The Game

Garrus Vakarian surveyed the battlefield with a keen eye. He would be outnumbered if he entered this fight, but in this type of warfare, that was always the way. His opponents were quick-witted, cunning and ruthless and, quite frankly, the best at what they did. He patted the pistol holstered snugly at his side to reassure himself, then entered the fray.

"Count me in." Garrus announced as he drew up a chair, throwing a credit chit onto the table.

"The Archangel himself has deigned to spend some time with us, eh?" The grizzled human mercenary noted as he lit his cigar. He took a long drag, and puffed out a cloud of acrid smoke. Garrus didn't care for it, the action reminded him of The Illusive Man. Then again, Zaeed Massani and The Illusive Man were hardly two peas in a pod.

The Cerberus Cheerleader was acting as banker it seemed. Ever since the Psychotic Biotic herself had uttered the phrase on Purgatory, Garrus couldn't think of Miranda Lawson any other way.

"OK everyone," the Cheerleader began, "standard rules, everyone receives two cards, then we bet on the pre-flop, flop, turn and river. Small blind is five, big blind is ten, doubling with every full round. Clear?"

An unenthusiastic murmur of agreement resounded around the table. Garrus took the opportunity to survey his opponents in turn during Miranda's needless preamble. Including himself, there were six combatants, all deadly and not to be underestimated. Sat to his left was the assassin, Thane Krios. Garrus didn't dislike the drell by any stretch, he just thought him to be a bit of a fake. You don't live on Omega for months and not hear rumours about the One Hour Massacre, and the man responsible. Buried deep within the cold-hearted assassin was a volcano. Besides, a marriage? A mission to save his son from a tortured existence? This guy was fooling nobody.

Garrus turned his attention one seat further. Zaeed Massani continued to puff on his cigar. Solid under fire, no doubt, but his lack of social skills got half his brains blown out. The man seemed to radiate antagonism even as he leaned nonchalantly against a bulkhead. This man's rage was about a thousand times closer to the surface than that of the drell.

Sat directly opposite Garrus was Morinth. She kept up the Justicar act for about a day and a half before she mated with a hapless crewman. One less Cerberus employee in the galaxy now, sure, but Morinth was a killer by nature. She didn't know the tools of her trade, she just was them. A genetic killer. Garrus had admired her justice-serving mother greatly, which pissed him off even more.

Next to her was the salarian, the only player in this game Garrus could truthfully say he liked. The brilliant Doctor Mordin Solus. As solid under fire as Massani, but with genius backing it up. The damage the Salarian could do just by aiming well with his Carnifex was a sight to see, like a well calibrated cannon tearing apart a cruiser with one shot. Brave too. Garrus would never forget seeing the spindly Salarian charge a Krogan Warlord, incinerating his armor as he ran, then jamming his pistol under the skull in such a way that the bullet ricocheted off its plate, scrambling its brains. When the warlord fell, the salarian brushed off the fire on his sleeve, reloaded his pistol, and soldiered on.

That left only the Cheerleader herself. The only reason she was here, Garrus knew, was to make sure everyone knew she was in charge. She was here to win, and passive-aggressively rub everyone's noses in it for weeks. Having read through the files Liara forwarded, he could see Miranda as an almost sympathetic character. Unfortunately, she was such a bitch he couldn't stand her company long enough to get to that stage.

Said bitch had just dealt the cards for the first round. Garrus tossed in his small blind, with Thane following suit.

"Two aces." Garrus noted to himself. "Nice start, but let's play it cool."

Massani raised ten. Morinth called, Solus folded and Lawson called.

"Solus folded early. Overly cautious? Massani's already swinging his dick around, and Morinth and Lawson are eager to match his power play."

"I call." Garrus said, throwing in fifteen.

"Fold." The drell stated dispassionately. Massani didn't advance. Lawson dealt the flop. King, King, Two.

"No help there." Garrus sighed internally. He noted Solus's eye twitch. Had he folded too early? Garrus idly recalled the Doctor twitching madly without the slightest provocation. More likely to be just him being a salarian than a tell.

"So Archangel," Massani started, eager to put the turian off balance, "whatcha thinkin' about?"

"Your obvious brute force approach to the game." Garrus replied after a pause.

"Brute force, eh?" Massani chuckled. "Maybe I've got two kings right here in my hand, ever consider that?"

"Looking at my hand, that's statistically impossible." Garrus bluffed. Silence fell over the table as the two stared at each other for any sign of weakness. Neither found any.

