AN: It's been a little difficult to write a future set B/R fic because of my strict adherence to canon (it's just my own pet peeve to never directly deviate from it). It's almost impossible to do that because of the incredibly unfinished nature of the show right now. Basically nothing has been resolved or remotely dealt with between Barney and Robin since last November. I had really hoped that the show would be farther along in their story development by this point than what they are. As it is, it's very hard to navigate a future story without any clue when or how they'll get back together, and what things (if any) will be finally discussed between them. Nevertheless, I really wanted to start things out by having them clear the air and talk about some of these issues and miscommunications that have held them back over – you know, that adult conversation we've all been waiting months to see them have. So I'm just going to make some assumptions here about how things will go, without getting into certain aspects too deeply.

All of that said, this story then picks up sometime in November. The way I imagine it, Robin went to Barney to tell him how she felt the night before (I'm leaving how they got to that place open) and the two of them had a mini-discussion about his relationship and eventual engagement to Quinn and why Robin never said anything all that time and in fact dated another man instead (I didn't want to get into that too much simply because I'm waiting to see how, and if, the show will deal with that themselves, in which case having them discuss it again would be redundant). That evolved into Barney and Robin (finally) exchanging 'I love yous' etc. followed by much celebrating in the way they do best, but they still have things left that need to be told and dealt with.

Rose Petals

It's hard for either one of them to believe they're not dreaming when Barney and Robin find themselves in his kitchen, smiling at each other over bacon and eggs. They've just spent their first night together in a year, their first night officially back together as a couple in three years. Not surprisingly for the two of them, very little sleep was involved.

They've managed to shower and dress but it's still a casual, cozy morning after scene – and, ironically, the two former commitment-phobics wouldn't have it any other way. Robin is barefoot, her heeled boots waiting beside the bed where they left them the night before, and her makeup has yet to be done. Barney's suit coat is in the living room, slung across the back of the couch to prevent wrinkling.

Finishing her coffee, Robin gets up and crosses the small room to put her now empty plate in the sink. A moment later, she feels Barney's hands at her hips, gently drawing her back against him.

"Call in sick to work," he asks, bending to nuzzle her neck. "Stay here with me."

It's with real regret she answers, "I wish I could, but I can't." His hands slip beneath the hem of her blouse to slide across her belly, his forefinger circling and then dipping into her navel and slowly back out. In and out. In and out. "Hmm, maybe one more hour." She reaches around to set her hand to the nape of his neck, her fingers tunneling up into his hair.

"Maybe all day," he counters, nibbling at her ear.

"I really can't," she sighs. "I have to read the news, afternoon and evening. We both have to go to work eventually. As tempting as it sounds, we can't stay holed up here forever."

He rests his chin on her shoulder. "I know, I know. Just…."

Robin hears something in his tone that sounds like worry or maybe even sadness, and she turns to look at him. "What?" she asks softly, her hands settling on his shoulders. "What is it?"

"Just…." Barney averts his eyes from hers and now she knows it's serious. "…don't change your mind."

She gives him a look of confused concern. She can see he's uneasy about something but she genuinely has no idea what he means.

He sighs heavily before further clarifying, "After you leave, don't change your mind about us."

"Is that what you think?" Robin asks, her words barely above a whisper. "That the minute we're apart I'm going to change my mind?" Her heart breaks a little hearing that, all the more so as she comes to the harsh realization that he has good reason to believe it. She's pushed him away time and time again. She stayed with Kevin when she should have gone to him instead, and even after Barney's broken engagement she's spent the past months dating another man. She knows she's given Barney every reason to fear her running away yet again, and that tears her apart. "I'm sorry I ever made you think that." She pulls him in and kisses him softly. "I'm never changing my mind about us, Barney. Ever. I promise."

He nods wordlessly and she reaches up and kisses him a second time because she's not so sure he entirely believes her.

"I'll be tied up all afternoon – and not in a fun way," she adds when she sees the spark of interest in his eye and knows exactly what he's thinking. He frowns at her and she laughs. "Maybe we can do the fun way tonight."

He perks up at that. "Alright," he concedes with exaggerated disappointment. "I guess I'll let you go."

"No, don't ever do that." She kisses him again, and this time they both linger. When they finally break away, she rests her forehead against his. "I'm on the air from six to seven, but I'll call you when I'm out of work. We can meet up at MacLaren's."

"Okay," he agrees, kissing her one more time before starting to move away.

She pulls him back into her arms before he can get far. "I really do have an extra hour," she tells him, nipping at his lower lip.

Barney grins. "We should make good use of it then," he says, pressing her back against the counter.

It's after eight, and Barney is sitting at MacLaren's, drinking a scotch and missing Robin. True, it's only been eleven hours since he last saw her, but he's been craving her presence all day. It feels so good to be with her again, to just be able to say anything to her now – no more holding back – and touch her whenever he wants, look at her with the love that was always so hard to hide. Not to mention be intimate with her again. He's been with a lot of women over the years, some of them not so good, some of them great in bed. But none of them ever came close to what it's like being with Robin. With Robin, it's a connection on every possible level. There is nothing like it. But even after sex with her that lasted all night and into the morning, it's not even close to enough to make up for lost time.

The sudden ringing of his phone breaks Barney out of his thoughts. One look at the ID tells him it's just the person he wants to hear from. He answers quickly, not even bothering with a 'hello' but launching straight into, "I saw your broadcast."

"It was on at the bar?" Robin asks, clearly pleased.

"You're a big-time reporter now. I don't even have to make Carl turn it on anymore."

She laughs. "Idiot."

Even through the phone the sound of her laughter warms his heart and brings an automatic smile to his lips. "Are you on your way to MacLaren's?"

