of inappropriate activities?!"
Sakura paused to think.
"How long have Itachi and I been seeing each other?"
Ino facepalmed.
"Two years."
"Oh." Sakura mumbled thoughtfully. "Well subtract a week or two from those two years, that's your answer. In fact, it was probably around that Halloween when my mother dressed me up." Ino shrieked while Hinata, who had woken up a second ago, blushed bright red.
"You stayed together even though your relationship was that unstable!? You were nineteen for Kami's sake!"
"Actually Ino, at first I think we stayed together because of the sex. And I was legal then."
"You give me headaches forehead! HEADACHES!"
"Mah." Ino growled, threw the bed covers to the floor and yanked her friend out of bed like a rag doll. Sakura tumbled to the ground in all of her pink haired glory, looking much like a cat forced to take a bath in cold water. Since she was only clad in a revealing nightgown, Sakura shivered and went clawing for the bed.
"Now now forehead none of that, we need to get you ready!" Ino tsked as she grabbed Sakura's waist. Sakura made a sound that sounded like a whine.
"Can't I sleep Hina-chan?" She asked her dark-haired friend, knowing she was an easier target.
"Sorry Sakura-chan, suck it up." Sakura looked at Hinata as if she'd grown two heads. Apparently Hinata had found out now was the perfect time to grow a backbone and beat the shit out of her with it. The pink haired woman sighed.
"Coffee?" She moaned pitifully. Ino and Hinata exchanged a glance before Ino turned to her friend with an evil grin.
"Nope!" Sakura sighed.
"What a fucked up world this is." With that statement, Ino and Hinata proceeded to drag the bride-to-be down the stairs, while she was still wearing her lacy nightgown mind you, and into the waiting car outside.
Sakura really didn't understand why it was such a big deal, but apparently it was an unspoken rule that getting a bride ready for her wedding took at least seven hours. She didn't get the reasoning behind it, because really, it couldn't be anymore difficult than putting on pants. However when she was thrown into the car, she understood.
"So they already got to you huh?" Naruto's head rolled over in her general direction while sleep clouded eyes tried to pin-point her location. Sasuke scowled at her 'outfit' and threw his jacket over her. When she questioned his motives, he murmured something about liking his testicles and Itachi being a scary-ass bastard.
Whatever that was supposed to mean.
"Sakura-chan? Why're we here?" Sakura sighed at the question, he must have asked this at least twenty times in the past five minutes.
"Because as my maids of honor, you guys have to help me get ready while in turn getting ready yourselves." Naruto scratched his head in confusion.
"Get ready for what?" He mumbled sleepily.
"My wedding Naruto." She deadpanned.
"YOU'RE GETTING MARRIED? SINCE WHEN? I SHOULD HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS SOONER!"
"Dobe we've been planning this with her for the past eight months!"
"Will there be ramen?"
"NO!"
So this is why it would take seven hours. They would probably have to spend at least an hour re-explaining to Naruto that yes, she was getting married; an hour to make sure her maids of honor didn't get into a fight and kill each other; Kami knows how long for Sakura to get in her dress; and most likely another hour to explain to Naruto and Sasuke that, no it was not in fact okay to eat ramen at the altar and act emo when the preist was trying to talk.
Hell at this rate, they would need all day.
Since they were guys, Naruto and Sasuke had to change in the room with Itachi and his group of friends who had been fondly dubbed, 'the Akatsuki'.
"Sasuke-teme, how am I supposed to tie this tie?" The occupants of the room looked at Naruto strangely.
"You don't know how to tie a tie?" Kisame asked.
"TOBI CAN TIE HIS SHOES!" Guess who.
"Wow, are you fucking retarded or something?" Hidan sneered. Naruto snarled.
"Shut up!" Sasuke sighed and went to tie the dobe's tie before a fight broke out.
"Honestly dobe, how do you not know how to tie a tie?" With a few quick movements, Sasuke had tied the troublesome tie and was currently adjusting it to fit Naruto. He straightened it one last time and stepped back. It was quiet for a few minutes.
"That looked really gay un." Deidara commented.
"Yeah it fucking did. Like some girly house wife straightening the man's fucking tie before work or some shit like that."
"Well they are the maids of honor. I knew there was a reason Sakura-chan picked them." Kisame pointed out helpfully. Naruto saw red and Sasuke twitched violently. The two looked at each other and promptly stepped a few feet away from each other.
"I'M NOT GAY!" They screamed in sync.
"Wow, they even have that creepy talking in sync thing down that couples do un." Deidara taunted.
"Like you're one to talk Deidara, you do the same thing with Sasori all the time."
"Don't drag me into this Kisame."
"I'm not the gay one here un!"