"The night's still young." Garrus thought.

"And what about you Doc?" Massani turned to the salarian. "Folding pre-flop? You've hardly got a quad have you?" He chuckled.

"Indeed not." The salarian replied, not bothered at all. "In fact, salarian testicles are-"

"That's enough biology talk for now Professor." Miranda cut him off. "You going to get this game moving Mr. Massani?"

"All right, all right. I'd say keep your knickers on, but from the looks of that get-up it'd be pretty redundant."

Morinth sniggered as Miranda shifted uncomfortably.

"She didn't like that." Garrus noted. "And from that 'Professor' she gave the Doc, she's more used to spending time with the more refined."

"Raise twenty." Zaeed eventually said.

Morinth folded, not happy.

"She's been a predator for centuries, but she was prey at the same time. She knows when and when not to strike, even if her desires have to go unsated." Garrus recalled.

Miranda called, and Garrus followed suit. Only three left in the game. With no advance, Miranda discarded a card from the deck, and turned another, adding it to the flop. An ace.

Garrus fought back a smile.

"Raise ten." Garrus said as his turn rolled around.

"Raise another twenty." Massani added quickly.

"Call thirty." Miranda added. She served up the next card after Garrus called. Five of hearts, presumably no use to anyone at this stage.

"Raise another ten." Garrus said, throwing a chit into the small pile.

"Call." Zaeed said, surprising Garrus.

"Call." Miranda added. She looked to Garrus, who shook his head. "OK gentlemen, present your cards."

"Three aces, two kings. A full house." Garrus drawled, slowly turning over his cards, not breaking eye contact with the mercenary. The old merc paused before giving up.

"Pair aces." Massani sighed, slapping his cards down on the table.

"Good, he's already irritated." Garrus thought with delight. He stretched his arms out to the pile.

"Well thank you very - " He began.

"Four Kings." Miranda interjected, throwing her cards at the pile so Garrus could see them. Garrus and Zaeed looked at each other in alarm. They'd been so busy sizing up each other, they damn near forgot Miranda was in the game.

"Thanks boys." Miranda said, adding the pot to her pile of chits. "If you two weren't so busy measuring each other's balls with callipers, you might have rumbled me."

"Holy shit." Garrus thought. "She played us. She knew from the start our little dialogue about kings was bogus on both sides because she had them from the start. And that ball-measuring comment? She wasn't spooked by that underwear comment at all, she just wanted us to think of her as not on our level."

Zaeed chose to sum up the round in his unique style.

"Well fuck me sideways." He exclaimed, cigar hanging loosely from his lips.

"In your dreams." Miranda smirked as she slid the dealer button to Garrus. "Well, first round down, and I've already spanked the two big bads."

"If there's any spanking to be done, I'd best be involved." Morinth piped up, throwing her best lusty look at the ships first officer.

"I like my sexual encounters to end with a little less death thank you." Miranda replied curtly.

With that comment, Garrus saw his chance to knock Miranda off-kilter for the rest of the game.

"Yeah, you'd prefer to end your encounters with a little more pregnancy, right?"

A deathly silence fell over the table. Miranda was, for the first time since she'd boarded, speechless.

No-one dared speak a word. Mordin broke the silence by clearing his throat as Miranda collected herself and sent Garrus a death glare. Even Zaeed was stunned. There were benefits to being the Shadow Broker's friend, Garrus decided.

"Small blind if you'd be so kind, Mr. Krios." Garrus said, dealing the cards. Thane pushed the first chit into the centre, Zaeed following suit. Garrus laid down the deck and looked at his hand. A two and a three. Not great, but potential for a straight. They were both diamonds, so even a chance for a flush.

Everyone around the table called this time. Garrus called, and laid out the flop. Three of hearts, king of spades, ten of clubs. This wasn't going to be Garrus's game.

"Fold." Garrus said.

"I have a unique opportunity if everyone else stays in the game." Garrus reasoned. "I can analyse all of their games without thinking about my own."

This game was not as exciting as the first round. A lot of caution, lots of calls and not many raises.

Thane unexpectedly ended the quiet, he had been largely silent until now.

"Ms. Lawson, if you are having some kind of medical problem, I sympathise. My own problem is not treatable, but perhaps Doctor Solus could investigate yours."

"Is he playing some kind of sympathy card?" Garrus wondered, surprised at the drell's statement. "Or is he cloying for favour with Miranda?"