"No, I'm at home." He frowns at this, but she immediately adjoins, "Come meet me here." Her tone turns distinctly suggestive when she adds, "I've been waiting all day to see you. I hurried through that last segment like the building was on fire."

"I noticed," he answers, clearly amused.

"I have no professional integrity whatsoever, do I?"

"Hey, you already admitted on air years ago that you're a dirty, dirty girl."

Robin shakes her head, whether at herself or at him she isn't sure – probably at the both of them. "See what you do to me. But they'll be no hurrying tonight," she tells him, and that naughtiness creeps back into her voice. "I've had hours to come up with ideas. Last night was only just getting started."

She can hear the thud of his scotch glass hitting the table. "I'll be there in five minutes."

"That's impossible," she laughs.

"You forget, I'm the master of the possimpible."

"That you are. I'll be waiting."

"Not for long."

Barney pockets his phone and heads over to the bar where Ted's grabbing another beer. "Ted, I gotta go. Robin's out of work."

"Have fun, buddy."

Barney grins as he races towards the door, delighted in the knowledge that their friends know them well enough that no further explanation is necessary – that and he really is about to have a whole lot of fun.

It's not exactly five minutes later but still some sort of commuting record as Barney arrives at Robin's apartment building and hurries up to her floor.

He knocks and hears some shuffling, followed by her distant voice informing him that, "The door's unlocked."

Barney steps inside, locking the door behind him – because, yeah, they're going to want that locked for later. "Robin?" he calls.

"I'm in the bedroom."

He grins. "Even better."

He walks down the hallway and opens her bedroom door, still smiling the smile of a man who knows he's about to have amazing sex, and with the love of his life to boot. But the sight that meets his eyes on the other side of the door stops him in place.

It's a different bedroom, a different setup, but he knows immediately what she's trying to do as she stands there in nothing but abundant candlelight, next to her rose petal covered bed, wearing the same green dress she had on that fateful night last November.

Robin tries to read Barney's face, tries to gauge his expression as he stands frozen in the doorway. She's a little embarrassed, and even more concerned at his response. After all, this isn't just putting herself out there; it's bringing up a very dark time for them. Maybe she should have left well enough alone, but for the first time in her life she finds she can't.

"Ted told me about that night. I had no idea, Barney. I really didn't. And I know it's not quite the same – Marshall and Lily weren't exactly receptive to us taking over Marvin's nursery for the night – but….." This is the part where she finds it hard to meet his eye because she's afraid he won't play along. Maybe there's some bitterness in him still – completely deserved bitterness – for what she did, and didn't do, that night. Nevertheless, she soldiers on, if a little unsurely. ".…I want a do-over."

Barney opens his mouth to speak for the first time since discovering the scene that she's set for him, but he's honestly having a little trouble finding words. "Robin, I – "

"Just, please – don't say anything yet. I know we haven't really talked about everything that happened then….."

She pauses and he can see that she's anxious, on the verge of tears even. He takes a step into the room, a step toward her. "Robin, it's okay," he assures her. "We're past that now. I'm over it."

"But I'm not," she tells him. "I need you to know why. I need you to understand. Then you'll never again think I might change my mind about us."

Just like that, he realizes the reason for all this, and he almost regrets saying anything this morning and inadvertently making her feel badly. But he knows they both agreed to try the honesty route this time around: 'If you're feeling it, you've got to say it'. No more secrets. No more holding things inside. That's what made them fall apart before. That's what made them almost lose each other forever. This morning he was being honest with her, and she's being honest with him now. Robin needs him to know, so he needs to hear it.

"Okay," he agrees, his eyes open and encouraging.

Robin takes a deep, audible breath. "Well, I guess I should start with Nora – or maybe even a little before. I know now that, even after we broke up, I never stopped loving you. Don happened – "

She sees Barney brace himself a little against the name and she wonders why she never noticed that reaction before. At the time she thought he was just being a drunk idiot, but Barney really had been truly jealous, truly hurt by that relationship.

"He happened because I was trying to force myself to move on. He seemed like the anti-you. I thought that was what I needed. He seemed so serious about us and our relationship, and at that point I was convinced you never loved me. But he turned out to be the biggest jerk ever. It took me awhile to get over the bruise to my ego. I trusted someone I shouldn't have. I took a chance and I got burned. It was kind of like Simon all over again. That, and even my safety net failed; he didn't want me either. But sundressing up to prove to you I've still got it, that was my big turning point."

Barney smiles. "I do love you in a sundress."

"I know you did that on purpose. So thank you."

"You did look super hot," he innocently replies.

"Still won't admit it, hmm?"

He shrugs slyly, as if he didn't do a thing.

Robin just smiles at him, but the love is clear in her eyes as she continues her story. "Then we really were friends again, closer than ever before. I found myself wanting to go to you all the time. When I had problems at work with Becki, I could have told anyone else, but I waited for you. I just wanted to tell you. And then later, when Ted made me feel like I wasn't good enough, like I just pushed every guy away with my independence, you were the one whose opinion I really trusted." She closes the remaining distance between them and takes his hand. "I learned that morning all over again that no one in the world can make me feel better than you can."

Barney smiles at that but doesn't say a word, doesn't want to interrupt her. He simply squeezes her hand softly and entwines their fingers.

"As time went on, I just kept gravitating towards you more and more. We were almost always together, laughing at each other jokes and flirting, and I found myself wanting to be with you again. I think a part of me realized it was only a matter of time before I ended up back in bed with you, and that frightened me. I couldn't let myself go there again, so I tried to push you to Nora. I told myself that if you were involved with someone else then I would just have to get over you. But it didn't work that way at all." She shakes her head at her own stupidity. "All summer long, we just got closer. I wanted to be with you, Barney. Not just sleep with you, but really be with you again, the two of us together. That's why I brought it up that day last fall, in the cab, how I understood why Ted would want to get back together with Zoey. But, even so, I was still afraid we'd just break up again, like before. And then you said it would be a mistake – "

Here Barney can't resist interrupting. "I only said that because I thought that's how you felt."

