Edarchy

Chapter 28: Sorry For The Break, Everyone!

Disclaimer: I don't own Ed, Edd n Eddy, although due to you-know-what, it would be better if I did.

A/N: Sorry for the delay, everyone. I got a really bad writer's block to the point where I had to stop working on this. Luckily, as we all now know, it wasn't permanent. But still, I had to cut out a massive chunk out of the 650+ words I had written in order to move the plot along. Don't worry, whatever I cut will be mentioned in-story. So not all was lost. Then again, it didn't add anything interesting.

So, what will I be doing with what I didn't cut? Basically, it'll be Ed still dealing with Edd and Eddy fighting. At first, his band tries helping him out. But, later on, Edd and Eddy come and [unintentionally] make his mood worse. In what way? Read on and find out for yourself. And then wonder why I'm still bothering with this. Oh well, at least it's done now. So here's the piece of crap that took me too long to finish. Enjoy:

Now it's Monday 5th October. Over at Automaton's Lair, in his room, Bob was singing to himself. He was singing Into the Pit, by a band called Fight (which was Rob Halford's band after he left Judas Priest and before 2wo, an industrial metal band he fronted). After he got changed into his regular clothes, he headed out into the hallway and knocked on Ed's door, just to let him know that it's time to get up. A minute passed before Bob knocked again, just to make sure that his employee was up. 'Ed. Are you OK, buddy?' Bob then opened the door. He didn't like what he saw.

It was basically Ed lying on his bed in the fetal position with the curtains closed. There were comics and empty crisp bags all over the place. Ed's quilt was mostly on the floor, although a fair amount of it was still on the bed. On the record player, he was playing one of his records but with the speed set to 16rpm, which made it sound kinda doomy. But what distressed Bob a little bit more was Ed himself. Lying there, his clothes slightly torn and tattered; his face showing signs of an actual proper beard; a stink line faintly hovered over him. 'Ed, are you alright?' Bob asked with genuine concern.

'I'm fine.' Ed sighed. 'Not like I care 'bout anythin'.'

'Well, if it helps, you don't have to work today.' Bob reassured Ed. 'I'm perfectly fine running the store myself.' This cheered Ed up a little, because it meant that his father figure was looking out for him, but it wasn't enough. 'But still, what's getting you down?'

'Things.' Ed sighed again. He was no longer the carefree, happy-go-lucky oaf everyone knew and loved. 'Double D 'n' Eddy are fightin', my band's goin' nowhere; 'n' shit. It's too much.'

Bob tried to come up with ways he could help. 'Maybe I could invite Double D and Eddy over to apologise and all that, maybe I can plug your band whenever I can. I'll try my best to make you feel better, Ed.'

'Thanks, Bob.' Ed said, this time without sighing.

'Well, I'm downstairs if you need anything.' Bob said as he was about to leave the room. 'Maybe I can sort something out for you.'

'OK.' The cashier half-heartedly flailed an arm just as his boss left the bedroom.

A couple of hours later, Steve, Scott and Jeff arrived at the shop, just to see if Ed was alright. They headed up to the counter and talked to Bob, who was reading this month's issue of JU5-71-CE, where the titular character has to track down and eliminate a criminal (one of five, in fact, before they actually get to the main plot thing). 'Hey Bob dude.' Jeff said. Is he more than a late-30-something who speaks like a surfer dude? I honestly don't know. And, honestly, I don't care; about 60% of the characters in this story are so flat, they would turn invisible when viewed from the side.

'Hello there.' Bob said, trying to remember who they were.

'We're here to see if Ed's alright.' Steve said.

Bob looked over at them and it took him slightly over a second to realise who they were. 'Oh, go right ahead.'

'Thanks.'

'Just let me know if you need anything.' Bob then returned to his comic.

The trio then headed up the stairs and found Ed's room. They've been upstairs, so they know where the kitchen area is. The same goes for Bob's room. Steve then opened the door and gently walked in, followed by Scott and Jeff. 'Hey, Ed.'

'Hm.' Ed mumbled, not bothering to see them.

'Still feelin' bad, eh?' Scott asked without sounding horribly offensive to Canadians. It sounded like Ed was nodding. Just lie down in a ball on your bed and nod. That is, if you can. 'Well, Steve's got something that might cheer ya up.'