"Well you do take better care of your hair than most girls idiot."
"Shut up you chicken-assed bastard un."
"HEY! Only I can call Sasuke-teme a bastard! Find your own damn insult!"
"Ha! You even have a pet name for the little Uchiha! This totally proves you're gay for him!"
"Shut up you damn shark-face!"
"You're all fucking retarded! This is why Jashin-sama would never accept you!"
"Stop bringing your damn psycho god into conversations completely irelevant to the subject Hidan! Jashin has nothing to do with this un!"
"Don't talk bad about Jashin-sama you fucktard pansy!"
"Deidara-sempai, what does 'gay' mean?"
"Not now Tobi, un."
"BUT TOBI WANTS TO KNOW!"
"Stop fucking coddling the kid you pansy. You're like his damn mother."
"GAAAAAYYYYYY!" Kisame sang. Deidara turned purple.
"I'm not the gay one here! It's those two!"
"WE'RE NOT GAY!"
As the insults increased, so did the volume at which they were spoken. The room was so loud, it was impossible to hear oneself think. The last thing that stood out was an insult Deidara threw at Naruto, then it all went downhill.
Naruto's fist swung to hit Deidara. The blonde Akatsuki grinned maniacally and stepped to the side. Leaving Naruto's fist to crash into Hidan. Everyone was quiet as they watched blood drip out of Hidan's now broken nose. After a few looks were exchanged, the five males involved in the dramatic argument came to a unanimous decision.
"CHARGE (un)!" Was the loud command that echoed around the room. Naruto, Sasuke, Deidara, Kisame, and Hidan all leapt forward and began to pummel the shit out of each other while Tobi stood off to the side, squealing when a body was thrown ti close. Itachi and Sasori stood off to the side, occasionally sidestepping the random punch.
"You better take care of my baby cousin Uchiha."
"Hn."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Sasori, this day is my wedding day is it not?"
"Yes."
"And weddings typically go over well without any major disturbances correct?"
"Yes."
"Then why do I have the feeling that something catastrophic is going to happen later on today?" Sasori's amber eyes scanned the fight before them lazily.
"I can't possibly imagine why you would have that feeling Itachi." He drawled.
"Sakura is eventually going to blow a fuse today, isn't she?"
"Most likely." Itachi sighed.
"It will most likely happen because of those idiots she calls friends, won't it?"
"Probably."
"HEY YOU BASTARD! YOU MESSED UP MY DAMN TIE!"
"HA THAT PROVES IT! I KNEW YOU WERE GAY UN!"
"I'M NOT GAY DAMMIT!"
"TOBI WANTS TO KNOW WHAT GAY IS!"
"Sakura-chan?" Our favorite blonde idiot, with a newly straightened tie, asked as he poked his head into the dressing room. The room was empty. Naruto proceeded to enter the room fully and looked around.
"She's probably showering dobe, she still has a few hours left." Sasuke stated as he strolled in like a boss. Naruto hummed in understanding and crept closer to the stand where the wedding dress was on display. The beautiful floor length gown was as white as white got. It was open in the back, dipped down low in the front, and had a slight similarity to the style of a kimono.
Yep that sounded like Sakura, as low as she could get without flashing everyone in a church. From the waist down, the dress poofed out slightly but not much. It also didn't have multiple layers of fabric like most wedding dresses did, just a few for the poof look.
As Naruto basked in the glory of the wedding dress, something caught his eye. It was a loose thread near the waist of the dress that seemed to stand out like a fully clothed woman on Mardi Gras. Being the ever helpful maid of honor that he was, Naruto decided to fix the beautiful dress for his beloved Sakura-chan. So Naruto carefully approached the dress and took hold of the bothersome little string.
Then he yanked as hard as he could on the thread and proceeded to tear out several seams, creating an even bigger piece of string. There was a horribly terrifying ripping noise as he did this.
There was an awkward moment of silence as Sasuke and Naruto stared disbelieving at the dress. Before Naruto killed the damn thing and purchased two one-way tickets to hell, Sasuke rushed forward and slapped Naruto away.
"Dammit dobe! Do you have a deathwish or something? That's not how you get rid of a piece of string!" Sasuke snapped as he swiftly snatched a pair of sewing scissors from the nearby vanity and positioned them to cut the string.
"This is how you get rid of loose strings." He said all high and mighty like as he snipped the thread.
The two stood for a second, proud they had fixed the most important part of the wedding.
Part of the dress then fell apart, creating a very revealing slit that went from the waist to the hem of the gown.
Fuck. Sakura was going to kill them. Attention all passengers slotted for the train ride to hell, your departure is upon you.
"Teme..."
"Don't say a word dobe."