"And I only agreed because I thought that's how you felt. But watching you asking Nora out drove me crazy. I was going to tell you the truth at Punchy's wedding," she admits, and she can tell the revelation surprises him.

His face is full of confusion and he studies her with keen interest. "You were going to tell me you wanted to be with me way back at Punchy's wedding?" She nods. "When?"

"It was Lily's idea."

"Wait, Lily knew? Why didn't anyone tell me?" he asks, aghast.

Seeing his expression, she can't help the laughter in her voice as she answers, "I tried to. Well, I really didn't; I didn't mean to tell you at all. Lily figured it out, that I still had feelings for you. She said we have the kind of chemistry that just doesn't go away and that, whether you realized it or not, deep down you wanted to be with me."

"Lily said that?" Barney looks perplexed. "I thought she wanted to break us up."

Robin shrugs. "That was before, when she thought we weren't serious about each other. Now she knows we belong together." At that, he tugs her into his arms and she goes willing, smiling at the memory. "She said I should tell you one way or the other how I felt. Of course I thought that had to be the craziest thing she ever suggested. Actually telling you? And no matter how I felt, the two of us trying again after what happened before just didn't make sense – and everything about that scared me. My heart knew I wanted you, but my brain said it was a bad idea. So I was going to tell you that we couldn't ever be together."

"I thought you said you were going to tell me you wanted us to be together?"

"I'm getting to that part, impatient," she teases.

"Okay, sorry," he says, miming a zipper over his lips.

"I was going to tell you that we couldn't be together, but then we started dancing. It took me all of twenty seconds to realize I was in love with you and it was stupid trying to fight it. By the time we finished dancing, I wanted to kiss you. By the time my feet were back on the ground, I was ready to go upstairs with you. But I was going to tell you how I felt first. I even started to. And then Nora called."

Barney's face clouds over and she can tell he's looking back, remembering. His eyes fall closed heavily. "And then I asked you to help me win her over." When he opens his eyes again they're filled with such anguish she can't resist the impulse to run comforting fingers through the hair at his temples. "Robin, I had no idea. I thought you were done with me. I really believed it."

"I know. I know that now. It didn't feel that way at the time, though. It felt like you were choosing her over me. But all the things I said to you, for you to tell her…."

"You meant it." Realization dawns as he thinks back over her words. I know we didn't work out the first time. And I know it doesn't make any sense. But I can't shake the feeling that we belong together. Is there any part of you that wants to try again? "That's what you wanted to say to me, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"God, Robin, if I had – "

"It's okay. I know you didn't realize. But it destroyed me, watching you dating her, watching you try so hard with Nora in a way I never thought you tried or even cared with me."

He puts his hand to her neck, tips her chin up with his thumb to make sure she's looking him in the eye, to make sure she understands now what she failed to before. "Robin, I always loved you more. With Nora it was easy to make those superficial gestures because I never felt for her even close to the way I feel about you."

"You really mean that?"

He still can't quite believe the hesitancy in her voice because to him it always seemed so obvious. He thought surely she must know it too. "Of course I mean it."

Robin pauses, almost too afraid to ask this next part, terrified of what the answer will be. "And Quinn?"

Now both his hands come up to cup her face. "Baby, I love you more than anything or anyone. Ever."

A huge smile breaks out on her face. "You called me 'baby'."

Of all the things he just said, that is what she picks out. It's such a Robin thing to do that a ghost of a smile tips up the corner of his mouth. "You don't like it?"

"No. I do. Weirdly, I do." The once massive hurdle of a pet name cleared surprisingly easily, Robin returns to the main point. "You really love me more than you've ever loved anyone?"

"Easily," Barney nods.

Defying the laws of physics, somehow Robin's smile gets even bigger. "You love me the most."

The knowledge makes her so clearly happy that he doesn't even find it remotely difficult to repeat the words that once lodged so firmly in his throat. "I love you the most," he confirms.

"God, that feels good to hear," she exclaims on a sigh. "But I couldn't see it that way then. I was sure you were in love with Nora. You were serenading her and showing her all this attention, and it was literally making me crazy. I was reduced to crying underneath my desk….and under the booth at MacLaren's."

Barney gapes at her in utter shock, as if the words don't quite compute. "You were crying – actually crying – in public?" Showing vulnerability was such a rarity for Robin, and other than a handful of select exceptions – like the night of the Simon incident and Marshall's father's funeral – he'd never known her to shed tears where others could see.

"Oh, it gets so much worse. Do you remember when Nora went to France on assignment?"

"Yeah?"

"I was the one who suggested she go. And then when I agreed to help you get rid of all yours plays and you thought I was being such a good friend? I wasn't," she confesses. "I just wanted to spend time with you. With everything that almost happened with us over the summer, I thought that if I could get you alone – and this time I was actually trying – then something would definitely happen between us." He looks down at her as he digests this new information but his expression is carefully blank, and so she clarifies, "I was trying to steal you back, Barney."

A massive, cheeky grin slowly overtakes his face. "Why, Robin Scherbatsky, you little minx."

"Nothing happened though," she says with chagrin. "You were a perfect gentleman. Imagine that."

"If I had known that's what you were thinking, nothing would have stopped me from making a move on you." She makes a little sound of interest somewhere deep in her throat and he inches closer. "I would have had you naked so fast you wouldn't know what hit you – or actually you would, cause it would have been me, hittin' that over and over again all night long."