'Yeah.' He then took out a photo out of his pocket. He then went round the bed and showed Ed what was on the photo. It was basically a Chartreux (or perhaps a British Shorthair) kitten sitting in a red shirt. 'This is Bean, the kitten I got yesterday. I know you're allergic to cats and that, but it's still worth a look. I found him yesterday on my doorstep, mewling its little lungs out.' He then started putting the photo back. 'So I took him to a vet and...' He paused. 'I don't really know; had one or two more beers than I intended. Can't remember most of last night.'

'Uh-huh...' Ed never really bothered to look at the photo.

After a few minutes of trying to come up with ways to cheer up their rhythm guitarist - and failing for a number of reasons - they all kept drawing blanks. 'Sorry Ed,' Scott said. 'But I think we've ran out of ideas.'

'Thanks guys.' Ed muttered.

They all left his room, having run out of ways to help their bandmate. Still, at least they said their goodbyes on the way out. Steve and Jeff walked down the stairs. Scott, on the other hand, fell down them, shouting 'Merde!' every bump on the way down. When he landed at the bottom, he yelled 'Calvaire!' as he got up.

'Dude, you alright?' Jeff asked.

'I'm fine,' Scott replied with a hint of sarcasm, which was kinda out of character for him. However, that does imply that he is more than a French Canadian klutzy drummer who swears in Québéçois. 'Just falling down some stairs. Fun on a bun.'

'Yeah.' Steve replied, lowering his eyelids. 'Anyway, I might as well go home and look after Bean. C'mon, Scott, when your ass stops hurtin', I'll give you a lift.'

'I'm gonna get a coffee, then I might buy a few brewskis.' Jeff said. 'Then I'm gonna sit in front o' the telly and watch me some MTV.'

'Is MTV even that good anymore?' Steve asked.

'They've got Daria, haven't they?' Scott replied.

Steve paused for a little while. 'Good point.' The three of them then talked about how good the show was. 'Yeah, I'll be more set when I can get me some MuchMusic.' He continued. 'Good luck there, eh?'

The trio finally walked out of the shop, past Bob who was selling a customer this month's copy of JU5-71-CE. Scott and Steve got into the latter's white 1977 Dodge Arrow, whereas Jeff walked towards the Java Hut. They wanted to help their bandmate out, but they just couldn't get to him. They might try again tomorrow or sometime soon, so who knows?

A while passed before Edd and Eddy arrived at Automaton's Lair. However, they did have some good excuses: Edd was at work, but still had some time to get changed into his casuals; and Eddy left work early. Don't worry, no one noticed. Edd had noticed Eddy leaving early and asked if he could help cheer Ed up. After much persuasion (no, not THAT persuasion), Eddy finally relented. And so the two of them headed to the shop in order to do what they needed to do.

'Salutations, Bob.' Edd greeted the shop owner. 'We're here to see if we could make Ed feel better.'

Bob almost immediately recognised the two. 'Go ahead. You know which room's Ed's room.'

Edd and Eddy then headed upstairs and headed towards Ed's room. They did know where it was, because they've been up here before. The two of them opened the door and went in. 'Hello, Ed.' Edd greeted the lump, closing the door behind Eddy. 'Eddy and I do apologise for all the strife we have been causing you lately.'

'Yeah,' Eddy rubbed the back of what felt like his neck. ''Sides, at least it ain't another rock in your shoe.'

'Was there a need to bring it up?' Edd asked.

'Yeah, kinda.' Eddy replied, slightly bitter.

'No there wasn't.'

'It kinda reminded me of it.' Eddy started sounding more bitter than before, to the point where he might as well raise his voice.

'It was pointless, added nothing to the encouragement and could potentially worsen his mood?'

'So what do ya want me to do? Be all "cheer the fuck up, ya lump of crap"?'

Unfortunately, it was this arguing that caused Ed to be depressed in the first place. So Ed, who was on the verge of Hulking out, stood up and glared evilly at his two [possibly] former friends, who were still bitching at each other. 'Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I've fuckin' had it with ya fuckin' guys fuckin' fightin'!' They both looked at Ed guiltily just as the lump started to calm down a little. 'I can't take it anymore! I mean, I have Bob 'n' I have my band. But if we were still kids, 'n' ya guys kept arguin', then I'd've nothin'. I mean, Sarah's a bitch, Jimmy's a bitch. Kevin 'n' Nazz 'n' that were cunts. If ya weren't there, I'd be that weird no-fuckin'-friends fucker sittin' in his fuckin' shitty-as-fuck room readin' comics.' He then began marching towards the door. 'So just shut the fuck up and fuck off away from me!' He pushed his friends out of the way, walked through the door (leaving an Ed-shaped hole, which probably ruined the mood), walked downstairs and left the shop.

