Inevitable

Wear a necklace of rope

Side by side with me

"AND where would we be, Katniss?"

I stop walking. I stare into Gale's eyes as the words sink into my mind like stones into mud. What a sad, rueful question. What I have gotten into embittered us both because what I do mirrors his actions. We are each other's half after all. I look behind to see the yawning darkness that represents the forest at night, the trees that have secluded Gale and me from the world. I realize I will never go back to it again.

"I don't know," I say, unable to look at him. I am afraid to see his hatred for my betrayal. I kind of hate myself, too.

"We should have gone when you said. Then at least I could protect you."

I know where the conversation will lead. Peeta will enter the scene, him being lucky that he gets to be with me during my last minutes of life. And jealousy will creep into us again, jealousy which Gale should not have felt in the first place. I am his all along.

It makes me angry. Here we are, wasting our last moments together arguing.

"If you haven't noticed, I never wanted any of this," I choke. Anger starts to boil inside me. How dare he insinuate that I like being a part of the Capitol's most repulsive charade! Why can he not see that I did it so he would live?

"Yeah. And if you haven't noticed, too, you'd still end up doing it," Gale says quietly.

"I did it for you." My voice sounds harsh.

The anguish written all over his face is unmistakable. "Are you sure? Because for the past few months after you came home, you never cared whatever I said or did. I want to understand you but you won't let me, Katniss."

He is right, of course. I am a flossy, little whore who thinks of nothing but her engagement. In a second, my hand lands on his face. I regret it at once, although I try not to show it. My throat is so constricted that I have trouble finding my voice. "You have no idea, Gale. Nothing at all."

I take a step back but that is the only thing Gale allows me to do. He pulls my hands as he crushes me into a firm embrace. I grip his arms because my body is quickly weakening and it is fueled by a raw feeling in my stomach. We stay unmoving for what seem like hours, the need to feel Gale growing stronger every second.

After a while, he presses his forehead on to my hair. I can sense him breathing just above my eyes. "Then do what you want." His voice is almost pleading, each word puncturing me with intensity. "At least once."

Protected. That is what I want. All my life I have spent trying to look after the ones I love. And in all those years since I met him, Gale is the only one I have allowed to keep me safe. Right now, he is doing the job again but I want more. Security is no longer enough.

All of a sudden, I can give a name to the feeling that is slowly consuming me since several minutes ago. Why it has taken me so long to figure it out, I do not know. My hands that are tightly gripping his arms are unclasping, my fingers trailing lightly across his forearm. Gale exhales sharply. I did not realize I have that effect on him.

I kiss him fully on the lips when he is busy touching the skin below my back. He is unguarded as he receives my straightforward assault into his mouth. I delve deeper, desperate for him to suffer the same sweet ache that he is making me feel. He moans into my lips. But he also pulls away from my face.

"Katniss, this isn't — " he starts, but I kiss him again. I do not need his decency.

My lips trail toward his neck as a sense of urgency sinks in. Tomorrow, the Reaping will seal my death. A few weeks and I will cease to exist. I frantically shower kisses on his chin, on his neck. My hands begin to undo the buttons of his shirt.

"Love me," I beg.

Gently, he pulls away from me again. I can tell he is searching my face for any sign of certainty because his eyes turn a shade darker. I gaze into them. Maybe we can still communicate the way that we used to.

Then he slams his mouth into mine. His tongue dives quickly inside and withdraws. It thrusts swiftly again, once more to retreat. I can never control the moan that comes out. I cling to his neck because if I don't, I would crash down on the ground.

What comes next is unavoidable.

As he torments my lips, Gale shifts one arm to cradle the back of my neck while the other one settles under my knees. I push him to see where he is taking me. I realize we are on the desolate road by the meadow the whole time. Good thing no one has seen us.

It turns out that the nearest place for us right this moment is my derelict house, our sweet freedom. There is no light aside from the moon that seems to drive this yearning.

I do not know what it is with Gale but his calmness completely dissents my clear need to rush. He takes his time walking toward our refuge as though he is calculating each move. Just so it will be perfect. He does not need to, if I am to be honest.

And I no longer care. Let Gale take control.

He opens and closes the door with his foot. I try to go down but Gale's strong arms do not permit me, so I just stare hopelessly on his face as he scans the dark shack that used to be my home.