Robin laughs, rolling her eyes. "I don't know about that. You were being a good boyfriend."

"But if I'd known you were really an option, nothing else would have mattered. I would have come running. Robin, I don't think you realize what you do to me."

"What do I do to you, Barney?" she whispers, and she's biting her lip, with that look in her eye.

"Every time I'm near you, it's all I can do to keep my hands off you. It's so hard – yeah it is – to stop myself."

She gives him a sexy little smirk. "Well, if that's the case, then you're gonna love what I've got on under this."

His eyes turn smoky as they gaze down at her body. He pulls her all the way against him now, his mouth a breath away from hers. "Mmm, don't distract me yet. You say things like that and I can't think straight. But I want to hear the rest."

"Okay," she agrees, drawing back away enough to be out of the immediate danger zone. "By that point, I was getting desperate. That night at MacLaren's, I knew it was my last chance to make you want me, so I suggested we go out together."

Barney's face lights up and his mouth falls open. "I thought that was strange! You wanted us to wear slutty clothes and get drunk together, and I thought Robin's hitting on me. But I knew better than to believe it. I thought I was just imagining things, seeing something there because I wanted it to be."

"No. No, I was definitely hitting on you," Robin admits, her hands sliding down from his shoulders to his chest. "But then Nora came back early – which is what led to the crying under the booth at MacLaren's incident. But, as it turns out, your little machine must not have worked right because some girl came in looking for you, wanting to hook up. And I…."

Here her hands slide away from him although, as does her gaze, and he can tell she's ashamed of whatever she's about to confess. When it seems as if she's not going to continue, he gently encourages, "You did what?", because he doesn't want her to stop. She's opening up to him. She's telling him messy emotional things, something she absolutely hates to do, but it's illuminating a period of time when he had no idea what she was thinking – and all of his guesses are turning out to be wrong. He's begun to see that's been their biggest problem all along; they just misunderstood what the other was feeling. Lily was right; they should have talked these things out long ago, but late is better than never. "What happened after that?" he prompts.

"I kind of told her where she could find you. I was hoping she'd cause a scene, or tempt you, or somehow break you and Nora up. That was all I cared about. You hooking up with bimbos from the bar didn't bother me – " She has to stop herself because that's not entirely true. She hated watching him run plays on women after they broke out, and even more recently than that it still hurt her to see. "Okay, it didn't bother me as much because I knew that didn't mean anything to you. Nora was different. So I sent that woman to stop you. I even unbuttoned her blouse, slutted her up a little for you."

When Robin dares to meet his eye again, it's actually pride rather than disappointment that she sees reflected on his face. "See, you read my blog."

She laughs. "I'll admit I do. But…you're not mad?"

"No, I'm not mad," he says as if it's the most ridiculous thing she's ever said. And to prove as much he draws her back into his arms. "No one ever showed up at the restaurant, though."

"That's because I stopped her. At the last minute I couldn't go through with it. I knew if I loved you then I had to let you be happy, even if it wasn't with me. So I went there to stop the girl before she messed up your date. Only she wouldn't be stopped. It got real ugly from there."

"I'm sure it did, Canada," he says, affection clear in his tone.

"I couldn't let her do anything to hurt you." She whispers the next part in a rush. "So I ended up having to fight her."

Barney's eyebrows rise. "I'm sorry, you what? You had to do what?" he teases.

Robin knows full well that he heard her; he only just wants her to repeat it. When she does, the smile on her face perfectly matches his. "Yes, I had to fight her. But not for fun – this time." Barney nods, but he's grinning. "Then I got arrested for assault. That was definitely a low point, seeing you through the window with Nora as the police handcuffed me." She sighs heavily, still haunted by the pain of that memory. "And that's how I met Kevin. I was sentenced to court ordered therapy and he was assigned to my case."

Barney's quiet for a moment, just gazing at her silently. "You attacked a woman for me," he finally says.

It may not have been her proudest moment, but she nods. "Yeah."

Robin can see the smile start in his eyes before it even reaches his lips. "Wow. You really do love me, don't you?"

"Yes, I do," she laughs, her arms going up to loop loosely around his neck. "In these past weeks before we got together, while I was still trying to figure it out, I tried to think of a time when I didn't love you, but I couldn't. I didn't realize it then but, looking back, it was always just….there. Even years ago at Lily's bridal shower, when I bought that sexy lingerie, the first person – the only person – I wanted to show was you. I wanted you to be proud of how racy and daring I was. And over the years, I constantly wanted to run off and do wild and crazy things with you. I may not have showed it, but it was always the highlight of my day, being with you."

"We have had some times together, haven't we, Scherbatsky?"

"Legendary times," Robin agrees. She leans in to touch her lips to his softly, lightly, but she can feel the power of it threatening to explode and carry them both along on the tide if she lingers even a moment longer. So she pulls back, steps completely out of his arms, murmuring, "Not yet".

He chuckles softly because he can tell she's saying it more to herself than to him. "Back to the story. I want to hear it all," he assures her, "but I'm gonna be honest, I can't wait much longer."

"Neither can I." They share a look then and she knows he feels it too. They're a second away from throwing themselves at each other. She's about to give in and just do it, but she remembers this was for a reason, a good one. They still need to clear the air. They need to better understand each other and where they went wrong this past year.

She takes a deep breath, runs her hand through her hair, and moves another step back away from him for safety's sake.

Barney laughs. "That won't work," he warns.

"I know," she frowns. "Maybe we should have done this over the phone."

"No, no, go on. I'll be good."