"Will it go away if I don't say anything?"
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"Fuck."
Steam filled the bathroom as an occupant happily belted out a popular show tune. The song was a light and hearty tune, very fitting for the days occasion. However the person singing was extremely flat yet determined to sing the high notes in the song.
Sakura twitched as she scrubbed her hair viciously. As the singer tried to reach a note an octave higher that what was previously sung, Sakura lost it.
"GODDAMMIT INO SHUT THE FUCK UP!" The singing stopped for a few blessed seconds before it started again. Sakura nearly cried.
"You're just jealous forehead!" Ino sang in a horrible pitch. Sakura clenched her teeth and clutched her ears.
"Just don't say anything and let her keep singing, you'd be a horrible friend if you told her how bad she really is." Sakura chanted silently.
"But then I'd have to keep listening to it forever!" Her mind wailed. The pinkette shuddered in horror.
"Well, its best she hear it from me. She could make an ass out of herself." She reasoned. Sakura stopped and thought about her previous thought. Grinning evilly she shrugged.
A healthy dose of mortification only killed thirty percent of people.
On that happy thought Sakura continued to wash her hair, completely tuning out the tone-deaf psycho blonde. Once finished Sakura checked her appearance in the mirror inside the shower stall.
She nearly passed out upon seeing her reflection.
Gripping the wall in a vice-grip, Sakura exhaled shakily. Then inhaled slowly.
In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In- Oh Kami it was still there.
"Ino," she called out in a disturbingly emotionless tone. "Where did you get this shampoo?" Ino shrugged carelessly, although it went unseen.
"I had to have Naruto and Sasuke pick it up. Knowing them they probably picked up the first thing that said hair on it."
"Oh you have no fucking idea." Ino cringed at the words and high, panicky, pitch.
"Damn, did they get the really cheap kind that makes your hair greasy? Sorry hun, don't worry we can fix that with a bit of product-" Ino cut herself off as she stared at her best friend in horror.
Mainly she stared at her friends hair that was half green. She continued to gape as Sakura pointed out the obvious with the same creepy calm voice.
"Ino, they bought green hair dye."
"OMIGOD GET BACK IN THE SHOWER!" Was the horrified scream that erupted from the blonde's mouth. Without any warning, she picked up her pink haired friend and quite literally threw her back into said shower.
"DAMMIT PIG THAT HURT!" Was Sakura's enraged screech. Ino however, paid her no mind.
"Shut it Forehead! Your natural hair color is bad enough, there's no way in hell I'm sending you out with green hair on your special day!" Sakura's face softened.
"Ino-"
"My reputation would be absolute shit Sakura! Absolute SHIT! I refuse to be known as the woman who let her friend get married with green hair! Nasty rumors start from shit like that!" The blonde frantically carried on. Sakura growled.
"And to think that for a second I thought you were doing something out of the kindness of your heart."
"And here I thought you knew me better than that. NOW WHERE IS THE ACTUAL FUCKING SHAMPOO?!"
"Sasuke-teme?"
"What?"
"... You didn't have to snap at me."
"Dammit dobe, do you not realize the position we're in?!" The blonde began to panic at the thought of the ripped wedding dress.
"Sasuke-teme, what do we do?! I wanna LIVEEE!" Hysterical crying broke out after this was said.
"Naruto," A sniffle.
"Yeah?"
"Shut up."
"Well what are we supposed to do?"
"We do nothing."
"Nothing?!"
"Yup, nothing."
"But the dress!"
"What dress?"
"The dress you bastard!"
"I don't see a dress."
"It's right there in front of your face!"
"There's nothing in front of my face."
"But, but, but!"
"Naruto why don't we go get you a glass of water, you seem a bit confused."
"Oh... If you say so teme." Sasuke rolled his eyes.
"But teme, what about the dress?"
"What dress?"
"Okay. I think we got most of it out."
"Most of it?"
"Honey, you washed your hair with green hair dye. Be thankful I was able to get out as much as I did." Sakura sank into the chair provided, rubbing her temples and cursing under her breath."
"I swear Ino it's a sign. I've been fucked over by the Kamis."
"Pft please Sakura, I'm sure your exaggerating." Sakura sighed and looked at her friend.
Well the blonde could be right, however the probability of that happening was about as high as the chance that Itachi would spontaneously decide to strip and start pole dancing.
And sadly, things like that just didn't happen.
She would know, there had been many times she tried to persuade him into it and the infuriating man just refused! Honestly life was just unfair, she did the handcuff thing in the high school teacher's lounge while attending Naruto and Sasuke's graduation. The least he could do was dance erotically on a nice shiny pole for her.
