Don't Wake up in a Roadside Ditch

Darknessxxx

Authors Notes: I admit it, I am a hack. What can I say? The idea is funny. You know I don't own these characters.

"Hello and thank you for calling 'Townsville Phone and Cable'" a human voice said.

"Finally, a voice that isn't a recording" Professor Utonium said, relieved. "I've been on hold, listening to automated messages for the past 3 hours!"

"And what is the nature of your call today?" the representative asked tonelessly.

"Like I've told the fifteen recordings before you" The Professor said through clenched teeth. "Five of the channels I'm paying for are not being displayed, and I am calling find out why!"

"Very well" the representative said. "Please hold, while I transfer your call."

"But I've been on hold for the last..." The Professor began.

"HELLO! THANK YOU FOR CALLING 'TOWNSVILLE PHONE AND CABLE'" a machines voice cut him off.

"3 hours" the professor finished. "Okay okay, at least I'm on the right track now" he reassured himself.

"-BEEP- HELLO AND THANK YOU FOR CALLING 'TOWNSVILLE PHONE AND CABLE'" the automated answering machine repeated. "UNFORTUNATLY, YOU ARE CALLING AFTER BUSINESS HOURS AND YOUR CALL CANNOT BE BROUGHT THROUGH." The Professor's heart sunk. "PLEASE CALL BACK DURING REGULAR BUSINESS HOURS, WEEKDAYS 9AM UNTIL YOU FOR CHOOSING 'TOWNSVILLE PHONE AND CABLE'."

The Professor stared blankly ahead of him, his phone still pressed against his ear.

"But" The Professor said angrily." I Called 3 Hours Ago!" he accented each word, as he angrily slammed the phone back on its receiver.

The Professor rubbed on his temples in an attempt to calm his anger.

"Throw it here Blossom!"

The Professor looked up. Through the window he could see his girls, playing catch outside. Figuring that it would be a good way to blow off some steam, he went outside to join them.

"Nice one Buttercup" Bubbles said as she caught a ball thrown from her sister.

"Hey girls" The Professor said as he came outside. "Mind if I join?"

"Of course we don't mind!" Bubbles said with a smile.

"In that case, give your old man a fast one!" The Professor said, stretching his arms.

"Okay, how fast?" Bubbles asked.

"As fast as you got!" The Professor said, now stretching his neck.

"As fast as I got?" Bubbles asked, sounding doubtful. "Are you sure Professor?"

"Yes Bubbles" The Professor replied, assuming a catchers stance.

"Um..." Bubbles hesitated. She looked to her sisters, Blossom shrugged, while Buttercup nodded her approval. "Okay..." Bubbles said. "Here it comes." She closed her eyes and threw the ball to the Professor, as hard as she could.

"Okay Mr. Utonium, the swelling should go away in a few weeks. But in the meantime, you will have to wear this eye-patch until then."

The Professor groaned, and rubbed the fabric covering up his swollen left eye.

After Bubbles apologized, profusely, he went to his doctor. The Professor thanked the doctor for the treatment, and left the building. Walking down the street he heard a threatening voice coming from behind him.

"Hey pop!" The professor recognized the voice. It belonged to Ace, of the gang-green gang. "We were wondering if you got twenty bucks you could lend us."

The Professor turned to face them. Upon doing so, he saw their faces going from smug authority, to worry.

"L-l-l-look man" Ace stuttered. "You don't have to give us anything, if you don't want to."

"What?" The Professor said, confused.

"Y-y-y-yeah" Lil Arturo said. "It's not like we'd be foolish enough to ask someone as tough as you clearly are."

"Um, okay?" The Professor's confusion was growing.

"Y-y-ya know what? Why don't you just forget we were even here and have yourself a nice day" Ace said to him. Then he and his cohorts fled, leaving The Professor utterly confused.

"That was weird" The Professor said to himself. "I wonder what got them so..."

As he turned to walk away, he caught his reflection in the reflective glass off a nearby office building.

"Hey" he said to himself as he admired his reflection. The addition of an eye-patch gave him a certain something. The Professor thought it made him look good; made him look cool; make him look "I look tough" he said.

He strutted his way down the street, people's heads turning as he passed.

'Oh yeah' he thought to himself. 'That's right' he nodded to a group of young women. 'I'm tough!'

"Hey tough guy!" The Professor turned around find out who was addressing him. He found out that it was 'The RowdyRuff Boys', floating, a few feet of the ground, their arms crossed.

"My brother's and I saw how tough you look" Brick said. "And we were wondering..." he stuck his face in front of The Professor's. "...How tough are you?"

The Professor groaned as he regained consciousness. Looking around, he found himself lying in a ditch next to the side of the road. He felt terrible; his stomach ached, from where the boy's had hit him, his jaw hurt, and he had trouble seeing out of his good eye.

Picking himself up, he saw a bus pull up on the opposite side of the road. On the side of the bus was an advertisement for 'Townsville Phone and Cable'

The sign read:

'DOES YOUR CABLE COMPANY KEEP YOU ON HOLD FOR HOURS AT A TIME?'

Authors Notes: I can hardly believe that I just wrote this. Like I said before, the idea is funny, at least I thought it was funny. Anyway, now that this is out of my head, I can get back to that other story I'm writing.