Oh, no, I see

A spider web, and it's me in the middle

Coldplay- Trouble

Facing Reality

Ch. 9

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( )

( )

For Marlyn and Brittney.

You figure that the world hates you, that every living and breathing thing on this earth hates you. Here you are standing in a small, condensed hospital room watching your dream take place right in front of your eyes. What makes this situation worst is that Beck is here too. Both of you are faking smiles and pretending that this isn't awkward but mainly pretending that this isn't the tiny-bit painful.

Your already tired and cranky from your long flight back. The minute you landed Beck was there to pick you and Chessa up. He too had received a stressed out call early in the morning from Robbie meaning that both of you were headed towards the hospital. Thanks to this, Chessa was dropped off at Holly and David's house. You hate that you had to be there for Cat because it takes away from the last day you had with Chessa for the next two weeks. You also hate it because she seems to end up there a lot. You're her guardian (as well as Beck) so you should be the one to take care of her at all times even when your life gets more than a little stressful.

So for the remainder of your day you spent your time in a crowded waiting room sitting next to your now ex-husband. Neither or you talked except when a panicked Robbie came rushing out every ten minutes to ask questions about what Cat should do and how she should be feeling. You answered most of them because after all you are an expert on the subject. You have been ever since Tori found out she was pregnant with Chessa. Being her friend – best friend – you needed to be the one she could come to if she needed answers to the million of questions that ran through her young and scared mind.

( )

"It said five minutes," Tori say's in a panic. "Has it been five minutes?" She has been pacing the bathroom floor of your new house like crazy. You're sitting on the cool tile floor still in awe that you and Beck could afford a place like this. It's wide and spacious and keeps your guys' privacy all while being located on the beach. You love your job and that doing what you love has gotten you this.

"Tori, you pissed on the damn thing exactly one minute ago," You reply looking down at the timer you had set on your Pear Phone. "Just relax, okay."

"How can I relax Jade?!" she yells back. If she wasn't such a nervous wreck you would've snapped back at her. But you two are friends now.

You pull you phone out from your lap to check the timer. Hitting the home button your lock screen appears and you cant help the smile that appears on your face when you see the picture that's there. Its an old one, a selfie you and Beck took of you both smiling in your old crappy apartment covered in your dingy white sheets, lying on your bed. He had just proposed to you and in light of you saying yes, both of you wanted to celebrate. An hour or so later you ended up exhausted and happy lying in his arms. He said over and over again that he needed a picture to remember the day.

That day that you officially became his. You feel your smile grow even more.

Typing in your pass code the phone unlocks showing the timer. "Tori you only have a minute or so less so please just calm down. I don't need you passing out before the results show up."

She grabs the still blank test in her hand and sets it between you and her and joins you on the floor. "I'm scared out my mind Jade." She admits to you. "I'm so young, and so is Andre. I mean he is just now starting to get accomplished in life and the last thing he needs is a kid and a wife at home limiting him."

"But he loves you and he's talked about having a family ever since I can remember. Trust me, if you are pregnant it's going to be for the best. You guys can live a perfect life," You tell her which puts a slight smile on her face.

"Your right. Whatever happens is meant to be," She sighs then says, "You and Beck have been married for a while now and you guys have a lot of sex –"

"We do not," you say quickly cutting her off with a lie.

"Oh, don't lie to me Jade. I feel gross just being in this house because who knows what you two have done in it yet. This bathroom alone can be filled with nothing but – "

"Get to your point," you say blushing. You guys broke in the bathroom last week and it was amazing.

"Well, do you two have any plans to start a family?"

"That is the last thing on our mind. We have filming and we just got this place, which wasn't cheap. We wouldn't have time to raise some snotty nose kid," you pause to look down at the test lying between you guys and smile. "But you better make time cause the thing turned pink."

You remember the shock and joy that was plastered on her face. You'll never forget it.