Ino noticed her friend had 'checked out' for lack of better terms. The blonde really didn't like the hungry look her friend was currently sporting. Brides were supposed to be innocent Sakura, not horny lions. So she snapped her fingers in front of her friend's face while shouting her name. When Sakura came back down to earth, she gave Ino a dispassionate glance.
"There is a very, very, very small chance that you're right but since it's my wedding day, some unspoken law requires me to be unusually optimistic." Ino shrugged.
Seems legit.
"Hey there sexy, are you here for the bride or groom?" Itachi mentally sighed as another one of the countless females approached him again. Kami-sama what had happened to the world? A guy can't even go to the bathroom on his own wedding day without being bombarded by the 'fairer sex'. This seemed to be one of Sakura's distant cousins, he recalled seeing her at a Haruno family gathering once.
Apparently taking Itachi's contemplative silence as the A-OK to continue talking, the Haruno cousin continued to babble mindlessly.
"I'd like to point out that beautiful has 'U' in it but quickie has 'U and I'." Itachi blinked. Had he misheard?
"I'm wearing Revlon Colorstay Lipstick, want to help me test the claim that it won't kiss off?" Itachi cringed. Oh Kami-sama why?
Female pick up lines.
Cue dramatic shudder from every male in the world.
"To answer your previous question," at this the woman's eyes shone brightly with hope.
"I am the groom." Then her face took on the expression of being run over by a truck.
A very heavy truck.
Itachi then walked away, feeling very accomplished with himself.
"Oh."
"My."
"Fucking."
"Kami-sama." There was a moment's pause before the ever eloquent platinum blonde spoke.
"Uh, forehead, I think you were right in this one. The Kami's fucked you over bad." Instead of gracing her sympathetic friend with a response, Sakura simply glared at her reflection in the mirror. Hard. Her terrifyingly evil stare was seemingly transfixed on her once perfect wedding dress. Her beautiful, original, pristine, perfect wedding dress. And the damned thing now had a slit up the side. She looked like a goddamn hooker!
Ino gulped loudly as steam seemed to literally come out of Sakura's ears. First her still greenish hair and now this, Sakura was going to erupt soon. Hell, she may even forgo the wedding and just kidnap Itachi with her current attitude.
The tension in the room was palpable, who could have done this to the beautiful dress?
Ino clamped a hand over her mouth as she thought of two certain friends of the bride. Oh Kami they couldn't have!
... But they could.
But they wouldn't!
But they would, at least accidentally.
Oh fuck it, if it was possible for Naruto and Sasuke to set a swimming facility on fire and burn it to the ground, then it would be pretty damn easy for those two morons to rip the wedding dress. Suddenly sweating as she glanced at her pink-haired friend who looked like hell incarnated, Ino kept silent in hopes of her crush getting out of this alive.
She flinched as Sakura let out a demonic growl.
"When I get my hands on whoever did this," she rasped while grinning positively wickedly, "Satan's worst nightmare will have nothing on me."
It was a wonder Ino's legs hadn't given out on her yet.
Akasuna Karin: sister of the famous artist Akasuna Sasori, niece of Haruno Saya, the woman of no morals...
... Cousin of Haruno Sakura.
Now Karin enjoyed many things in life but there were a few specific things she really obsessed over. One of those things would be men.
Namely Uchiha men.
So naturally she pinned after those two Uchiha main house sons like a bitch in heat would chase the last available mate on earth. Because really, who wouldn't want those sexy Uchiha boys? Of course she recently limited herself to chasing Sasuke after realizing some things were just unattainable.
Like Uchiha Itachi. While Sasuke was would recieve a 'daaamn' from the female population when his looks were in question. Itachi would warrant a 'DAAAAYYYYUUUUUUMMMM' while his clothes were brutally torn from his body. With this logic in mind, Karin reasoned that the man was just incapable of being touched. Which brought up her next subject of obsession;
Making her dear cousin Sakura's life a living hell.
This obsession became even more pronounced when her cousin landed said unattainable sex god Itachi. Every opportunity she got, Karin was using it to upset her baby cousin.
Sakura's cat dying? Karin's truck was looking suspiciously bloody that day.
Sakura over-sleeping and missing her job interview? Oh, Sakura had wanted her alarm clock back last night?
Sakura crying when she saw the TV commercial about baby ducks getting stuck in oil spills? Karin personally tipped over the oil trucks.
All of Sakura's shirts mysteriously shrinking in the wash? She should have locked her door that day.
Rabid racoon being found under her bed? It just looked so cold outside and Karin knew Sakura was an animal lover.
Hell if global warming made Sakura upset Karin would take the credit for it.
