A/N: Shame on me I've mistspelled Fawkes...well for now I know how to spell his name

I hope you enjoy this chapter, though I'm not as content with this one as I was with the prologue

the chapters will be as short as this, since I have to make something of the verses of the song, I guess I'm gonna write another Gellert x Albus fic that isn't that short... I would really like to write something about the two that isn't too cliché ... well first things first

Chapter One

'Irgendwann kommt für jeden der Tag ( Eventually for everyone comes the day)

An dem man für Alles bezahlt (on which they have to pay for everything)

Und dann stehen wir da (then we stand there)

Denken wie schön es mal war (thinking of how good it has been once)'

Yes Albus I had to pay and by now I know there was no way around it, it was inevitable as you may call it. And I also know that it was not only that I had to pay with my freedom for this gruesome things I've done, but also with the friendship, the only ever true friendship anyone has so generously offered me. The friendship you offered me on that rainy afternoon in Godric's Hallow and to which offer you stayed true until the fatal day we were to meet again.

You have no idea of how often I wondered what would have happened if your sister had not died, if I would not have been such a coward and not have fled right away, if you could have saved me from myself or if I would have meant disaster for both of us.

But I has been good, to be true to you, the best time of my life. I never have felt that bound to anyone in my life. You see, I have never had a good relationship with my parents and to tell the truth I didn't morn their death at all. I've been growing up with the notion of being alone, but I never truly felt lonely, for I knew, no thought, there was no-one whose company could help me with that feeling.

But I met you and I knew everything was different with you. You were different and I think we felt the same thrill the first time or minds locked.

Today I regret having taken you for granted, just another mean to fulfill my dreams of glory and power, but I am afraid lying to you now would not help any of us.

I truly enjoyed the time with you, because I felt needed, and I know how egoistic that was, since I cannot tell if I really liked you for the person you were then or for the potential I saw in you.

The letters smeared alongside with the hand that was holding the paper, and Albus had to rub his eyes so that his vision sharpened again. His mouth had drawn into a bitter line and his eyebrows were furrowed.

What had he expected, an apology and professions of friendship and love?

At the last word to cross his mind he laughed at his stupidity. It turned out more of a shriek bereft of all the humor, he normally emanated.

His vision blurred again, but this time he didn't do anything about it.

He hummed a soft melody, a melody of a different time, an eternity laid between his present self and the young foolish Dumbledore and still he sat here crying like a schoolgirl rejected for the first time.

A smile crossed his face, as remembered the soft chirp of summer birds the faint wind and the scent of flowers, the feel of grass under his feet, while listening to Gellert non-stop talking.

What would have happened had Ariana not died? It was a question he had asked innumerously. He knew he would never find the answer und truth be told he was not sure if he wanted to know. A big part of him, that part that discounted the nagging voice telling him that everything would have been great, that Gellert would have stayed with him that there had to be a way he would have brought Gellert back to his senses, that they would have stayed friends for all their lives, was afraid of the answer, if he were ever to find one.

Gellert's flashing smile - He could still remember it. Of all the things that had made him believe, he could have spent a lifetime with him it had been Gellerts smile that had him helpless.

The first time the heavy accented voice had spoken to him- and called him a fool right away.

-Bittersweet memories –

Should he read on, after all it was a letter nothing more, and could not harm in more than Gellert

already had. After all it could only open the scars on his heart, for he was quite sure there was no way that it could deepen them, no for his he was far too old . He would not let this one man interfere with his life anymore.

His eyes lowered to the paper once.

'Bereuen unsere Fehler (regret our mistakes)

hätten gern alles anders gemacht (would have wished to have done everything differently)

Hätten all unsere Boshaftigkeiten niemals getan (would have never done all our deeds out of spite)'

Yes Albus I'm quite sure that by now you have heard word, and heard that I regret all of it. The faces I see at night, mothers screaming for their children, fathers trying to protect their family. That is what I see each and every night.

I understand the way you chose, and I think it sad that you, out of us two, are the one who had to live with the feelings of guilt all those years, you who is by far the better man.

It is true, if I could revise it, I would. I would do everything differently.

Wir leben versteckt, wischen all unsere Spuren weg (hidden we live, wiping away all our traces)

Vor den anderen und vor uns selbst (away from the others and ourselves to see)

Damit kein Mensch jemals sieht, wer wir in Wahrheit sind...

(so no-one ever will see, who we truly are)…'

I know you do live like that, you are afraid of you own shadow, aren't you?

I read the articles about you refusing the office of minister of magic.

And I know I'm the last person to tell you, but you don't have to. By deciding not to go with me and deciding to do the right you have chosen the right thing. And even if you chose this way out of the wrong reasons, you have made the right decision. And sometimes you learn from the right decisions afterwards, as you have. Do I make any sense?

To say it didn't impress me when you told me you would not go my way, would be an outright lie. And believe I knew about you're little infatuation, and I knew it hadn't stopped when you finally cut my way.

Albus felt the heat rush into his face. He had known about it?