( )

You don't even remember leaving Cat's hospital room but you find yourself walking alone in an abandoned hall of the hospital. You feel sick to stomach because you couldn't take the sweetness and joy of the moment. Cat gave birth to a boy and you fucking hate that. You especially hate that her and Robbie thought that it would be memorable to name him after Tori and Andre.

Troy Andrew Shapiro. Weighing in at 7lbs and 6 oz.

You fucking hate it.

Everything you've wanted for so long was lying in the hands of Cat and Robbie. You tried to have a baby and you tried for so long. They didn't try one bit and just magically Cat was pregnant.

"Jade?" You keep walking down the hallway upon hearing your name.

You don't want to talk to him.

"Jade, wait!" He calls after you again so you pick up your pace. Suddenly you feel your arm being pulled and you're face to face with him. "Why did you leave?" he asks, releasing your arm but still angles you so that you cant go anywhere. You get a chance to look him dead in the face. He looks tired and stressed.

His hair rests past his shoulders now and he hasn't really shaven since the last time you saw him. Bags gather under his brown eyes and your thoughts go to the day you fought with him at the burial. The only difference from now and then is that he's sober and not calling you a selfish bitch for leaving him so many months ago.

You cant help but wonder now if he was yelling at you because you left or because of you and Andre.

You figure both.

You ask him to move but he instead stands there waiting for you to answer his original question. Shaking your head you look down at the tile floor that is the same pale color of the ugly hospital walls. He should know why you left. He should remember how depressed you were when you found out Cat was pregnant and that it happened un-planned.

"I know that it hurts, but that doesn't mean you cant be the littlest bit happy for Cat and Robbie."

"Just get away from me," You reply.

"You must think that I don't feel hurt or betrayed either. You think that you are the only one who has ever been hurt in the course of our entire relationship. Hell, not just our relationship but with anyone you have ever gotten into a fight with. It's not all about you, Jade!"

"Bullshit."

"They were going to be my kids too." He whispers barley loud enough for you to hear. But you do hear and like everything else that comes out of his mouth it cuts you deep. The 8 words finally make you realize that he is right. They were going to be his kids as well. You figured that since it was your body that went through the multiple miscarriages that it was you who could only feel the depression that still lurks inside of you today.

"I know that." You manage to say back.

"Do you really know that?" He asks you. "You don't know how bad I want to just get out of this hospital or better yet go back in time and try everything that I can to make it be me and you in Cat and Rob's position." You catch the small smile that creeps up on the corner of his mouth when he says the last part.

You bite your lip as the silence that over takes the pervious conversation makes you feel awkward. Beck can feel it too so he steps back away from you finally giving you your space back. For some reason you liked it better when he was that close to you.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" He asks after a few minutes of silence go by. When you don't respond right away he adds in, "So we can just clear our heads and stuff. We can still be friends, Jade.''

You nod your head and follow next to him down the rest of the hall.

( )

"Do you want to know what this day reminds me of," Beck asks you randomly. You've been walking alongside him for about ten minutes now and neither of you have muttered a word.

It's been very awkward.

"What?" You reply while looking down at your shoes. You don't want to look him in the face. Its over dramatic you know, but the only thought that has been running through your mind since you started this walk was what your child would've looked like if it was born on today. Your child that was going to be part you, and part Beck.

" The day Chessa was born. How crazy everything was for all of us." You smile at the memory of Chessa's birth because it was in-fact crazy. "That's one of my favorite days ever spent with you."

The last sentence takes your focus off your shoes and forces you to look up at him. You don't even notice that both of you have stopped walking and have come to the end of another abandoned hallway in this humongous hospital.

He stares back at you and you know that he is replaying the memory of Chessa's birth in his head. Or maybe he is imagining what facial features of yours would've showed up on the baby.

Dammit, Jade.

You need to stop this.

He's your EX-husband now, remember?