So imagine Karin's utter delight when she overheard that blonde bimbo Ino, who happened to be one of Sakura's bridesmaids, furiously whispering to the annoyingly meek Hyuuga heiress, Hinata, ten minutes before the ceremony was set to begin.
"Oh Hinata! What are we going to do!"
"I-i don't know Ino-chan! How is Sakura-chan taking this?" At hearing her cousin's name Karin leaned against the wall and listened in on their conversation, ears perked.
"She's really upset! This is sooo bad!" Karin grinned like a Cheshire cat on crack after hearing this statement.
"H-how bad is the rip?"
"It's awful! It's all the way from her waist to the hem! We still don't know who did it! And we don't have time to fix it! The ceremony is in ten minutes!" With this wonderful news delivered, Karin took off like a bat out of hell. This would be her greatest triumph yet! Ruining her cousin's wedding dress, oh the girl would cry for sure! Cackling maniacally, Karin made her way to Sakura's dressing room. She would have to thank that mystery person later for ripping the dress.
Too bad for Karin, she wasn't informed of what kind of upset Sakura was.
Sakura spun slowly in front of the mirror, green eyes sparkling with righteous fury. She had only managed to fix three inches or so of the dress. While she still looked like a hooker, at least it wasn't one of those cheap hookers. If she was going to be forced into looking like a hooker on her goddamn wedding day then she damn well better be looking like a classy hooker.
Kami-sama what was she saying? Damn she was pissed, she almost felt bad for the next person that came upon her in this mood. Almost.
The door to her dressing room swung open and a stupid red-head stood in the doorway.
Speaking of hookers...
"Is there something you want? Or is Satan just lacking company again, because I can have you meet him halfway to hell." Sakura's face was set into an ugly scowl and if looks could kill...
Well lets just say that would be the best damn day ever. Karin sneered.
"Don't be such a bitch Haruno." Sakura growled and imagined puncturing Karin's fake boobs with a rusty nail. Then the annoying bitch would be flat-chested and have technis!
"What do you want Karin?" Karin grinned like Orochimaru at a pool party with Itachi and Sasuke while Sakura glanced upward and cursed her luck.
"I just thought I should tell you who ripped your dress." Since she was too busy being pleased with herself, Karin missed the dangerous glimmer in Sakura's eyes. The glimmer that promised a quick trip to hell.
"Oh really now?" Sakura drawled, hands curling into fists, revenge would be marvelous right about now. Like waffles with chocolate syrup.
"Yes."
"Care to share bitch?"
"Maybeeee." Sakura's scowl deepened. This bitch was mocking her!
"Spill now or I'll dislocate your shoulder." Karin put her hands up in mock surrender, smirking evilly as she did so.
"Fine, fine you got me. I tore your wedding dress." It was at this moment Karin expected Sakura to burst into tears.
She hadn't ever been more wrong.
"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"
The ceremony set to take place was absolutely stunning. As expected of the Uchiha's though. Itachi stood at the front of the altar, his best man Shisui at his side, as he waited for his bride. The guests in the church chattered excitedly, waiting to witness what would undoubtedly be the wedding of the century. While everyone else was talking excitedly, or being silently smug in Itachi's case, Naruto and Sasuke stood on the opposite side of Itachi. Though they were the maids of honor, they had been kicked out of the dressing room and sent to wait at the altar with the groom and groomsmen. Naruto was visibly sweating bullets and Sasuke's hands were shaking, though he had long since hidden them behind his back. Many of the guests simply thought they were restraining themselves from strangling Itachi for taking away their dear Sakura-chan. While this would be the norm in any other circumstance, it was not the case this time.
They were preparing to be murdered. Brutally.
After their little stunt with the wedding dress, they knew it was only a matter of time until Sakura found out, because she always found out. And when she found out, oh Kami they were in trouble. So here they stood, waiting for Sakura to come through those doors in all of her ripped wedding dress glory and proceed to beat the shit out of them.
Good-bye ramen.
Good-bye Ino.
Both Naruto and Sasuke sighed as they anxiously waited for their doom. A small little girl, the flower girl they noted with fear, came through the door. She scattered the delicate little petals of roses as she went. Soon after her came some of the bridesmaids, although Ino and Hinata were noticeably absent. At the sight of them, the organ player began the traditional wedding march song.
Although it sounded more like a death march to Naruto and Sasuke.
They gulped.
This was it.
They closed their eyes.
Then quickly opened them as a large gasp sounded through the crowd of guests and the loudest bang ever to be heard resounded throughout the church. Everyone watched in confusion as Akasuna Karin scrambled through the doors and dodged around the pews, horror and fear dominating her expression.