He's got that genuine Barney look, that soft smile he saves only for her, and she knows he means it – or at least he'll try. Of course they're getting to the sobering part of their story so she figures it probably won't be that difficult. She doesn't want to go on and uncover this wound, not when things are going so perfectly between them. But she knows she has to. It's the only way it will ever truly heal.

"Barney, everything that happened with Kevin after that was just me trying to cope….And then we shared that cab ride. I brought up what happened in the hurricane on purpose, you know." She can see this surprises him, but he doesn't say anything, just waits for her to finish. "I–I didn't plan to sleep with you, but I was fishing. I was hoping for some kind of little sign that you might still have feelings for me. I tried seducing you before and that didn't work. I thought maybe I'd remind you that you once felt something for me. But when I ended up cheating with you – something I always swore I'd never do – I felt like such a horrible person. Here I thought I'd finally put my feelings for you behind me. I thought I was doing such a good job of trying to move on and let you be happy. Then I messed everything up."

Barney can't resist interrupting here, if only to correct her skewed interpretation of that night. "Robin, I slept with you too. If you remember, I was quite willing."

"But that's just it; I didn't know what you felt for me. Up until that moment, I was so sure you were in love with Nora – you were going to meet her parents even. I thought you were completely over me. That's why that night was so confusing on so many levels. And when I asked you if our sleeping together meant something to you, you kept changing your answer, and then you finally just asked me which one I wanted to hear. I thought it meant more to me then it did to you," she continues sadly. "And, really, it shouldn't have meant anything to either one of us, not when we were with other people. I could see you were upset about cheating on Nora, and I felt like – I don't know – like I'd driven you to it. I thought it would be best for both of us if we just pretended it never happened. You acted a little guilty, but it seemed like you wanted that too."

"I just wanted to go along with whatever you wanted." Barney's face is carefully even as he replies, but Robin's known him long enough and well enough to see the hurt that's still there beneath the surface that he's trying so carefully to hide.

She feels tears start to burn the backs of her eyes because now that she knows the truth – the full truth – she hates herself a little for what she did to him back then, how she broke him and delivered him straight into the arms of Quinn, how the blame for everything that's happened since falls squarely on her shoulders. No explanation is good enough, but he still deserves one.

"On the boat, when you started talking about the two of us getting back together, I didn't know what to think. It was totally out of left field, and I – " She stops short because she doesn't want to do or say anything to hurt him even more than she already has.

But he seems to read her mind. "It's okay," he nods. "Go ahead."

"I didn't know if I could trust it," she reluctantly admits. "I didn't want you just to want me, because we were good in bed or maybe the fact that we'd just slept together brought up some kind of nostalgia for something that once was. That's why I asked you why you'd want to be with me. I wanted you to tell me you loved me. That's what I needed to hear – god, I needed to hear you say it so badly. But you didn't, and I – I just couldn't break up with Kevin that night." She takes his hand, looking deep into his eyes, making sure if he hears nothing else he hears this part. "I wasn't choosing him over you, and it wasn't that I didn't love you. I did, I do. I love you too much. That's always been my problem. You said that we're both messes. We were, and that was scary. I was afraid if we got back together we'd only just fall apart again after a month, maybe two, when you lost interest or decided you'd made a mistake. Our first break up nearly killed me. I didn't think I could survive another one. Self-preservation kicked in. My first instinct was to run, and so I did."

Robin shakes her head, blows out a heavy breath and turns away, walking over to stand before the dresser, her gaze fixed steadily on a flickering candle, on the bead of wax sliding down the side of the burning votive. When she continues, her voice is small and soaked in regret. "I'm not proud of what I did to either one of you. Kevin was the safe and dependable choice. I knew just what I was getting with him. And he told me he loved me for the first time that night. He said the words I needed, even if they were from the wrong man…Most of all, in the end, I think it was just that he couldn't hurt me, but you could." The room falls silent again, but in the quiet she hears him walking over to her.

When she turns, he can see the look of pain on her face mirrors his own.

"I'm so sorry, Barney."

The tears brimming in her eyes break his heart, and more than anything he wants to comfort her, but they've finally got their timing right. Timing. He understands its importance now. And as much as he wants to comfort her, he knows isn't quite time yet. He has to let her get the rest out first.

"I realize now how much I hurt you, and I am so sorry. If I had known – " Robin's voice breaks then, tears dropping down onto her cheeks. She makes a little sound as she tries to compose herself and, even if it isn't time yet, Barney places a comforting hand on her shoulder and rubs it softly because he can't just stand idly by while she cries. "If I had know then," she tries again, "how serious you were…..if I had known you had all this – " She gestures around them at the candles and the rose petals. "– planned for me upstairs, I would have gone with you. I would have broken up with Kevin and never looked back."

Her hand covers his at her shoulder as she whispers, "I'm sorry I hurt you. I shouldn't have brought him with me that night. It wasn't my idea; he wanted to come. I could have tried harder to get him to go home, but mainly I was afraid of facing you alone. I thought that once I saw you I'd just spill out the truth, or if we were alone together I wouldn't be able to fight how much I wanted to be with you. Kevin was my safety barrier. I shouldn't have come to MacLaren's at all but I honestly didn't know if you would go through with it, and I wanted to see. I wanted to see for myself if you really did break up with Nora and come there to meet me. It was selfish, and hurtful, and I'm sorry. There will never be words that are good enough, but that's the reason. I was just terrified of how much I loved you. That love gave you power, and that's always frightened me. I was afraid you would hurt me, or I would hurt you. That we'd both hurt each other again and end up not even friends. But that happened anyway."

Hearing it all from Robin's perspective, Barney can see for the first time how bad it really must have seemed in her eyes. In fact, he comes off looking like a bit of a jackass – forgetting he had a girlfriend, changing his answer, telling her she was a mess, never once mentioning actual feelings. Were he in her shoes, he probably would have reacted the same way.

