It's happening once again. All the things I want, all the things I need, all the things I wish for, it's coming reality, a reality that is slowly killing me inside; ripping me apart ever so delicately and ever so slowly, that surely the pain I am ever so feeling is now like a best friend, a friend that won't betray me, that won't go running off to his girlfriend after we are finished here, finished with our deeds. The pain will stay, surely lingering on and wrapping its poisonous arms around my delicate and fragile heart; the organ that is slowly bleeding to its death and is kindly reminding me that with each passionate night I pass with my best friend is like an invisible stab to my heart's already open wounds.

Closing my eyes is the best choice for me right at this moment, letting my mind wonder off to a perfect world in which this night of lust and desire is a night of passion and love. That tonight isn't about getting off or satisfying his needs. No, tonight is about our love, the love I really desire, the love that I really need, the love that is meant for me and not for her.

I felt his lips upon my own, harsh kisses and painful bites were left lingering upon my own bruised ones. I knew he was searching for the soft, delicate, glossed lips he loved to kiss every moment of the day; but, why couldn't he want my own? Why doesn't he desire soft, yet plump lips that are my own? Why doesn't he have that need to kiss me instead of imagining that he is having his way with his girlfriend? Why is he making me suffer this way?

I finally felt his body pressed upon my own, his hips moving against mine; trying to find that delicious friction he so desperately desired as this was just another night of fucking for him, while to me, it was a night of passionate love making even though he wasn't being gentle to me at all and deep down it hurts, it hurts so bad that he doesn't love me like I love him. Suddenly I felt his hands undress me as his lips bit down hard upon my naked flesh, leaving the marks of desire on my now flushed skin, leaving markings of the nights we have together. Reminders to my withering heart.

Soon I felt him inside of me, moving hard and fast, deep and ever so painfully; and it hurt, it hurts so bad that tears form under my closed eyelids and slowly escape leaving a trail behind, a reminder of the tears my broken heart is sheading. The pleasure fades away and pain is left behind, as his thrusts become ever so harder, deeper and faster, that I could feel liquid escaping from my pulsing hole and I really don't care if it's his spit mixed with my juices or blood that is traveling down my cheeks and onto the wrinkled white sheets. Because I just don't really care.

Suddenly the pain lingers and the pleasure returns as that familiar feeling in my stomach makes its presence and ever so quickly I wrap my legs around his muscular waist, my arms encircling his neck as I lean in, my lips against his ear and with a whimper of loss, heartbreak, hope and the love I feel for him, I whimper so softly "I love you Kendall", as I come undone, spurts of whiteness stain our stomachs as I unconsciously clench around Kendall, soon feeling him come inside me, deep.

We lay there for just a few seconds before he pulls away and stands up, leaving me there as if I was a ragdoll and it hurts to know that the words that escaped my lips will never mean anything to him. I slowly open my eyes, my brown orbs glazed with un-shed tears as I stare at him, following his movements of cleaning himself and getting redressed. I bite my bottom lip to hold back my pleading and cries; soon making eye contact with him as he stares at me with this unknown look and soon the words that he says finishes killing my aching heart.

"I know Logan, but it could never work… because you very well know, deep down, I will always love Jo… Goodbye Logan"

Then he leaves, leaving everything we have behind; the nights of passion, lust, desire, and need are over. And that's when I break down, curling into a fetal position and let the cries of heartbreak out.

Authors Note: Please Review!

xoxo

~Love and Peace Forever