This is a Criminal Minds bonus prompt from the Criminal Minds Weekly Prompts forum. The scene in the beginning was the prompt. If you haven't checked out the forum, please do. We do competitions, games, and obviously prompts. Plus everyone is really awesome.

"What if I'd taken Dilaudid again? Would you have let me?" Reid asked.

"You didn't."

"Yeah, but I thought about it." He said storming out of the building and outside.

He parked his car under a bright street lamp and locked it. Walking down the street was his least favorite part. The blaring alarms, the blasting music, and the screaming weren't something he'd ever get used to. He walked quickly and kept his head down. Finally he turned the corner and he saw the car.

It wasn't anything nice, but it was nondescript. It blended into its surrounding. He approached the driver's side window cautiously very conscious of the gun hiding on his belt.

"Hey, skinny's back," The driver said to the man in the seat next to him. The driver was in a suit, and wasn't all that scary. It was the partner you should be afraid of. He was huge and carried two guns. "You want the usual?" He just nodded. He was ashamed to be back here, but it hurt. The man grabbed the two small bottles and box. Reid handed him the wad of cash and after it was counted he nodded. Reid walked just as quickly back to his car and was glad it was still there. He got in and drove home in a hurry.

He went into his apartment and sat down in a chair looking at his bookshelf. He just needed the pain to go away, just for a little while. It was just too much. She was gone, and he'd never gotten to say goodbye. He carefully filled the syringe and put the rest on the floor, he'd deal with it later. He tied up his arm carefully and glanced at the shelf where a few pictures caught his eye.

The first was from Henry's birthday party. He was standing with his godson who had a big goofy grin, and Garcia. He looked so happy, but all he could see was the boy crying at the funeral.

The second was from his twenty fourth birthday with the team. Morgan was messing with his hair, Elle was laughing, and JJ was just smiling. The team had been broken so many times since then. So much had happened, so much pain.

The last one he looked at was of him and Emily from her last birthday party, her last birthday. He felt a tear slip down his face and his hand tingling. He missed her so much. He looked at the syringe. He remembered how much he'd hurt her the last time.

He untied his arm and went into the bathroom. He injected the syringe down the drain and dumped both bottles. He took the out to the garbage with his half empty trash bag and threw everything away. As much as it hurt, he couldn't do that. It would be an insult to her memory to do something that she'd hated that much because she was gone.

He went back into his car and just drove. He just drove. He found that the one person he wished he could talk to was Emily. She'd helped him through so much. Instead he found himself outside JJ's house. She'd been his best friend for so long, and he'd been here so many times these past few weeks. He knocked on the door and Will just moved aside letting him in. JJ was there in a second.

"Why'd this have to happen?" He asked crying again. "She's just gone and I didn't get to say goodbye."

"I know," JJ said crying as well. "I know."

"I just want to make it all go away, but I can't," He said. It was as close to the truth as he would get. She walked to the couch and he just sat there with her, talking and crying.

"Hey pretty boy," Morgan said looking at his friend who was pacing in front of the station. "What was that about?"

"She lied to us Morgan. How does that not bother you, cause it bothers me? I went to her house crying so many times, and she just let me. I was so close, so close," He said his voice tapering off.

Morgan sighed, "What happened kid?"

"It hurt, everything hurt. The only thing that ever stopped that, the only way I couldn't feel the pain," He said shaking his head.

Morgan looked Reid in the eyes, "The Dilaudid?"

He nodded, "I went to the dealer. He laughed as he sold it to me. I went home and I filled the needle. I was going to inject it again, just so I wouldn't feel so awful for a little while."

"You didn't?" He asked.

Reid shook his head, "I saw a picture, the one from Emily's birthday. The last time, the last time I hurt her. I couldn't do it. I got rid of it all right away, but I was so close. I had it in my hands. They shouldn't have lied to us."

"No," Morgan agreed. "But they did what they thought they needed to do. You can be mad all you want, but we have to finish this case."

Reid nodded, "I need a minute. I'll meet you inside."