"It… it's not..." Miranda stuttered, stunned that this was being brought up again.

"Ah, think I understand now." Mordin began, ready to launch off into one of his guessing games. "Tactical ability, relative attractiveness, biotics, strength, speed, agility, intelligence. Unlikely to be product of random conception. Gene-engineered. In vitro. Engineering yields problems, like work on genophage. Minor change in genotype leads to much larger change in phenotype. Infertility!"

Spotting his exclamation to be something of a faux pas, he resumed, sheepishly.

"Apologies. Socially unacceptable statement. However, am expert in gene therapy and reproductive systems in all known races, essential background for genophage work. Drop by the lab, ideas already forming."

"O… OK." Miranda replied, stunned. She paused. "Wait, did you just say relatively attractive?"

"Indeed." The scientist replied, punctuating his sentence with a sniff. "For a human. Unlike Mr. Massani."

"Yeah, yeah." Zaeed replied, obviously used to taunts about his appearance.

"Didn't know vorcha could qualify as plastic surgeons." Mordin added, smirking.

"You don't look so fresh-faced yourself frog boy." Zaeed countered. "Amazing the kind of injuries you pick up committing genocide."

"Inexact statement." Mordin replied immediately. "Genophage alters hormone - "

"Oh forget it." Zaeed cut him off. Apparently the doctor was unshakeable.

"Maybe you could do something similar for me, doctor?" Morinth drawled.

"Possibly." Mordin acknowledged. "However, don't believe that to be a favour to the asari. Or the galaxy for that matter."

Garrus let out a barking laugh as Morinth glared at him.

"Are we still playing this game?" Miranda asked, a genuine smile returning to her face.

The round continued. Garrus added a queen, then a jack, allowing Mordin to win with a king-high straight. Garrus passed the dealer button to Thane as Mordin collected his chips.

"So, Arachangel." Morinth began. "How many people have you killed."

At any ordinary poker table, that would be a strange question. However, at this one, it was surprisingly bland.

"More than a few." Garrus replied, meeting her eyes. "Lots of synthetics too." He drawled.

"Synthetics don't count." She replied, mischeviously.

"I suppose you're right." Garrus replied, acting defeated. "But then again, I don't suppose synthetics have any interest in your azure, so they could kill you pretty easily."

"How funny." Morinth bristled. "Don't forget to add your own squad to that little sub-total of deaths you're responsible for."

All eyes turned to Garrus. He noted Miranda was seemingly enjoying this line of enquiry, though he didn't blame her.

"Oh, I don't forget." Garrus replied. "But that's because I have a conscience." A pause. "Oh, haven't you heard of those? They're these little things we carry around in our heads that tell us to, oh, I don't know, not break our mother's necks?"

"You honestly think mentioning the bitch would faze me?" Morinth laughed.

Garrus stayed silent, he'd lost this round.

Garrus glanced at the cards Thane had dealt him. A king and a queen. Not bad.

"Thane darling." Morinth began. Garrus swore he saw the drell shiver.

"Yes?" He replied, not really wanting to engage in conversation with the Ardat-Yakshi.

"I heard about what happened to your wife." She began, fake sympathy oozing from her. "Just terrible."

"I open the front door. 'Irikah?' I call. 'Kolyat?' I enter the lounge. Kolyat is under the table, knees raised to his chest, trembling. 'Your mother?' I ask. 'Where is she?' He doesn't respond. I run to the kitchen. The floor is slick with blood. Irikah lays on the table, naked, defiled. All the kitchen knives buried in her chest. I scream, the first time since I was a boy. I cradle her body as the rage builds-"

Thane lashed out, sending his chits flying and falling off his chair, trembling. Garrus immediately dropped down to help him as Mordin crossed the room.

"Apologies," the drell stated neutrally, his trembling subsiding, "perfect recall, not always a blessing."

"That fucking bitch." Garrus thought angrily. "Just when I thought I couldn't hate her more."

"I am so sorry darling." Morinth said as Mordin and Garrus helped Thane to his seat.

"You're a terrible liar." Garrus barked, as he sat down.

"Why would I lie?" Morinth said, sweetly. "That was just awful."

"Yeah, for him." Garrus shot back. "But you fucking loved it."

"Stand down Mr. Vakarian." Miranda rebuked Garrus. "Let's try and get on with the game shall we?"

"Yes." He replied quickly. "Let's do that."

