AN: Okay, so, where to begin? The start is probably the best idea. Well, I'm Nikki. I'm a 19 year old Creative Writing and English student, so I like to think my writing is pretty good, though this is my first attempt at writing a VA fanfic. It starts just after the 'love fades, mine has' debacle, and well, you better read on to find out more...

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN VA!

His words had me cornered in the dark room; those four syllables were hounding me down, mocking my weak form as I sat huddled on the floor, attempting to control the violent shudders and shakes that had possessed my body. Tears streamed down my face as his words – so simple, yet so devastatingly destructive – haunted my mind, refusing to give me a minute's peace. Love fades. Mine has. If the situation had been different – if it hadn't been aimed at me – I probably would have laughed at him and his obscure, poetic words. But it had been aimed at me, and there was nothing I could do to soften the pain and agony that was heaving through my veins.

I had exited the church, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing the pain that he was responsible for. The tears were threatening to fall, but I furiously blinked them back. Dimitri and the other guardians may have their stoic, expressionless masks, but I was Rose Hathaway. So instead of crumbling into a mess, and instead of wiping all feeling off of my face, I simply forced a bright smile, using the brazen facade that I was so well-known for and pretended like I just didn't care.

I wanted to call him a liar, a coward, a bastard. I wanted to hit him, make him hurt like he hurt me. But in the end, I just ran away instead, feeling the onslaught of overwhelming emotion nearing. I ran through Court, not caring about the curious glances being thrown my way.

I had hurtled into my room, making sure to lock my door in the process, not wanting anyone to disturb my complete and utter heartbreak. It felt like his words were wrapping themselves around my neck, strangling the life out of me.

I sighed, banging my head against the wall in frustration. For once, it would be nice if life gave me a break. For once, it would be nice if things went to plan. But apparently the world was out to get me, because once again, I was left hurt and heartbroken.

Gradually, as time seeped by, my tears started to dry; the only evidence of their existence was the trails of desiccated salt trailing down my face. My legs – tucked under the weight of my body – began to throb gently, protesting about their awkward position. In fact, my entire body ached; tension was coiled in my neck, in my shoulders, although I was unsure whether it was the emotional or physical pain that was to blame.

All I wanted to do was disappear into oblivion. All I wanted was for the pain to go away. All I wanted was for Dimitri to love me, like I loved him.

But I got none of my wishes. I was a Guardian; I couldn't just disappear because I had responsibilities, and therefore running away simply wasn't an option for me. I was just going to have to get used to the agonising pain and heartache. It was going to be constantly there. It would stalk me, pierce my heart and let my blood spurt out of its veins, every time I had to see him. Even a person as stubborn as I was, couldn't force him to love me like I loved him. And I would see him; it was inevitable if I was to be Lissa's Guardian.

Lissa. Through the bond I would feel that she was looking for me. And that she was pretty irritated at me for daring to talk to Dimitri. I sighed, slowly standing up as my bones creaked in objection at the sudden movement. I stretched, hearing my bones crack as I attempted to put life back into my broken body.

I couldn't deal with her, not at the moment. All I wanted was to crawl up in a pit of despair, but it seemed like Lissa was hell-bent on finding me. I could sense that she was already on her way over here to have it out with me, and I couldn't deal with any more abuse today. I was battered and broken, and all the fight had evaporated out of me.

I made my way out of my room. My safest bet in avoiding Lissa was to keep on moving. I quickly jogged out of the building, quickly checking in on Liss to make sure I didn't accidently run into her during my escape. Luckily for me, she was on the other side on Court, causing me to sigh in relief.

I loved Lissa like she was my sister, but recently I was beginning to see a side of her that I wasn't all that keen on. I did everything I could to make sure she was alright – even taking away the spirit that darkened her mood. I made sure that she wasn't just physically safe; I made sure that she was emotionally and mentally safe as well.

And sure, I was a dhampir and she was a moroi and it was my job, my responsibility, to protect her, but we were also supposed to be best friends. And best friends were supposed to look out for each other. I looked out for Lissa, but recently, she wasn't exactly looking out for me. In fact, it seemed like she was more interested in criticising me than being my friend.

It was drizzling outside, and a part of me thought about turning back and grabbing a jacket, but I didn't want to waste any more time and chance bumping into Lissa. Water droplets fell from the sky, soaking me instantly, but I barely batted an eyelid. Too much had happened today for me to care about something as mundane as being wet. And even I couldn't deny that the weather was fitting for my miserable mood.

Instead, I jogged to one of the many ornate buildings that littered the streets of Court, ducking into the door. Inside, the foyer was dark, with oil lamps giving off a soft glow. The air was thick and musty. I peered around curiously, wondering what building I had walked in to, and if I was even allowed to be in there. The vast books covering the walls hinted that I had stumbled into the library, and yet again, I found myself sighing in relief. There was no reason Lissa would look for me in here, mainly because there was no reason – other than hiding from my best friend – for me being it here.