Sasori raised a brow as his sister dashed (like Naruto would charge a ramen stand) toward the altar but soon both brows were raised as his precious baby cousin skidded to a halt in the doorway. Her wedding gown had a most revealing slit from the hem up to the upper half of her thigh. The pinkette's chest heaved in anger and the bust of her gown looked terribly close to ripping.
It was here one could observe the rather obvious genes her aunt Tsunade had gifted her with.
"Daaaaamn." He heard Hidan whistle. Sasori smacked him.
"KARIN YOU COCK-SUCKING BITCH! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE SO I CAN KICK IT TO HELL!" The guests gasped at the innocent bride's language. Itachi rubbed the bridge of his nose.
"I knew it." he mumbled. Ino and Hinata could be seen in the background, making a mad dash to try to restrain the obviously pissed off bride but Sakura was having none of that. With a few short sprints, an impressive feat in her shoes, Sakura launched herself into the air, twirled in a half cork-screw, and flew down towards where Karin was running, her leg outstretched. Her leg connected into Karin's back and both went tumbling down with Sakura's hands already clasped around Karin's neck.
"WOOHOO THAT'S MY GIRL!" Tsunade and Saya cheered loudly. A few guests looked offended by their outburst.
Well, they never had liked Karin.
Tsunade turned to the shocked guests, obviously pleased with herself.
"I taught her that move!" she exclaimed, beaming with pride.
"That is sooo fucking hot! Wonder if they'll strip?" Hidan drooled as he watched the two females wrestle on the church floor. Tobi gasped and pointed at Hidan.
"Naughty Hidan! No no!" Itachi twitched and slammed a fist into Hidan's face. The rest of the Akatsuki plus Shisui roared with laughter. Hidan got up and tried to punch Itachi back, the Uchiha neatly dodged and Hidan's fist instead hit Kisame. The blue-shark man growled and kicked Hidan in the stomach, sending him flying into Deidara.
Naruto and Sasuke watched, horrified, as the Akatsuki broke out into a fist fight, Tsunade and Saya cheered on Sakura, Ino and Hinata tried to separate Sakura and Karin, Sakura strangled Karin, and the rest of the guests broke out into a fight like the event was a common bar brawl.
"FIGHT!" Everyone cheered.
"What the hell?" Naruto choked out as he tried to dodge flying shoes and purses and other things of the like. Sasuke remained silent in obvious shock.
"KARIN YOU LITTLE BITCH, YOU RIPPED MY FUCKING WEDDING DRESS!"
HUH?!
"Wait Sakura-" Naruto began, however Sasuke stopped him.
"Hold up Naruto, this could be a good thing."
"We're really going to let Sakura kill Karin for our mistake?"
"Uh, yeah." Sasuke stated in a totaly out of character 'duh' tone.
"Would you rather that be us?" He continued. Naruto stared at the enraged female that was his best friend and the red-head that was slowly being strangled. Sakura looked like hell in the flesh and Karin looked awfully close to passing out and she tried to slash at Sakura with disturbingly long nails.
Naruto glanced at Sasuke, paused, then nodded. Both exhaled slowly in relief.
Safe.
Naruto screeched as a wedding guest came hurtling towards the alter at an alarming speed. The guest smashed into the priest and both seemed down for the count. Sasuke recognized the thrown man as one of the clan elders. He gulped.
"Oh Kami."
"THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO MAKE RUDE REMARKS ABOUT MY BABY GIRL!" Saya and Tsunade screamed in sync, each had a fist curled into a punch.
"Go Haruno-samas!" Shisui cheered.
"Pretty ladies can make big punches!" Tobi loudly laughed.
The super fist fight wedding extravaganza battle brawl continued for about thirty more seconds before someone came to their senses. That person being Uchiha Fugaku.
"SILENCE!" he thundered. Everyone paused. Each person in a comical position with another and an innocent expression marking each and every face.
"SEPARATE!" Everyone immediately separated.
He didn't need to yell. Gosh.
"We will be continuing with the ceremony. NOW!" He commanded when nobody moved. The guests rushed back to their seats and Sakura scrambled up to stand beside Itachi. She gave a sheepish chuckle while doing so.
"We are gathered here today-" the priest began in an old raspy voice.
"Skip to the end! We aren't taking anymore chances!" Fugaku bellowed. The priest jumped in a mixture of shock and fear.
"Uh Itachi?"
"Hn."
"Sakura?"
"Let's do it!"
"Uh man and wife?" The whole wedding cheered and cooed as the bride and groom shared a kiss. However everyone quieted down and stared awkwardly as the innocent kiss turned rather steamy when Sakura threaded her hands in Itachi's hair and proceeded to make out with him. A few guests coughed pointedly but the newly weds were totally oblivious. Saya and Mikoto giggled like school-girls from where they sat next to each other and sang "grandkids!" while Tsunade's jaw visibly clenched. Naruto and Sasuke gawked.