He must've taken your silence as you being angry for him bringing up the past, so he remains quite and looks away from you. But then suddenly he turns his head back to face you and there is this look in his eye that tells you he's about say something you won't want to hear. "That day, Jade –that amazing day – it showed me that you and I were meant to be together," He pauses after that and then changes the subject.

"This thing that is going on between us isn't right." He steps closer to you making you hold your breath. But you won't look away from him. "We shouldn't be divorced, Jade. Especially over some a stupid goddamn lie!" His tone is scary and you look down back at your shoes. " Don't avoid this Jade." He places a strong grip on your chin forcing you to look back up at him. You're scared of him in this moment. He's been holding this in all day you can tell. You just want to go home and get away from him. You two are done for and you both need to finally realize it.

"We are not done for, Jade and you know it." You curse your self mentally for saying that aloud. His hand is still on your chin and your breathing grows rapid. You want to leave this hospital and escape from him for good. You already gave him a turn to talk and tell you the truth about Mellissa but he still lied. How can you know that he isn't lying to you right now, that he hasn't been lying to you all along from the very start?

"We are done, Beck! You and I aren't meant to be and we have both clearly proven that! For Christ-sake you got another girl pregnant and lied to me about it! I started to forgive you after the funeral and you still didn't tell me the whole truth!"

"It's really sad that you've managed to lie to yourself, Jade. I know that you know that Mellissa is nothing but an attention-seeking whore, who just used us as apart of her scheme to become more famous and get more money. If that bitch is pregnant, it's sure as hell not mine and there was never a chance that it could be mine. I know that you know that, Jade. I just want to know why you're so scared to admit that you love me still and that you know I love you too."

It comes quick when his lips crash down on yours. How could you go from not speaking to friends to this. He kisses you with all he has and it amazing. It shows you that he was right.

You're kissing him.

You're believing him.

He never cheated on you. He loves you. And you finally come to realize that you've known it all along. So you decide to kiss him back and for once in a long time you let the feelings for him that you've kept tucked away for almost a year now escape and come free.

"I shouldn't have signed those damn divorce papers," Beck sighs out breaking your kiss and resting his forehead against yours.

"Why did you?"

"Because, I thought that giving you all you wanted would make you realize what you really needed. We can make this work, Jade."

"But –"

"No, don't over think this. I've forgiven you for leaving me and for all the things you did in New York," He whispers the last part. "So I need you to say out loud that you forgive me too, even if everything was a lie. I need you to say that Mellissa Ray was nothing but a liar and turned you against me. Please, just say it."

You manage to say it and it scares you how truthful it all sounds. Once your done he leans back down to kiss you again. He manages to slip his tongue into your mouth to deepen the kiss. You feel elevated with all the stress of today being lifted off your shoulders. The kiss gets so intense that you find yourself running your hands through his hair and – oh how you've been a complete fool for letting all of this go!

"I'm sorry." You utter breaking away from the kiss. You couldn't control your thoughts from going back to New York and what you did to him and to Tori and Andre.

"Lets not talk about it."

"No, we have too. I'm sorry for everything I did in New York with Andre and for hurting you. Just now, with me finally coming to realize that you're innocent and have been the whole time, makes me feel even worse for what I did to you and what I did to Tori and Andre's marriage. Sometimes I think that if I would've believed you from the beginning and stayed here in LA, that maybe they wouldn't have gotten in to that stupid car. Its practically my fault that they're dead, Beck! It's my fault that Chessa no longer has a mom or dad! Its all my fault!" You don't even realize your crying until Beck has wrapped his arms around you in a hug. He squeezes you tightly and rubs your back soothingly.

"It's not you fault Jade, okay. That is one thing that is and will never be your fault." His tone is so serious and he doesn't give you any chance to respond. He leans down to kiss you again. Its sweeter than before and its almost as if he's feeling your pain at the moment. The tenderness doesn't last long as he deepens the kiss making you feel on cloud 9 again. It stays that way for a while the back and forth, and the fighting of your tongues. For the second time today you come to realize that this man truly loves you and that he would never ever hurt you. There is no more trying to deny it. He is yours and you are his even if you two are divorced now.