He moves his other hand up to cup her face, his thumb wiping away a stray tear from across her cheekbone. "Robin, I'm an idiot. All this time I was so sure that you didn't love me – that I just wasn't good enough for you – and that's why you stayed with Kevin. Because you loved him and not me, because he gave you something I couldn't. And.…maybe I was a little mad at you, at first, for leading me on."

Robin's eyes drop away from his and she nods in understanding. "You had every right to be."

He shakes his head, tilting her chin back up to meet his gaze. "No, because I never stopped and let myself see that not once did I ever tell you how I felt. I wanted you to lay it all on the line and take a chance with me, but I never even told you what I was offering. But I was confused too, Robin. After our talk on the sidewalk, when you said we couldn't just run back to the past, I thought that was your answer, that you absolutely didn't want to think about us again. I mean, you literally pushed me at Nora. I thought I had to move on, and I tried so hard to settle down and be a good boyfriend to her but – " He pauses, and this time he's the one looking squarely at her, making sure she's really hearing him now. "I always still loved you. And when you started dating Kevin? God, I hated that guy," Barney says with exaggerated annoyance that makes Robin smile. "But I thought you'd moved on just like you wanted me to. I was positive I was the furthest thing from your mind. Until that night in the cab, when I started kissing you and you kissed me back."

His thumb caresses a gentle path across her skin. "Being with you again – Robin, I didn't even realize I cheated. I forgot there even was a Nora. My whole world came down to you and me in that bed. Nothing else existed for me. The only reason I kept changing my answer if it meant anything to me was because I didn't want to say too much if you weren't feeling it too. I was afraid of telling you how I felt and then hearing you say you didn't feel that same way. But in the end, pride or no pride, I couldn't go through with it. I couldn't pretend anymore, even if you could. That's why I asked you to break up with Kevin and meet me that night. But I see now that I was asking too much without telling you first. If I was terrified you didn't feel the same way, then of course you'd be feeling that too."

She sees fierce determination light his eyes as he continues. "And you know something? You're not a mess. That's not what I meant. I just meant we're so alike. We understand each other like no one else ever has. We both have our problems, yes, but together we're perfect. I should have told you that. I should have told you how I felt. I was going to," he promises, "later that night."

"In my room?" Robin asks regretfully, but she can already guess the answer. And she knows what that means; they could have been together for the past year. She hates all of the wasted months, all of the lost moments that could have been theirs.

Barney nods. "Yeah. I was only just figuring it out myself. Deep down, I always knew I loved you, but I didn't know if it was 'meant to be'; I just knew I wanted it to be. Then when I went back to Nora's place to break up with her, her parents were there a night early. Her dad started talking about how when you meet the right person you just know it. They're your best friend and your soul mate, the one you can't stop thinking about, the one you can't wait to spend the rest of your life with, the one that nothing and no one else could ever compare to. I couldn't help but think of you, and all you've meant to each other. And I realized it then, just like that – like lightening, like Ted always said," Barney admits with chagrin, "that you were all those things for me: my best friend, my soul mate, the one woman nothing and no one could ever hold a candle to, the one who I dreamed of spending the rest of my life with. I rushed back to tell you all of that."

He looks around at the candles and rose petals she's replicated from that night. "That's why I did this," he tells her. "I wanted to show you how special you are to me. I never got that chance, but I realize now it's my own fault. I should have told you how I felt beforehand. I never gave you a reason to break up with Kevin. I was just so sure you would. The way we were together the night before….." Robin watches his eyes take on a faraway look. She knows he's remembering, but this time it isn't pain she reads on his face but something she's must more comfortable with: affection with a touch of lust. "The way we made love, I was so sure you must feel the same way."

"I did, I was just running away from what I felt because I thought that was the best thing for both of us. But when Quinn happened, when I found out you were dating her, I couldn't even speak for five minutes straight." And he knows she isn't exaggerating. He can read the truth of it, the pain of it, clearly on her face. "But there was nothing I could do," she says emphatically. "I didn't have a right to say anything. You'd moved on, and I wanted you to be happy. I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping it all inside, by suppressing it and pretending I didn't still love you. But every time I saw you with her, I hated it. I couldn't bear it, Barney." After all this time, like a dam bursting, it all comes spilling out. "That's why I skipped out on Lily's baby shower, because I just couldn't go there and see the two of you together. And that night when I had to fly the helicopter, when I could have died….Ted was right; I didn't see my whole life, just the thing I love. I saw you."

Barney's expression changes to somewhere caught between surprise, amazement, and pure happiness. "You saw me?" he asks, smiling.

"I saw us, all our little moments. When it came right down to it, Barney, you were the only thing that mattered."

"Do you remember my bus accident, where Ialmost died?"

She looks at him incredulously. "How could I forget that?"

"I saw you," he says, so simple and straightforward, but the truth of it holds such gravity – the force and meaning of which she's only just beginning to understand. "The paramedics say it was touch and go for a while there, and all I saw was you."

A crinkle of confusion forms over the bridge of Robin's nose. "What about the suit of money? And the boobs lactating scotch?"

Barney laughs. "Nope. It was you. Just you. That's when I knew for sure I was in love with you, that I loved you more than I've ever loved anything."

He can see the tears pooling in her eyes again as she tells him, "I never knew that." She shakes her head. "God, we are such a pair."

"In four and a half years, I should have told you."

