Reasons Lily Evans Will Not Go Out With You, James Potter.

1. You're annoying. I get so aggravated that you don't have an OFF button! Especially during exam times! Like, I know you said Remus learns better when you yell the answers at him, but of all your friends to be helping, you know he's the one who needs it the least! You just chose him because we're both in the library during exam time! Also, if you bring your friends into the library to study, and you set off sparks to celebrate every time they succeed, it may show you care and that you're happy for them... but the library is supposed to be quiet! It's a whole big thing! Please go be a good friend somewhere else, like our actual common room!
2. I have standards. I set them high and you don't make the cut. Someone like you, with messy hair and glasses and average grades in most classes but succeeding extremely in a couple and pretty clever and resourceful and good at getting out of sticky spots and who may have helped me with my Transfiguration homework a couple times, does not make the cut! Well, if it was anyone else they probably would. But you and I have history, and by that I mean you've annoyed me for years! So you better make up for that a lot and I mean then we'll see.

3. You're not always nice. I've seen how you treat those poor first years. Trying to teach them the Jelly-Legs Jinx by demonstration, really? I mean, they were obviously having fun, and you did let them try it on you, too, but you shouldn't be cursing first years in any situation! Although... it did come in handy when those people in that Slytherin cult started terrorizing some kids and they could defend themselves enough to run away... But at least train them with supervision! And start with the snail barfing one, it's easier to learn first. Charms is my thing, y'know.

4. Your friends. I knew Sirius Black was a bad influence the first time I saw him. And now look "Mr. Co-King Prankster"! Admittedly, our seventh year prank would probably have been pretty horrid without any of you... And they can be pretty funny since you've toned down the more shameful ones... But sometimes a girl's just trying to study! And fireworks are very distracting.

5. Your smell. What cologne do you wear? Massacred Trees Fir MEN? Wherever you sit down, people gag! You smell better when you've just showered, and you haven't put on that awful Axe stuff yet, but you forgot your socks in the common room so you have to go down early to get them and I'm studying, so of course you come over and flirt, but you smell like soap and the woods... But honestly, trash the Axe!

6. Spice. I absolutely hate spicy food of any kind and you put hot sauce on EVERY meal. Even dessert. I mean, really. Hot sauce ice cream? That's gross. At most, I can deal with mild salsa! But knowing you, you maybe don't even like hot sauce but think it looks impressive if you eat it with everything. Which it isn't. Mostly. Mostly it's just gross.

7. The couple name. Lames. No, just no. I mean, technically, we could go with Jamly or Jaly or just not have one. I mean, if we're going to be in a relationship we can't just have a bad ship name!

So we obviously CAN'T be in a relationship. Probably.