"Alright Uchiha hands off!" The three yelled. Sakura and Itachi pulled apart, with Sakura grinning cheekily and Itachi looking smug.
Soon after the vows were ignored, the whole party moved to watch the new couple cut the cake.
"Itachi, I swear to Kami if you don't open your damn mouth I will shove this cake up your ass! I'll still love you while doing it though if that's any consolation." Naruto and Sasuke laughed at Itachi's expense until Karin approached and tried to feed Sasuke.
"Come on Sasuke-kun just eat some!" She, purred? Naruto laughed hysterically until Sasuke stabbed him with a fork.
"YOU FUCKTARD WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!"
"TOBI THINKS NARUTO-KUN HAS A POTTY MOUTH!"
"Ah, ah, ah Naruto, now is not the time to have a lovers quarrel! You're at a wedding!" Kisame chided. Naruto went purple.
"YOU DUMB FISH I'M NOT GAY!" Kisame was about to make a retort but Sakura magically appeared behind him and grasped the back of his neck.
"We aren't having any problems right Kisame-kun?" She hummed cheerfully.
"Of course not angel! It's all good here!" The blue man covered quickly. Sakura's grin became brighter.
"How wonderful! Well I better go make sure Itachi eats his cake!" She fixed Naruto and Sasuke with a look that promised pain for the sin of disobedience.
"Be good you two." she warned. They gulped and saluted.
"Hai Sakura-sama!"
After everyone had either eaten a slice of cake or gotten covered in cake in Naruto's case, the guests gathered around the ballroom to witness the bride and groom's first dance. Each person eagerly awaited to see what sweet melody would play that would ultimately be dubbed 'their song'.
Naruto, and even Sasuke, beamed with pride. They had been chosen to pick the song the couple would dance to since they were the maids of honor. This would be their shining moment, a way to prove to Sakura just how much she meant to them. They giddily waited for the music to start.
Itachi took his bride and lead her to the dance floor. As fiery tempered as the pink haired girl was, he knew she loved him and that's all that mattered to him. Itachi let affection show in his eyes for Sakura only and said woman teared up a bit at the sight of her husband's loving stare.
The lights dimmed.
Everyone waited with bated breath for the music to start.
BAKUNYU SENTAI (OP)PAI PAI RANGER, SAN-JOU!
PAI PAI PAI PAI PAI RANGER!
PAI PAI PAI PAI PAI RANGER!
PAI PAI PAI PAI PAI RANGER!
PAI PAI PAI PAI PAI PAI; PAI PAI!
Jaws everywhere proceeded to make an acquaintance with the floor as five beautiful women in revealing bunny costumes came prancing out onto the stage above the dance floor, wiggling around to an upbeat tune. They each looked like runaway models as they began to dance to the song they were singing.
The song that was about boobs. Huge boobs for that matter.
Sasuke's mouth fell open as the women came onstage and he vaguely registered hearing Hidan and Kisame's hollers and whistles of approval. Chicken styled hair whipped around wildly as Sasuke searched frantically for Naruto. He spotted him a little ways away, dancing along with Tobi as both mimicked the dancers. When he had the time to learn te dance, Sasuke had no idea. Tobi, well this seemed like he would automatically know how to do. He tackled the blonde to the floor. A few guests, namely Kisame and Deidara giggled and murmured "gay" under their breath. Sasuke was to busy panicking to even care
"DOBE! What the hell is this?!" He exclaimed while shaking his best friend like a rag doll.
"I dunno Teme, I liked this one better ya know? More upbeat." His blonde idiot friend responded as his head lolled back and forth. Sasuke felt like crawling into a hole and dying right then. The men of the crowd were certianly enjoying the show, if the wolf whistles were anything to go by, while the women looked scandalized. And Sakura, oh Sakura. Sasuke nearly wet himself at seeing the expression on her face and watched as Itachi struggled with holding her back.
"Naruto, what have you done?!" He scream-whispered.
"What are you talking about Teme? This place is a party now- oh shit." Was the response as the blonde caught sight of his pink haired friend.
"This is probably worse than the wedding dress incident Naruto. Worse!" Naruto and Sasuke began to pale dramatically as Sakura seemed close to getting out of Itachi's grasp. She hissed, kicked and screeched, like a cat with rabies. Lots of rabies. Both men clutched each other in fear.
"I can't think of anything witty to say teme!" Sasuke just trembled as an answer. The music stopped abruptly and everyone stared as a harsh cry sounded.
"SHAAAAANNAROOOOO!" Sasuke and Naruto whimpered.