I walked through the maze of books that towered over me, finding a nice, quiet corner where I could actually attempt to come to terms of what had happened.

Dimitri apparently no longer loved me. He didn't want anything to do with me. All he wanted was to protect Lissa. Protecting Lissa should have been my number one priority as well, but at this moment in time, that was the last thing on my mind. I wanted to make him love me. I wanted to force him to love me. But I couldn't do that. Even if I was a moroi, and could use compulsion like Lissa did, I couldn't make him. It would be a lie.

And I was sick of living a life of lies.

I had two options. I had to get over Dimitri, and fast. Or I could request a new moroi for me to guard. I couldn't see any other alternative. I couldn't pretend that I wasn't hurting inside. For the last few years, I had been pretending, and I was tired of saying "I'm fine", when I obviously wasn't. I was sick of pushing my own feelings aside for the sake of others. I couldn't repress my emotions anymore. They were so raw, rushing to the surface, about to burst through my battered and bruised skin.

"Rose?"

The sound of someone calling my name awoke me from my thoughts, and for one horrific moment, I thought Lissa had finally found me and was going to lecture me on pushing Dimitri too far. To me relief though, it was just Tasha Ozera. And for once, I was actually a little happy to see her.

"Hey," I said meekly, indicating her to take a seat in the armchair opposite the one I was currently crawled up in. She sat down, placing a couple of books on the table in front of her, her eyes cautious as she took in my appearance. A blush burned ferociously on my cheeks. I looked a mess. I knew I did. My hair was straggly, my clothes soaked. And my face had been stained with too many tears.

"Lissa's looking for you," Tasha told me, causing a wave of guilt to surge through my veins, though I quickly fought those feelings off. All I wanted was to suffer my agonising humiliation in my own company. What I didn't want was for Lissa to tell me how selfish I was being, approaching Dimitri. I couldn't deal with her stern telling off, not today.

"I know," I replied, tapping myself on the head. My voice was scratchy, sounding foreign to my own ears, forcing me to realise how incredibly thirsty I was. In my heartache, I had completely forgotten about dinner. The thought of food made my stomach churn violently, but I was really beginning to crave a drink to cool the dehydrated planes of my throat.

"You're hiding from her?" Tasha guessed, causing me to nod. Disapproval glinted in her eyes for a second, and I sat up straight, my posture stiff, ready to argue my side. I knew that Tasha and I would never be friends, but I needed people on my side. I needed someone to back me up for a change.

"Lissa wants to yell at me. And I'm not exactly in the mood to be yelled at," I explained slowly as exhaustion began to creep silently upon me. It wasn't just physical tiredness. I was so tired of it all. I was tired on Lissa. I was tired of Dimitri. I was oh so tired of this life and every blow it threw my way.

To my surprise, Tasha smiled. Her face, though mangled by scars, lightened up as she did so. "Fair enough," she told me, quickly glancing down at her watch. "Are you okay?" Tasha asked, her voice full of concern. Once again, I felt guilty. I had done nothing but judge this woman. I had done nothing but be horrible about her, and I hadn't exactly done that with subtlety. And here she was, being nice to me, even when my best friend wanted to rip me to shreds.

"I'm fine," I told her, wincing at my words. It was a lie; I was far from fine, but there was nothing that could be done to heal my wounds. Dimitri didn't want me. I had to deal with that if I was to be Lissa's guardian.

Tasha frowned, obviously not believing my weak lie. "Are you sure? I mean, I have a meeting to go to, but I can cancel if you want?"

"I'm fine," I repeated, this time my voice a little firmer, a little stronger. Maybe if I said it for long enough, I would start believing it. "Go to your meeting. I don't want to make you late."

"Only if you're positive," Tasha said, getting up as I nodded. She smiled and said goodbye, leaving me to watch her as she retreated to the outside world.

Even though I was so tired and exhausted, and even though it felt like someone had plunged their hand into my chest, their sharp nails clawing at my beating lungs, making it hard for me to breathe, I felt bad for hating her. Even when I thought she was the enemy, I couldn't deny she was pretty cool. I also couldn't deny that we were extremely similar. Both of us fought hard. Both of us would do anything for those we cared about. And now, both of us had been rejected by Dimitri Belikov.

I shot up out of the chair, my neck creaking at my sudden movement, and ran through the library, not caring about the annoyed looks being thrown my way by ancient moroi. I had to catch up with Tasha. I had to talk to her.

I found her on the steps outside the library, searching the depths of her bag for an umbrella as the downpour continued. I grabbed her arm, causing her to look up in surprise.

"Did you mean it?" I demanded, my voice a little louder than usual, trying to fight the noisy dripping of rain for priority. "Did you mean it when you said you wanted me to be your guardian?"

AN: And on that note, I am ending the first chapter there. So yeah, I hope you enjoyed reading this so far, because I'm having a blast writing it. Next update should be at the end of this week, if I have time. Otherwise, it's going to be a while because I'm away on holiday for the next two weeks, so yeah. Thanks for reading, and please, if you have time, review!