The next few rounds passed quietly, and Garrus managed to turn a substantial pile of chips in his direction. He was running level with Thane and Mordin, with Miranda not lagging far behind. Zaeed was not as good as everyone had thought – one more bad game and he would be out. Morinth wasn't doing spectacularly well either, she'd be next out after Massani.

"All in." Massani sighed, as he took a gambit on his pair of tens. The flop hadn't even been laid out yet. These were desperate times for the mercenary.

The round didn't turn out well for him, as Thane presented his royal flush.

"Shit." Zaeed laughed. "Not a fucking chance."

The mercenary had lightened up considerably once he started losing. His early power-plays had cost him dearly. It was common knowledge that Massani wasn't exactly a psychology professor, and he seemed to warm to the idea of watching the others play rather than getting up and leaving.

"You brainboxes are too good for me." He admitted. "I'll stick to playing snakes and ladders with Grunt."

This earned a laugh around the table. Apparently Zaeed wasn't a bad loser after all. Zaeed lit up another cigar and leaned back in his chair, getting ready to watch the final rounds.

"You know Zaeed." Morinth began.

"Here she goes again." Garrus sighed.

"With all the tales I've heard about you and Vido Santiago, I'd have thought you'd take this loss a bit harder." She intoned, sweetly.

"Really, have you heard the one about me setting him on fire and watching him cremate while alive?" He asked, not bothered by the asari's line of questioning.

"Well, no." She replied. "I just heard the one where he turned your organisation against you, shot you in the head and left you for dead."

"I'm still here aren't I?" He asked, taking a deep puff on his cigar.

Garrus smiled. Her attempt to kick the loser while he was down had failed.

"Who's in charge of the Suns now?" Garrus asked.

"A human called Darner Vosque." Zaeed replied.

"I'll make a mental note to kill him." Garrus smiled.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you Archangel." Zaeed replied. "You'd be doing them a favour. First mission he had in command he lost three quarters of his squad. Spends most of his time jerking over asari porn on the extranet. Hell, princess whore over here," he gestured to Morinth, "is more likely to be the death of him."

Morinth rolled her eyes. Her bad position in the game seemingly making her more susceptible to the insults.

Garrus was getting tired. He had a speech to make, and a job to do. He didn't much care about the game anymore.

"You know, something's been weighing on my mind lately," he began, "it occurs to me that none of you have ever met Commander Shepard."

The players exchanged quizzical looks at the odd statement.

"I'll explain myself." Garrus continued. "The thing is, that the man walking around in the deck one cabin right now isn't Commander Shepard. He might be, one day, but right now, he's just a cleverly reanimated corpse."

He paused to let the statement sink in.

"What, you doubt the success of the Lazarus project?" Miranda asked.

"Oh, he looks like Shepard." Garrus admitted. "Even sounds like him, walks like him. Doesn't change the fact that it isn't him. You know why?"

He paused again.

"Commander John Shepard, the first human spectre, commander of the Normandy, would never work with Cerberus." He said, facing Miranda.

"Or a man responsible for more suffering than a lone mind can imagine." He looked at Mordin.

"Or a man who kills for no reason other than being told to." He turned to Thane.

"Or a man who would let dozens of innocents burn to satisfy his lust for revenge." He gestured at Zaeed.

"You know what, he probably wouldn't work with a crazed vigilante called Archangel." He admitted, frowning.

The gathered crewmembers were stunned at this outpouring of condemnation and admission of guilt.

"I'm turning in." Garrus finished. "But, before I go…"

Garrus whipped out his pistol, pointing it right across the table. The shot was instantaneous, and the doorway was instantly coated in brain matter. The other four occupants leapt backwards in their chairs, stunned.

Garrus stayed perfectly still as the barrel of his pistol cooled from a bright orange-red to black, the hiss of water vapour in the air in contact with the red hot metal of the barrel the only sound in the silent room.

He stood up, holstering his pistol.

"That was for the late John Shepard." He remarked aloud. "He'd be disgusted by the actions of his avatar."

He crossed the room, stepping over Morinth's glassy-eyed corpse, bullet hole fresh between her eyes.

He paused, turning round and unholstering his pistol once more. He took aim quickly and fired another round into her head.

"That's for your mom." He added.

He holstered his pistol once more.

"Split my chits between you," he added, cheerily, to the shocked occupants of the room as the door opened, "I might do some calibrating before turning in. See you at breakfast."

With that, the doors closed, and a much happier Garrus Vakarian strolled towards the main battery.