Beck&Jade seem to always make it through in the end. Always.

"Come home with me." He says out of breath but still leans down to kiss you on your neck, making you moan. You can't think as he nips quietly at your skin but you think that you reply with an okay.

( )

"Do you think that it worked?" Beck asks rolling off top of you. You are both panting hard and loud trying your best to catch your breath. It takes you awhile to respond because your body is still recovering. You don't know how he manages to take you to that moon and back each time you two have sex. It was more special this time though because it was more than just for the pleasure it was to add on to your family. To come together as one and make something – someone – human. One half Beck and the other half you.

"Are you kidding me? It had to have worked. You were amazing." You turn on your side to face him and smile. His hair is a mess, his skin is sweaty and overall he looks beautiful to you.

Turning to face you he eyes meet yours as you were still staring at him. "What?" he asks, a grin pulling on the sides of his mouth. You don't answer, as your smile grows wider. " Tell me why you're so happy?" He leans forward and kisses your neck and you bite your lip. He continues to ask why you're so happy in between kisses. After what seems like forever he breaks away from your body and stares into your eyes. "Damn," He whispers. " For you to be this happy after sex means that my moves have gotten amazing. I knew that you would like it if we tried something new."

You laugh at loud to his statement. "I'm happy because of two things." You say in between laughs.

"So it wasn't just my moves?"

"No, it was your definitely moves," You say causing the past 40 minutes to replay in your head. Snapping out of it you add in, "and just now when I was staring at you I couldn't help but imagine what this sucker is going to look like when he or she finally arrives."

Beck smiles and pulls you under his arm drawing you closer. You rest your head on his bare smooth chest and start to trace patterns going up and down his stomach. "You know that sometimes it doesn't work on the first try, Jade," He says seriously. You swallow hard for it is the first time you ever thought about it not working.

"You're right, it is our first time and it might not work, and if doesn't work this time it just means we can more nights like this until it does. But I just have feeling that worked. Again, babe, you were amazing."

"You weren't so bad yourself." You playfully slap his chest. "I'm kidding," He says gripping your chin causing you to look up at him and you find your-self imagining again. " Jadelyn August Oliver, you, my lovely wife, you're a sex goddess." You can't resist kissing him and he leans so deep into you that it leads to a round two.

A sexy, beautiful, wild, sweaty, and even more amazing and hot round two.

( )

Beck Oliver knows his way around your body. You figured that after almost an entire year that your body would be foreign to him. Especially after it was touched by his dead best friend. But luckily it's not like that at all. It's as if you two were never separated for so long. He manages to make you feel fantastic and it's beautiful because he focus on making you feel good and special and loved.

He makes you feel complete and who knew that having sex with your ex-husband could be so fucking fantastic.

Beck Oliver is Fucking Fantastic.

Making love with Beck Oliver is fucking fantastic.

You love that you can call it that again, making love. You two were always so good at it in the past.

"I love you so much, Jade," Beck whispers in your ear. His bare chest rises and falls against yours. You whisper the same three words back and bring his head down close enough for your lips to meet. Somewhere in the back of your mind it scares you that you've fallen back into the same pattern with him.

But then you figure that there is no need to be scared. The two of you had only been divorced for a couple of days.

He rolls off top of you and gets out of the bed. You lean up wrapping the sweaty sheets around your naked body, "where are you going?" You ask.

"To the bathroom," He chuckles. Before going into the bathroom that is located in the room he leans down over the bed to kiss you. "I love you so much," He says and then exits into the bathroom shutting the door behind him.

You love being in this house again.