"I should have told you about mine. It would have saved us both so much heartache, but I didn't want to mess things up for you and Quinn. It felt like you'd made your choice, and it wasn't me, and I had to learn to live with that." Her hands drop away from him, and he can tell just by looking at her that it still hurts to talk about. "When I found out you asked her to marry you, that you were engaged, I can't even describe it. Knowing that was it, that I'd lost you forever, the pain was so intense. That first night was easily the worst night of my life. It felt like a part of me would just die. And maybe it did, until you brought it back to life." She exiles heavily, her eyes drifting away from his to a point somewhere on the far wall. "Even now, after everything that's happened, I still can't stand to hear her name. It's like little pricks to the heart or a punch to the gut, just instantly nauseous and upset."

Barney doesn't want to hurt Robin any more, and clearly this conversation does, but he doesn't understand why Quinn should hold any power over her now. "Because you hated her that much?" he prompts gently.

"No, because you loved her that much. You were going to marry her, Barney. You really were going to marry her."

"Robin, everything you said about Kevin, how he happened because you thought I loved Nora and you had to move on? That's exactly what happened with Quinn. I thought you'd never love me – in my mind, you'd made that very clear – and so I had to move on. I know you think almost marrying her was a big deal for me and it must mean I was crazy in love with her. I get that now; everything that's happened these past few months is because you were trying to back off and let me go, let me be happy." Barney stops, taking her hands in his. "But the truth is I was really just heartbroken, and lonely, and desperate, trying to hold on to anything I could and find some meaning in it. But I always wanted it to be you instead."

She throws her arms around him then and pulls him into a fierce embrace. Maybe after all these years Lily is starting to rub off on her, but Robin can't help thinking a good, long hug is what they both need. And there's hardly a better feeling in the world than simply being held by him. She closes her eyes as she feels one of his hands slide up from her back to stroke through her hair, and they stay that way for the longest time, until Robin eventually breaks the silence.

"Barney," she says, pulling back to look at him, "I think we were both idiots." The truth of that makes him laugh and she joins along with him. "We were. We both should have told each other how we felt. It's more my fault than yours. If I would have just had the courage to show up alone that night then you would have told me you loved me, and I would have told you, and we'd be together all this time. We wasted so much time not telling each other how we felt."

"Never again. Let's never do that again, Robin."

She nods. "From now on, I'm all in if you are."

"You know I am."

They look over at each other, smiling, and the mood starts to shift. She can feel that he wants to kiss her, and she wants to kiss him too. They've earned this. Through all their mistakes and missteps and misunderstandings, they've earned this. It's their time now, their season to finally be together, and she doesn't want to waste a second of it.

"Let's make this our grand do-over. We'll start all over tonight the way we should have back then. So…." She smirks at him, and there's heat in this smile that he can feel all the way down to his toes. "If I had shown up alone and you brought me upstairs to this romantic scene…" Her eyebrow arches at him, a silent challenge. "Then what?"

Barney grins – a smile that's half love and half sex and all for her – as he steps even closer. Robin feels her heart pick up already, before he's even touched her.

"The first thing I would have done was try very hard to keep my hands off you until I told you how I felt." He gives her a mischievous look that's just so Barney it makes her heart ache. "Of course I wouldn't have succeeded. As soon as the bedroom door closed, it would be a hand here." He puts his hand on her waist. "And a hand there." His other hand goes to her shoulder, his thumb sliding over her collarbone again and again in a rhythmic pattern.

She bites her lip, asks, "What next?", and he smiles.

He's not sure if it's the lip thing or her breathless tone, but he knows he has her. She belongs to him. Oh, Robin Scherbatsky is forever her own woman, true enough. But her heart belongs to him – finally, he's come to realize just how much – and, in moments like this, her body too. "And then I would have looked into her eyes – " He does just that. "– and I would have said, 'Robin, I love you. I've always loved you. I always will love you. There's nothing in this world I want more than to be with you. And I will do anything to make that happen." There are tears in his eyes as he struggles to get through the rest. "I will do anything to see that we're together and we stay that way forever'."

Robin reaches up and presses her palm to his cheek, her thumb running the path of his jaw line. "And I would have said, 'Barney, I love you too, more than I even knew was possible. And I want all of that with you – only you – forever'."

His eyes drift down to her mouth. "Then we would have kissed."

"Mm-hmm."

In all the years they've danced around each other, loved each other, and then danced around some more, they've so rarely had kisses with a slow build up. They've had a handful of almost-kisses, but those were all build up with no fulfillment. Their actual kisses were always full speed ahead. Their fateful kiss last November was probably the closest they've ever came to build up and fulfillment.

They're both discovering now there's something tantalizing and immensely satisfying in experiencing both sides at once. But like so many of their kisses before, the moment their lips touch, they're both gone. It goes from slow build up to open-mouthed, tongue-tangled passion in a matter of seconds.

When they finally break apart, Barney's eyes trail from her lips, down her neck, to her emerald-covered breasts. "The neckline of that dress drove me crazy."

His hands slide down from cupping her face, holding her steady in place for his kisses, to trace along the deep V of the dress's neckline. The tips of his fingers brush against Robin's skin and her already rapid breathing increases. The rise of fall of her chest is hypnotic as he touches her, and he can't resist curling his hands, dipping the backs of his fingers beneath the fabric to brush across the skin that's still covered as he continues to follow the dress's path down her neck to her breasts and back again, over and over, teasing her but not yet touching her the way she craves. He's driving her to distraction and they both know it.

"For months on end, I watched you in pants and blouses – so professional, so buttoned-up, so covered. But not this dress." He takes his hands away to better admire her and she whimpers softly in protest. "In this dress your boobs said, 'Here I am. Come play with me'."

"They're definitely saying that now."

Barney grins. "Are they?" And he finally allows them what they both want, cupping her softly through the dress.