Bob walked into the room, obviously trying to contain his anger. He was actually doing a good job. 'What happened?' He asked, raising his voice a little.

'We, er...' Eddy sheepishly replied. 'We kinda upset him.'

Bob sighed a little. 'Let's find him before something bad happens to him.' The three of them then headed downstairs. 'Come on, he could be anywhere.'

'We'll take the van.' Edd said. Obviously they had to take a van; it's how they got there in the first place.

'Fine.' Eddy sighed before pointing at Edd. 'But you have to get in through the back.'

And so the two remaining Eds went outside, whereas Bob asked a neighbour to look after the shop. When everything was ready, the three of them got into the van. Eddy got into the driver's side, Bob got in through the passenger's side and Edd had to - once again - go in through the back. When they were all in and belted up, Eddy started the car and drove off, hoping that they'd find Ed. Because they all cared about him, even if one of them [guess who] didn't really show it.

A/N: Sorry about changing the target for the Pimpsmasher story. But hey, with enough luck, it'll get made.

Also, I'd like to apologise for the hiatus and posting this short and definitely not worth it chapter. But still, all 4 of my fans are probably happy it's back. Don't worry, I think it'll get better in 1999, when it has more of a plot. Anyways, here are some explanations, just because:

1) Originally, I was going to write Steve as having worked for VOKRA (Vancouver Orphaned Kitten Rescue Association) during the early days of HMWV (which was in the mid-80s). However, after looking at their official Facebook page, it turns out they were formed in 2000. As you all know, I try to be

2) I apologise if Bob didn't seem as concerned for Ed as he should have. Normally Bob would've just closed the shop and tended to Ed. But then you think that he's keeping the shop open just so that Ed's friends doesn't think it's closed when they come to visit him (or something like that). Actually, it was probably for a different reason, but feel free to keep thinking that.

3) I also apologise if Ed's bandmates - as flat as they may be - didn't seem to care that much. Maybe they did, but I was too lazy and too crappy to do a good job? Wait, there is no "maybe"; I AM a crappy and lazy author.

4) "I'd've" might not seem like a word, because it isn't. But it wouldn't be out of character for Ed to say that.

5) His rant, however, would be. However, considering what he had to put up with during the show's run, plus the last chapter or two, it would make sense for him to finally snap. Much like Ned Flanders from Hurricane Neddy. Y'know, the one were he goes to a mental hospital after his house is destroyed by a hurricane, only to be poorly rebuilt.

6) Sorry if this is basically some unnecessary angst that'll be forgotten about quickly. Especially if I've turned one of them into a bastard for no reason other than "it makes the plot go". I'm hoping it might come up again, but who knows?

So that's pretty much it. I'll finish that Keveddarie spin-off (the one about reverse!Edd) - even though I was planning to start it later - and then work on Chapter 29 sooner or later, considering how I have an inkling of what'll happen. Afterwards, I'll work on the next chapter of YAMEEnES (Yet Another Medieval EEnE Story). Sometime after that, I'll work towards wrapping up The Keveddarie Saga (correct me if I'm wrong, but am I the only LGBT male who has actually contributed to Keveddpalooza? Just wondering, is all). So yeah, I've got quite a lot to do. It'll be all done though. Alright, so take care and I'll catch ya next time I have to churn out a chapter of shit.

P.S. Some of you have noticed why Edarchy still has explanations, whereas my other [new] stories don't. That's because I kinda know annoying they were and so I decided to ditch them. But, it wouldn't feel the same if I just stop using them for this. In short: Edarchy will retain explanations, whereas my other stories (even any Edarchy spin-offs if I ever regain faith in it) won't have any. Simple as.

P.P.S. I'm considering reviving Ed and Eddy do for one last topic; no prizes for guessing what I'm planning to cover this time. However, the question is this: Should I go ahead with it, or should I not not bother? Please let me know via a review or PM.