You hear the showerhead turn on and consider joining him. But you're already too tired. It's been a long day when you look back on it. You woke up expecting to just to drop off Chessa here at Beck's (is it considered your house again now?) and go back to Tori and Andre's to feel sorry for your self. Even though the jealously for Cat is still there in the bottom pit of your stomach you cant help but thank her for giving birth to her son on today. If not you would've probably never had that life-changing talk with Beck. You are also glad for Tori's parents who are like parents to you for agreeing to keep Chessa over night. But tomorrow you were going to pick her up and start to be the mother that Tori trusted you to be to her. This is just the beginning of a brand new start for you.

No more secrets.

No more lies.

To pass the time of Beck's never ending shower you turn on the TV. You flip through the channels until you hear Mellissa's name and face appear on screen. It's the E! News channel and you cant turn the channel. "This just in on the highly publicized star. The young actress who had come out saying she was pregnant with Beck Oliver's love-child is not pregnant and never was. The story broke this morning when the star was caught stuffing a baby bump up her shirt in a dressing room. Mellissa has caused many problems in the now divorced Beck Oliver and Jade West. Now reports are saying that it was just a stunt pulled by Mrs. Ray to seek a big check from the big name magazine that first broke the cheating scandal a little over a year ago…" You tune out after that laughing to your self. Today on the birth of Troy Andrew Shapiro your messy life has started to clean its self up. "But that isn't our only big story of the day! It has been a little over a month and a half since the death of Tori and Andre Harris. The two died in a mysterious car crash leaving behind their three year old daughter Chessa Harris," This makes you tune back in. "Now as we first reported when the couple first died that it was due to Andre losing control of the car, well today we have new details from witness that the Harris' car was hit head on by none other than – get this – Beck Oliver!"

What?

"That's right ladies and gentlemen Beck Oliver was driving at top speeds under the influence of alcohol on his newly bought motorcycle. Reports say that Mr. Oliver worked hard with his publicist to keep the whole thing one huge secret. Beck was seriously hurt in the accident; witness at a local LA hospital say they saw him the night of the accident with what is believed to be a huge gash in his leg. We don't know if it was just a drunken night gone wrong or if it was intentional but If we here at E! were in his position we would want to keep the whole thing a secret to. Coming up…"

You start to cry. You start to cry and cry. You thought that it was over that the hard part in your life was over. There was suppose to be no more secrets and no more lies. How could you be so stupid to trust him again? How could you let him be inside of you again? You thought that it was your fault and when you admitted that to him he still didn't say anything.

Suddenly you hate everything that has happened in the past day.

You hate that Cat could give birth and you cant.

You hate that Cat and Robbie named their beautiful baby boy after Tori and Andre.

You hate yourself for being so fucking stupid.

How could you be so stupid?

It had all been in plain sight for you. The motorcycle that sits in the garage of this house and Beck's leg. The same leg that you got too distracted to ask about.

"Baby, why are you crying?" You didn't even notice him come out of the bathroom. He's naked and wet in front of you and you want to do no more than throw up. You just slept with the man who ended your two best-friends lives and then lied about the whole thing.

"Jade, please Baby, talk to me, look at me, do something," He pleads and the sickening feel in your stomach grows.

You can't do anything. All you can do is cry because reality has just hit you and it has hit you hard.

( )

"Jade?" the voice on the phone is shaky and unstable but you still manage to recognize it as Mr. Vega's voice. Its two thirty in the morning here in New York and you don't know why he would be calling you.

"Mr. Vega?"

"Jade there has been an accident. Tori and Andre, they didn't make it." He starts to cry hysterically over the line and you still don't understand what is going on. "Andre must've lost control or something and now they're –" You don't hear the rest because you can't believe a word of what he is saying. It's all too painful to think of your two best friends no longer being on this earth. It just can't be true. It can't be.

Yeah sorry for not updating this in forever! Also sorry for rushing the events that took place and for any mistakes.

As always review because they keep my motivated. I lost all hope for this story so encouragement is needed. Hopefully I wont take to long to update the next and possibly the last chapter of this story.

Follow me on twitter (Kendraramma_)

love, Kendra