"Every part of me is saying that," Robin breathes, leaning into him and pressing herself further into his palms.

But his hands ghost away, moving down to unfasten her black belt. "Well, we can't disappoint them."

He soon discovers what he never got to that night last fall. The emerald dress has more than just a neckline that taunted him. It's a sort of a wrap dress, and with some very slight unraveling it opens completely. He wonders for a second what was subconsciously going through her mind that night last November when she chose such a dress to meet him in for the first time since making love the night before. But all thoughts are thrown from his mind when he peels the dress apart to reveal the scant amount of black lace beneath, and then nothing but Robin – soft, and warm, and inviting – for as far as the eye could see.

She's wearing a push-up bra that's doing amazing things for her breasts and a thong that's little more than a tiny scrap of fabric just barely covering the good parts. "Wow. You were not kidding about what you've got on underneath."

"Uh-huh," she beams proudly. "I was going to get something more elaborate, but then I remembered how impatient you are and your tendency to start ripping things before looking for hooks and closures."

"Hey," he says in mock offense, but his blue eyes have that kid-in-a-candy-store look as he slides her dress down her arms, discarding it onto the footstool, one of the only surfaces in the room that isn't covered in burning candles. "I always bought you new things to replace them."

"And ripped those ones too," Robin laughs. "It was a vicious cycle."

Barney levels her with a single, seductively challenging look. "I don't remember you complaining."

"Nope," she says, stepping into him. "Rip away."

He takes her into his arms, and his mouth is on hers again, and it all gets a little frantic and hazy for a while as they stumble towards the bed. Then he lays her down on the petals, as he would have a year ago, and stops kissing her long enough to step back and admire the sight.

Barney stands there, looking down at Robin, and softly shakes his head. "You're beautiful," he whispers in awe.

She smiles, blushing. It's a rare but adorable look on her. "You just saw me last night," she reminds him. "And this morning."

"I'll never get tired of looking."

"Come here," she beckons to him, moving up onto her knees to meet him as he sits down on the bed. She pulls him to her by the lapels of his suit coat, and murmurs against his lips, "You're wearing too many clothes. But I can fix that." She gives in and kisses him again, lets her tongue slide over his for a moment before breaking away to strip him of his coat, tossing it over to land atop her dress on the footstool.

Robin starts to loosen Barney's tie but gives up and touches her lips to his again, and it's stop and go for awhile as she alternately works at the knot and kisses him. Finally, she pulls it free from his collar, and a sudden idea occurs to her. "Do you want to see my absolute favorite look on you? Well, second favorite," she corrects. She strips him of his suit coat, and opens the first button of his shirt, then each wrist, rolling up his sleeves to just below the elbow. She draws back to admire her work, giving him a heated onceover with a little shiver she doesn't even have to fake.

"That does it for you, huh?" Barney asks with amusement.

"Yes," she exhales, looking like she wants to eat him up, which he's not at all opposed to.

"I'll make a note of that. It's easier than scars and missing teeth. But it's only your second favorite look. What's your first, or do I even need to ask?" he says, drawing her to him.

"Birthday suited up, all the way. Definitely your best look."

He gives her a wink, accompanied by a click of his tongue. "You know it, baby."

Robin laughs, shakes her head. "You never change, do you?"

"Oh, this is the new and improved version – thanks to you," he smiles. "But the fundamentals of the original Barnacle will always stay the same."

"Good. I wouldn't want it any other way."

She climbs onto his lap then, straddles him, as she attacks the remaining buttons of his shirt, her open mouth working over his neck all the while. Once she manages to free his shirt from his pants, she discards it at the foot of the bed. "Halfway there," she declares, with a saucy wink of her own. Her hands roam over his chest a moment and then she lunges for his mouth again, kissing him feverishly as her fingers slide down to his belt.

That's as long as Barney can go before his hand drifts up from her hip to unhook her bra with practiced ease. He lets it fall away and then tosses it to the ground, which momentarily stops their makeout session as Robin sits back on his thighs, waiting for his I-just-saw-boobs face.

And there it is.

He just stares at her for the longest time, his eyes taking in every last inch of skin. She chuckles softly with affectionate amusement – which inadvertently adds a little jiggle to the sight, further scrambling his brain cells.

"Barney," Robin says, sliding off his lap, making sure to rub across the good places as she goes. That gets his attention.

She lies down, stretching her arms up over her head, her back arching up to him like the perfect offering. "Come play with me."

Barney's face breaks out into the hugest smile, because somehow he's lucky enough to have this woman as his playmate for the rest of their lives. Lowering himself down to her, he slides his arms beneath her, pulling her up close against him, and buries his face in her breasts.

And they play all night in the rose scented room.

AN: So that was really a prologue to the rest of the story. I just wanted to have the characters deal with their sometimes inexplicable behavior toward one another over the past few years (I referred to 12 episodes specifically: Twin Beds; Big Days; Subway Wars; Baby Talk; Garbage Island; Challenge Accepted; The Best Man; The Stinson Missile Crisis; Disaster Averted; Playbook; Bachelor Party; Tick, Tick, Tick, in that order). Now that they've finally aired it out, talked about things, and realized their misunderstandings, they can put it behind them for good.

The rest of the chapters will just be loosely woven together. You won't need to read them all, or in order, to understand what's happening. It's just a chronological picture of their lives. I'm really excited about the next two chapters. The next one will deal with the question of Ted, and then some Barney/Robin antics at MacLaren's, as well as a couple of different flashbacks. The one after that will feature Barney and Robin babysitting Marvin and deal with the question of her infertility. Writing has been a little slower going in the summer, however, so Chapter 2 probably won't be up for another couple of weeks and Chapter 3 not until August. We'll see if I can get it done faster though.