"Oh Kami, not the war cry!" Naruto bawled.
Oh snap, shit's bout to go down now.
"NARUTO! SASUKE!" The pink haired demon howled. Shrill screams exploded from Naruto and Sasuke's mouths as they were chased around the room by Sakura. Ino, Hinata, and Itachi hot on their heels.
"YOU TWO BETTER GET BACK HERE!"
"MERCY SAKURA-CHAN, MERCY!" They squealed.
"FOREHEAD! YOU BETTER LEAVE MY MAN ALONE!"
"TOBI WANTS TO PLAY TAG TOO!"
Sakura chased the two around for a few more minutes until she caught up with them. The deadly game of tag ending quickly as she grabbed their collars and yanked them back. As she opened her mouth to scream and yell and give them the beating of their lives, Sakura took one look at their I'm-going-to-shit-myself expression and burst out laughing. Naruto and Sasuke cringed, mistaking it for evil laughter. However Sakura just continued to laugh harder and harder until tears were streaming out of her eyes. She pulled her two friends in for a crushing hug.
"And here I thought we did crazy shit on a regular day, this day takes the cake by far." Sasuke and Naruto stared uncomprehendingly at their friend, until they too began to laugh and hug her back.
Thump.
Moan.
Thump.
Moan.
Thump.
Moan.
Bang.
Scream.
Bang.
Scream.
Bang.
Scream.
Naruto shuddered and huddled under the blanket, trying to cover his ears. Sasuke looked nauseous and Naruto wouldn't be surprised if he lost his dinner. It had been going on like this for hours and didn't seem to be close to stopping.
It was bad enough that Sasuke and Naruto knew what kind of activities Sakura and Itachi would be participating in that night but Kami-sama, did they have to spend their wedding night here of all places?! Another scream came from down the hall and Sasuke looked noticeably greener.
If they weren't so busy being traumatized, they may have been happy for their bestest friend.
Bang.
Scream.
Or not.
"Dobe bring me the bucket, I think I'm gonna hurl."
"Right-o Teme. Just remember to aim for the bucket."
"I don't need instructions on how to puke Dobe!"
Scream.
Barf.
Naruto and Sasuke came down the stairs of the Uchiha manor the next morning looking like they had been through hell and back. When they entered the kitchen, they noticed Sakura and Itachi holding hands and sipping coffee and both fully dressed. Both boys mustered up the ugliest glare they could manage after getting a little over three hours of sleep. Sakura was the first to notice their stare.
"Guys?"
The glares intensified after seeing how awake Sakura acted. She raised a brow.
"Naruto, why am I being stared at like you found out I accidentally burned Gama-chan?" Said blonde's eyes widened in horror as he feared for his precious wallet. Sakura snickered.
"Kidding." He visibly sagged in relief. Sasuke's glare was relentless however. Sakura sighed, slightly annoyed.
"Seriously guys what's up?"
"You know 'what's up'." Naruto grumbled, Sasuke's 'yeah' was left unsaid. Itachi looked at his wife in confusion, she shrugged.
"What are you talking about?" Sasuke snarled, tired and annoyed.
"You and Aniki kept us up all night with your damn 'activities'!" Sakura eyed the two like they were special mental cases.
"We weren't here last night Sasuke." He paled.
"What?" Naruto balked.
"We went to a hotel on an island relatively close to here. We flew back this morning because your mother wanted to have brunch." Sasuke felt that familiar nauseous feeling creep back into his body as his mind began to put the pieces together. Itachi looked disturbingly amused, having figured out the situation before the conversation even started.
"Foolish little brother," he began, his velvety tone dripping with mirth at the expense if his brother and friend.
"The only one's here last night were Mother and Father."
This time, it was Naruto who ran for the trash and puked.
THE END! Hahahahaha!
Aw, I'm kinda sad to see it end but as they say, "All good things must come to an end."
However, I made this as kick-ass crazy as I possibly could. This chapter doubled the length and then some of every other chapter! A whoopin 7,600 words+ people! So I hope I made you all very happy and instilled lots of giggles, chuckles and full blown laughs in all of my fantabulous readers! DID WE GO OUT WITH A BANG? I sure think we did!
I'm very grateful to everyone who reads this and again thanks to everyone who was here since the beginning!
By the way, my birthday is on monday the 25. I'll be 15! It would be the best birthday present I could ever wish for if everyone would reiview! Ya'lls words mean the world to me so that's my birthday wish for this year!
Gosh this is the last time I'll be closing out in this story. I don't think I can do it haha! Well here goes-
BYE EVERYONE! THANKS FOR READING BRING YOUR PET TO WORK DAY! THIS STORY IS NOW OVER!