He walks toward the table and puts me down on it carefully, standing in between my legs. He bites my ear as his hands trail down my hips. I am getting shivers from something I cannot place, but perhaps it is simply Gale's hands doing wonders on my waist. With my own hands shaking, I continue to unbutton his shirt. His hand goes upward and cups my breast. One hand stays on my hip as he rubs his thumb on one peak. I sigh, unable to contain the sounds that rapturously want to surface.

He takes off my shirt in one swift move while I fumble with his. It becomes more challenging to remove the piece of clothing when he unhooks my bra and merely lifts it to suckle me. I cannot restrain the moan that escapes me just as well as the sharp gasp that came when his hand kneads the other one. I stop trying to get rid of his shirt because it is useless. My strength is barely enough to cling to his shoulders.

I lift myself when Gale discards my pants. I whimper a protest as he ignores my last remaining underwear. He silences me with a fierce kiss, nibbling my lower lip in a very rash way that it hurts. I want to hurt him, too. To wound him just a little so I could leave an unforgettable print of my own. I reach for his shoulders and bite him, all the while letting my hands tread over the scars that do not really mar his back. Gale gives a low growl.

By the time he has the sense to eliminate his own clothes, I am reduced to someone who cannot stop moaning at his mere touch. Shameless hunger for him completely suffuses my mind that no measure of astuteness can replace. Intense heat churns inside me in this sea of unparalleled passion.

Gale is beautiful. I cannot stare at anything else as he removes the last fabric that covers him. I exhale to release some of the lusting waves that tend to overflow.

He walks to me and I wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me toward the bed. He showers small, moist kisses on my shoulders when he lays me down. His hands search for the black silk while I lie idly, but my insides are busy entangling themselves into coils and coils of desire. He finds the smooth fabric and uncaringly pulls it down. I try to glue my legs together but Gale holds my knees and separates them. He stares for a few seconds, looking marveled at the mess that is me. Then he kneels in between and aims just outside my entrance. I realize how big and lean he is. In a flash, I feel like I want to bolt to the door and melt into the earth. I am a sprite compared with this strong build of a man. I fidget in his arms.

"Anything wrong?" Gale whispers. He must sense my restlessness.

I look into his eyes as I try to form the most dignified words. "Will we fit — Oh."

Gale presses three fingers on the tangled curls in the middle of my thighs. I am surprised that I am that damp. Determination floods his face. "Trust me, Catnip."

Then he rams inside and pries me open. The discomfort that ensues is nothing compared to anything I have felt before. I want to scream at once but I find my throat incapable of releasing any sound. I am tight and Gale has to move roughly so he can thrust his hardness all the way in. My eyes are open but they refuse to see anything as he continues to fill me, overcoming my senses.

He grips my waist as he withdraws and I quickly place my hands on his shoulders to pull him back when he plunges again. I cry a little loudly when I feel him sliding against the walls in me, only to retreat again. The discomfort subsides and it is replaced by something carnal. Primitive. Raw. He is ripping me over and over, and all I can think of is more. Faster, despite the pain. Hot, white desire keeps rising, threatening to spill if Gale will not stop.

He doesn't. He moves in and out of me more hastily. Our hands hold and he pins them above my head, allowing him the exact momentum that he needs. Gale groans when I tighten around him. Senselessness is drowning me fast.

"Gale…" I moan, urgency evident in my voice. I am near.

He pecks my lips. "Let it go, Cat. I'm holding you."

I scream into his mouth when he kisses me as I reach my release. Tremors rack my body as waves and waves flow out hotly, ignited by Gale's continuous drive as he waits for his own. I thought I am done with the frenzy when I feel Gale pouring himself into me. A low, soft moan escapes my throat as he slides beside me, taking me with him.

Now that the madness of our want for each other has abated, the inescapable truth of what we have done gradually drops on me, a stone into mud. The circumstances surrounding us are grave and I have to live with the consequences.

Yet as I look at Gale breathing slowly, his eyes closed, I realize I can deal with whatever the world throws at me. I will die, that is granted. But I will live forever in his heart, that I know for sure, too. This is going to be one of those memories he would cleave to when I would no longer be there to miss him. And maybe it is enough.

I kiss him chastely on the lips.